Maybe just focusing on the relationship aspect with the kids. It sounds like he really values that and may not understand the harm it causes. I know when one of my family members made those type of comments, it would make me feel bad about myself which in turn would lead to resentment. I know that is not what they meant to do, but it’s frustrating when, as a young person you’re told things will be taken care of (financially) even though you haven’t actually asked for that help and then made to feel bad about taking that financial assistance.