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Everything posted by Alice

  1. I very rarely do because I worked as a grocery store cashier one summer. I hated it and hated coupons and people who argued with me. I was a just graduated from college student who really could care less if people got discounts or not. I remember one man in particular who berated me about an ice cream coupon that was for a different brand than what he was trying to buy (he thought he could use the coupon but it was for a different brand). Grocery store cashier was a whole new world for me. I never knew people cared so deeply about paper vs. plastic (or the super special people that wanted paper inside of plastic). Or everyone had their own specific way of wanting things rung up and bagged and everyone is sure that their way is not only the right way but the most obvious way and that I was an idiot for not knowing it. Yeah, it was a tough summer. I’m not saying that people who argue are wrong or mean, just that I tend to feel bad for the cashier. If anything, I would be likely to not buy the thing if I really thought I was right rather than to argue about it.
  2. Wallet Keys iPhone Pens Reading glasses Lip balm and Lipstick Case with tampons/pads Stethoscope some things for work...pad for recording calls when I’m on call, pad for recording hospital visits A book...whenever I buy a new purse I have to make sure it fits a book.
  3. I also wonder about anxiety or executive function issues. My middle son has ADD and he would often have those kind of crying fits over school or sometimes cleaning/chores. He’s 11 now and it’s been awhile since he’s done that but I think at 9 he still would occasionally get like that. I do think part of it for him was frustration. He’s not good at organizing and he knows it and he feels frustrated by it. He loses stuff and always makes a mess and doesn’t want to be that way but is. He also gets frustrated with school when it’s taking longer than it should. Added to that, his personality is basically to just want to have free time. He hates schedules or doing anything anyone tells him. So whenever there is something he has to do...he hates it. It’s gotten much much better in the last 1-2 years and he’s more self-aware as he’s matured. He’s also a wonderful, quirky, outside the box, sweet, funny kid. I say that because he has been the most difficult for me to parent and teach and it helps me to remember all the good things in the middle of the frustration. No way could my son have cleaned a playroom on his own without a lot of direction. It would have overwhelmed him. Even now, he is not good at that kind of thing. Just yesterday, I told him he needed to clean his room which was a pit after Christmas. So instead he hired his sister to do it. She is 8 and did a way better job in a much quicker time than he would ever have done. He said it was the best $5 he every spent. :) Some things that helped... -When he would go into the crying fits, I would just leave him alone in his room. I would tell him that I loved him and that if he needed me I would be there but that I was going to let him get it under control. It really helped him to have a space to just go and be mad and upset. -With chores, I let them choose what they want to do. It always surprises me what they are willing to do. My daughter likes cleaning bathrooms, for some odd reason. She also likes organizing and putting things away. My middle son hates sweeping after dinner but will vacuum with a smile. Why, who knows? The floor is clean though, so I’m fine with it. The oldest hates to vacuum but will happily wash windows. Occasionally, there are times when someone has to do a chore they don’t like but it does help that most of the time they can choose. -Some kids like to do things together. My daughter is like that. She will work harder if we are all doing the same thing. Sometimes for efficiency, it’s not possible but if it is it works better. So in your example, maybe everyone cleans the playroom, then you go to the kitchen and all work in the kitchen together. That also might help with “It’s not fair, this job is harder than the others†feelings. -
  4. My kids like the silicone caps but I think more for the way they feel then effects on hair. They think they are better for racing...who knows if that is true. The UltraSwim shampoo really does work as far as dryness. My son who is a swimmer has horrible hair if he doesn’t use it but only one time with it and his hair is incredibly soft. It still gets bleached though so not sure if it would help with the green tint if you are blonde.
  5. It’s this one! http://www.journal10.com
  6. I have one that has 11 years on each page. I’m on my second one and love it. It’s just enough to jot down a few things but not a burden. And it’s fun to look back and see what we were doing 10 years ago. :)
  7. This would drive me crazy. I’m not sure it’s Type A or it’s “J vs. P†in the Myers Briggs thing. Regardless, it would make me nuts. My husband is also a planner so this doens’t come up much for us but we both have extended family members who are very much like this. I’ve learned to just go ahead and plan my day and not worry about what they are doing. If it doesn’t work out with what I’m doing, that’s not my fault. In this situation I would... -Tell dh “Remember, we are going to ....from 12-3. If Joe wants to see baby then he shouldn’t come then.†And then I’d just go without dh if brother ends up coming then. -Ask dh “What are you going to do for dinner for your brother?â€
  8. We don’t have one. I tried a few times because it seemed like all the Moms I knew and respected did them. But I felt like it was one more thing for me to keep up with and I was a failure at it. I didn’t try that hard, to tell the truth. Over the years, my philosophy about chores has been that we all live here and we all need to work together to keep the house running. On a day to day basis this means that kids help with things like cleaning up after a meal, feeding the dog, sweeping, cooking, doing laundry etc. We have a rough weekly schedule for cleaning and I’ll often ask for help with that. There are times when they are busy with school and I’m not so I’ll do more housework and times when I need more help and I’ll ask for it. Slowly, I feel like it is working so that they see what needs to be done and do it. Not all the time. But enough to give me hope. My 14 year old especially will come and help me fold laundry if I’m doing it alone. Recently I was especially touched that he cleaned all the dishes from an afternoon snack of hot chocolate and popcorn. He doesn’t like popcorn very much so it wasn’t even his mess. Occasionally we have big cleaning days and for those I’ll make a long list of all the tasks that need to be done and everyone can pick off the list until it’s finished. I’ve found they are much more likely to enjoy a chore if it’s not one they do a lot. And sometimes I’ll clean or do laundry and ask them to make lunch or dinner. They are much more likely to be happy about cooking than cleaning. :)
  9. We haven’t had the exact situation but I would vote for Option 2 of the three you mentioned. We ended up with an orthodontist that I had kind of rolled my eyes at before we went. Very kid friendly place, video games in the exam room, a whole system of earning prizes, very slick feel. But after going there I felt like it was so worth it and I realized why everyone loved them. Super easy staff. Easy to schedule and to reschedule. My son had a horrible time with breaking brackets and wires and we were always able to get in very quickly to be seen and have it fixed. The place was so friendly that the other kids were almost jealous that they didn’t have to go. I would hear “why does H. get to go play Pacman and get free ice cream and we don’t?†Um...because he has to have orthodontics and you don’t? Also, being able to explain things thoroughly and simply is really important. And I’d be impressed with the way it sounds like the second person admitted to some uncertainty about what else he might need. It’s good for doctors to admit it when they aren’t totally sure of what might happen. I was a little skeptical of earlier treatment, although at 10-11 my son wasn’t that early these days. My oldest had a mouth that looked like he would definitely need orthodontics and then as he grew they all straightened out. But my second son had a pretty severe underbite and a crossbite. The question I asked was “What is the downside to waiting?†I wanted to hear that there was a problem with waiting, not just that “Oh, you’ll need it eventually so just do it now.†Our guy gave an answer that convinced me that it could cause more problems to wait so we went ahead with it. And in the end he had only 10 months of braces and headgear at night and had beautiful results. He may need further treatment in the future but we were really happy we did it.
  10. You aren’t awful. I understand that sentiment...wanting someone to get you. I am also surrounded by people who give gifts that miss the mark, although I think their heart is good. I think that your dh’s gifts showed that he was trying to “get†you. I can see his line of thinking...â€oh, she loves to read in bed. I’ve heard Kindle paperwhites are better. I’ll get her that.†or “She loves that song about the hippo. This will be perfect.†As for the food items, assuming he is a good guy who isn’t trying to sabotage you, he just might not understand the struggle it is for you. Even if he’s been told, it’s hard to get if you don’t struggle with it yourself. So if he’s generally a thoughtful guy I’d assume that comes from a well-meaning place. “Oh, she isn’t buying treats for herself. I’ll get her some.†Also, some people are just bad at gift-giving. I’ve learned that I have basically three choices... 1) Buy things for myself. 2) Tell the person exactly what I want. No lists, no suggestions. 3) Accept the gifts given and try and appreciate the sentiment even if they disappoint. My dh this year gave me cash. Which I found really weird. We share a bank account and both have jobs so we don’t really have a “My money, your moneyâ€. His note with it was sweet but I was still perplexed and a little disappointed that he hadn’t tried to think of something that I would want. But then later he explained that he knows I do all the finances so anything he bought I would see (which has been an issue in the past). And he thought I don’t buy myself enough things just for me so he wanted the idea to be that it was money that I should use for something just for me. I actually feel like I do buy myself stuff (becauase of the gift giving issue) but his perception was that I should be more frivolous. I still found it a little odd but I did appreciate that it was well-meant. :grouphug: It’s ok to feel disappointed. ETA: I agree that I’d address the food issue. And be really clear. “Thanks so much for giving me all my favorite treats. But I’m trying really hard to work on my eating disorder and it’s really hard for me to have them in the house. I really appreciate your trying to be sweet, but please don’t give me any food.â€
  11. I am still a FB holdout but I’ve been lucky in that all of the groups we are part of use other means of communication. I would be a little annoyed if it was the only way to communicate for a group, but it sounds like you had two alternatives which is perfect. Expecting individual emails is just ridiculous. My favorite story as the leader of a group was a few summers ago. I was team rep for our swim team (the parent basically in charge of all the swim team stuff except coaching) and at the end of the summer I did a survey. For the most part it was really useful but there were some funny comments from people...the best was the person who asked for “less emails about meets.†Um...it’s a swim team. I kind of have to send information about meets. I just laughed and ignored that one.
  12. Anyone have a good recommendation for yoga videos online for a complete beginner? I am interested in trying yoga. I’m overweight and have arthritis so I need something gentle. :)
  13. :grouphug: Yes, this. I have a very similar mother and totally get it. I am also trained to self-examine to see what I did “wrong†and what I should have done to keep her happy. It’s exhausting and stressful. One thing I’ve come to realize is that sometimes (well,often because I’m not perfect) I can find places where I could have done something differently. Maybe I wasn’t kind or maybe I said something that was hurtful. Maybe I was in a hurry or was impatient. BUT (and this is the big realization)....everyone does that all the time in relationships. In normal relationships you move on and accept each others flaws. In abnormal relationships every little things becomes a major issue and it’s all one person being the victim. An example, my Mom is here visiting now. Yesterday I came home from work and was a little grumpy because the house was a mess. I went around cleaning and wasn’t particularly warm or nice. I knew I was being kind of a pain. Someone else would have realized that I was just grumpy and given me time. Or might have said “Hey, what’s up?†and then we could have talked about it. But she became all sad and hurt and wouldn’t talk to me really....she wasn’t giving me the silent treatment, it was just a passive-aggressive thing she does. What I realized is that yes, there are times when I can find that I may have been at fault...and I’m probably even more able to find those times because it’s how I’m programmed. But the bigger issue is her overreaction. So, I try and reframe in my head what the situation would have been like if it was someone else. If it had been my husband he would have called me on the grumpiness and we would have talked and maybe I would have apologized and it would have been ok. That helps me to see how the scenario is so warped and distorted because of her reaction, not because of what I did (or didn’t do). Hope that makes some sense and helps. And again... :grouphug:
  14. Sorry, Quill I just saw your follow up posts. I’ve been at work all day seeing people with colds. 😀 Back pain wouldn’t necessarily worry me more, in particular localized and not associated with breathing. And if there are other possible explanations. If it’s better with meds, that would also be reassuring. Even if it is flu, unless you are going to do Tamiflu there isn’t anything we can do. And if symptoms have been there a few days and not that severe, Tamiflu may not be worth it.
  15. I think mine is Health. There are a lot of habits I would like to change that center around better health...physical, mental, and emotional. Somewhat ironic since I’m a doctor but I think like many doctors I’m not very good at self-care.
  16. I tell people to call or be seen if.... -fever more than 4-5 days -cough lasting more than 2 weeks or cough/congestion in the second week that is getting worse instead of just hanging on -any localizing symptoms...ear pain, eye drainage or swelling, sinus pain, etc Or obviously anytime where symptoms are more severe (trouble breathing, severe headaches, high fever, not drinking, etc) but I don’t think that is what you are talking about.
  17. We got a LOT of games. I haven’t played most of them yet, although the kids played a lot with my parents yesterday. So far I think the biggest hit is Revolution. We like that it’s mostly strategy with little to no luck. It’s also much shorter than some of the other strategy games (like Catan). And it feels faster, everyone is doing something every turn. We also got Bring Your Own Book. We played once and I really like it. I’m not sure anyone else likes it as much as me. I like that it’s interactive so I could see playing it a lot in bigger groups.
  18. I know! Although I think he was more of a snob than bad at conversing. I was sort of obviously not in his social class and I think anything I said would have gotten the same bored response from him. But it’s provided dh and I with 17 years of jokes about me “hanging out with my friends†so that was worth it. Sadly, we never got to go on that Nepal trip. I had been once in med school and was hoping to go back with dh on another medical team. But then there was a Maoist uprising in Nepal and the trip was canceled. We signed up to go again when it was safe, but then I got pregnant and decided hiking through Nepal when 8 months pregnant wasn’t the wisest life decision. :)
  19. Years ago, I was at a party where I didn’t know many people (it was the birthday of a friend of dh’s from college). I’m terrible at small talk and this was a much more fancy party than I’m comfortable at. I was talking to a guy who was a cousin of the friend. He seemed very cosmopolitan to me at the time. He asked me what my hobbies were. The conversation went like this... Me “Uh, I like to read.†Silence. Him “What else?" Me “Uh, well...I really enjoy walking. H. and I are training for a trip to Nepal where we will trek every day and I’ve been doing a lot of long walks.†Silence Him “What else?†Me “Uh...I like hanging out with my friends.†Long silence. Me (mumbling) “Oh...I think H. is waving me to come over there. " I was embarrassed although years later I realized that he was just rude and also really bad at small talk. But the “hanging out with my friends†remark has become a huge joke for me and dh over the years. I think of homeschooling as not exactly a hobby but it definitely takes up the time that some people have for hobbies. And the idea of continuing to enjoy learning is a hobby or an interest. Cleaning/decorating/homemaking can definitely be an interest for some people and that’s fine. There are a lot of things I would like to try one day but don’t really have the time for now.
  20. I said number of gifts but we don’t count and make it exact. I want it to be roughly the same in number and not super unequal in value but I don’t figure it all out. We generally give one big family gift anyway. They get so much from my parents and other family members that we started doing this a while ago. The big gift is some kind of experience. Last few years tickets to a big musical, this year tickets to a concert they will be excited about. So the one gift they are most excited about they are all sharing. The other gifts are smaller, personal things but not big as far as money. I feel like as long as they each get a few things they are excited about and really like that it feels equal.
  21. We flew them last year to Iceland and Paris. Great experience. It was “no-frills†but the people were all super friendly and helpful. We only paid for one person to have extra baggage and the rest of us just did the basic baggage. It was plenty and in a way it was a good way to help us to pack light. You each get a carry-on bag plus a “personal itemâ€. So we each had a backpack or small carry on rolling suitcase and then an extra bag. For me it was my purse, for dh a small backpack and then each kid had a small string bag. It was plenty of luggage space. We bought snacks in the airport or before we left. There were free drinks on board, which we didn’t expect. And the food actually wasn’t that expensive when I looked at the menu. Or at least as expensive as I thought it would be. We also downloaded movies onto our devices before going so the kids could watch a movie in flight. The seat size and leg room seemed similar to other flights we’ve taken.
  22. Are you sure he’s missing stuff? I’m a very fast reader and have always had people assume that I can’t “really†be reading. My Mom used to quiz me on books when I was that age as she didn’t believe I was truly reading them. I’d let him read however he wants for his pleasure reading. Even if he’s missing some details, it’s ok. Not every book has to be pondered over and read slowly. As I got older I learned how to read differently for different books. He’ll learn that, but for now just let him go. :)
  23. Earbuds. Flashlight Lip Balm Goggles (I have swimmers...:)) Worry/Stress ball Card game Lego mini-figure
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