I get people confused regularly, but I think I remember that you're not living with a husband? (If true, I'd move DS. If untrue, I'd move the older child, which happens to be DD.) When I visit a fairly clean house, things that might need touching up are those not-everyday tasks: are the vents and registers clean? fan blades dusted? windows and sills clear of dust and anything blown in from the outside? water heater closets and such uncluttered? I can't believe you're having such a hard time finding someone to be on the up-and-up with your housing situation. I'm glad it'll work out still :).

Goodness me, that's definitely going to be a busy weekend! I relate to spending (read: losing) an entire day due to logistics. Our older boys play travel ball and there will be a tournament close-ish to home but not close enough to make it worth coming home in between the games that couldn't be scheduled further apart. Then I spend money because we're eating out and killing time at Target or somewhere else with a/c LOL. Where do you work? Thank you :) I do, too! I have selective memory. I conveniently forgot about bedrest when my kids went out for their morning walk and mentioned a neighbor's estate sale LOL. And I'm really good at making up excuses, so I decided that driving to a restaurant would be better than standing up in the kitchen and cooking :D. (My kids come by their own selective hearing and excuse-making quite honestly, as you can see!)

This is my biggest peeve with the books. When I tried reading them aloud, it just didn't flow. So I avoided them. It's interesting to read this thread to see there is so much more about them! I feel compelled to grab a few from the library to see what I missed the last time when I was too busy whining about the writing style! LOL

School will go better today. It can't get much worse, right? :grouphug: Laundry, though ... laundry always seems to get worse, doesn't it ... Election party sounds fun! Are you a house united, or a house divided? :D

Yes! Friday! Breakfast was soup. Lunch was going to be steamed veggies with rice, but I didn't start the rice in time - so, maybe we'll eat out :blush:. Dinner will be hosted by my friend, and I'm not sure what she'll be serving :). Today I'm taking it easy. We hit up an estate sale, and I'm on doctor's orders to stay in bed today - and who am I to question that authority :D (once my shopping and socializing are done LOL). My kids are playing, and when my nephews get out of school they'll all pack up; my brother is taking everyone (else!) camping this weekend. This weekend I'll still be on bedrest, watching awful reality television and doing crossword puzzles and tooling around online ... with no one else here requiring I tend to their needs. It'll be lovely. It can't get here soon enough. Question for the crowd: WHERE THE HECK IS TEXAS? Midwest? South? Southwest? It seems every reference puts it in a different region, and I'm confused. I told my kids it's just its own place - state, region, everything LOL.

Oh no! A few years ago, my brother (driving DH's truck) backed into a tree at the end of our driveway. We all laughed at his idiocy - the tree was there when he bought the place. It's always been there :confused: how did he miss it? Not two days later I also backed into the tree, and then forward into another brother's car as I tried to recover from backing into the tree. Three cars in three days! DH was overseas at the time, and couldn't believe that thousands of dollars in damage could happen before any of us had actually touched road. He told my brother that he'd cover the cost of the truck, but my brother had to cut down the tree (because DH said he couldn't afford any of us hitting it again LOL). Hopefully the repairman gets there soon. The damage can't be too bad if DH slept through it :D I'm with you, let him rest and pretend this never happened!

I imagine their thought process is: "Yes, well, now I have to run and complete this task even though I'm in the middle of something BUT I knew I'd have to do it eventually, and I still got to put it off longer." It's not enough of a consequence -in their eyes- to merit a change in their behavior. They sound like good kids, who aren't trying to GET OUT of something; they're just trying -and succeeding- in putting it off indefinitely. Like me and my dishes. I know I have to do it eventually, right? But I don't have to do it right this second ... we have enough to get us through lunch ... so I put it off, read a book, start a craft project, get the kids lunch, ... dishes haven't spontaneously washed themselves, so they're still waiting ... afternoon snack rolls around and the kids notify me that they're short a plate and are using napkins instead ... I'm still tooling around doing a craft project, but I stop when they tell me this, and tend immediately to the dishes. After all, dinner is in an hour or so. I'm not upset that I have to do the dishes at that point; I was never trying to get out of doing them, I just wanted to put it off until the last possible minute. Which I was able to do, and still get the dishes done. To sum, some of us are ants and some of us are more like the grasshoppers LOL. I'm not sure you can change someone's core personality, but I do know one can be taught to act like an ant when it's prudent to - whilst remaining a grasshopper at heart. I see this type of initiative as being more along the lines of realizing we need to adapt and exist beyond our preferences - specifically, identifying when it's necessary and learning how to do so. And truthfully, that's a case-by-case thing moreso than a person-to-person thing. What's relevant to you won't be to me, and vice versa. That will influence when we're acting as ant, and when we're being our true grasshopper-selves. We each have our hills, so to speak. Consequences? That depends on whether the lack of initiative causes an inconvenience to others. If no (other than me having to remind them), then I leave it be. If the kids are happy enough to stop upon your reminder and complete the task, ... well, I'm good with that. I may make them write out a responsibility list or something and go by that for awhile, but I tend to not keep up with that stuff. Along those lines, I may "baby" them a bit and question them more often as a natural consequence: "Mom, may we go outside a play?" -"Well, is the kitchen clean? Have you picked up your schoolwork?" They find it annoying, and a bit insulting, but if they're not assuming responsibility for themselves then what choice have they left me? They understand that when I explain it to them. They also come to realize that if they had just done it to begin with, they'd be outside already. Why? Because I always seem to find things to add! It never lasts long, but I'm happy enough that the realization phase exists at all LOL. If the lack of initiative inconveniences others, that's different. If their lack of showering when asked to means there is less water for someone else, or it cuts into someone else's routine ... well, that's not okay. That's a time, if not the only, to remember that we adapt and exist beyond ourselves. There's a whole host of creative ways to handle that, but this post has gone on embarassingly too long as it is :blush:

I don't like meat but my husband does. He eats a low-carb, high-fat diet. His go-to is a chicken salad, no dressing OR a cheese burger w/tomato and lettuce (then he removes one or both buns to consume). He can get those at Wendy's, JitB, McD, BK, and DQ. At Arby's he gets a plain roast beef sandwhich w/extra meat, then he eats it open-faced style with only one bun. Most fast-food places that serve burgers will also have lettuce; my husband has never had anyone say "no" to a request for lettuce in lieu of buns. It's usually easier and less time-consuming overall to run inside than to try to communicate this through the drive-thru window :D. Many times he's only charged "side of meat" or "extra meat" but sometimes he'll be charged the full price of a burger. This is similar to to In-N-Out's protein style. Taco Bell is trickier. Most of ours are lumped with other restaurants, either Pizza or Long John Silver's. Fish is the obvious choice at LJS, but when it's TB and Pizza .... well, he usually gets the fresco taco and eats it open-faced. It's not terribly satisfying, but it keeps him on-track and satiates him enough 'til he gets home. He does keep nuts and packets of PB in the car (for apples and such, which he can order at most fast-food joints) to help. But truly, he tries to find places that serve all-day breakfasts. Sonic is one, but he'll even phone in an order to IHOP for pick-up and it's not too much more time than driving through a fast-food place. Eggs and bacon, usually in a wrap or a biscuit that he nixes.

:grouphug: I'll see your rubber panties and raise you .... headphones. The whining and laziness were super thick here a few weeks ago, when the rest of the world was on Spring Break. It got so annoying I finally dug out some earphones and immersed myself in the so-awful-it's-delightful world of K-pop. WHen the kids stop working hard, I grab them and make them dance along with me. It's pretty much torture. Or, at least moreso than math is. Because I can't sing or dance worth a lick, and that only fuels me harder LOL. Highly recommended if tomorrow proves to follow today's pattern :D

You are too kind :blush: and much appreciated. (Shh, thanks, here's the $20 I promised each of you!)

:lol: Make sure to write that one down for the baby book - it'll be funny to see if -in ten years from now- he feels the same! I love that you held your ground at five. Pretty sure that zips you to the front of the line for Mother of the Year :D!

:grouphug: My heart aches for your loss. Sweet Kali, we especially remember you today, your birthday ~ please know that you're much loved and very much missed.

OMG subsection B :lol: that KILLS me :lol:! I live with four boys. They don't poop in the yard, but we have no real need for sprinklers because they keep it sufficiently watered IYKWIM. When they were younger, my grandfather was on the patio with his cigar and newspaper and thought a bird "got" him. Starts cursing, looks up, and sees six of his grandsons in the trees, bare footed and bare bottomed, hands on mouths, eyes wide open. Oh, boy, he starts shouting and cursing even louder in his native language (that always makes the boys laugh!) and shaking his fist up at the tree. My grandmother and I were laughing so hard that our stomachs hurt for hours. I had forgotten about that day. I'm so glad you reminded me, that's a great memory for me!

:lol: that's awesome. (Thank you so much for clueing me in :001_wub:!)

I like to lecture - it's like a painful, slow torture for them. Here's my go-to for this situation (BTDT): First up, respect for the process. I'm not saying they have to enjoy every task that comes their way. I illustrate the point by asking them how many times they see me grin and do backflips every time their urine misses the enormous target called a toilet bowl. I ask them how common it is to see me shout with glee that more laundry needs to be done! dishes await me! and oh delight, I get to spend hundreds of dollars and hours of driving to make their extracurriculars possible when I'd rather be sitting on the couch watching bad tv and drinking pricey coffee. There's a time for for play and a time for work. Next up, respect for the teacher's time. It's incredibly disrespectful (even if it wasn't the kid's intention) to behave as though all I exist for is to be at the child's beck, call, and whim. The kid doesn't want to spend 30 minutes taking a test, fine. But he needs to realize the world exists beyond him. What could have lasted a painful but mere x-minutes now goes on for x+20 minutes w/ the tantrums, and the task is still there! Only now I have to carve out time in my own schedule to babysit someone who's closer to driving and voting than he is to having been in diapers and eating his boogers ... to make sure it gets done. Right. The second time. It's rude. Finally, respect for himself and family. We've covered how we have to do things we don't want to do and how it's important to not make our self-induced personal problems the problems of others. Now we review how he deserves better. An 11 year old can feel overwhelmed or sad, and that's fine. But it's a tad ridiculous to expect that by 11 years old the child isn't able to display better self-control. (And insert here ideas or suggestions, genuinely if the kid truly struggle with this.) It's important that the child display respect for himself by caring what his behavior says about him - to himself, to me, to others. I'm truthful in admitting that I don't wish to be known as the Whiny Kid's Mom. He owes it to himself to learn to work through these frustrations and annoyances. I ask him to imagine if I hadn't learned to do that m'self! (Hint: the conversation taking place would involve more yelling, screaming, and shaming -on MY end- than it does calm -if boring!- discussion.) By that time my voice is almost gone and I'm thirsty so I make a Sonic run LOL. Usually in the 10 minutes I'm gone, the tantrum has faded and the kid will resignedly focus. I find that giving each of us that 10 minutes is crucial. Since it's a habit, Sonic got pricey. I switched it up sometimes to running laps or sending him to shower. Not a punishment, just a cooldown. Consequences that we put into place were tailored to the three points in my lecture. First, respect for the process ... since we're not in the heat of the moment, we brainstorm ways she can appropriately handle her laziness or lack of desire because we know they'll arise again. Conveniently enough we have the exam to re-take, so it's the perfect opportunity to put those ideas into motion LOL. When I feel it's an issue of laziness (moreso than an issue of truly not knowing how to handle an emotion), we add the opportunity to practice learning how to do things we don't want to do. This is AKA "Mom's week off" from a daily responsibility that the child then assumes. I don't require cheerfulness, just the conviction that the lesson is sinking in. If not, I'm happy to take another week off :D. Second, respect for the teacher's time ... Here, it's a matter of the kid rushing through work to say it's done so they can play (knowing I only grade after bedtime). If I then must spend my entire time babysitting during math review, well - I'm going to need more help with dinner or other chores they don't want to necessarily do/help with. I'm only one person. It's hard on me, especially around burnout time of the year, but I know the bigger lesson is worth it. I just have to keep muttering that to myself. Third, respect for self and family. They're expected to discuss or write up a plan of action - I'm happy to work with them on this, but I want concrete solutions for what they'll do differently in the future. Example, "if it's something I don't want to do, I'll make it less awful by asking to have the radio on" I don't know, just a review of other options. And the reminder that they DO have other options :). If I feel like she has respect for self and family, I am happy to give significant weight to her input (charter school). If she continues to demonstrate a lack of responsibility and age-appropriate maturity, then I reserve the right to not waste any more of my time -or anyone else's time- and to co-opt the decision (K12).

It's stressful to live in a home you've outgrown. I had to early in my marriage, and I felt like a caged chicken. And I behaved accordingly, I'm not proud to say. I mentioned Maslow's hierarchy on another thread today, but it's appropriate here as well. It's also stressful trying to live with a man who feels he isn't living up to those unwritten, self-inferred Standards of Man-dom. Standards that can seem ridiculous or unnessary to us will be hills upon which they choose to martyr themselves. It's a very real problem. I didn't realize that for too long, but you already seem ahead of the game. He's fortunate. All that to say :grouphug: I remember those days. Home ownership is expensive and stressful, even outside of renovations. Technically this will be your dad's home, but you're buying under the pretense that you won't leave him high and dry (I assume LOL). When something breaks, suddenly there's no landlord to call. It's all on you. And heaven knows, when it rains it pours - you know going into these homes that you'll have work to do. You've done due diligence in terms of product (what you're buying) and you're prepared for that; that's smart. Now do some more due diligence in terms of motivation. Your motivation is not just physical (need for space) or financial (costs same to rent or own); it's also emotional (the need to eliminate stress). Make sure that you've given thorough, careful consideration to that aspect of buying a home. Yes, it's important -as a caged chicken- to transfer to bigger digs; but it's also important to consider what impact that transfer will cause. What felt overwhelming in a crowded home becomes suffocating when hit with repairs beyond one's initial assessment (and budget). What felt like the need for more space becomes a time suck to keep up. What felt like a relative helping out becomes a relative "over-stepping boundaries" when differences in expectations arise. These are things to consider. When you evaluate your motivation for buying a home, do your due diligence. I'm not suggesting anything other than you carefully consider -and truly weigh- all of your options before jumping in to change. It's like job hunting. So many people place too much weight/emphasis on the salary, and ignore the benefits package. The right job might have a lower salary but better benefits; the right choice may cost more for less in terms of product, but offer better (emotional/relationship) benefits for the time being. I recognize the same air of naive optimism I've long been accused of sharing :) but I do hope you'll take to heart each post to this thread. Sometimes optimism is all we have, and that's okay. Good, even. It's just not the full picture, and annoying as they can be - it's our realist friends who do us better to remind us of that. Good luck, however things work out.

Hey! I'm feeling left out :nopity: What's the joke? :bigear: Signed, One of the Last 3 People on Earth Not Registered with Facebook :D

In my town, no, but it could/would/does just a few towns over :)

We had five acres, with a house/yard on the one acre that butted up against the back forty of the base we were stationed at. DH would spend one day each weekend taking care of that one acre. And when he deployed, the yard didn't deploy with him - it still needed mowing. The pool still needed skimming. The garden still needed attention. As if I wasn't doing enough inside the house, plus raising our kids, and also working full-time outside of the home. I grew to resent the yard I had to have, to hate the pool I used to love, and to ignore the garden my husband time-stakingly tended. Thinking beyond the financial aspects of the home, my concern would be more of the MAINTENANCE of it. Whether he's there, or gone, some things can't be neglected or ignored. Well, they can, but ... shouldn't be. It's better to compromise on the front-end, and to decide that "this is where I am today, and though it's not ideal it'll work for now." To that end, I'd pick house three. If your marriage dissolves, you seem more confident in your financial matters than the kind of time/energy/resources you'll be able to put into a home. I'd pick with that in mind; down the road you can trade up for the bigger yard and pool.

My brothers use Jay Robb, particularly vanilla but also chocolate. I've tasted the chocolate, and it's not as chalky as some other brands. Our boys all like both flavors, but especially vanilla mixed with coconut and frozen tropical fruit :) One brother prefers egg white, the other likes whey. I can't taste a difference. They did make us do a taste test LOL. I know you don't normally cook breakfast, but you could also use a more protein-rich flour to pre-make and freeze convenience servings of pancakes, muffins, or waffles that the kids could warm up on their own each day. Heck, you could even add protein powder to those, too!

I don't think people consciously equate the types of abuse as being different; but one type (verbal) is so much more normalized in our culture. It's true in all vulnerable populations, including children, the elderly, and the disabled. I think that people do subconsciously equate physical damage with "real" damage - it's tangible by virtue of being visable. We're a skeptical lot that has a cultural emphasis on tough stock and character; it's presumed more easy to defend oneself from or to deflect a verbal barrage than from a physical assault. It's considered a more even playing field than physical discrepencies. How do you prove a physical assault? Physical evidence. How do you prove verbal or emotional assault? Well, it's hard. It boils down to opinions - maybe you're not "too sensitive" or "over-reacting" or "not understanding what he said" or .... who knows what ... without tangible, visable "proof" it boils down to assessment. And since we tend to presume ourselves to be tougher in character than we are, we tend to expect our women peers to be tougher than we think they are (too).

What encouraging news (for us), and phenomenal news (for you) ~ this is awesome all around :D

I find this completely amusing. I have honestly never given it any thought whatsoever! I still struggle with paper versus plastic, chicken or egg, and now this!! :lol:

I'm glad I waited to reply, because my opinion changed from your first post to subsequent posts. At first I thought you were my know-it-all, arrogant, being-right-matters-more-than-being-liked BIL who was talking about me, the family idiot. Then I decided you were more like me (sans the idiot part!) dealing with my kids-are-wrong-by-virtue-of-being-short-and-I'm-right-because-of-my-God-Complex FIL. My opinion is tailored to the latter, and here's how we've handled it: We discussed the difference between love and respect. There are all sorts of people I respect, but don't love; there are plenty of people I love, but don't necessarily respect. I respect my barista because I know she has an amazing work ethic, even though she doesn't need the paycheck - but I don't love her. I love my best friend but I don't respect that she litters and lies to qualify her kids for the free lunch program. It's nice when love and respect go hand-in-hand, but it they're not mutually inclusive. That's important to be taught. And even with respect alone, there are varying levels to which we might respect an individual or organization. People most often treat it as a black/white issue, but it needn't be! I respect my FIL as a working man because he has an amazing work ethic and works tirelessly to provide for his family. I don't respect him as a husband because aside from meeting her financial needs, he's an arse to his wife. It's a gray area because humans are complex and multi-faceted. I can respect them in some ways, but don't have to respect them in all ways. This is especially important when dealing with family because ultimately we mature ... and we're going to realize that parts of ourselves are parts of them. Usually the parts we most often struggled with in accepting about them. It's life's joke on us :D I tell my kids that FIL is who he is. Parts of him we love, parts of him we can't stand. I assure the kids that he feels the same about us LOL. Context matters - in discussion format, by all means correct the man. Be prepared to be corrected in return, and know going into it that you'll likely not change the other's mind - and that it's okay. Have fun with the volley. If the volley looks more like a pummeling (by the relative), either don't engage or play the game smarter. Sometimes it's more intelligent to keep our intelligence to ourselves. Just like our hands LOL. (I say that just because I often have to sit on mine to keep from strangling my FIL. YMMV!) If it's a random conversation, and you know nobody is open to discussing, save your breath and energy ... and relationship. I've told my kids to flat out ask: "I actually think that's not correct, do you want to debate it or do you not really care?" My FIL will sometimes be humored into debating it, and sometimes he'll growl and shoo them away. It's a respectful, direct way to feel out the situation - rather than to assume one way or another. Another important relationship skill to be taught. The whole experience is a lesson on so many things: respect, humility, patience, maturity, faith, deference, delayed gratification, and more. I tell my kids that I'm in the trenches with them learning those very lessons, and that if it weren't for people like my FIL I'd not be growing as an individual. Not everyone is interested in, or in a place, to work on themselves - but we are, so I (and they) must. I did throw a little Maslow at them, to offer a visual representation. They hate when I do that LOL, but it works! As another poster said: you're always setting an example. You have to ask if you want to be the Glamour Do or the Glamour Don't :tongue_smilie:and we always set ourselves up to scrutiny by our actions. Just because your relative is on the page with a black bar over his eyes, doesn't mean he needs your company! ETA: I do come from a family and culture that emphasizes respect for elders. I have aunts and uncles the same age as my older siblings, and I have nieces and nephews the same age as my younger siblings. Age isn't important, so much as rank, but it is important. That's why we have the kids flat out ask the elder - is this up for discussion? We're a large, opinionated family and we do offer opportunities to debate and argue and have fun like that. But while it's not always inappropriate, sometimes it is. Context matters, that's what we teach. I think it's a disservice to a relationship to imply otherwise - that it's always okay, or never okay.

Oh my word. I can't begin to imagine .... :lol: What happens when you make the kid clean up the mess? :tongue_smilie: