I'm sorry this is happening Chris! I hope it gets worked out! OT, but have you gone on your trip to Israel yet? How is it going?

I think it's a good letter, but I would have left out the paragraph that starts "I'm not trying to be a killjoy" because there is no need to defend yourself. You have a legitimate concern.

1. There's always something that's going to go wrong at the rehearsal dinner or wedding reception and somebody is going to end up in tears. That is normal and don't stress over it. 2. Find out what the flashpoints are for disagreements and find ways to nip them in the bud. For example we always get stressed out when we are packing for a trip. Rushing around, grabbing items, misplacing things, who packed what and where is it... pretty soon you can end up in a heated argument about nothing. In a calm moment, we made a universal packing list with boxes to check off. Now we each have items to pack and check off. Now this may sound like very trivial advice, but I think it's important, because when you get in an irritated state all of a sudden you can find yourself raking things up and hurting each other's feelings. So, if you know yourself and your DH well enough to tell what is difficult for you, and solve it at a separate, calm time, this is actually a very helpful skill. 3. Also, (CC) get one of those Christmas tree stands that is easy to use and very stable. I'm serious. The one that we have is actually called "the marriage saver." I don't know if that's what it's actually called or whether a salesman told my DH that that is what it called. The thing is, at Christmas when you naturally want everything to be perfect, it can get on everybody's nerves if a happy family project turns into an annoying struggle about getting the tree straight=having the perfect holiday=being the perfect family=stress=arguments over nothing. 4. Know what your limits are and what just does not work for you as a couple. For example, we do not make a good team if DH is driving and I am navigating from a map for him. Bad news. We never try that anymore. Thank goodness for GPS, because I don't know where we'd be (LOL) without it! (I hope these suggestions are not too trivial. I wanted to use real-life examples, because advice like "keep your temper" does not work for me, I need specifics. Though I suppose I should work on keeping my temper too.)

Thank you!

Kate, thank you for the answer to my question-- the link is not working for me. I think I understand the burqa pretty well, but I was interested to find out about the golden metal grille-type thing.

((hugs))

It's awful, I agree. The only thing to do is contact the newspaper or website's staff and complain. Perhaps someday they will get the message. I don't know why they can't just moderate the comments. Why do they want trash on their websites?

May I ask another question about Muslim clothing for women? Once I saw a lady who was wearing a burka-type outfit. It was not plain, but very fancy cloth. Over her mouth was a kind of golden, metal, grille, and it extended to a kind of stem over the bridge of her nose, up to where it met the cloth above her forehead. What was this? On thinking it over I thought perhaps this was a kind of jewelry or even royal decoration. Can you identify it? thank you!!

Or LLBean--

Our neighbors took in 4 wild kittens and they turned out fine pets (though one became a very good rattlesnake hunter, believe it or not) but what was heartbreaking was that the momma cat would go around meowing looking for them. It was so pitiful.

((Hugs))

Heigh-ho, can you explain what you mean about controlling the situation? Thanks!

Thank you for offering to answer questions! Mine is about daily prayers. Do you say your daily prayers when you are out in public? Once I had a Muslim coworker, who, at the hour of prayer, would take out his prayer rug and lock the door of his office for a while. However, he had a private office so I don't know what someone else would do, who didn't have a private room. If you are a SAHM, do you plan your errands and activities outside the home so that you are at home by prayer times? Or can you do your prayers elsewhere? I was reminded of this the other day-- I was waiting in a Dr's office and a veiled lady came in to wait for another person who needed a translator. She took out a big laminated folded card, written in Arabic and brightly colored, and began to read it silently, moving her lips. It seemed obvious that this was her prayers. I felt that she was happy and proud to be showing her faith to all of us waiting there. She sat in a prominent seat and held her big card up in front of her. For us Christians, there is a tension between showing your faith vs the instruction to pray alone, just to God. I was wondering if you have the same tension: whether you would think that she was showing off and ought to wait until she is home, or if you would think that, yes, at the hour of prayer you do your prayers wherever you are, and it doesn't matter whether anyone else is there or what they think. What are your thoughts? Thank you so much!

We have driven over that bridge several times lately. I'm so glad nobody was killed! We studied up on what to do if our car ended up in the water. Consensus seems to be that you unroll the windows right away, as soon as you know the car is going in, and that way the windows are easier to break, even if they are only open a little bit. Apparently it's very hard to break them when they are closed. The car will float for a couple of minutes. Break a window & get out that way. I read that it's the back of the car that will float higher because the engine weighs down the front. It seems more sensible to open the window/break it than to wait until the car is full of water and then open the door. I think i would panic while waiting! Also... to be prepared... swimming lessons for all!

I think I would try to arrange events where she and he are present together with a lot of other people. Then she can see how other people react to him, and how he behaves. If she is very isolated, just him and her, a lot of the time, he may be rather controlling and she may get to think that the way he behaves is really OK. Other people can be a reality check and she can see how he looks from aside. I would spend time with her alone too as PPs have noted.

On a slightly different note-- doesn't the background of this new mom make her at a slightly higher risk for PPD? I mean, with all her high expectations? In that case, she might already feel sad & lonely and wish someone would pay her some attention. I would definitely call and ask her if she wants a visit or not, and I would not assume she wouldn't want one. And, it might possibly be the time when you would develop a closer relationship, because she will now see you as someone that she suddenly has a great deal in common with.

I might jot something down if something amazingly striking is mentioned during the sermon, or perhaps if there is an announcement of an event I want to be sure I don't forget. But those are the only two times I would rustle around for writing materials during the service. It's not very common in the EO to take notes, but sometimes people do, during the sermon. When I was going to evangelical churches years ago, I and many others always brought notebooks, and I took copious notes. Nowadays I more let the liturgy flow over me and I figure it's sticking to my soul & brain even if I do not consciously make a note of it.

O6, yes, sometimes BCPs are used to treat cyclic depression, and can work well in those cases. I mean severe depression associated with PMS-- it does happen. The other thing is the idea that it is a lesser evil to use B/C if the lady is struggling with mental illness and a pregnancy could cause her to become suicidal. Edited to add, I am just trying to give information about how it's seen from a medical perspective.

Moxie, this is a really difficult struggle, I am sorry, and I admire your wish to be faithful to the Church's teachings. One question for the Catholics, can't a parish priest give a 'dispensation' from obeying the rule about NFP-only, based on someone's health and/or family situation? I've often thought that many,many couples who practice NFP must be in the same difficulties as they approach menopause and cycles change/lengthen/shorten/are skipped.

All this about contracts and valuing your services is all well and good, and the parents seem very unreliable and not on the same page even with each other, and I would agree that it doesn't seem prudent to have anything to do with them... but what about the soft spot that Ameena has for the needy child? Is Ameena just supposed to ignore her? What can she do for her that won't oblige her to be in a complex contractual relationship with the parents? Neighbors who care are a blessing! and I hope Ameena finds some way to be a good influence in the child's life, even if it does not entail homeschooling or babysitting.

Aside from going to church and your family's devotional activities, can you approach teaching about Christianity academically, as part of his history class? What years of history are you studying now and can the Christian faith be discussed as part of that? Or geography-- discuss what religions are in the countries you are studying. Even if he does not want to make a point of belief right now, he still needs to know about it as a properly educated person, and that will come in useful to him later when he does come around. :)

Going to confession is like vacuuming-- I put it off, and put it off, and it bothers me to look around at all the dust but I still don't feel like doing it... and then I do, and it was so easy and I feel so much better and I wonder what took me so long. Ladies, I won't be chiming in as much now that Lent is beginning for us EO--- just wanted to reassure you that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth-- thanks for all your kind words. Nyssa

That person must be incredibly spiritually immature. I hope that they acquire some wisdom someday. Sorry you have to deal with that.

:grouphug: I hope you feel better quickly.

Thank you for the news about the Orthodox patriarch attending!! On a side note, the article says he will be accompanied by metropolitan Ioannis Zizioulas. I would encourage anyone interested in Christian theology to read his Being as Communion-- he is a very deep theologian, a real mind-bender. He especially understands existentialism and can engage with it from within the Christian faith.