Melinda Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 (edited) ***As of 10:13 or 10:14 this morning, he is gone.*** ***Update 1:30 PM on 6/9*** Talked to mom. It seems like dad's mind is deteriorating pretty quickly. When the nurse came to ask him questions (to test his neuro function) he was able to remember his name, but then he thought he was the president. Mom told him she loved him and he said, "you love me?"...she said yes and he asked why everybody was crying and where he is. He's been very concerned every time a machine beeps, but not to the point of freaking out. When that happens, he is insistent that a nurse needs to be called. In one of his lucid moments today, he told my mom he is ready to go and just wants to go to sleep. Also, she asked that I contact all 3 of his brothers and my mom's sister. That was tough to do, but glad it is done. ***Will update when I know more*** ***Update 11:45 AM on 6/10*** Talked to my mom again. My aunt (her sister) flew in to AL from WA state about an hour ago. Mom signed the DNR form yesterday and all nutrient supply has been cut off. The only thing entering his body since yesterday has been a morphine drip. Hard, hard decision for her to make, but every time he is lucid, he is insistent that he is ready and just wants to sleep and never wake up. He wants to be done and according to the doctors, this is the most humane thing they can do at this point. He is past coming back and being whole now. He did make it through the night, but bowel, urinary, and digestive function have ceased. For the most part, he is comatose except that he wakes up for 30-40 seconds every few hours. This has progressed rapidly enough, that we will not be waiting to go any longer. When the clothes come (should be today) that the kids have to wear in the wedding, we will be able to go and will probably not return until after the wedding. I think my mom is going to need as much support as possible right now and in the coming weeks. She also has this whole bankruptcy mess to deal with and still has to pack up the house. ***Will update when I know more*** This really doesn't belong here, but this is the board I post to most, so I feel like I know all of you better than the rest of the forum people: I don't know how many of you remember my post last year about my Dad, but on May 8, 2008 he was diagnosed with stage IV liver cancer and cirrhosis of the liver (strange, as he doesn't drink. at. all.). The doctors discovered it at a routine checkup he was having for in-remission melanoma. At that point, he was told to get his affairs in order because he had a few weeks left, at most 6 months. He has been in an experimental treatment program and has surpassed all expectations. The doctors just cannot believe how well he has done with the treatments. Not only did he pass his maximum 6 month expiration date, he is still alive today, and until yesterday was not in any pain at all. My Dad has continued working full time throughout this ordeal to protect his life insurance and the family's health insurance, as well as ensure that he would be eligible for short-term disability. Luckily he turned 65 in September. Up until about 6 or 7 weeks ago, the stage IV cancer had started to un-metastasize (doctors said they had *never* seen that happen and that it was a miracle) and he was slowly getting better. He got a call that he needed to come see his doctor and did so on a Tuesday, April 28. The cancer had come back, re-metastasized, and was growing rapidly, but the experimental treatment would continue to help (according to this doctor). On Wednesday, he went to work and was informed that the office was being shut down and that he no longer had a job. According to company policy, since he was not fired or quit, but was laid off, he would still have access to benefits. He also received a severance package. On Friday, my parents got a call that as of the end of April (that day) there would be no more health insurance, period. There would also be no life insurance, or any other benefit which they were promised. He filed for medicaid (medicare? whichever is the one for over 65) and social security/SS disability. Since he is now under government health care, experimental treatment is no longer approved and chemo was started. The chemo was the beginning of the end for him, and he has rapidly gotten worse. All of this cancer stuff has financially ruined my parents and they are now filing bankruptcy (they were supposed to have the final meeting yesterday). My family was well-off as I was growing up and I still have a 17 year old brother left at home, so this is hard to see. So yesterday rolled around and I get the dreaded call... Bear in mind that through all of this, he has not had *any* pain to deal with and has been completely coherent. The only noticeable difference in him is that he has been very sleepy since beginning chemo. Dad woke up at 4:30 in the morning vomiting blood and could not get himself to the car, so they called 911 and he was taken to the emergency room by ambulance. My mom and brother met him at the ER and mom helped get him checked in. Here is how that went... Nurse: Are you in pain? Dad: Yes (said sleepily) Nurse: Where does it hurt? Dad: Umm...Sam's Club. Nurse: I'm sorry, where does it hurt? Dad: Uhh...Sam's Club At that point, they checked him in and admitted him. He was throwing up large amounts of dark red blood all day yesterday and was in and out of coherency. Toward the end of the day, the blood started having chunks of stuff in it. He has not taken any pain medication at all, but still slept most of the day. My mom has been next to him the entire time and will not leave. My brothers have been taking shifts. At some point during the day (afternoon sometime) he was coherent enough to have a very short conversation with my mom. Here is what was said... Mom: How are you feeling? Can I get you something? Dad: I'm so tired. I just want to go to sleep. Mom: You want to go to sleep and not wake up? Dad: Yes. My mom has been incredibly strong through this whole thing, but in a few months they would have been married 40 years, and she is losing her very best friend. I can tell the she is slowly coming unglued and would not be surprised if she commits suicide once he passes (my brother would go live with my sister in that case). I know that's a harsh thing to say, but sadly I do see it happening with everything else that is going on (bankruptcy, etc). I will be calling around 10 or so and will post an update when I have one. No clue whether he has even made it through the night. His doctors have said that at this point, he will not get better and it is a matter of days, possibly a week or two. We are trying to figure out what to do as far as going down there (Alabama -- we are in Maryland). My brother's wedding is next week (in Chicago) and as my mom pointed out when I asked what we should do, we can either come and wait for him to go with her now, or we can come later after it is over. It is sad, but where we already have to pay for the trip to the wedding next week, we just can't afford more than 1 trip to Alabama right now. The wedding is on unless we have to have a funeral that particular day and all my kids are in it, so we definitely need to be there. I have not cried (I came close when mom told me what dad had said about going to sleep) because I have had 13 months to get used to this. Edited June 10, 2009 by Melinda update Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 :grouphug: I am so very, very sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Melinda:grouphug:Praying for God's peace and wisdom for you.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Melinda, I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanM Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I'm so sorry, Melinda. Even when it is a long time coming, it still is very hard! :grouphug: Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I am so, so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renai Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Wow. I am so sorry to hear this about your dad. I know that you think you are prepared, but I want to caution you to be prepared...to NOT be as prepared as you thought you were. My grandfather died in 1991 after 9 months battling with staph infection that he got from the hospital after surgery for pancretitis. We thought we were ready. When they gave him 48 hours, we really thought we were ready. We weren't. Please, allow yourself to grieve - I held it in for a long time and have struggled with the entire situation for the majority of the rest of my life. Pappy was 65 when he died too. That is so young in todays world. My heart breaks for your mom. I know what you mean about her losing her very best friend. My other set of grandparents died within 6 days of each other. Mamaw had dementia and when she passed, papaw had a heart attack from the stress of losing her. We lost them both in just a matter of days. I am not sure if you are a Christian or not, but I will be praying for your family and for peace for your mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I am so sorry that this is happening. Please try to take care of yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 :grouphug::(:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Do allow yourself to grieve. How about your mom--is there anyway someone could take her in? Just a thought as I realize things like that are not always feasible. It's so hurtful that this has happened and you're in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnetteB Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 :grouphug: My fil is in the hospital now with terminal brain cancer...It is so complicated and so sad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Thank you for all your well wishes. Karin, we have offered to take both of them (my mom and brother -- well, and my dad too, before this all happened yesterday) into our house. My dad's brother and my mom's sister have both offered to set her up with a house and pay expenses. I think they will probably end up renting an apt. and staying near Huntsville, as this fall my brother will be in his senior year of high school. After he graduates, I have no idea where they will end up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 update in OP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 My thoughts are with you. This is so hard and I wish it could be easier for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 :grouphug: So sorry. What a horrible situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Thank you for all your well wishes. Karin, we have offered to take both of them (my mom and brother -- well, and my dad too, before this all happened yesterday) into our house. My dad's brother and my mom's sister have both offered to set her up with a house and pay expenses. I think they will probably end up renting an apt. and staying near Huntsville, as this fall my brother will be in his senior year of high school. After he graduates, I have no idea where they will end up. :grouphug:That's all you can do. I really feel for you and hope your mother makes it through all of this, as well as for you and the rest of your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I too am sorry that you and your family are facing such a terrible situation. You will be in my thoughts. Tru Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry, Melinda, and will pray for you and your family. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 another update in OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm praying for you, your mom and your whole family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 ***As of 10:13 or 10:14 this morning, he is gone.*** :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I am so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 :grouphug:I am sorry, and am praying for you, your mom, your brother, and the rest of the family!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I am very sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Melinda, I am so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelaNYC Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Melinda, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm new here, but your post touched me deeply. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Angela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Oh, I am so sorry. I lost my dad a year ago to liver cancer (didn't drink either). It is so, so, so hard. Prayers for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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