Need a pep talk...

[My3girls]

When I look just at what WE are doing, I feel ok about our "school".  We are covering the 3 R's, science, history/geography, music, and P.E.  We do school work for 4.5-6 hrs a day depending on age with a lighter day on Friday.  The girls participate in their respective sports 2-3 times a week and have music co-op on Fridays.  We get out of the house and see other people pretty much every day and do field trips 1-2 times per month.  However, lately, I have felt so inadequate.

 

I am a member of a few different homeschool boards including this one and have learned an amazing amount from everyone there and here.   Here, there are some amazing mommies that do so much, know so much, and seem to really have it together.  Some of you even write your own curriculums.  Then on one of my other groups which is a bit more unschooly, they go on a field trip pretty much every day.  The moms have notebooking pages and scavenger hunts and reading baskets pertaining to the field trip for the car to utilize travel time, etc...  I feel like such a lazy homeschool mom!!! 

 

I know I can't do it all, and I shouldn't compare.  My kids are learning.  I turned out alright without having studied classical composers and artists and to be honest my kids really aren't interested.  We tried reading a poem everyday and knitting, but that just didn't take. (Except for me, I love knitting.) We don't have to attend every homeschool day at every museum, garden, or aquarium.  My kids don't want to read a bazillion books so as long as they are reading something that's of decent quality I should be happy.  My kids may not be getting the best education out there, but they are getting a better education than they would have at their ps and that was our goal.  So, please, help me get over this funk.  Let me know the realities of your homeschool that don't always make the headlines.  Help me to accept the fact that we are average and will be fine anyway.

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

We only did one subject today.  Does that make you feel better?

 

The unschooling moms might do lots of field trips but they aren't doing the seatwork you (and others) are doing.

 

Those who write their own curriculum aren't doing field trips (usually) twice a month.  

 

I think you hit it on the head when you said that when you look at YOUR homeschool, you're doing fine.  Are your kids basically happy?  Are they growing?  Are they learning?  Not every single minute, but over all.  If so, you're doing great.  

[Lang Syne Boardie]

You don't have to put "school" in quotes, and you don't have to compare. :) :) :)

 

In the first place, your children are learning. You are doing very, very well. You might be average compared to the ideals presented to classical homeschoolers, but any child who receives so many hours of consistent instruction, tailored to his particular needs and without distraction, is miles ahead. You are keeping the busy work to a minimum, managing your time, remembering field trips, sports, music, and friends...I think you know exactly what you are doing.

 

In the second place, people lie on the internet. Sometimes it's not intentional; they're only sharing their best moments and not the whole picture, without realizing how it comes across. You might be measuring yourself and your home against an illusion.

[mamiof5]

I am like a kid in a candy store when it comes to new curriculum, and it's a bad habit that I need to change, for my sanity. Have proven myself that no, we can't do it all, and by trying to do it all I am stretching myself thin and probably overloading my kids? Sometimes less is more. If your kids are ever interested in classical composers or other topics that you are not covering maybe some day they'll get to it. Sounds like you have a good thing going on, just because you are not doing some extras that others are it doesn't mean that your kids are not getting a great education. The grass always seems greener on the other side, so just step across the street for a while... admire your own grass and realize it might be greener than it seems :)

[The Princess and the Jedi]

When I look just at what WE are doing, I feel ok about our "school".  We are covering the 3 R's, science, history/geography, music, and P.E.  We do school work for 4.5-6 hrs a day depending on age with a lighter day on Friday.  The girls participate in their respective sports 2-3 times a week and have music co-op on Fridays.  We get out of the house and see other people pretty much every day and do field trips 1-2 times per month.  However, lately, I have felt so inadequate.

 

I am a member of a few different homeschool boards including this one and have learned an amazing amount from everyone there and here.   Here, there are some amazing mommies that do so much, know so much, and seem to really have it together.  Some of you even write your own curriculums.  Then on one of my other groups which is a bit more unschooly, they go on a field trip pretty much every day.  The moms have notebooking pages and scavenger hunts and reading baskets pertaining to the field trip for the car to utilize travel time, etc...  I feel like such a lazy homeschool mom!!! 

 

I know I can't do it all, and I shouldn't compare.  My kids are learning.  I turned out alright without having studied classical composers and artists and to be honest my kids really aren't interested.  We tried reading a poem everyday and knitting, but that just didn't take. (Except for me, I love knitting.) We don't have to attend every homeschool day at every museum, garden, or aquarium.  My kids don't want to read a bazillion books so as long as they are reading something that's of decent quality I should be happy.  My kids may not be getting the best education out there, but they are getting a better education than they would have at their ps and that was our goal.  So, please, help me get over this funk.  Let me know the realities of your homeschool that don't always make the headlines.  Help me to accept the fact that we are average and will be fine anyway.

 

You are right, you can't do everything. You can't be a total unschooler and a 100% classical homeschooler and a full-on Charlotte Mason homeschooler while trying to check off all of the public school boxes to keep the skeptics happy. If you did that you would just drive yourself and your kids batty.

 

The reality of my homeschool that will make you feel better, is that sometimes I will do something like have my son read Percy Jackson and the Olympians instead of reading the actual Greek Myths because I know he will get into PJO and he could always read the myths in junior high or high school. (He ended up reading them anyway on his own because he got so caught up in PJO.) I don't do scavenger hunts, notebook pages, or even require a journal entry about field trips because I think output is overrated. I want my kids to enjoy and learn without having to always look to me to tell them what to learn. 

 

Speaking of literature, I don't use any curriculum at all. I was an English teacher so I get by at my charter by flashing my creds and saying I use "Socratic Questioning." Which I do, to an extent. We discuss literary devices and theme. But in reality, I don't want to kill a good book with fill in the blank vocab questions, reading comprehension questions, and the occasional critical thinking question. As long as my son is ahead by a grade level in reading, I won't do much else until seventh or eighth grade.

 

I do do science, literature, and history every day and art weekly in addition to the core language arts and math. Our charter provides great elective opportunities, so we do those. I do not do monthly field trips. I have littles and let the charter handle most of those. So my son does 5-6 field trips a year. Someday, I would like to do monthly museums and nature walks, but right now we go to the library and have family adventures on the weekend.

 

I have friends that have the extracurricular schedule that you do and they do the bare minimum, out of a box worksheet based curriculum to keep up. I have friends whose kids who are way ahead of grade level but they don't get out of the house as often as most. You have a good balance. When my littles are older, hopefully I can keep up with you.

[abba12]

Each of those people are talking about the one thing they do well. They do not ALL do ALL of those things! And they're not talking about the things they fall down on. The family who does field trips every day may be behind on math. The family who writes their own curriculum probably doesn't take many field trips. A family who is doing composer and artist study may be missing some of the hands-on things you're doing. And you are probably doing something that another homeschooler looks at and thinks 'wow, I'm a slacker'.

 

In fact, for one thing, I'm looking at your extracurriculars on your signature and remembering my kids do little athletics, and that is ALL they do, and likely all they will do (we may add scouts in a couple years, that's it though). I'd love them to do all those different activities, I feel like such a slacker when I see what other kids are doing after school. mine don't do dance, or team sport, or music, or anything. But, then again, I am one of the families doing scavenger hunts and writing my own curriculum, but we don't do field trips much. If you didn't spend so much time running about with activities like archery and cross country, you'd have time to plan a scavenger hunt too!  :laugh:

 

The point is, we all have different priorities, learning styles, and family dynamics. We all do some things well, which make others jealous/feel slack, and we all do some things badly which we hide and don't mention to others unless it comes up in a helpful way. And as much as you look at others and wish you could do what they're doing, someone is looking at you thinking exactly the same thing, like me, wishing I could do all those extracurriculars 

[Soror]

I agree with all of the above.

 

As the quote says don't compare your behind the scenes with other's highlight reels.

 

Also, I watched a very inspiring video with Julie Bogart talking about their homeschool. She started by talking about how she had heard of some fabulous unschoolers that were crossbreeding fish in their backyard and for a moment she felt like gee, all I have is papers to show for our work but then she reflected and realized that her school reflected her and her family. I think it is easy to see all these fabulous things others do and want to do them too but if you add one thing something else has to give(be it free time, seat time or extra-curriculars), are any of those other things you listed worth giving up something else?

 

Do you feel content in the day to day?

Is their learning meeting a standard that is acceptable to you and the law? 

[Another Lynn]

You have everyone getting exercise, exposure to music at co-op, and all your subjects are satisfying?  And you do field trips at all?  Girl, you have hit the promised land!  I have two without a sport right now.  There's just no time.  Last year I had 4 taking piano lessons - this year, none.  I'm trying to keep three of them playing the piano by working with them on my own (not quite the same, iykwim).  Field trips are rare for us.  There just isn't enough time.  (In an effort to make you feel better, I'm wondering if I should start justifying why I'm failing so badly, lol.)

[Critterfixer]

I think it's the proximity of October. February is burn-out month; October is look-over-the-homeschooling-fence-and-how-come-I-have-dandelions month.

At least it is for me. Most years. For whatever reason it isn't getting me much this year, but I know the feeling. Ironically, I think that reflecting onyour own behind the scenes material is the best cure for getting out of the funk. That's where the story works or doesn't work anyway. And it sounds like yours is working and working well regardless of whether it fits any specific genre of homeschooling philosophy. 

In short-stop worrying about it. :laugh:

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

You are doing what works best for you and your kids.  We are not tires being manufactured in a plant.  What works well for one family may not work at all for another.  Your kids will be fine because you care and you keep wearing all your hats and doing your job, even if what you are doing may look a bit different than what someone else is doing.  That is what can make homeschooling spectacular.  It doesn't have to be, and in fact is inherently NOT, one size fits all.  

[My3girls]

You are right, you can't do everything. You can't be a total unschooler and a 100% classical homeschooler and a full-on Charlotte Mason homeschooler while trying to check off all of the public school boxes to keep the skeptics happy. If you did that you would just drive yourself and your kids batty.

 

The reality of my homeschool that will make you feel better, is that sometimes I will do something like have my son read Percy Jackson and the Olympians instead of reading the actual Greek Myths because I know he will get into PJO and he could always read the myths in junior high or high school. (He ended up reading them anyway on his own because he got so caught up in PJO.) I don't do scavenger hunts, notebook pages, or even require a journal entry about field trips because I think output is overrated. I want my kids to enjoy and learn without having to always look to me to tell them what to learn. 

 

Speaking of literature, I don't use any curriculum at all. I was an English teacher so I get by at my charter by flashing my creds and saying I use "Socratic Questioning." Which I do, to an extent. We discuss literary devices and theme. But in reality, I don't want to kill a good book with fill in the blank vocab questions, reading comprehension questions, and the occasional critical thinking question. As long as my son is ahead by a grade level in reading, I won't do much else until seventh or eighth grade.

 

I do do science, literature, and history every day and art weekly in addition to the core language arts and math. Our charter provides great elective opportunities, so we do those. I do not do monthly field trips. I have littles and let the charter handle most of those. So my son does 5-6 field trips a year. Someday, I would like to do monthly museums and nature walks, but right now we go to the library and have family adventures on the weekend.

 

I have friends that have the extracurricular schedule that you do and they do the bare minimum, out of a box worksheet based curriculum to keep up. I have friends whose kids who are way ahead of grade level but they don't get out of the house as often as most. You have a good balance. When my littles are older, hopefully I can keep up with you.

 

OK, I love you, now. lol

[The Princess and the Jedi]

OK, I love you, now. lol

 

Just keepin' it real. *fistbump*

 

PS I love this: "February is burn-out month; October is look-over-the-homeschooling-fence-and-how-come-I-have-dandelions month."

[Sahamamama]

Well.... this may seem unrelated to your post, but hang in there, it applies.

 

Years ago, I heard a woman speak at a ladies' convention (church). She was talking about how, when she was first married, she had this tendency to compare her husband -- who was wonderful -- to other husbands she knew.

 

She'd think, "I wish he could be more __________, like So-and-So. Or more ___________, like Such-and-Such." She said that she did this for a few years, just picking out the best quality of this one or that one, and not finding it in her own husband. She began to feel dissatisfied with him, even though he really was a good man.

 

One day, as she was comparing him once again, she heard the Lord say, "Why are you doing that?" And, as she thought about it, she realized that she had only taken out the best trait of each man, and had imagined them all existing in one man. In her mind, there was this amalgamation of "good traits" that added up to this one, ideal person. Why didn't her husband measure up to her ideal? No wonder why!

 

She saw that all these other husbands had their flaws and weaknesses, too, and so did she. ;) She realized she had been unfair to her own husband, by comparing him to others.

 

She began to focus on appreciating and praising her husband's strengths. She said, "That change of perspective and habit changed our marriage." And at that point, they had been married for something like 50 or 60 years.

 

I was single when I heard that message, but what she said stuck with me all these years. I remembered it in the early days of our marriage. There were plenty of times when I had to say to myself, "Don't compare, don't compare!" LOL. For example, my dad and my husband are so completely different. When I think about this, it actually is a good thing! But I had to get used to the man I had, KWIM?

 

Back to your question: Your homeschool is your homeschool. It is unique to you, to your children, to your priorities, to your values, resources, energy, and time. Who cares what other people do? No one can do it all. Why beat down your homeschool by comparing to another, especially when the full picture of that "other" might not be as rosy as you think?

 

And blogs? As a source of reality? Don't get me started on blogs. :leaving:

[HomeAgain]

A long time ago I wrote an average day in our house.  Why?  Because TOS and all those other glossy magazines lie. LOL  They suck in new parents who think if they just have this or buy that, they too will have children dressed impeccably reading Shakespeare to each other under the large oak tree.

 

LOL  No.  An average day in our house is busy and messy.  Sometimes tempers flare.  Sometimes there is whining, and crying. Here is a comparison of the last two days to make you feel better.

 

Monday: did an entire theme surrounding the Little Red Hen.  We do Wee Folk Art, but have no problem changing it to suit us.  Since I had wheat and the children didn't need cake on a Monday morning, we did it differently.  We planted wheat (to go along with our living things study), we ground wheat (to go along with our seed study), we looked at all the things wheat makes in our kitchen and what the Hen might have eaten in different countries, we made pasta necklaces, we sequenced the story, and we did math. 

 

All in all, a pretty good day for a bunch of young'uns, right?

 

Ok, Tuesday.

 

Tuesday: Had a meeting in the morning, which I was late for because I forgot I had to put a seat back in my car, and reconfigure it to the biggest-little child. Got to the meeting late.  Got to my next stop of the day late, and without all the material I needed.  Took my kid to the park for his social hour, realized it was 12:30 and we still hadn't thought about lunch.  Grabbed McDonalds.  Figured while we were there, may as well hit up the thrift store nearby for halloween costume shopping.  Scored a shirt (whoohoo!)  Somehow, didn't make it home until 3pm.  School consisted of park time (we'll call that P.E.) and listening to Percy Jackson in the car. 

I have a feeling today will be more akin to Tuesday than Monday, though who knows, Today dh is in and out of the house, I need to go take the rest of the material I forgot on Tuesday, and return library books that are very overdue.  Oh, and go get McD's for the big child who saw the cup in the car and got all pouty that he didn't get any.  Maybe inbetween there we'll finally make it to the fantastic display at the art museum and get some science and dictation done.

I envy the people that have it all together.

[wintermom]

When I look just at what WE are doing, I feel ok about our "school".  We are covering the 3 R's, science, history/geography, music, and P.E.  We do school work for 4.5-6 hrs a day depending on age with a lighter day on Friday.  The girls participate in their respective sports 2-3 times a week and have music co-op on Fridays.  We get out of the house and see other people pretty much every day and do field trips 1-2 times per month.  However, lately, I have felt so inadequate.

 

 

Keep the focus on all those wonderful things you are doing, and blot out that last sentence. Isn't this the sentence that just kills any enthusiasm you might have had for your school and your family? Over the years, you've put in a huge amount of time and energy to get to this place you are at now, and it seems to be excellent for you. It doesn't sound like my school and nor should it. My school, as it's functioning now, is pretty good for us at this point in time. Tossing it all out for something else that looked cool would undermine what the dc and I had worked to put in place.

 

Maybe, for a bit of fun and variety, try implementing one really cool thing you've heard about from another homeschool family. Just one thing, and see how it fits with your family. It might be a great addition, or it might be a complete waste of time. I've tried this exercise in the past, and sometimes the addition works well, but usually it just isn't for us. 

[Sahamamama]

Bets, are you feeling any better about things?

[My3girls]

Yes, a little... thanks for asking. 

[BooksandBoys]

Just keepin' it real. *fistbump*

 

PS I love this: "February is burn-out month; October is look-over-the-homeschooling-fence-and-how-come-I-have-dandelions month."

I love this too. This is the first year I've been distracted by the dandelions, but, man have I been distracted by them this year! A toddler and precocious preschooler who refuses to do anything productive are making me lose my mind and feel inferior.

[Sahamamama]

Yes, a little... thanks for asking. 

 

I have to confess, when I look at your signature line and see all those lovely alphabetical extracurriculars -- Archery, Band, Baseball, Cross Country, Dancing Grits ??, 4H -- I feel a twinge of guilt. Are we doing enough? Enough with other people? Enough exercise? Practical things?

 

The latest area of inadequacy (the feeling, if not the reality) has been with Art. Other moms hire a private art teacher; we can't afford that. Other moms have their children in art classes; again, we can't afford that! Other moms are teaching their four year olds to create layered paintings in acrylics on canvas; I am not an "artsy" person (or so I've been told).

 

I think that all of us, in some area, have to refuse to believe that we are ruining our children, or failing them, or not measuring up to the Ideal Standard. Each of us is "just one person." And no one person is outstanding at every single thing!

 

Bets, do the best you can in your areas of strength, love the girls, and enjoy this season of your life. It will go by so quickly. You want to look back with a sense of satisfaction -- not just that you did it, but that you enjoyed it, too.

 

We are both so blessed to have three daughters to love and teach. Hang in there! :)

 

P.S. Your extracurriculars need an "E" and an "F." Embroidery and fencing?

 

More: I found it! We don't have this in New Jersey, LOL. Instead, we have Mother-Daughter How-to-Not-Get-Mugged classes. Seriously, we do. ;)

 

[KSinNS]

I think no matter what you do, you can't do it all. There are just not enough hours, so you have to pick and choose. We do crazy amounts of music, and some other things have to give. (Science, history for littles, and art). But, I think we all struggle with the same thing. You just can't do all the wonderful things out there. Anyway, if it helps, OP, your homeschool looks great!

[Mystie]

You can't do all the things. Look at your homeschool and your kids. Comparisons kill our attitude and motivation.

 

We don't do sports. We don't do field trips. We don't do art study. Honestly, we don't do that much reading aloud (but I count audio books). Composer study is only playing classical music during chores a couple times a week. Sometimes there are things we do (like playing a CD in the car) that we don't "count" because it isn't in school hours, but it counts as the environment our kids are growing up in. Vacations count as field trips and nature study. Lots of things that are just normal life "count" toward a full life and education.

 

 

A year and a half ago we had a really difficult few months with one of my children. He was very resistant and everything was a fight. From that I learned how to interact with him better, he learned how to do something he didn't want to do, he learned that starting is the hardest part and if he gets over that hump, it's not as bad as he thought it was going to be.....basically, we all learned SO MUCH from that hard spot. The hard spot was a learning phase, not a problem itself. He would not be handling his schoolwork as well as he is this year and as independently, if we had not gone through those struggles. So, sometimes we're in a hard spot and we just need to hold onto that hope that the light at the end of the tunnel will come -- as a result of the dark tunnel.

 

 

[Peaceful Isle]

I hope you are feeling better , or start to soon. Hugs

 

I think we just put so much effort and thought into what we want homeschooling to look like and feel, for us, that when it doesn't happen, it might feel like we have failed. In reality, our thoughts are just not realistic.

 

I love homeschooling, and being with my kids, but I hate many aspects of it. It took many years to be honest with myself about it. I hate reading a loud, I need personal space, noise hurts my ears, and I am not the best at activities. 

 

I do love seeing my children learn, getting those hugs throughout the day, feeding them yummy cookies as a surprise, and knowing my kids are safe with someone that loves them.

 

I have learned to enjoy each day with my sweet children, because someday they will all leave the nest. :( 

 

 

[Beircheart]

Take heart! I am still finishing off last years work and am dividing chemistry into chem 1 and chem 2. We do sports. My son does it a LOT! Life is all about trade-offs. More of this nearly always means less of that. Just how it is!  More learning time can come to mean less childhood time. They have the rest of their lives to fill in any gaps educationally. Once childhood is over all they can do is look back with either joy or regret. So the questions to ask are  1) are they enjoying their childhood and 2) are they preparing for their adulthood. You say they are learning so there's that answered. What say you to #1?

 

Besides, being well educated means a lot more than simply knowing a bunch of stuff. Learning how to learn is more important and knowing what it means to be morally sound is more important still.