Here in Australia the harsh sun- and gorgeous beaches- warrant full cover during the day (although I tend to swim in the early morning). I really like some of these suits for that reason, although I tend to wear the rash protection suits (called rashies here) for sun protection. There are full cover rashies - long arms and legs- and I have seen people wear them. Really, it would be far more practical for people to have any of these to wear during the day swimming, than a bikini. It only takes 5-10 minutes to burn here in the middle of the day in summer. I dont have a problem with nudity..but as a more mature woman, I would rather be reasonably modest in public nowadays and like to wear shorts and a rash vest.

My dad also had prostate cancer and is also 72 year old. He had it removed too, but it had spread to the bones a little. However the PSI has stayed fairly low-he has been on hormonal therapy. So far, the rate is staying fairly ok- not too high. He is kind of expecting it to rise at some point though, and need to go on more aggressive therapy. Meanwhile, he is working hard on keeping his diet healthy and getting plenty of physical exercise, and getting the most out of the time he has left- which could be many years, or not. He is very fit and healthy. My mother's partner also has/had prostate cancer, is also 72, and didnt get it removed- it wasnt advised in his case for some reason. He went on hormone therapy, and he has been to a naturopath/herbalist to just give that a try too. Recently, they took him off ALL therapy because there is no sign of any problem left in his system. He has plenty of other issues- cripping arthritis for one...but no cancer. 72 is not so old these days. If it hasnt spread to his bones, he is lucky, nut in my dads case there are spots in his bones and he is still going strong. I tihnk the advantage for both of these men is that neither have had strong chemo, so their own immune systems and ability to heal has kicked in to a large extent. Once you get on the chemo, it kills your own "health" mechanisms and often kills the patient. Prostate cancer has a high survival rate. Many more die *with* prostate cancer, than die *from* it. SOo....it is a bit of a shock, but it can also be a reminder to enjoy every day as it comes.

We mix swim. In our own pool, we often wear nothing. Same in my childhood, even in the river where we lived- when no one else was around. However....I can honestly say that while I have never seen a need for segregated swimming....I do think there is a really lovely side to it. I think there is something loevely about women and children swimming and sharing women and children only time, and the same for men to have time for just men to share with each other. I am not thinking from a religious or moral point of view, as that doesn't concern me at all (and I have never seen any kinkiness while in such situations- but plenty in other situations)....more just that it is beautiful for women and men to have times when it is just them. They talk about different things. They share differently. Ever been in a circle of women chatting and had a man join in? It changes...even subtly. So....I am thinking back to Roman days...we just had a Pompeii exhibition here in my city (still here I think) and it reminded me of those bathing times- separate bathing times for men and women. Wouldn't it be lovely to wander down to the communal baths for female bathing times? (OK, forget about the hygeine aspect :) ) I love the idea! A bit off topic, I know...but it touched something in me.....:)

We have different areas of financial responsibility, and since i have a smaller income, he tends to pay for the "big things" like rent, cars, major bills, plus the weekly etc. I pay for day to day stuff for the kids and everything homeschool related, plus clothes, and all my personal things. It seems to work ok. Yes we do argue, and yes, dh often prevails. It is usually when he wants to buy a car. Another car. (or a motor bike , sigh) So far, I have managed to get a family trip to Bali and a great kitchen appliance called a Thermomix, as compensation for two unreasonable car purchases :)

Yes Kari, I can really relate to that and can understand why those memories stand out for you. My favourite homeschooling - well, parenting- moments have been snuggling and reading together. And Harry Potter has been a big part of our lives, as has Lord of the Rings. :grouphug: My ds14 constantly comes and wants attention, and it disturbs dd16 a lot. They are in separate rooms for a reason. But he just came into the room AGAIN and this time asked for a hug. My immediate instinct was...no, go and do your schoolwork. I was literally writing this post. I caught myself and turned around and let him crawl into my lap...he is now bigger than me but somehow he fits, and we had a cuddle and a sweet moment. A few months ago he wouldnt let me cuddle him. So...taking the time to cuddle him when he is open to it....feels like a priority. Especially considering he was disturbing my writing THIS post.

May I be safe and protected from harm, both inner and outer. May I be happy and peaceful. May I be healthy and strong. May I be able to take care of myself, joyfully. It's from a Buddhist meditation called Metta, or loving kindness. You first wish all those things for yourself. Then for other people, even your enemies. I too am happy and have many wonderful blessings. I think one of the most wonderufl blessings I, and my kids and dh have, is plenty of free time to follow our passions. We live comfortably but value time more than extra money. Also...I think a sense of humour is very important.

The way I saw it from quite young (vaguley Christian mother, atheist father, Christian Girls School) and still see it is that the absolute Truth of reality doesn't need to be believed, because it is the Truth whether it is believed or not. 'Cos that's what truth is. It is what is, not what is believed. So I went on a search for the truth I didn't need to take on faith, but that I could see for myself. Other religions such as Buddhism ask you to look for yourself. They dont ask you to believe, and then make you feel guilty if you just can't. I dont know much about Quakers but I have been reading a little about them lately...I like their approach too- it is about your own experience and connection, not external authorities and tkaing things on belief. I personally feel that ALL religions are various flavours and ways of approaching the ultimate Truth of reality. So...I would follow your own intuition and find what RESONATES in your own heart- because in the end, our heart is our best guide (not necessarily our emotions). Because if your childhood religion doesnt resonate, it's not true for you, and until you find what truly resonates for you...you can't be at peace in your own spirituality. And I don't believe you need a structured religion at all...but it can be a good place to open your mind and heart. As for guilt about your family etc....well, on your deathbed, do you want to feel you never took the chance to find out what was true for you in your own experience, what resonates for you? Do you want to live on other peoples' beliefs till you die and never feel comfortable with them? Or, will you really regret not making your mother happy and sacrifice your own deepest core- your spirituality- for her? I dont believe we were put here to then be punished for not "getting it right" and believing the wrong thing! Its not a test. It is a learning place but everyone who doesnt find their way to Christianity is not somehow mistaken and going somewhere bad when they die. That is just ludicrous. Life is full of mystery and so much variety because life is life- beautiful, infinite, creative....and it doesn't make mistakes.

I just thought of something else...my parents used to go into the formal loungeroom in the evenings and have a drink together (sherry, or scotch and dry, or gin and tonic, as I remember). Although my brother and I would and could go in there to ask them questions or say something, and often to take a sip of their drink with their permission, generally it was their time and my brother and I would watch TV in the playroom next to the kitchen. So...maybe your dh does need a little bit of space between getting home and needing to plunge right into the family. I read a book - might have been those Men and from Mars and Women are from Venus series of books....where it was suggested that men could use their drive home to destress from work, play a tape of relaxation music etc. In other words, men who work all day might need some sort of a clear break between their work world, and their family world, to just be with themselves.

Then you are projecting on to those of us who sleep separately, that we are unhappy, lacking intimacy, that we are sacrificing intimacy for sleep, and that we will regret it when we no longer have a spouse. Not true. My love and affections for dh are far stronger when I am well rested and have enough alone time. As are his feelings for me. It appears you lack the ability to imagine that the way your marriage works best, is the way everyone else's should also work best. And it is not so. Fortunately, we are all very different. And perhaps you also have not suffered from terrible sleep deprivation, or sleep deprivation does not affect you as seriously as it does many others. It is a major cause of depressions for many, many people. It feels so terrible that getting enough sleep becomes a far higher priority than a snuggle.

Today, its baked beans on toast (on baked potato instead of toast for me) with bacon on top. I am trying to get more protein into my kids- we are mostly vegetarian but my growing son is not eating well and tends to have too many carbs.

I generally tease him ( I call him Mr Grumpybum) while making sure I am coming from a genuinely well meaning place- in other words, where is your sense of hunmour gone? Life is not so serious, and the fact the kids didnt do one of their chores AGAIN is STILL not a cause for World War 3, ok? It's just life. His grumpiness will usually manifest as overreaction to minor issues. If he has completely lost his sense of humour I will tend to ask him to go away (to his room) till he can behave properly around his family. Its usually enough to give him a reality check.

Well, our simplified living looks different to others (and may not be considered so by others). Dh and I came back from travelling around Australia in about 1992/3 with a beat up old station wagon that had served us well, and some camping gear and a few clothes. We rented a cheap but very run down 2 bedroom house on the river front in our city, in a wealthy suburb. We have lived in bargain rentals in this area ever since. Then we started collecting and buying what we needed to set up home, at our local Sunday morning swap meet. (like a massive garage sale in a local carpark). Every sunny Sunday since then, through 2 babies and their childhood and now teen years, we have used swapmeet as our main source of clothing, furniture, kitchen appliances, carpet, some electronic goods, ornaments, many books....everything except perishable goods, which are not allowed to be sold there. We have had the "best" of everything- the kids get good labelled clothes and bags....all for extremely cheap prices. When we want something, we wait for it to turn up at swap meet- or we check the 2nd hand traders online or in our newspaper. And it almost always does turn up. We are bargian hunters. So...in many ways, we live incredibly abundant lives, having whatever we need and much of what we want...on a pretty normal income. Even though we rent, I also have chooks and a vegie garden and many pots of herbs. Simple living has many flavours. It can be more expensive to make your own bread than buy it around here...but I like to make it sometimes anyway. It can be far more expensive to make your own clothes, than to buy them 2nd hand. So...its all relative.

I haven't read all the thread but as a secular person...yes, I find the rules over the top...but I would accomodate them, let dd know how I feel about them, discuss it with her...check she still wants to go over there...and just deal with it. I would make sure she didnt feel any shame about her own body, or her own standards as well. Maybe the OP felt offended that the other mother felt her own Christian based morals and standards were not high enough for her, and took that a bit personally? As a non Christian...I would just accept other people's standards and either play with them or not. Yes, it seems awfully over the top but the world is made up of all types. I am personally of the other extreme and have no problem with nudity at all...do not find it shameful...but would not expect others to share my views, even in my own home.

Yes, I guess it is :) We have a mediterranean climate here so we get all (well by far most)of our rain in winter, so winter is kind of when everything comes alive, and by spring its very beautiful and amazing (and we have those famous Western Australian wildflowers- they really are amazing). The weather has been gorgeous though...some rainy days, then some beautiful sunny ones. Can't complain! I have planted roma tomatoes and tiny tomatoes in my new sunny patch, and then i put in a whole lot of seeds and we will see what actually takes! I had a collection of seed packets that needed using up. I rarely get bugs here for some reason, although my broccolini seedlings seem to have dematerialised, right next to the lettuce which is still there. Must be tasty to something. Its been great to get back into the garden.

Cow, sheep and horse manures go straight on here, as a sort of mulch manure. Both are safe for plants. Chicken manure burns. Grass clippings take the nitrogen out of the soil, I was always told- as they break down. I frequently will buy a bag of manure- mushroom compost works too- and just spread it over the surface for a top up. I did however just use my very first complete bin of beautiful black home made biodynamic compost on the weekend. Dh helped me build a new garden bed in full sun, and I used the compost on it. It was such a thrill!

I voted alive with occasional contact, but I could also have said frequent contact. We get on well...we just live on opposite sides of the continent. We stay in contact mostly through emails and Facebook, with occasional phone calls. I would love to see her more often but its not practical. And neither of us are "I have to talk to her every day/week" kind of people. We probably have some kind of contact every 2-3 weeks, but that may just be an email or a FB comment. FB is good for our kind of situation. My kids and I are both connected to her so she gets ideas of what they are up to ...photos, camps etc

My hair is just wavy since having kids..it was curlier beforehand! My dd took all my curls, and some! She looks after hers well, since we borrowed Curly Girl from the library 2-3 years back now. She rarely washes her hair with shampoo. She wets and conditions her hair daily though. And spends waaaaay too long in the shower daily :) As for brands of conditioner....we try different ones regularly. We do find the Bedhead ones to be excellent. She needs a good quality thick conditioner. I wash my hair every 2nd day...the Curly Girl regime doesnt work for me as my hair is so fine, that leaving conditioner in it makes it too heavy.

Here! (Aussie time zones and all)

It's just never been an issue- my dd16 constantly posts pictures of herself and her friends, and her brother, and is frequntly tagged in her friends' pictures pasted all over FB. It is so far beyond controllable amongst my teen's social groups, it never occurred to me to make a fuss. However...I guess it never occurred to me to post pictures of other kids, either, and I might think twice before doing so just because I am aware of peoples' privacy issues.

Maybe you are putting all her behaviours onto the ballet, when they are pretty normal? My ds14 has to be cajoled into showing his work for maths almost every day. There are lots of kids who have trouble with the increased workload and difficulty, and hours, as they get older- including mine. My son throws a fit every time I increase his workload or ask him to write more than he has recently. One of my kids is non academic. The other is very capable academically but is not passionate about her schoolwork. She has a big passion for her art- but it's not out of the house for that except for one class a week so it's ok. Her other passion that takes up a lot of her time is Venturers (14-18yo Scouts) and she likes to take state leadership positions and be on committees...it involves a lot of emailing and organising people, as well as me regularly driving her to headquarters for committee meetings. It is a big social outlet for her and she is a natural leader type and ...well, I just allow it. I make the time for it on her schedule. She is regularly away for weekends and week long camps too (and comes home wrecked and exhausted, so the next day of school is a write off). I do think denying a kid their passion is a pretty severe thing to do. They have their own paths and we cant really know their destiny- I think passion is a good guide to their gifts, even if they are not financially successful for their passions. There really is a lot more to life than a career- you can have a career or a job, and still have a separate passion, and thats what makes life worth living, not the job. But maybe it's your job to provide the balance? Don't condemn the passion, but have her finish her schoolwork? That's all I do. My dd16 could be doing a lot more schoolwork than she does but we homeschool for a variety of reasons- freedom to follow passions is one of them. But that doesn't mean I dont become the nag and the bad guy at times to make sure she is completing her schoolwork. She has a tendency not to do her school reading. So I have to push that a bit. She has a lot of after school activities and part time work and wants to sleep in in the morning- there are only so many hours in the day. I push. I nag. I try and keep my good humour. I guess I just consider it part of the job...and I don't expect her, or my son, to want to do their work. They still need the outer structure of me enforcing boundaries. In the teens...there is a lot to balance. Not to mention their desire to stay up late and sleep in, which really throws things around here.

In real life, its not neat. In real life, sometimes I get to make the choice and sometimes dh does and I will back off because its not a battle I am willing to engage in. And sometimes I will raise my head like a lioness and demand that my opinion is worthy of far more respect than it is being given. Mother lioness wins sometimes. In my real life, if my husband is not taking MY perspective into serious consideration and is demanding his own perspective is more important...if I do not feel seen or heard properly, especially considering I am seriously more in the trenches with the kids than he is...I will not sit back and allow that sort of attitude to be the one thats get's to win at making decisions. I wont be put off by strength of opinion, if I have a valid and well thought out one. It doesnt get to that so often. I have learned that my dh has a tendency to want to feel heard and valued..but if I persist, I will generally get through to him and he will swing my way. 2 years ago, dh was adamently against the kids joining a teen/adult gymnastic group nearby, because they also include freerunning activities there. He was terrified of the kids getting hurt. Even though they had both been doing gymnastics for years. I overrode him and took them. I felt he was being overprotective and I knew this would be an important class for the kids, both of whom had outgrown their kids gymnastic class. The time worked, the class was casual, and some of their friends were going- and it was local. It was perfect and perfect classes in the homeschooling world are valuable!. They are still going to that class and dh simply got over it. If there had been an accident...yes, he could have said "I told you so" and I could have been sorry. But the benefits have been enormous. And last weekend....dd16 asked me if she could get a belly button piercing. I knew if she asked dh he would say no. He strongly dislikes piercings- which I feel is not a good enough reason to not allow a 16yo to have some sovereignty over her own body. So I said yes, and to just do it. He found out a few days later...was upset for a few minutes...and within a day told dd16 that it was very pretty and accepted the way I had done it. Maybe I am just sharing how I deal with things in my marriage with a man with a very strong personality and very strong opinions, who would have no qualms overriding me if I let him ....even though he is generally well intentioned...and it is not so relevant to people who have more equally balanced partnerships. We dont undermine each other very often at all, and it doesnt always work well..but I could never do the always united front thing because it would involve too much compromise on my part. I have found that kids CAN handle two parents with different opnions. YES they will try to play one against the other..but if the parents respect each other's differeing viewpoints, the kids can too. In the OP's case...I can completely understand that having dh on side is better than over riding him. But if it was in my heart and soul that he was wrong and this was one of those issues to draw the line on, and override him...I would.

I think it is natural. With my first I was sure we were having a boy. I had always pictured myself with a boy. When we had the ultrasound they werent allowed to tell us gender (hospital rules) and we asked the lady could she please tell us...she said....how many little girl clothes do you have? ....and you know, we took that the wrong way and STILL presumed we were having a boy. We felt her, and she felt so strong, we used to call her Titan when she was still in the womb. It was just a feeling we had about her, who we thought was a he. Even though I started wearing pink in that pregnancy and had never worn it before in my life! So when she was born....I was not disappointed- I was shocked though! And thrilled! I feel my sweet girl, who is very strong minded and wholesome, has been the healing balm I needed because my own past before her was full of trauma. She turned me into a mother, and it was the best thing in my life. She was easy and cruisy and smiley and a charmer. Still is! But I would have been happy to have another girl, too. We didnt know ds's gender before he was born either, because his legs were curled up for the ultrasound. I am sure dh preferred a boy- he has an older dd too - but neither of us would let ourselves go there. We consciously knew we would accept whatever we were given and not complain at all. And along came a boy. A grumpy, colicky, crotchety, clingy, gorgeous boy who adores his mother like nothing else ( well, especially when he was little- now he is too cool to show it so much.) I loved having a boy (and still do)! If I was to have another child...I really wouldnt mind which gender. I might have a slight inclination toward a girl, but my girl is my easy kid so that might be why! My boy has made me grow and stretch like my girl never did. He has been so good for me and made me very tender and patient...and much more understanding of men! I do imagine it is very common to want one gender or the other. And I guess you just have to grieve a little bit, then get on with it and love the one you have!

It does seem to be a common issue. I have some close girlfriends but sometimes we can go months without seeing each other. For about 2 years we used to get together once a week on Tuesday mornings- but once I started homeschooling I stopped that. We have some common areas of contact and we do have a good friendship- the 3 of us- plus about 3 other women we like to connect up with. But as I said, it can go for months without connecting at times. Recently we did reconnect and are making more effort again. Fortunately none of us takes offence when we are "too busy" and its like we have never been apart when we catch up. Then there are my homeschooling friends...for me it is similar to Melissa's issue...although I would call us friends, the religious ideology differences make it hard to get too close, really. I have 2 or 3 homeschooling friends I do enjoy spending time with outside of homeschooling, but as homeschooling is our glue, so to speak, if we dont have shared activities, it doesn't really happen much. Our connection is through our kids and our kids are all growing up. I have become so aware of this issue that I have started a womens circle for women who feel isolated in the suburbs and want some deeper connection with other women. At first our group was specifically generic and non religious- it was just a social discussion group. But I realised that wasn't giving us the depth I wanted, so I recently dissolved that group and began a spiritual women's circle...although the spiritual part is not defined. The response is strong...many women feel ...busy, but isolated. Even though many have friends and often many aquaintances, they have shared that they feel they cant discuss everything with their friends, or go very deeply. They want something more than a superfical discussion when they catch up. They want to be able to share deeply. It seems to be a disease of western lifestyle. If you travel in other countries, it is so warming to feel the sense of community even (and perhaps especially)amongst poorer people. Coming back to Australia for me after travelling to India, all 3 times, has showed me how isolated we live. We need community. I too get a lot of my needs for community met from here and the internet and stay in touch with friends and family that way too....but even though I am an introvert and cant handle social overload.....I do crave healthy community and friendships. It doesn't come especially easy to me- but I am learning that its not just me.

Yes, I know several family members and friends who have reversed pre-diabetes and got their blood sugar down to within the healthy range- through diet and exercise mainly. It is just a wake up call- a warning- not a sentence to diabetes.

I prefer to tie it together to the extent that I have always, so far, chosen any extra literature programs to coincide with history (although i dont usually use a Lit program). If I have used an English program that includes literature, such as LLATL this last year for my son...I just add in plenty of extra literature relating to our history period (on top of whatever he is supposed to read for his English program).