Well, since posting this, I have discovered that a closer, (much) cheaper school is actually doing a really good job and could be a good option. We wouldn't have to move or bite our nails worrying about financial aid. Dd studied their website and was impressed, so we're going to pursue that and see what happens. The elite school is still a dream, but it's more my dream, so if I don't project that onto my kid she'll probably be fine!