Confession Thread

[HeatherLynn]

Oh, since jenL confessed, I will too:

 

I have 5 baskets of laundry waiting to be folded and put away and I JUST DON'T want to do it! So I hang out here instead.

[Ibbygirl]

2. I often worry that my friends will suddenly decide they don't like me anymore just like my group of friends did to me in 7th grade. I wish I could get over this fear.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[muffinmom]

I should be packing to go on a 12-day trip tomorrow. But here I am!

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

Well, here goes:

 

1. I am seriously addicted to chocolate. I sneak my children's candy if they have any. I eat more brownies and chocolate chip cookies than anyone in my house. If we don't have any, I make chocolate pudding, or hot chocolate with whipped cream on top. I buy a candy bar every time I am out by myself.

 

2. I love having a clean house, but I hate to clean. I make nice neat piles of whatever I don't throw away. If I could, I would give away or throw away half the contents of my house. I don't remember the last time I vacuumed the living room rug.

 

3. I wish my dh was a good fixer-upper and repair person because we live in a house that really needs fixing up, but he is not. So I just dream and sigh a lot. "Every thing we own has got a dent."

 

4. I hate the speed at which the world of technology, fashion, etc. moves. I'm at least 5 years behind and I don't have any intention of trying to keep up. I still have the same hair style I had in high school 27 years ago.

3/4 of my clothes and shoes are from the thrift store, the other fourth were purchased by my mother. I don't have a cell phone or cable, my computer is on dial-up.

 

5. I shower everyday, but never use soap or shampoo. I don't wear makeup and use olive oil as a moisturizer. My little kids bathe only on Saturday nights, unless they get smelly or dirty. And a lot of the time they sleep in their clothes.

 

6. I like workbooks. My kids do most of their schoolwork on their own after 5th grade. I just help when they get stuck or have a question. Spanish and Math are where I give the most instruction. I never give tests until high school, and even then not in all subjects.

 

7. If I could, I would spend all my time reading and gardening.

 

8. I like Barbara Streisand's music. :-P

[Impish]

I confess that tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my injury, and its hitting me in ways I could never have anticipated :crying:

 

I confess that the urge to shut down and just huddle under a blanket somewhere is an almost irresistable urge.

 

I confess that if it wasn't for my family, I'd probably be a hermit long ago.

[mama2cntrykids]

There are so many and so little time . . .

 

 

I left my then 6yo asleep in the back seat of our 15 passenger van and didn't know it until he rang the doorbell at 3:00 a.m.

 

 

 

Oh boy, now THAT is funny:lol:

[mama2cntrykids]

Ok, I will go. There are a lot (so I may come back and post again), but this is fresh on my mind.

 

I really wish I didn't have to deal with aspects of my youngest ds' Asperger's. It can be hard to take. Esp. when he's getting on his not even THREE y/o sis about things that are NORMAL for a not quite 3 yr. old.

 

Sorry, but the boy has been stressing me out to the MAX lately!! Plus, he goes to every other day Kindergarten at the local PS, so I don't even want to KNOW what next year will look like when he's home constantly. Ugg!

[HeatherLynn]

Ok, I will go. There are a lot (so I may come back and post again), but this is fresh on my mind.

 

I really wish I didn't have to deal with aspects of my youngest ds' Asperger's. It can be hard to take. Esp. when he's getting on his not even THREE y/o sis about things that are NORMAL for a not quite 3 yr. old.

 

Sorry, but the boy has been stressing me out to the MAX lately!! Plus, he goes to every other day Kindergarten at the local PS, so I don't even want to KNOW what next year will look like when he's home constantly. Ugg!

 

I could tell you things about my 12 year old with AS that would make you feel better about your right now. Does that help? :grouphug:

[Melissa in FL]

Actually, I just feel in the middle. I am way conservative according to my secular friends, but my ultra conservative friends are floored by some things I say or do. I can't win. LOL You wanna hang out? Sounds like we'd do just fine together.

 

This is me!! I'm too "Crunchy" for conservatives but to conservative for the secular crowd. I do end up hanging out with mainly the secular group, because I find them more accepting of our differences and less judgmental (and I do have some in common with them). I often feel that I can't win too! It makes me feel very much alone and like something must be wrong that we just don't fit clearly into a group! The more I read your posts HeatherLynn, the more I think we would like each other in real life!

Melissa

[Desert Rat]

You are so awesome! I'm more than half of those things and in addition, not brave enough to say it! I'd know you in real life. But I probably wouldn't come over much. I have a personal space thing too. :o

[BikeBookBread]

1. I yell too much at my children even though I hate that I do it.

Just today at Target...

 

2. I have lost confidence in my intelligence since becoming a SAHM.

I was "wunderkind" at every job I ever held, promoted prematurely, etc. Now that I'm a SAHM, I can't even keep the dishes out of the sink and the laundry folded.

 

3. My favorite thing in the world is to curl up with a book.

Just give me a cup of tea, a roaring fire (well, not here in Almost Mexico) and raindrops on the roof...

 

4. I enjoy traveling and wish we had unlimited income so we could go wherever, whenever

I haven't been on a real vacation since 1999 (I don't count visiting family as a real vacation...even though it is generally pleasant to do so...)

 

5. I yearn for mature trees in my backyard & privacy as a result.

We leave 10 feet from the neighbors on each side, and about 30 from the neighbors behind us...ahhh...the joys of modern subdivisions and .08 acre lots.

 

6. I worry that I'll have to go back to work some day and stop hsing my kids

I think the only thing I'm qualified for anymore is to be a barista at Starbucks, or checker at Target but only 'cuz I look good in red and have lots of khaki pants.

 

7. Some days I feel as if I'm going to have a nervous breakdown because my patience has been pushed to its limits

Just yesterday...weeping into my arms on with the head on the kitchen counter b/c dd's had a 1.5 hour long screamfest and first ever all-out hitting-fight...

 

8. Dh gets frustrated with me because I often have no desire for sex.

I had better not comment...:blushing:

 

9. I truly love food and eating makes me happy.

Mmmmm, fresh homemade Italian-style hearth bread with balsamic dipping sauce...

 

10. My favorite day is blue skies, sun, and temps in the low 70s.

Rain, overcast, glistening grass and about 50....I'm a Seattle girl.

 

11. I wish I had the motivation to work out regularly because I know I'd be so happy with the results

I KNOW what the results are, but I just don't have the motivation, which kills me. I used to bike about 100 miles a week, and hit the weights at the gym. I'm not bragging, but I was in the pool swimming laps two days before my oldest was born. What happened.

 

12. I desperately want to get control of the clutter in my house, but I'd rather do something else, so I just let it sit.

My problems I think another "storage system" or cleaning gadget from Target (again with the Target thing...) is going to solve all of my problems. I just need self control, but I did make strides this week, as I purchsed the "Motivated Moms" cleaning plan.

 

13. I'm very glad to have found TWTM forums because I'm having a hard time finding other homeschoolers around me who share my classical mentality

I'm very thankful to be amongst like-minded HSers.

 

14. My in-laws drive me crazy and I'm dreading my visit with them in a month.

I actually really love my in-laws, but sometimes they do drive me crazy. Hey, IIIII drive me crazy sometimes!

 

 

I think we're "bizarro twins" (it's a "Seinfeld" thing)

[HeatherLynn]

This is me!! I'm too "Crunchy" for conservatives but to conservative for the secular crowd. I do end up hanging out with mainly the secular group, because I find them more accepting of our differences and less judgmental (and I do have some in common with them). I often feel that I can't win too! It makes me feel very much alone and like something must be wrong that we just don't fit clearly into a group! The more I read your posts HeatherLynn, the more I think we would like each other in real life!

Melissa

:D Now if we just weren't in different states? :tongue_smilie: Sounds like there needs to be an "Outcasters" homeschool group. "Too conservative for the left? Too liberal for the right? Come on in, the water's great." ;)

[Carrie12345]

Ok, I will go. There are a lot (so I may come back and post again), but this is fresh on my mind.

 

I really wish I didn't have to deal with aspects of my youngest ds' Asperger's. It can be hard to take. Esp. when he's getting on his not even THREE y/o sis about things that are NORMAL for a not quite 3 yr. old.

 

Sorry, but the boy has been stressing me out to the MAX lately!! Plus, he goes to every other day Kindergarten at the local PS, so I don't even want to KNOW what next year will look like when he's home constantly. Ugg!

 

I could tell you things about my 12 year old with AS that would make you feel better about your right now. Does that help? :grouphug:

 

Mine will be 11 this summer. I can't tell you how many times I've considered sending him off to live with his father. I always wind up reminding myself that it would set him back about a dozen steps and somehow find a way to renew my commitment, but it's HARD!

:grouphug:

[sagira]

Wow! Will you two be my best friends? There are house for sale right down the street!

 

:lol: Glad I'm not alone :grouphug:

[mama2cntrykids]

Mine will be 11 this summer. I can't tell you how many times I've considered sending him off to live with his father. I always wind up reminding myself that it would set him back about a dozen steps and somehow find a way to renew my commitment, but it's HARD!

:grouphug:

 

Thank you Carrie and Heather Lynn for letting me know that I'm NOT alone with him. It can be so, so, hard a lot of the time.

[Ibbygirl]

Thank you Carrie and Heather Lynn for letting me know that I'm NOT alone with him. It can be so, so, hard a lot of the time.

 

 

My 11 yo (soon to be 12) dd has Asperger's, OCD and ADHD and my 8 yo ds is severely Autistic so believe me I can feel your pain as well. It's not easy. :grouphug:

[mama2cntrykids]

Me again--

 

--When I'm feeling lazy, I use Clorox Wipes to wipe down the sink and toliet in the bathroom.

--I used to let my toddler watch WAY too much tv.

--I've been really dissatisfied (sp?) with my Church's preaching lately. We're in the process of looking for a lead Pastor and what we have is lacking to me. I'm just not "getting' anything from it. I need to go deeper and it seems like it's the same 'ol thing Sunday after Sunday. Take me deeper!!

--I told my boy's they need to stay in their room until 8am on the weekends because otherwise they wake me up and I work on weekend nights, so it can suck, lol.

--I have clean jeans from three days ago just laying around my bedroom b/c I'm too lazy to put them away.

--I'm getting frustrated with my dh because he won't call a couple of his friends to see if we can borrow their tiller and I want to plant!

 

That's it for now...

[StaceyinLA]

Here's my list:

 

I just read all 17 pages of this and enjoyed it!

 

I don't really like chocolate, but don't be messin' with my cheesecake!

 

I don't like to be touched while I'm sleeping.

 

I have WAY too many dogs and cats!

 

My kids drive me crazy a lot of the time!

 

I LOVE to cook, but hate to wash dishes (I have no dishwasher).

 

I DESPISE laundry.

 

Did I mention how much I DESPISE laundry?

 

I'm very organized.

 

Misspelled words drive me NUTS!

 

We are night owls and usually do school starting after lunch.

 

I love connecting with old friends.

 

I love 80's music (hair bands and all).

 

I'm totally obsessive about keeping the inside of my car clean.

 

I would LOVE to adopt more kids.

 

My husband can do just about anything, and will. He takes great care of us.

 

I am totally NOT a packrat! I will throw away something out from under you.

 

There is probably TONS more I could put on here, but I'm gonna stop.

 

Oh, did I mention how I DESPISE laundry?? :tongue_smilie:

[Ibbygirl]

I confess that I just can't stand the Jonas Bros. I am fortunate that my dd doesn't like them and therefore I am (thankfully) limited in my exposure to them, but I happened upon them tonight while my husband was flipping channels and they just bug me to no end how they hold their nice Gibson guitars while the REAL band plays back in the shadows behind them. I have seen this every single time I've been unfortunate enough to witness one of their "performances". Man, God forgive me, but those kids drive me nuts!!! :banghead: :rant: :boxing_smiley: They should give those Gibsons to someone who can actually play them... someone like, oh I don't know.... ME!!! :tongue_smilie:;) :p hehe

[HeatherLynn]

I confess that I just can't stand the Jonas Bros. I am fortunate that my dd doesn't like them and therefore I am (thankfully) limited in my exposure to them, but I happened upon them tonight while my husband was flipping channels and they just bug me to no end how they hold their nice Gibson guitars while the REAL band plays back in the shadows behind them. I have seen this every single time I've been unfortunate enough to witness one of their "performances". Man, God forgive me, but those kids drive me nuts!!! :banghead: :rant: :boxing_smiley: They should give those Gibsons to someone who can actually play them... someone like, oh I don't know.... ME!!! :tongue_smilie:;) :p hehe

 

My DD loathes the JB! She does like Taylor Swift though. LOL Told you my DD is a girl after your own heart!

[hsmom3tn]

I wish I'd been here when this thread was started :( There are so many replies, I can't read them all, LOL. The ones I read were great,though, and I saw several confessions that would be almost identical to my own :) I have many....

 

1. I buy a lot of candy for my kids for Easter and Christmas, then only give them half of it and keep the rest for myself.

2. I never get dressed unless I have to leave the house, and even then I am back in my pj's as soon as I get home.

3. I do not like surprise company, partly because of the pj's (see #2), and partly because my house is always cluttered and not so clean.

4. My kids and I stay up really late and sleep really late.

5. We have no schedule for school and take A LOT of days off.

6. I hardly ever cook because I can't stand for my clothes and hair to smell like food. If I ever do cook, I have to immediately take a shower and put on clean clothes afterwards.

7. I hate reality shows.

8. If I find a TV series that I like (I love Grey's Anatomy), I will wait for the season to come out on DVD because I can't just watch one episode each week. I have to watch them all at once.

9. I got a Real Arcade Game Pass membership for the kids, and instead of letting them pick the games, I usually use all of the credits. Then, when I get a new credit, I buy a new game and play it non-stop until I have beaten it.

10. I like mayo on my french fries (or honey mustard) and I hate ketchup.

11. I have always been attracted to older men, even when I was younger. I think Sean Connery and Sam Eliot are two of the best looking men I've ever seen, and I don't mean when they were young, LOL.

12. If I am attracted to a younger man (well, not younger than me, LOL), it's usually one that's dirty and sweaty - like Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs. He is so hot, LOL.

13. I secretly like a few of the Hannah Montana songs, even though I tell my DD's otherwise.

14. Two of my most favorite movies are Kill Bill and Kill Bill 2. I went through a phase where I watched them both back-to-back every Saturday for about a year, LOL.

15. I love to watch reruns of Dallas.

16. As someone else said, when my kids were younger, I forgot about them sometimes when they were in time-out. And how about when they were potty-training? Did you forget about them when they were on the toilet? I did.

17. I hate vegetables except for corn and potatoes and I don't even think those are really vegetables.

18. When I am alone in the car/van, I sing. Not sing along with the radio, I sing to myself with no radio on, LOL.

19. I never wear shoes unless I'm going somewhere that requires it. You should see my feet. YUCK.

20. If I see someone I know in a store, I usually hide from them. If they see me anyway, and I don't know them very well, I usually pretend that I don't remember them.

21. I do not like to talk on the phone. Especially since my kids never need me until I'm on it.

 

 

... okay, I guess that's enough for now. I'm glad to know, though, that I am not the only one who does some of these things :lol:

Edited July 2, 2009 by hsmom3tn

[freeindeed]

1. I ate the Pop Tarts that I told my dc were for breakfast, so no they

couldn't have them as a snack--and having the Pop Tarts for my snack

is exactly what I did when dc weren't looking.

 

2. I ate some raw chocolate chip cookie dough. Don't worry, it's

homemade!

 

3. I purposely ignored a phone call from someone that I find annoying.

[freeindeed]

I confess that I just can't stand the Jonas Bros. I am fortunate that my dd doesn't like them and therefore I am (thankfully) limited in my exposure to them, but I happened upon them tonight while my husband was flipping channels and they just bug me to no end how they hold their nice Gibson guitars while the REAL band plays back in the shadows behind them. I have seen this every single time I've been unfortunate enough to witness one of their "performances". Man, God forgive me, but those kids drive me nuts!!! :banghead: :rant: :boxing_smiley: They should give those Gibsons to someone who can actually play them... someone like, oh I don't know.... ME!!! :tongue_smilie:;) :p hehe

 

:lol:You sound like my ds17. He can't stand the Jonas Brothers, either. But now I have to confess this: my youngest dc LOVE the Jonas Brothers & we're taking them to a Jonas Brothers concert in August.:tongue_smilie:

[Impish]

I confess that I was tickled to see this bumped up again!

I confess that I'm sorry that it bothers some that I type in 'bold' font, but I've been doing so for 6 or so years, rather than picking a colour or fancy font I just hit the bold, and have done so ever since, and without it, I feel...well...nekkid :o

I confess that I stashed some treats just for me, and am hoping everyone has forgotten about them so I don't have to share. :tongue_smilie:

[KingM]

 

I don't deserve her b/c I naturally am a slob.

I procrastinate.

I'm lazy.

I'm not self motivated.

 

She is my opposite and I am so glad...she will make a better wife and mother than me on most days.

 

 

Yep, this is my situation, too. My kids are better kids than I was and make parenting pretty easy. I give credit to my wife, who was a very conscientious child (and adult, for that matter) and I suspect they got some of this in their DNA.

[i.love.lucy]

Well, it's no wonder I like so many of you. Many of our confessions are similar:

 

- I won't have tea with my husband if he has a cigar in the evening. Or if he eats onions.

- I encourage him to have a cigar to relax so that I'll get out of having "tea"...a lot.

- I hate dishes and laundry.

- I have never, ever stuck to a diet for more than about 3 days before having a small cheat, if not a big one.

- I take Benadryl every night to help me fall asleep or DH's snoring will keep me awake for hours.

- I love vodka and Fresca so much that I don't keep it (the vodka) in the house anymore.

- I'm annoyed with how super-modest some of my new homeschool friends are. Like as if when it's just us moms going to the pool you need to be so covered?

- I love to lay out in the sun. I am usually in a much better mood if I've had sun exposure.

- I only agreed to DH's encouragement of homeschooling because I figured it would guarantee me staying home and not having to go back to work.

- If I'm around people that swear, I will do it too.

- I absolutely hate all forms of seafood.

- Please don't touch me in bed.

- Please don't drop by unnanounced. (Actually this one was common. The only friend I have IRL that likes this is the one with the house that looks like a model home all the time)

- I don't have a secret stash of food but have been known to buy Pringles and eat the whole can immediately.

- I am still considering giving myself a perm.

[runninmommy]

Do not come to my house unannounced. I will refuse to answer the door.

 

If you touch my feet I will punch you in the face (just kidding...kind of)

 

I do not like morning people, or talking in the morning or anyone slightly looking my direction before I have had coffee. (I'm getting better, it was much worse 13 years ago)

 

I am not as grumpy and mean as I sound. :lol:

[Lovedtodeath]

- I encourage him to have a cigar to relax so that I'll get out of having "tea"...a lot.

Why do you do this? I try to get out of tea because 1. we are interupted half the time and it makes it to annoying to even try. 2. i could get a load of laundry done in that time! 3. it takes so much energy that I could get a ton of chores done in that time. 4. I think I need sleep (I end up not sleeping anyway! 5. I didn't take a shower and/or brush my teeth yet that day and I am embarassed.

 

- I am still considering giving myself a perm.

Have someone help with the rolling and go for it! Leave it on for a shorter time than you think and be sure to check it.

[i.love.lucy]

Why do you do this?

 

I have a very low sex drive and always have. It's not his skill or anything like that. I just could care less. I mean obviously I have my moments. I thought about saying something about "after 20 years", but no, it's been like this most of our marriage. I just have never had much of a drive. I really, really wish it was different and if I could find a magic pill I'd take it. And please don't suggest all those intimacy tips because I read Ladies Home Journal too and have tried all that. I think it's tied to my self-esteem, bitterness towards him, low energy, all of it. It's not an easy problem to fix.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I think it's tied to my self-esteem, bitterness towards him, low energy, all of it. It's not an easy problem to fix.

BTDT! :grouphug:

[Ibbygirl]

My DD loathes the JB! She does like Taylor Swift though. LOL Told you my DD is a girl after your own heart!

 

 

hehehehe Awesome! :) When I was watching them "play", they all three had a Gibson and the one kid was playing like 3 power chords only and the other two were just goofing around and not even strumming their guitars. They were just accessories! grrrr. I understand that they are a total fluff teeny bopper "band" but man! At least back in my teenage days the fluff bands knew how to play their instruments, but this whole thing of having an entire band playing behind the "band" is just too weird and it bugs me to no end. Man, I feel sorry for those musicians. I would hate to have to admit that I backed the Jonas Brothers, I guess it's a good thing then that they are all in shadows as if they were a part of some musician's federal witness protection program, they can keep some modicum of their self respect I guess. I only wonder what horrible thing they must be running from to be assigned to back the Jonas Bros. YUCK!! :p hehe ;) :D

Edited July 2, 2009 by Ibbygirl

[Ibbygirl]

:lol:You sound like my ds17. He can't stand the Jonas Brothers, either. But now I have to confess this: my youngest dc LOVE the Jonas Brothers & we're taking them to a Jonas Brothers concert in August.:tongue_smilie:

 

 

I'm sure they will have a lot of fun at the concert and I wouldn't think any less of anyone that did like the Jonas Brothers. I don't expect anybody to be like me or like what I like. I know I'm weird and not like most girls so if there were someone else out there like me I'd probably be scared of them! :p ;) :D hehehehe

[Rosie_0801]

I haven't read all the posts because it looks too much like work, but you want to know my big secret?

 

 

I love picking my baby's nose.

 

I do. It all stems from my childhood, you see. When we saw my grandfather he'd say "Is ya nose clean?" Then try and grab it to check.

 

 

So there you go.

 

Rosie

[Lovedtodeath]

Rosie, I will give you one of your strengths... you always make me smile. :001_smile:

[Tree House Academy]

I have a very low sex drive and always have. It's not his skill or anything like that. I just could care less. I mean obviously I have my moments. I thought about saying something about "after 20 years", but no, it's been like this most of our marriage. I just have never had much of a drive. I really, really wish it was different and if I could find a magic pill I'd take it. And please don't suggest all those intimacy tips because I read Ladies Home Journal too and have tried all that. I think it's tied to my self-esteem, bitterness towards him, low energy, all of it. It's not an easy problem to fix.

 

BTDT Hon! I think I have the T-shirt somewhere. :glare: :grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

I haven't read all the posts because it looks too much like work, but you want to know my big secret?

 

 

I love picking my baby's nose.

 

I do. It all stems from my childhood, you see. When we saw my grandfather he'd say "Is ya nose clean?" Then try and grab it to check.

 

 

So there you go.

 

Rosie

 

 

Oh Oh...I love to pick off peeling skin after a sunburn. The problem...it doesn't matter whose skin it is (dh and the kids are none too pleased when they are the ones peeling...)

[Katrina]

• I sleep with my eyes open.
  
• I've started to snore so loudly that my husband has threatened to make me sleep in the guest room.
  
• My kids are going to visit their grandparents for two weeks and I CAN'T WAIT!!!
  

[Shadowwolf549]

Ok, here goes:

 

1. I'm a picker. I pick the kids' noses, ears, etc! DH is not immune from my picking either. DH says I have an illness. :D

 

2. I LOVE to fold laundry, especially socks. I just don't like to put it away.

 

3. Missing things really irritate me, especially odd socks. :confused:

 

4. I have thought about taping my kids mouths' shut...more than once. :blushing:

 

5. I love to stay up late and sleep in...the kids and DH however do not. :glare:

 

6. I let me dog share my ice cream and she kisses me right on the mouth...and I don't care! :tongue_smilie:

 

7. My kids think it's funny when they lick me and when I lick them back. ;)

 

8. I like using smileys.

 

9. I would rather read a good book than do just about anything else.

 

I'm sure there is lots more.

[Ibbygirl]

9. I would rather read a good book than do just about anything else.

 

 

 

I love this!! Even though I always pay for it horribly the next day (or the next day after and after that as well)... I LOVE to read a book that just grabs me so much that i cannot put it down and won't want to sleep or eat or do anything else until I finish the book. :)

[Shadowwolf549]

I love this!! Even though I always pay for it horribly the next day (or the next day after and after that as well)... I LOVE to read a book that just grabs me so much that i cannot put it down and won't want to sleep or eat or do anything else until I finish the book. :)

 

 

Me too! I have been known to stay up till all hours when I get "sucked in". :lol:

[Ibbygirl]

Me too! I have been known to stay up till all hours when I get "sucked in". :lol:

 

 

hehehehe I read the Little House in the Big Woods to my daughter last year for homeschool and I got so into the book once we finished it I read all the rest of the books in the whole series in 4 days! hehehehe I don't think I slept more than 4 hours in total. :)

[kiana]

hehehehe I read the Little House in the Big Woods to my daughter last year for homeschool and I got so into the book once we finished it I read all the rest of the books in the whole series in 4 days! hehehehe I don't think I slept more than 4 hours in total. :)

 

I got sucked into the Honor Harrington series again (science fiction) and read the whole thing before I could stop :/

[Mad Jenny Flint]

bethanyniez, I felt that soulful, tenderness in your sharing that connects people who don't even know one another. We all have sore spots and things we are working on. If you have any insight at all, you will see those things about yourself and they will bother you. And seeing and working and changing are things that make people lovable, in my opinion.

 

ibbygirl, can I just say that you rock?! My husband is a bluegrass musician who has a bluegrass background from childhood (his dad plays banjo, uncle plays mandolin and aunt plays piano) and who is classically trained on bass, has played in many styles of music (and both electric and acoustic); and my son is taking off with his music- started off with mando at 9 and has moved into electric guitar, specifically metal. He has 2 electrics (and an amp!) now and is doing really well with it. Anyway, you inspire me to follow my own passions, too, which don't involve music, but I love to hear people following their passions and I need to do more of that.

 

My confessions:

 

1) I work really hard to be who I want to be and fall incredibly short in some area, daily. I am less hard on myself than I used to be, though.

 

2) Here's the big one, but I just have to get this off my chest:

 

After many years of lamenting the fact that I have a difficult relationship with my mother, that I will never have a mother of my own who cares for me like I believe a mother ought, and

 

after years of trying to understand, be there and comfort her through her various crises, and feeling very sorry for her and her pitiful life full of bad decisions, and

 

after a year and a half of living with my mother, giving her the master bedroom of our home, sleeping in a basement guestroom with my husband (with no door), dealing with her complete lack of effort to relate at all to me or my family (including my children) and her constant victim status and passive-aggressive behavior; working through many childhood issues that I thought I had dealt with but that living with her brought into extreme relief and many tearful and angry moments and lots of processing with my extremely supportive and wonderful husband,

 

and after one final confrontation about her lying about quitting smoking (which I had told her would be a deal-breaker)

 

I told her to move out Thursday. She left yesterday, without a goodbye. Of course I have many emotions about all this, but the processing of feelings that I have done over the past year and a half has really helped to keep this moment manageable. I have never, since I was a very small child, had a mother. I have had an emotional vampire with a personality disorder in place of a mother. It still makes me sad and angry that this is so. But the feeling I have above all is relief. And that is my confession.

 

My mother has been dead to me for a long time, and her presence in my life has made that all the more painful. Now I don't have to worry about whether I am a good daughter anymore, or whether I am doing the "right" thing by her. I can release the guilt and the anger and the sadness and count the blessings in my life. And, I have my house back and I don't have to teach my children any more lessons on how to deal with a difficult person who stays across the hall from their bedrooms. Now, I will be there instead.

 

Almost no one IRL knows about this situation yet. I am telling you all here because it is cathartic for me to do so. I also hope that my note here might be read by someone who is in a similar situation and can benefit from it somehow. I was my own jailer, and it took some time to get free.

[Lovedtodeath]

Wow Jenny! :grouphug: I have had to tell my parents that they are not welcome to move in here when they thought that their finances were going to make it necessary.

[Mad Jenny Flint]

Thank you. I need every bit of encouragement I can find today.

[lionfamily1999]

I am not a people person. I don't like new things, new situations, new clothes, new furniture, etc. They all stress me out (how will I screw THIS up). I'm not nice. 90% of the time, my initial reaction is condescending, rude, low or just plain mean. My mom does not like me.

 

I cling to dh because he understands me and loves me anyway.

 

I absolutely love sex. I revel in it. That makes me feel low, bad, dirty, etc.

 

Oh, and I'm super lazy. Given options, I would stay in bed all day.

[Lovedtodeath]

I would stay in bed all day.

(well, lazy? Depends what you are doing in bed.) ;) Oh, and if God didn't want us to revel in it, I think we would be designed differently. Don't feel dirty for reveling in it! We have people confessing the opposite and it surely is better for marriage to have your attitude.

 

Your confession isn't too far off from me a few years ago. I knew I liked you. :) Now I feel fortunate that you haven't been mean to me. :lol:

[lionfamily1999]

(well, lazy? Depends what you are doing in bed.) ;) Oh, and if God didn't want us to revel in it, I think we would be designed differently. Don't feel dirty for reveling in it! We have people confessing the opposite and it surely is better for marriage to have your attitude.

 

Your confession isn't too far off from me a few years ago. I knew I liked you. :) Now I feel fortunate that you haven't been mean to me. :lol:

My sister and I joke that there's guilt in our DNA. Dh does not mind my more passionate side, but in the end I feel like I put down my defenses too much, which sounds silly now that I think about it... I guess, I put that with farting, lol, something that should be kept discreet, and it's like I'm living off of deviled eggs and cabbage (iow, I cannot be discreet, gentile or ladylike).

 

As for the meanness... I can normally catch myself before the things that pop into my head go flying out of my mouth. I don't know WHY I think that way and it DOES make me feel bad. I'm just glad I can keep those things to myself.

 

:grouphug: Thank you for understanding :)

[Impish]

Jenny, I swear we have the same mother, with the exception of the cigarette smoking. No WAY could I ever handle her living with me. Kudos to you for the attempt.

 

:grouphug: Being a motherless daughter with a living mother is so hard. I've mourned the loss of a mother-daughter relationship all my life :grouphug:

[Mad Jenny Flint]

Thanks for that! You're right. I have been grieving it for years. The problem is that I have had the grief and guilt along with it for not being a "good enough" daughter. It had to come down to something so glaring, so undeniable, and I had to be ready for it, emotionally. I have spent the last year and a half getting ready.

 

The truth is that I have spent the last 5 years wishing she would just go ahead and die. That's not a feeling I am proud of. Now, I don't have to wish that anymore. I have freedom without it.

 

Thanks again, and :grouphug::grouphug: to you.