How do you respond to dc who want to go to "real" school?

[TKDmom]

This week ds(5) has started to tell me (with tears in his eyes) that he wants to go to "real" kindergarten. He tells me that he's "tired" of homeschool. He's also putting in a plug for his sister who wants to go back to be with her friends for 3rd grade.

 

We just started hs'ing last January. I pulled dd out of 2nd grade, but left ds(5) in his pre-k class until the end of the school year. I have finally gotten serious this week about following a set schedule and curriculum for both of them, and I feel like it's working really well. Dd has always told me how much she misses her friends, etc, but over the summer she has become much more accepting of her situation. And she's so much more pleasant to be around since I've brought her home (I like her so much better now than I did before).

 

I have no intention of putting them back in school until we've given hs'ing a full year trial run. And so far I'm enjoying it. I may reconsider my decision next summer, but for now, we will continue to homeschool. But . . . my little boy's pleas tug at my heartstrings. I know how much fun "real" kindergarten can be. And dd has always told him how much she loved it, so he's been looking forward to his chance to do for almost 3 years.

 

How do you respond when your kids ask you to go to "real" school?

Edited July 25, 2009 by bonniebeth4

[Impish]

Its not really come up, honestly. Diva has said something about high school, but both dh and I are against it, whole heartedly. High school, to us, is dangerous in so many ways, least of all negative peer pressure. Not to mention that I'm completely confidant that I will be providing her with a far superior education at home than could be provided in the ps here.

 

The Littles are honestly too little to remember Diva being in ps. She's been home since Tazzie was 2, and Princess not even a year old. To them, 'going to school at home' is normal. The only time it comes up at all is when they watch tv that has a character in school ie Franklin.

[gingersmom]

Take them out to breakfast when the other kids are heading off to "real" school.

 

Kindergarten in my town is not so much "fun". Its school. More like 1st grade. Add to that we have awful kindergarten teachers.

 

I never understand why someone who apparently doesn't like kids would chose to be a kindergarten teacher.

[Pamela H in Texas]

A couple things.

 

First, I just wouldn't entertain this conversation anymore. Be kind and loving about how he feels but you're the parent and that is that. You can be understanding then firm.

 

Second, live up the benefits of homeschooling. Y'all can sleep in. You can eat breakfast at IHOP while other kids are starting studies. You can go to the park in the afternoon while the other kids are STILL in school. You can have a day that you say, "since this is OUR school, I, as the teacher, can just drop school for today and decide we're going somewhere special. Do you want to go to the children's museum, zoo, or state park?"

[Dirtroad]

The main reason that I find is FUN time with little buddies at school is what is soooo greatly missed. Homeschoolers have loads of friendships, but school/learning can be fun too..... SO... your challenge is make homeschooling fun and educational too!

 

... love the breakfast idea mentioned....

 

Do school in Pajamas

 

Go on LOTS of FIELD Trips with local homeschool groups or just as a family (don't be afraid to find out about ballets, symphonies, and plays geared toward school age kids.... find the theater company & contact about school performances - always cheaper & in the daytime, etc). We even take long weekends to areas (when possible) that we are studying. Google your state/area for family activities.... I organize field trips for our organization & greatly rely on arts/cultural calendars for communities. Find botanical gardens, natural history museums, nature trails, festivals, fairs, on & on. Do all you can without being stressed or breaking the budget.

 

Go to the park for play time often

 

Beautiful days - do class at the picnic table or just read aloud/share on a blanket... .take lunch outside

 

Get rid of as many TEXT BOOKS as possible.... READ REAL BOOKS! (Robinson Crusoe, Treasure Island, Secret Garden) Especially read alouds from you!

 

Do math with pizza, apples and beans. Do science in kitchen with soap, oil, salt, sponges, food coloring, etc.... really see things change, swell, or shrink...etc.

 

Enter contests... our local weather man runs one for school kids & some get to be on TV.... PBS, Reading Rainbow has an elementary school writing contest... get creative!

 

Get dirty... study bugs, mud, storms, and the woods!

 

Also, teach them that you want them to learn to notice their world, read wonderful books, and think about things with excitement & imagination! (and remind them it is not a democracy!;))

 

If you have fun, get good rest, and plan a little ahead.... they will catch on. It is a change for them. As parents, we will often have to push or nudge our children through changes & decisions.... but we have the gift of wisdom that a 5 year old can't being to comprehend... he just wants his friend & the cool toy in the back corner of the classroom.

Edited July 25, 2009 by Dirtroad

[Amber in AUS]

I had the same problem last year but with my very social DD after we moved house. At the time she was not old enough to go to school. We kind of fibbed a little and said that kids who go to school, both their parents work so the teachers are there to look after them while the parents work, because i was able to stay home, she didn't have to go to school. That the kids stay in the classroom more than they play on the exciting playgrounds we see in the school yards. She kind of bought it.

 

I have however noticed a big turn around since she started reading. It is like she knows this is something she can do and her age peers can't. Now when we are out she will say, look out for those school kids, they are loud or not very nice or something to that effect which makes me believe she doesn't want to be one of them anymore.

 

We also highlight that we can do school when we feel like it and go out and about when we want which she enjoys. I also do not discuss school unless she brings it up. I have also been very firm in understanding how she feels but telling her that it is our decision.

[Guest janainaz]

What about giving your son something to look forward to through outside activities? My ds 4.5 is very social and he loves to play with other kids. I don't necessarily want him being surrounded by them for hours a day, but karate, sports, etc. is enough. My kids have not been in ps and they have nothing to compare hs'ing with. I love our routine and I remind my older ds9 how easy he has it. He sleeps in until 7:30 and has a lot of control over his own pace. He decides what he wants to do first and he can take forever to get it done or be done with school by noon. As long as he gets it done, and does it well - he steers the ship. We do school year-round and take vacations/trips every few weeks. He can do school in his boxers.... I would have loved being homeschooled, free from the chaos and stress.

 

I do make time (when it's not 115 degrees outside in AZ ) to go to the park when school gets out, go to play-places, etc. and give my younger one time to play. As he gets older, I really see his desire to play with kids his own age. My older one had a couple good friends that he would see a few times a week and that satisfied him. As long as my younger one has something to look forward to, he's ok. I would not entertain the conversation too much with him (them). One of the things they need to see is you being confident in your decision to homeschool. They will surely pick-up on it if you are feeling torn or guilty, etc. Just make sure you make time to play during the day!

[woolybear]

Dirtroad--

I loved your post! Great reminders of all that homeschool can be. Especially good for me to read it now, while I'm doing all this planning.

 

thank you.

Woolybear

[EKS]

I say, I'm sorry, but we don't do that in our family.

[TeenagerMom]

We're already facing that and school hasn't even started yet. DD has always been PS and is thriving so we are leaving her there.

 

The main reason we pulled DS out of PS was the administration at his. I just found out yesterday that there is going to be a fabulous new vice principal this year so I'm already 2nd guessing myself:confused:. I'm committed to trying it for at least a semester. In the afternoons, he will still get to see his friends from PS because I am going to take him to Boys and Girls Club everyday for a few hours.

 

When DS brought up going back to real school, I just told him that it wasn't his decision. It was mine and DH's.

[TKDmom]

Thanks for the replies. So far, my reaction has been a non-committal "uh-huh" or "I know" with no further elaboration. I don't really want to entertain a conversation about it b/c it's not negotiable right now. But at the same time I don't want to make him feel like his feelings are not valid. A big part of his problem is probably boredom. Here I am 8 months pregnant in the middle of a FL summer and I can. not. stand to go outside. I am looking forward to having the weather cool off and not being pregnant any more so that we can do more fun activities. But then AACK! I will have 4 kids to drag around. It'll be ok, I'm sure it'll be easier than being pregnant. :)

[Verity]

I had the same problem last year but with my very social DD after we moved house. At the time she was not old enough to go to school. We kind of fibbed a little and said that kids who go to school, both their parents work so the teachers are there to look after them while the parents work, because i was able to stay home, she didn't have to go to school. That the kids stay in the classroom more than they play on the exciting playgrounds we see in the school yards. She kind of bought it.

 

quote]

 

 

Not really a fib, IMO. ;) I like to think that most parents, if given the information and opportunity, would homeschool their kids because it is for their benefit. :p

[Susie in CA]

When my younger son was this age he wanted to go to school, too. Most of his friends started school. I asked him what he thaught he would get at school that he doesn't get at home. His answer was more crafts. No problem! I provided more crafts for a while and it never came up again. This was 4 years ago.

 

Susie

[Brooketopia]

When my daughter started saying she wanted to go to K this fall, a wise BTDT homeschooler told me to find out what school "meant" to my dd.

 

Turns out she wanted to do the back-to-school shopping that she hears all her church friends talking about--backpack, lunchbox, clothes, pencils, etc. She was also a little sad that she wouldn't be joining her friends on their grand adventure of going to kindergarten. So we've been working on finding friends for her that HS as well and then they can be on the same level.

 

What is it that your children actually want?

[Alice]

Thanks for the replies. So far, my reaction has been a non-committal "uh-huh" or "I know" with no further elaboration. I don't really want to entertain a conversation about it b/c it's not negotiable right now. But at the same time I don't want to make him feel like his feelings are not valid. A big part of his problem is probably boredom. Here I am 8 months pregnant in the middle of a FL summer and I can. not. stand to go outside. I am looking forward to having the weather cool off and not being pregnant any more so that we can do more fun activities. But then AACK! I will have 4 kids to drag around. It'll be ok, I'm sure it'll be easier than being pregnant. :)

 

I think you got some great advice. I'm about 32 weeks pregnant and know I'm not at my most fun. So one thing I've tried to do is be more intentional about being fun. I'm not a big believer in the idea that all school has to be fun but I do realize right now my default mode is more tired Mommy lying on the couch than fun Mommy. So there are still things ds has to do regardless of how he feels about them but then I try to balance that with planning some things I know he really likes. I find that right now I have to plan it or it won't happen.

 

Also, ds started talking at the end of the year last year about going to school. One thing that helped for us was for me to make a bigger effort to invite friends over to play more often. It didn't have to be a lot but I found even once every week or two really made him happier. Even at my most fun I can't be as silly as another 5 yr old boy...and sometimes he needs that other person to just be silly with.

[Dirtroad]

Dirtroad--

I loved your post! Great reminders of all that homeschool can be. Especially good for me to read it now, while I'm doing all this planning.

 

thank you.

Woolybear

 

Thanks! I really believe in books & field trips! Use all the senses to learn the era or subject! And I love wearing my PJs to school also.

 

My weakest part are the "experiments in the kitchen". I don't do well at dragging out the ingredients & planning that part of a lesson... but I manage some and GREATLY need to push myself harder. Kids love it!

 

Also... remember the older kids SHOULD be great helpers! They can help pack the diaper bag, the picnic lunch, and load things for outings. They can help gather the ingredients or make the shopping list for upcoming experiments. Let them help you... the learn to help & to plan... you learn to delegate & recieve!

 

Mrs. Brooke & Susie had great post! Good advice!

 

To comfort OP... I am due in October & my youngest is 8... this is going to be a HUGE culture shock for us this year. I am still planning field trips to railroad museum, civil war museums, and some nature trails (after baby is born)... but we may go as a "family" and not as a group in order to allow me flexibility with new baby. We may not go on as many outings... but we still plan to get out of the "classroom". Take advantage of the sleeping of a newborn & do what you can... I think the toddler years are harder!

Edited July 25, 2009 by Dirtroad

[Mom-ninja.]

Oh, there's a children's book about this. I can't remember the title, and I'm out the door...

 

I read about it in Secular Homeschooling magazine. The book is geared toward K'ers wanting to go to real school.

[Dirtroad]

I thought of this after leaving the thread.

 

I think you MOTIVATION for homeschooling needs to be clear to yourself & family. For me, fatigue & frustration grip me at times... but all I have to do is remind myself of the reasons I am so passionate about homeschooling.

 

Honestly, I have never seen a public school do a good job teaching students to think, challenge, and occassionally oppose the current politically correct ideology or subject matter presented. Remember public schools were designed & planned to get us all thinking the same & be more uniform.... not individualist, free thinking, or even opposing.

 

There are beautiful schools, nice teachers, brand new everything... but they still use textbooks, they still grade superficially and often on opinion. Many schools teach estimate math... no diagramming sentences... and read FEW real books (just partial sections or stuff on computer). I am shocked that they teach so little about George Washington or Queen Elizabeth... but tons on Martin Luther King and Al Gore??

 

Kids are also segregated by age & subjects. They do not interact with multiple generations and on a regular basis.

 

Now, I am tough on PS.... others aren't. (I hope you see my passion and motivation in that long speech) But... that is one of my big motivations in choosing to homeschool.

 

When my kids ACT UP.... I tell them I am sending them to public school.:lol: It works wonders!!!!!

 

So, look at your heart & your motivation... pro & cons. ;) It will help you tremendously... and will help you brace for battle, defend your position with passion, or run up the flag of surrender. It will help you know what to do about the burden with which you are struggling.

[tjo]

because my son wanted to go to school for a locker!

[Moni]

How do you respond when your kids ask you to go to "real" school?

Same as any other time they want something contrary to parenting policy.

 

If he wants something from school he's not getting, I am willing to consider an accommodation.

 

Want a recess? Want to show-n-tell? etc.

:seeya:

[Garga]

Your son probably won't believe you, but for your own sake, remember that there's not really that much play time in regular school.

 

First example:

My son is in VBS this week and yesterday I asked him how it went. He said it was ok, but boring. I asked didn't he have fun being with his friends for 3 hours. He said, "But we couldn't really play together." Aha. That's true. They had to sing along when they were supposed to, do the craft when they were supposed to, listen to the story, etc. There was only a little free "play time." (And it wasn't boring--my son's idea of "boring" is whenever he's told he has to be quiet and can't goof off with his friends--it's part of why we homeschool. He does very poorly in classroom situations.)

 

Another example:

 

I remember wondering why my mom would complain when I talked to friends on the phone after school. She'd say, "You talk to your friends in school all day." But that wasn't true. We could talk for about 5 minutes before school, at lunch and, if we were going to the same class, we might be able to chat as we walked to the next classroom. Hardly "talking to your friends all day." Lunch was the main talk-time (and half of that was waiting in line for food), but other than that, there were no guarantees that you could have a conversation.

 

So, while your son is picturing playing ALL DAY LONG with his friends, that's not necessarily the reality. He'll have to sit and do what his teacher says. He'll have to stay where his teacher says. He'll have to wait to go to the bathroom, wait to eat a snack, wait to have attention from the teacher, and so on.

 

So, stand firm in your decision because you know all the facts and your little one doesn't know them yet.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I'll start with, these might not be the best ideas for you, but they can work for some.

 

1. I am the parent. You are the child. It is not your decision. Period. If you continue to whine, you will lose _______ privilege.

 

2. I know a lot of people disagree, but when my dc were young, I made ps out to be a terrible place. Tell them every wrong thing you can think of.

 

3. Have a public school day. Line up uncomfy desks. No speaking without hand raising. Bathroom breaks scheduled only. Serve cruddy food. Take out all the fun stuff ya'll do in your day and fill time with a zillion worksheets.

 

4. Focus on reality...ps is not a social hour. It's a day full of teaching and learning and in some cases, kids don't get p.e. and must be quiet in the lunchroom.

 

5. Plan afterschool get togethers with friends.

 

I'll end with, neither of your dc has the wisdom to make this decision in the first place. Mommy knows best is not only convenient, but true. What Ker has a clue about what is best for them socially or academically? What 3rd grader does?

 

I encourage you to find ways to make your dc best friends. Family is forever. Little Joey and Suzie at school most likely won't be in your class next year or in the same city by middle school.

 

I guess, in my meanie tone, it's not their decision, so they simply have to live with it and you should give yourself assurance that you make better decisions than they do.

[jenn-]

Luckily this hasn't come up with the ones my K'ers yet. DD throws out the "I want to go back to school" fit every once in a great while. Usually in those moments I am ready to send her back. I tell her, "no problem" but she is going to call Hannah and Ethan and tell them why she can't see them any more (those are her homeschooling BFFs). Then she is going to call her gymnastics coach and tell her she will have to quit the team because she will not have time between school and homework to go to practice. She usually calms down and shuts up about it pretty quick.

[CalicoKat]

No, homeschooling is what your father and I decided was best for our family. If you'd like to discuss how/what change(s) you'd like to propose to our homeschool I'd be happy to listen. We are committed to homeschooling. (said with a smile, of course!)