S/O on doctors-at what age do you allow your kids to go in alone?

[Quiver0f10]

What age do you allow your kids to be examined alone by your Dr? Teens? Older? Younger?

 

Thanks!:D

[Perry]

When they ask. That hasn't happened yet here, and my oldest is 14. If she wanted to go in alone I'd let her. I would still want to check in with the doctor to make sure I get any necessary information about medications or follow up though.

[fivetails]

Hasn't happened here yet... it won't with ds10 due to his disabilities... for dd12, I guess it will depend on how things go as she gets older.. right now, she's not even interested in that - the kind of child she is, I can see her wanting me there for a long while yet... and I would *not* be comfortable sending her in alone until she's much older anyway, so that's all good. :)

[KidsHappen]

15. At that age I offer them the option to go to our family dr. by themselves or for me to go with them. I have had the same family dr. for six years though and I trust him. If we ever need to see a dr. I do not know and trust, I go with them. This includes any walk-in clinics or ER trips.

[katemary63]

This one's easy for me because I learned what NOT to do the hard way. When my son was 19, he had a pain in his side and I took him to the emergency room. He had this big idea that he was a "grown man" now and insisted that I wait in the waiting room. He was in there for EVER and I finally stuck my nose in his room to ask what was going on. Turns out the Dr. THOUGHT it was something minor, but to be "sure" did every test known to man. DS had an EEG, Ultrasound, Xrays, and several other tests to the tune of $5000!!!!!! The final "diagnosis" was PLEURISYof all things. What a crock! DS's pain subsided within a couple of days and we never did really know what what going on, but to give him every test in the book was just a way to take advantage of a young man who simply didn't have the life experience to make his own decisions in that situation.

 

New rule. Mom or Dad is IN THE ROOM for everything except personal type physical exams. Not JUST because of the financial aspects, but also because the above experience showed me how truly naive my 19 year old son was when it came to medical care, and if HE is, then anyone younger would be too. Parents need to know what is being said. Kids don't always give accurate descriptions of what's going on or always tell the WHOLE story. They are not used to remembering or providing details which may be pertinant to a situation or even just to everyday health.

 

Funny, this past winter my son fell and hurt his neck. I had to take him to the ER again and this time he insisted that I attend him into the exam room. He just turned 22.

Edited April 7, 2009 by katemary63

[Stacey in MA]

He had his annual physical recently and I let him go in himself. We love our Dr. - see her often and trust her much. I had all the youngers with me and I didn't want DS to feel intruded upon while naked! ha! In other circumstances though, like an emergency room visit, or other needed tests (any and all - bloodwork, xrays, etc.), I still feel the need to be present to make sure he is being treated appropriately.

 

What's going on at your house?

 

:-) Stacey in MA

[Quiver0f10]

What's going on at your house?

 

Nothing going on, we just haven't established with a doctor here in AR yet for my older kids and I was wondering if I should even bother or not. Figuring if they got sick we could do a walk in clinic or what ever. But it sounds like most people do a well visit at the least every 3 years. It's been 2 since they were seen so it's probably about time anyhow. :)

[dirty ethel rackham]

New rule. Mom or Dad is IN THE ROOM for everything except personal type physical exams. Not JUST because of the financial aspects, but also because the above experience showed me how truly naive my 19 year old son was when it came to medical care, and if HE is, then anyone younger would be too. Parents need to know what is being said. Kids don't always give accurate descriptions of what's going on or always tell the WHOLE story. They are not used to remembering or providing details which my be pertinant to a situation or even just to everyday health.

 

 

 

:iagree: I think this applies to many adults as well. Many adults don't know how to ask the right questions or stress the right details in order to get good care. I know my mom gets better care when I am with her because I can fill in some blanks - things she forgets about or supply additional details. I am livid with dh and his doc over his cholesterol meds - I KNOW an informed consent discussion did not take place. Doc gave him a prescription on dh did not ask ANY questions (he doesn't even know what his numbers were!) When I have had surgical consultations, having someone with me to help me be an advocate for myself and ask all the right questions has been very productive. Unfortunately, this person is not dh - just not one of his strengths:|.

[Danestress]

I can't remember last time DS who is 21 went to a doctor for anything other than just a physical before college.

 

I sent him to that alone - I didn't even drive over with him. He's normally pretty independent and competent, and at that age had a car and a job and a life. But apparently doctors are intimidating, because he called me about six times before and during the routine check up to ask things like.

 

"Okay, I'm in the lobby. What do I do?"

 

"Okay, I'm filling out the health form. Have you or Dad had cancer?"

 

"Okay, it's asking if I have a history of glaucomo. What is that?"

 

It was funny. I should have just gone with him. But since he's been in college he has had a couple of doctors visits up there - like when he hurt his back skiing. He handled them fine.

[MyThreeSons]

Usually if my guys are sick enough to go to the doctor, they want Mom with them. :tongue_smilie: Plus I like to get the directions for treatment first hand.

 

Our family doctor is a trusted friend, so when they want to go by themselves, that's fine with me as well.

[JoyfulMama]

I think at 12 I will excuse myself toward the end of the appointment. I know there are certain things they have to tell me, and other than that, if my kid needs someone safe to speak to, I would welcome it.

 

If the doc asked me now to go do something at the end of the appointment? I'd leave. No questions asked. Obviously she would have a reason, and I know she'd share with me later.

I started going in by myself when I was about 15 or 16 I think. Not all the time, but sometimes, at my request.

 

Note: As a professional, I have asked parents to leave so that I could speak to a minor child alone. And then I lay out the rules to the kid: There are certain things I have to tell your parents, but other than that, we can agree when we are done what we share. This allows them to feel empowered, as a part of THEIR medical care, and can protect some of their feelings/concerns/questions that they may not yet be ready to share or talk to their folks about. At the end of the appointment, I bring the parents back in, and I/we give the parent/s a recap.

Can the parents refuse? Absolutely! But I haven't met one yet who hasn't wanted their child to be given an opportunity to share something they may be uncomfortable sharing in front of their parent to an identified safe person.

[mamaof2andtwins]

Well, my oldest is 15, and there is still a parent with him. Once he got to be around 11 my dh started going with him to his appointment. Now, I have to send detailed notes with my husband about ds health issues. These are well visits. If it was an illness I would probably go as I wouldn't want dh to have to leave work.

 

No matter how comforatable I am with a doctor, I don't want my minor child questioned by a doctor out of the presence of a parent. I have heard too much bad press to chance it.

 

Jennie

[Aggie]

 

No matter how comforatable I am with a doctor, I don't want my minor child questioned by a doctor out of the presence of a parent.

Jennie

 

Me, also. Apparently the physicians in Texas are required by (some insane) law to ask 11yodc if they date. :glare: Unfortunately I understand *why*, but I still don't want my dc asked that (and other questions) without my knowledge. I haven't told my dds everything yet and feel strongly that if a nurse or doctor brings something up that dds don't know about, I want to be the one to explain it.

 

I also have one dd with a very dry and borderline sarcastic sense of humor. No telling what would come out of that child's mouth! Well...there is telling because I've heard her!:lol:

[Impish]

Diva is 10, and its not been an issue yet. I don't anticipate it being one for a while. I wholly trust my GP, but I don't trust my dd to be able to communicate her medical situation/symptoms or relate the instructions from the Dr back to me at this point. She's a bit too distracted for that sort of thing yet.

 

Round about the time she starts getting Pap smears, she'll be going in alone :lol:

[Tap]

I would let them go when they started asking to go alone, but I may send a note to the doctor for the first time or two with the details just to make sure.

 

 

Even dh has me go to the doctor with him. He has been known to tell the doctor his back pain "is better" with a smile on his face, when he means, it was a level 10 pain, but is now a level 8...so the pain is better. :tongue_smilie:

The doctor heard better and said "oh, great, then you shouldn't need therapy any longer." He was heading out the door before I stopped him and asked him to ask dh to 'rate his pain'. He sat back down. :lol:

[katilac]

Probably whenever they ask, and I'd be fine with the doc suggesting a private conversation - - no matter how much I pride myself on being able to talk with my kids, I'm also open to the fact that there may be questions they'd prefer to ask someone else.

 

An ER or hospital visit would be a different story. If a person, any person, is sick enough to get admitted to the ER, then they are too sick to keep track of details. I'd never voluntarily let dh be in the ER alone, either.

[SonshineLearner]

Unless it's a seriously trusted DR, I wouldn't let my children go in by themselves until they were maybe 17? I want to be in there when they "educate" my children.

Carrie

[SonshineLearner]

If the doc asked me now to go do something at the end of the appointment? I'd leave. No questions asked. Obviously she would have a reason, and I know she'd share with me later.

Can the parents refuse? Absolutely! But I haven't met one yet who hasn't wanted their child to be given an opportunity to share something they may be uncomfortable sharing in front of their parent to an identified safe person.[/quote/]

 

I'm curious who you are referring to with "she" because I know that you can only share what your patient is willing to have shared. When I worked at a clinic, a teen shouted at her mom to get out so she could talk to the DR. So, that could have shaded my opinion. My oldest two are steps, 16 & 13, and I'm sure their mom would let them speak to the DR by themselves.

 

Carrie

[KidsHappen]

This one's easy for me because I learned what NOT to do the hard way. When my son was 19, he had a pain in his side and I took him to the emergency room. He had this big idea that he was a "grown man" now and insisted that I wait in the waiting room. He was in there for EVER and I finally stuck my nose in his room to ask what was going on. Turns out the Dr. THOUGHT it was something minor, but to be "sure" did every test known to man. DS had an EEG, Ultrasound, Xrays, and several other tests to the tune of $5000!!!!!! The final "diagnosis" was PLEURISYof all things. What a crock! DS's pain subsided within a couple of days and we never did really know what what going on, but to give him every test in the book was just a way to take advantage of a young man who simply didn't have the life experience to make his own decisions in that situation.

 

Yeah, I had Pleurisy once. It hurt like the dickens, my blood pressure was through the roof, the pain was in my chest and I have a family history of heart problems. So they put me through the ringer as well. Seemed prudent given the situation. About $5000 later they sent me home with a prescription for some pain meds.

[KidsHappen]

R ound about the time she starts getting Pap smears, she'll be going in alone :lol:

 

I went to all my girl's first PAPs. First they went to one of mine. Both the dr and I walked them through exactly what was going on so they they would be fully prepared and understand the procedure. I was not prepared for my first and found it to be somewhat traumatic. Then I went with them to their first. All of my dds have attended sibling births so they were comfortable with mom's nudity and bodily functions. I did ask them if they wanted to do it this way and they all have so far. I do understand that many mom's may not be comfortable doing it this way but this is what worked for us. If they wish, I send them in alone for physicals and rountine problems like ear infection, strep thoat, etc. If they are sick and we don't really know what is going on a parent goes with them.

[KidsHappen]

Once he got to be around 11 my dh started going with him to his appointment. Now, I have to send detailed notes with my husband about ds health issues. These are well visits. If it was an illness I would probably go as I wouldn't want dh to have to leave work. Jennie

 

Yeah, if my children are actually sick with something we don't really know what is and my hubby has to take them, I send a detailed note and write down what questions he should ask and what info he should note and remember. A parent always attends in these situations and I prefer to go myself in these situations but sometimes hubby has to do it. I actually do the same for hubby even for routine physicals. I even sometimes call the dr and tell him that he needs to check such and such or that hubby is having such and such problem.

[KidsHappen]

An ER or hospital visit would be a different story. If a person, any person, is sick enough to get admitted to the ER, then they are too sick to keep track of details. I'd never voluntarily let dh be in the ER alone, either.

 

:iagree: I absolutely agree on this point.

[KidsHappen]

Nothing going on, we just haven't established with a doctor here in AR yet for my older kids and I was wondering if I should even bother or not. Figuring if they got sick we could do a walk in clinic or what ever. But it sounds like most people do a well visit at the least every 3 years. It's been 2 since they were seen so it's probably about time anyhow. :)

 

I like to have an established dr. That way he knows the children and they know him. It makes it so much easier if they ever actually get sick. Plus it allows you to build a trusting relationship with the dr which prevents any misunderstandings.

[Karen in CO]

What age do you allow your kids to be examined alone by your Dr? Teens? Older? Younger?

 

Thanks!:D

When the doctor starts kicking me out. Seriously.

When my ds was 17 I would go in with him, I would leave the room for everyone's comfort if it came to a "turn your head and cough" type thing, but I went in. I'm paying so I went. :) last time I even scheduled my 4yo and then 18yo to have appointments for checkups and shots at the same time so I would only have to tkae one trip. The little one held the bigger ones hand and the bigger one was horrified at the pained expression on the little ones face. He could belive how hard it was to stand by and watch while she got a shot.

 

Last few times when he was sick and over 18, I asked if he wanted me and he said no so I waited. Here legally they can't treat under 18 without me present.

[swellmomma]

It depends on the dr and why we are going. They go in to see their shrink by themselves, but I still go in with the ped. Once they are in full puberty and want privacy for the physicals I will leave the room at that point but still talk to the dr about any concerns I have. This is particularily the case for my oldest 2 who have special needs. I was 12 when I started going into the dr alone, When I went for my first pap and a Rx for birth control my mom dropped me up in the parking lot and I bussed it home. I don't want to be that hands off, but will work at transitioning them so that by 18 they are fine going in alone unless it is an emergency situation. I know how tough it is even as an adult keeping track of details in an emergency situation so having someone with you helps, usually I drive myself to the ER with all 4 kids in tow trying to deal with whatever I need to, give all details to the dr and keep the kids, typically something gets forgotten, or I have to call later to confirm something the dr said etc. I don't want my kids to have to worry about that sort of thing even if they are 42 years old.

Edited April 7, 2009 by swellmomma

[PollyOR]

When my oldest was 17(?), we went in for a sports physical. We were vaguely familiar with the doctor. I was forced out by the doc, but I stood outside the door and listened. It was all related to s*x. I was pretty mad!

 

I understand the doc's reasoning. My mom was a nurse at a county health dept. for years, and I heard a lot of serious stuff at the dinner table (who had STD's and who they had shared it with, etc.). But, it felt wrong to me to be told to leave. If I'm paying the bill and that minor child is under my roof, I'm plan to stay in the room from now on!

[TravelingChris]

My son has been going alone since he was in college except for when he was home and since he has been 18, by himself. It isn't a good thing but we can't do anything about it legally.

 

My daughters want me with them. I know that my older dd has been getting very anxious about leaving home to go to college (not yet, in another two and almost a half years). She needs to go see a gynecologist and I am wondering how to find one who deals with very anxious people. Not only is she anxious, but she is very modest too. I know that there are dentists that practice no anxiety dentistry but I never heard about gynecologists who do that but that is what we need.

[KidsHappen]

My son has been going alone since he was in college except for when he was home and since he has been 18, by himself. It isn't a good thing but we can't do anything about it legally.

 

My daughters want me with them. I know that my older dd has been getting very anxious about leaving home to go to college (not yet, in another two and almost a half years). She needs to go see a gynecologist and I am wondering how to find one who deals with very anxious people. Not only is she anxious, but she is very modest too. I know that there are dentists that practice no anxiety dentistry but I never heard about gynecologists who do that but that is what we need.

 

IMO, a good family dr. would be better at this than a gyn. And many girls find this sort of exam easier with a female dr. You can frequently find female NPs, PAs or Midwives who will preform these services and they are generally very good as lowering anxiety for young girls.

Edited April 7, 2009 by KidsHappen

[MamaT]

A fellow homeschooling mom here in my town took her 12yo dd to the doctor for a check up. The doctor asked her to leave the room, but she stayed on the other side and listened. The first thing the doctor asked the girl was if she had decided what her s*xual orientation was yet.

 

I will stay in the room with mine until they are 18. I have a good relationship with our family doctor, but his views on lots of issues are different from mine. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kids alone.

[Quiver0f10]

Thank you all for replying!

[katemary63]

Yeah, I had Pleurisy once. It hurt like the dickens, my blood pressure was through the roof, the pain was in my chest and I have a family history of heart problems. So they put me through the ringer as well. Seemed prudent given the situation. About $5000 later they sent me home with a prescription for some pain meds.

 

I know pleurisy is terrible, I've had it, developed after coughing for months with chronic bronchits. However, the point is my son DID NOT HAVE PLEURISY! I was so mad at the Dr after that Dx. It was rediculous.

[KidsHappen]

I know pleurisy is terrible, I've had it, developed after coughing for months with chronic bronchits. However, the point is my son DID NOT HAVE PLEURISY! I was so mad at the Dr after that Dx. It was rediculous.

 

Oh, well in that case, I would NOT be very happy.

[fivetails]

I was forced out by the doc,

 

See now, if any doc tried to 'force' me out of the room like that, both dd12 and I would leaving -- and we would NOT be returning to that doctor. :)

[angieathome]

My 15 yr old dd recently went to the gynecologist for symptoms. When we were checking in for the appointment, the office staff slipped a paper in with the usual insurance papers for me to sign that would allow my daughter to see the gyn without my knowledge or permission in the future. I did not sign and for this reason am going to be extra cautious about allowing my dd to go to appointments alone. I don't know what "advice" she might be getting. I also agree with other posters that a second pair of ears is helpful for even an adult when the doctor has any sort of instructions for follow-up.

[Alice]

From my perspective, I appreciate parents coming in with all ages for sick visits. One of my ongoing frustrations is parents who say their teen is fine coming back alone and then after I've seen the patient and sent them out to the waiting room the parent comes up and says something like "Did he tell you about coughing up blood?" Uh, no he didn't. Then we'll have to start all over. It also happens frequently at check-ups where the teen will say they have no questions or issues and then the parent will ask as they are about to leave if they asked about the joint pain and swelling for the past 6 months.

 

I usually encourage parents to come back for the beginning of the check-up where we discuss issues/history/etc. Then I ask if they want to leave for the physical if it's an older teen. If they don't leave I'll ask the teen if they want them to leave when we get to any part of the exam that is more private. I usually ask the teen when the parent has left if they have anything else they want to discuss with me. We also have a written questionnaire that we have them fill out that asks about issues like drugs/alcohol/sex. I'll look at it at that point and go over any issues that come up. (It also asks about depression, weight issues, and other medical things like headaches/sleep problems, etc.)