Can we talk 9 yo boy behavior

[Scarlett]

Give me the good, the bad and the ugly.

 

This is in relation to my thread about dh wanting ds9 to go to school next yea. He thinks our son is....not like other 9 year old boys.

 

So let me have it...and indicate if they are hs or ps'd or a mix.

[Jennifer in MI]

I can help you out with almost-nine-year-old behavior! I have an 8 1/2 year old. He is all boy! He plays outside with sticks, wrestles with his brothers, loves video games, makes friends everywhere (but he's also my VERY outgoing child), etc, etc. But, he's also my cuddliest boy. If I'm standing in the kitchen, he'll often stand close to me and lean in to me. I hug him and he hugs back. He would still sleep with me every night if there were room in my bed! He does sleep with me when dh is gone. When we read out loud, he leans right into me and cuddles.

 

He also plays baseball, soccer, and karate. He is not at all embarassed to come up to me after a game and hug me or wave at me from the field. I find it very sweet and endearing. We are always being told what a sweetie he is. He's never lacking for friends, that's for sure!!! Kids flock to him when he shows up for his activities!

 

My other boys were a little different at that age - but both were still hugging me at that age. They are both a little more introverted, so they weren't the life of their parties or teams. But they both have great friends!

 

Oh - and all of my kids have always been homeschooled.

 

HTH!!!

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

He, he.

 

Well....my son just got done being 9, he was always homeschooled. When he was 9 he: read voraciously, was a reluctant but good scholar, was a joker and wise cracker, played very physically, teased his younger brother, pestered his older brother, wanted priveledges and no responsibility, was very sensitive about being teased himself, became aware of an awakening conscience and did a lot of confessing- even when he didn't need to, bragged and showed off, enjoyed earning money, didn't like changes in routine......

 

Adding: All my boys were still publicly affectionate at 9. They held hands with siblings and me. They also liked to be read aloud to. However, none of them liked to be corrected, even gently. My first two boys were quieter and did not make friends as easily as the 10yo does, but it never bothered me.

Edited March 27, 2009 by Virginia Dawn

[MamaT]

My son is 10, but he has always been very sensitive and caring. He also plays rough with his brothers, plays baseball, loves to ride his bike and go out in the woods and "make a fort." If I am sitting on the sofa and he is inside, he wants to cuddle up. He loves to read. He asks me for kisses about 20 times a day. He is very loving. BTW, if he is playing with an older brother and they get too rough or his sisters are harassing him, he tends to cry easily.

[Danestress]

The one who did school at that age (he was in a private school then) settled down a good bit and had a good 4th grade year - much better than 3rd grade when he was pretty naughty at times. He was as easy to get along with around the house as he was at any time in his childhood, though he always had (and has) a contrary streak. He read a lot, was on a soccer team, and had friends. I don't remember him being emotional at that age. I would say around 11 is when he became emotional, angry, and contrary. But not all the time.

 

My twins were just wonderful at that age - every day was a good day. I homeschooled them, of course. They read a lot, loved their friends and sports, and were just really fun (and still are at 11). I think this is one of the funnest aged boys to raise. They are too old for they crying and whining of little boys, but too young for the hormonal chaos of the teen years. They are still interested in so many things, and are so easily pleased by little gifts and acts of service. They aren't "jaded" yet and still find pleasure in many small things - the discovery of a bug on a walk, the sight of a fish in the pond.

 

Since you mentioned physical touch in your other post, one of my boys started to pull away a bit at this age. He's just not a touchy person. He didn't need as much snuggling. The other two stayed pretty affectionate. I would say my 21 year old remains much more affectionate than I thought a boy/man would be - just comfortable with touch. My other currently 11 year old is very physical and affectionate. He lets me snuggle him all the time. If we read, he curls up next to me. My twins seem very fine with the fact that one is more affectionate than the other - there doesn't seem to be jealousy or anything out of this.

 

But Scarlett, those are my three boys, and they aren't a universal truth. There is a wide range of "normal" at any age, and I think the dynamic of one child is different than 2 or 3.

Edited March 27, 2009 by Danestress

[elegantlion]

My ds is 11 and an only. At 9 he was funny and loud in the house, but quiet around other people. He played with his friend next door and they had wars with toy guns, played video games, and thought jokes about bodily functions were hilarious. Not much of that has changed.

 

My ds is fairly sensitive and would still cry over a wound of any size at that age. He didn't like to play outside without me, unless he was with friends, then I'm old news. He didn't want to do sports and we let him quit baseball after a few practices and him getting hit in the head with the baseball. He did basketball this year and was much more assertive.

 

He was smaller for his age but my dh and I aren't tall people either. He would sit on my lap first thing in the morning and then get upset over doing the chores in the afternoon.

 

He would pick at his food and not put his clothes away. He wanted to wear the same shirt for 3 days in a row and would only change when asked. :lol::lol:

 

My ds is more mild mannered in nature. He thinks through things, has wonderful skillls of negotiation, and doesn't tend to do take big safety risks (yet, crossing my fingers).

[Sara R]

My almost 9-year-old son isn't the dramatic type, but otherwise he sounds similar to your son: not ashamed of hugging his mom, sometimes cries when he gets hurt or frustrated. He's very bright, but gets frustrated if he doesn't learn it the first time. For example, today he was doing double digit multiplication and he got a few problems wrong. After correcting them, he still had a couple wrong. That was his limit of corrections he could take; after that he was saying he "gets everything wrong" and throwing the paper on the floor. We're working on changing that behavior (hence the "this is no picnic for me, buster" thread from this morning...).

 

I've heard that that kind of frustration/perfectionism can be a gifted trait. My mother-in-law taught gifted 6th grade for years, teaching kids that were used to getting 100% in regular classrooms who, when they were placed in a class on their level, now occasionally got things wrong. They showed the same kinds of reactions. So I think that kind of reaction may be more related to gifted than 9-year-old boy.

 

My son was in public school from mid-K through mid-3rd. Now he is homeschooled in the morning, and goes to school for the fun/enrichment/Spanish after lunch. And we are homeschooling him in the morning because he is ahead. He was frustrated to have to sit through learning stuff he already knows, and he wanted the time to pursue other academic interests. The public school isn't a good academic environment for a kid who is ahead. If they aren't learning things on their level, they are more open to getting in trouble, and grow to hate school. I would imagine it would be worse for a child who knows homeschooling and knows what they are missing.

[Quad Shot Academy]

Scarlet, Based off your previous thread, your son and mine sound identical except for the drama, but my son cries over everything, so it is close enough. I have had a really difficult time finding friends and activities for him. He was teased at his last Awanas by the older kids and said the older kids acted so badly that he would not go back the next year because he did not want to be in a class with bad kids (he was supposed to be going up a level). I observed their behavior and honestly, I think it is all normal boy behavior, but to him, whispering and passing notes is a major issue. So we started going to a new Wed. night group at a new church and it is the same thing. The whole group of boys gets in trouble and reprimanded, and he sees it as himself getting in trouble. I have talked with the leader and he told me that my son is never to blame. The leader has stepped in on a couple occasions to try and mellow out the other boys from hitting, punching and pulling my son's clothes. Which sounds terrible, but really they are playing around in a good natured way, just being boys. Our neighbors and neighbors' kids have repeatedly told us that we need to toughen him up. My MIL said she is worried about how he will survive in the real world because he is too good. :confused: Even though I disagree on everyone else's opinion on how boys should be, I put him in martial arts. He has come home crying from almost every play date, church and sports activity for years, but never from martial arts. They keep them all lined up and focused on the exercises. He came home from church last week all happy that he was able to block several of one boy's punches and said it was fun defending himself!! :D:confused: That was after he crying about something else, of course :sad:

[Jen500]

My twins are 9 yrs old, with similar interests but different personalities.

They both love to read, build things, ride bikes, play make believe games.

 

DS1 is very sensitive. He's concerned about injustices, pollution, endangered animals, etc. He's extremely conscientious and takes criticism hard. He needs to discuss things, and really enjoys talking to adults. He needs a bit of a push to join in new activities.

 

DS2 let's things 'roll off' more easily. He's eager to try new things. He doesn't really think about what others might think--if he thinks dance class might be fun, he wants to try it out!

 

Both boys were in public school for 2.5 yrs, and now hs'd for 1.5 yrs. I get a lot of compliments about how well-mannered they are when we go out...and at home they can bicker and fight, and cry out of anger or frustration on occasion.

In the past year they have really desired to be more involved with dh. They enjoy bike riding together, building models, and going to historical re-enactments and car shows together.

[Jennifer in MI]

Oh - I almost forgot - the most annoying thing!!! When he is trying to get out of doing a chore, he will find something to cry about. He'll exaggerate what another brother is saying to him or say that someone hit him when they just bumped into him accidentally - then he'll use that as an excuse to cry and try to get out of the chore. It never works, but he still tries is EVERY time he's asked to do something around the house.

[fivetails]

We have a ds10 - turned 10 this past Fall. I don't know if I 'fit' in your thread, though, because of his disabilities... that said, he's still a ten year old boy. :)

 

He's very active - loves to swing, climb, jump, bounce, do summersaults on a mat, splash in the water at the beach, play in ball pits, spin around on the tilt-a-whirl at the carnival again & again & again... :D

 

He loves music - classical, country, rock, kids, you name it. He's not fussy over genre ~ if a song catches him, it's his. The tuba is currently his favourite instrument - something about the low low sounds appeals to him. He hates the cymbals - they don't actually play music, after all. They just make a loud crash.

 

If he could speak in numbers, he would. The bigger the number, the more he likes it. Yesterday, he asked me how many seconds were in a decade.

 

He's affectionate - on his own terms. He's fussy with his hugs and his 'mahs' (his word for kiss) - but when he hands them out, it's like getting snuggled by a rainbow splattered caterpillar. :001_wub:

[Tree House Academy]

Let's see: My son is loud, fights contantly with his brother, has a hard time focusing because he can't be quiet, has a hard time reading because he learned in PUBLIC SCHOOl by sight words. He is now homeschooled and doing some better. His is definitely not as loving as my younger son and has never liked hugs and kisses very much. :( I would give anything if my older were MORE like your son.

[lionfamily1999]

Give me the good, the bad and the ugly.

 

This is in relation to my thread about dh wanting ds9 to go to school next yea. He thinks our son is....not like other 9 year old boys.

 

So let me have it...and indicate if they are hs or ps'd or a mix.

OT

 

I've been thinking about your dh's issues quite a bit, I'm worried that my dh may approach me about this same thing at some point.

 

Here's my question, for you and for your dh:

 

What does it matter if he's a 'normal' little boy? He's going to be an excellent man, and isn't that the point? No one has the same childhood as anyone else, they may be similar, but never the same. No two kids (even identical twins) are exactly the same, so where is this yard stick for normal? I can remember an idyllic childhood, if I want, so can nearly everyone else on Earth. That doesn't mean it actually existed.

 

All this focus on whether or not they're normal or fit in when they're kids seems, to me, to be misplaced. Adults are seldom as clannish or cliqueish as kids. They can be, sure, but most of them are too busy living their lives to worry about whether or not John from work could've beaten them up for their milk money when they were kids.

 

Skinny kids can be fat adults, fat kids can be fit adults and in the end how much of the comparisons of childhood matter? If we were happy, we were happy; our wimpyness wasn't an issue, unless some one MADE it an issue.

 

I'm sorry if this seems mean, Scarlett, but it really gets to me how focused adults are on the level of 'normal' their kids reach. How much does that effect their adult lives? Sure, put them in ps so they can get their own wierdness pounded into their heads and develope issues... does that make any sense????

 

Augh, rant off. Scarlette, as far as whether or not your boy is 'normal'; frankly my dear, why give a dam*?

 

So you know, my anger is not meant for you. It's meant for those that think kids have to be part of a pecking order to survive.

Edited March 27, 2009 by lionfamily1999

[Scarlett]

OT

 

I've been thinking about your dh's issues quite a bit, I'm worried that my dh may approach me about this same thing at some point.

 

Here's my question, for you and for your dh:

 

What does it matter if he's a 'normal' little boy? He's going to be an excellent man, and isn't that the point? No one has the same childhood as anyone else, they may be similar, but never the same. No two kids (even identical twins) are exactly the same, so where is this yard stick for normal? I can remember an idyllic childhood, if I want, so can nearly everyone else on Earth. That doesn't mean it actually existed.

 

All this focus on whether or not they're normal or fit in when they're kids seems, to me, to be misplaced. Adults are seldom as clannish or cliqueish as kids. They can be, sure, but most of them are too busy living their lives to worry about whether or not John from work could've beaten them up for their milk money when they were kids.

 

Skinny kids can be fat adults, fat kids can be fit adults and in the end how much of the comparisons of childhood matter? If we were happy, we were happy; our wimpyness wasn't an issue, unless some one MADE it an issue.

 

I'm sorry if this seems mean, Scarlett, but it really gets to me how focused adults are on the level of 'normal' their kids reach. How much does that effect their adult lives? Sure, put them in ps so they can get their own wierdness pounded into their heads and develope issues... does that make any sense????

 

Augh, rant off. Scarlette, as far as whether or not your boy is 'normal'; frankly my dear, why give a dam*?

 

So you know, my anger is not meant for you. It's meant for those that think kids have to be part of a pecking order to survive.

 

You're preaching to the choir sister! :D I want my son to be the best version of himself he can be. I could care less whether he fits someones idea of what a normal kid is.

 

I am particularly sensitive to this issue because my own brother was like my son in some ways. The sensitive and thoughtful part. The quirky part. My brother was probably near genius level academically, but he floundered socially because we lacked a father, and in that place had well-intended people telling our mother that he was going to turn out too soft. So what happened...because my brother wasn't emotionally protected enough to be himself, is that he set out to be what his peers thought he should be. Well, I can tell you THAT didn't work out so well. Today he is 39 and...although he is doing ok, he has gone through a lot of heartached that might have been avoided if he could have just been himself. I don't think he is the best self he could be.

[WTMCassandra]

My son was 9 very recently ; ) and has always been homeschooled.

 

Of my two children, he is WAY more the snuggly one. Very huggy. Always hugging me or holding up the sign language "I love you" sign. When we sit next to one another (like at church or Bible study) he often leans on me and sometimes will put his head in my lap if he is tired. He is likely to dispense hugs to both the older men and ladies in our church. He loves animals and is big on the "awwww" stuff. He is cerebral and analytical and possibly geeky. What can I say--he was born into a geeky family. He is very physical, but not rough. He is masculine but not coarse or loud. When he and my daughter play with her dollhouse (a wooden kind, not a frilly kind), he plays with the dad and the son dolls. He has wanted to be an astronaut since he was about three and is captivated by anything "space" or by any machine. Any machine at all. His first word was "backhoe."

 

On the other hand, he is a stubborn, balky mule. He is quick to take offense and quick to cry. He can be very argumentative and is convinced he knows everything and can judge everyone accordingly. Sigh. We sometimes say that he was born in the pert stage. When we were going to a small playgroup recently and he learned that a family with seven boys and two girls would be there, he sighed and said it would be too loud and chaotic. (He is somewhat right.) I told him that it wouldn't hurt him to be in that situation for an hour or two and I gave him some suggestions on quieter activities he might try if he was tired of loud, wrestling, bickering (but nice) boys. He is very polite but sometimes has to be told to speak up and to look the person in the eye. I am told that he gives a limp handshake. Sigh. We are working on all these things!

[lionfamily1999]

You're preaching to the choir sister! :D I want my son to be the best version of himself he can be. I could care less whether he fits someones idea of what a normal kid is.

 

I am particularly sensitive to this issue because my own brother was like my son in some ways. The sensitive and thoughtful part. The quirky part. My brother was probably near genius level academically, but he floundered socially because we lacked a father, and in that place had well-intended people telling our mother that he was going to turn out too soft. So what happened...because my brother wasn't emotionally protected enough to be himself, is that he set out to be what his peers thought he should be. Well, I can tell you THAT didn't work out so well. Today he is 39 and...although he is doing ok, he has gone through a lot of heartached that might have been avoided if he could have just been himself. I don't think he is the best self he could be.

My brother is much the same way. The diff being, our dad was around and he taught my brother to keep it all inside. IOW, sure you can be different, just don't let anyone know. I guess that is better than telling them they're wrong to be different, but ... maybe not.

 

It hurts me to think that my son, or your son, could be forced into situations dealing with mean, hurtful, cruel people so they can learn to be 'normal.' Sure, everybody's been hurt and you have to learn to deal with it, but if normal means broken, then why can't you avoid it while they're most sensitive?

 

:grouphug:

 

And really, in the end, did the battles of the cliques teach us anything? Learning to follow the leader, to our own detriment, did that send a good message? I mean, who knows, maybe there's a bully inside your boy and mine, just waiting to get out... maybe they'll be the ultimate alpha males with all the panties and crying subordinates to prove it, but is that really a goal they should attain?

 

Augh, preachin. choir. I know. It just stinks :(

[purplemama]

He, he.

 

Well....my son just got done being 9, he was always homeschooled. When he was 9 he: read voraciously, was a reluctant but good scholar, was a joker and wise cracker, played very physically, teased his younger brother, pestered his older brother, wanted priveledges and no responsibility, was very sensitive about being teased himself, became aware of an awakening conscience and did a lot of confessing- even when he didn't need to, bragged and showed off, enjoyed earning money, didn't like changes in routine......

 

Adding: All my boys were still publicly affectionate at 9. They held hands with siblings and me. They also liked to be read aloud to. However, none of them liked to be corrected, even gently. My first two boys were quieter and did not make friends as easily as the 10yo does, but it never bothered me.

 

Sounds like Virginia Dawn and I have the same kid! My boy is 9 1/2; he is the oldest with two younger sisters. He went to ps for 2 years and has been hs for 2 1/2. My son has changed alot over the past year and I have found myself wondering what happened to my son, but I think all of it is part of maturing. He has also changed physically some this year (can I just say man-stink is now an issue). I think some of the issues we have with him are that he is tired of being home so much with two sisters and his mom, so I have been trying to arrange for more time for him to play with some of his friends.

 

Jennifer

[swellmomma]

ds is 10 but close enough. He is a big comic book/sci fi fan, he plays star wars, yu-gi-oh, pokeman etc all day long, when not playing with the lego's, cards etc to actually play it he is re-enacting parts. He and his 9 yr old friend are making a movie of star wars lego for you tube. He has anxiety disorder so it makes him more emotional about things than others which can be very annoying, but at the same time it is what makes him the sweetheart that he is. He is the one that even now at age 10 will hold my hand and give me a hug and kiss as I drop him off at cadets, he is the one that completely dotes upon the baby and treats her like an absolute princess. I get so many complements on his manners, his compassion, his helpfulness etc (of course he never shows any of that at home).

 

At home what I see is alot of argueing about cleaning his room or other chores, balking at school work, the start of liking girls, the fighting with his other siblings, lots of melt downs/tantrums and tears when thing aren't going his way. Exaggeration about how his life is going (apparently I had him just to torture him with school and make him a slave).

 

He likes sports but is not a jock, He often asks to try something new, then panics on the way into that new activity, though often he realizes once he give it a try he enjoys it, and those times he doesn't he really really doesn't and then the theatrics kicks in. We have also run into a new scenario where he wants to quit activities because he is worried he is missing out on something with his friends. It hasn't worked, he still takes his activities, but I am starting to a see a shift of his friends being uber-important to him, but he struggles to actually make friends as most think he is too wimpy to hang out with him or too weird because he is more into comics and video games than sports, so he only has 1 good friend and struggles the rest of the time. This was true even when he was in ps, the teacher had to actually step in and help him ask other kids to play because the vast majority shunned him.

[Danestress]

Augh, rant off. Scarlette, as far as whether or not your boy is 'normal'; frankly my dear, why give a dam*?

 

 

 

Honestly, I really agree with most of what you said. I think we try to fit boys into narrow boxes sometimes, based on what we think men are supposed to be like, and 8 year olds are not men. They are just little boys. And they are who they are.

 

But at the same time, I think it's really natural that fathers are concerned with the men their boys will become, and they tend to be focused on helping them cope with the "real world." I think particularly with the oldest son, men are often worried about whether their sons are going to be masculine enough.

 

Mothers and fathers often bring different things to the table, and they bring a different set of worries to the table. Their worries may look silly to us, but they are very real to them, and we really dishonor that which is male in our sons when we decide that our husbands aren't entitled to have their worries taken seriously and lovingly. God gave boys fathers for a reason, and not perfect fathers - normal fathers with irrational fears about masculinity and emotional responses to their sons' sensitivities. I think our job as their wives is sometimes to help them overcome those irrational fears and responses, but we have to honor them first. If we just dismiss them, we lose a chance to connect to our husbands, I think.

 

I know my husband was sort of overly invested in our oldest son. He was quite concerned about him when he was little. Of course our son grew up just fine, and my husband is much much easier and lighter with the littler boys. He lets them just be the boys they are without trying so hard to mold them into what he thinks they should be.

[sportymom]

has so many of the qualities you all are describing in your sons, the good and the bad.

 

So much in him is changing quickly, and has been for the last year. His tendency to cry, argumentiveness and "know-it-all" traits are getting a little stronger, but I know he is growing and changing at a rapid pace right now. It's hard for me to not come down hard on him, but I pray for patience and wisdom every day so that I understand what he's feeling a little better. Though sometimes he is just being foolish and disobedient and that does need correcting.

 

I'm sorry, Scarlett, that my post isn't contributing to your original question very much, but I appreciate getting to read about the different ways that boys are behaving at this age.

[lionfamily1999]

Honestly, I really agree with most of what you said. I think we try to fit boys into narrow boxes sometimes, based on what we think men are supposed to be like, and 8 year olds are not men. They are just little boys. And they are who they are.

 

But at the same time, I think it's really natural that fathers are concerned with the men their boys will become, and they tend to be focused on helping them cope with the "real world." I think particularly with the oldest son, men are often worried about whether their sons are going to be masculine enough.

 

Mothers and fathers often bring different things to the table, and they bring a different set of worries to the table. Their worries may look silly to us, but they are very real to them, and we really dishonor that which is male in our sons when we decide that our husbands aren't entitled to have their worries taken seriously and lovingly. God gave boys fathers for a reason, and not perfect fathers - normal fathers with irrational fears about masculinity and emotional responses to their sons' sensitivities. I think our job as their wives is sometimes to help them overcome those irrational fears and responses, but we have to honor them first. If we just dismiss them, we lose a chance to connect to our husbands, I think.

 

I know my husband was sort of overly invested in our oldest son. He was quite concerned about him when he was little. Of course our son grew up just fine, and my husband is much much easier and lighter with the littler boys. He lets them just be the boys they are without trying so hard to mold them into what he thinks they should be.

Wasn't trying to husband bash, I've met many women that have the same worries. I also wasn't trying to belittle his concerns, rather point out that they are going in, imo, the wrong direction. Whimpy kids can grow to be strong adults. Rather than focusing on teh child, focus on who they will be and how you will get them there.

[rafiki]

.

[Mom22ns]

He just turned 12 last week, so that was really just over 2 yrs ago.

 

Fourth grade was "the" year that it quit being ok to be seen with mom in public. I could no longer come to school and have lunch with him. It wasn't cool. He has always been a cuddly kid, but he wouldn't get close to me in public at that age. A high five, a pat on the back or a punch in the shoulder was about the only allowed public contact. He is very sensitive, but I remember him coming home from school and telling me his teacher said, "boys don't cry" - I think I cried. He did learn not to cry in public, but to control it and let it out in safety at home (something my daughter has done since she was 4).

 

As far as with friends. It was "hanging out" and being cool. The liked to be tough and cool and were all about image lol. It was really pretty hilarious:lol:. When you'd get them inside where no one could see, they would play video games, legos, k'nex, cars, etc and all the same ways they had always played. It was really an age where boys started changing in ps.

 

Girls change more around third grade. Now it is still ok to be seen with a mother, get a hug, etc, but they change to the cool, image aware, attitude thing.

 

To be quite honest, my ds has lost the attitude he was starting to get and is less concerned with image now that he is homeschooled. I think this is a good thing. I think there are good things about being sharpened by peers too. Learning what is publicly acceptable in a harsh critical environment is a quicker more efficient teacher than our kind gentle families. It isn't necessary though. Most people will get it in time with less pain at home. :001_smile:

[Laura Corin]

My almost nine year old does the following over the course of a day:

 

snuggles, kisses, reads books, wrestles his brother, hugs the dog, does an art project, plays outside (watches birds, builds forts, runs around), takes a half-hour run.

 

He also forgets his head if it's not screwed on, but he's very sweet natured.

 

Laura

[Donna T.]

My nine year old is really blossoming. He has always been very, very shy. Painfully shy. But, lately I've noticed that he is coming out of his shell. He's sweet, still hugs me and holds my hand, is very tender-hearted and gets angry when he thinks some injustice has been done. He's serious about his faith and sometimes takes life too seriously. He wants to live in a perfect world. He can be goofy but I'd never describe him as carefree. I wish he would lighten up, but it's not his nature. He sees the world in black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. He has horrible table manners but is otherwise very polite. He's an extreme introvert who would prefer to spend all of his free time reading or walking around in the woods. He lives in his head. Loves science and nature. He's not interested in large group activities or competitive sports. He can be lazy but he's generally obedient and will do what is asked or expected of him. He's a play by the rules kind of kid and will still cry if he thinks he's done something wrong. He is a happy kid though. He's just serious-minded for his age, I think.

 

I'd consider him quite quirky but he's awesome! He comes from a long line of quirks so we cut him some slack with that. He'd probably have a difficult time fitting in if he were in school except girls think he's cute :ohmy: and he's very smart. My husband was nerdy in school and was picked on all the time. That's one of the reasons he has always supported my desire to home-school. He wants to spare our son(s) from some things that he experienced... especially during the middle-school years, which were particularly difficult for him. Our son has always been home-schooled and God willing, he always will be.

Edited March 28, 2009 by Donna T.

[teamturner]

We have also run into a new scenario where he wants to quit activities because he is worried he is missing out on something with his friends. It hasn't worked, he still takes his activities, but I am starting to a see a shift of his friends being uber-important to him

 

This describes my twin #2. He would rather give up baseball or other activities to play with his neighborhood friends. Everyday he rushes to finish his school so he can play when the ps kids get home. He is reluctant to read, loves to build w/Legos, he is always drawing comics (or some battle scene), plays the piano all.the.time. He is not very affectionate and is very insecure and unsure of himself. He is still outgoing but is quick to point out everyone's faults or misdeeds (to me later). I think his love language is spending time with him and both my dh and myself need to do more of that w/him. He cries very easily and we struggled in the last 2 baseball seasons to teach him appropriate times to cry. We're still working on that...

 

Twin #1 is more like Scarlett's ds. Likes to read, is very smart and learning new concepts comes very easy for him, he has major attention problems, is very affectionate (he hangs on me everytime I am reading aloud), likes sports more than his brother, and will sit and watch Discovery channel or sports with his dad, he loves sushi and artichokes hearts. He explodes in anger very quickly but can be calmed down with gentle reminders. He is very outgoing and people generally like him (including other kids). Twin #2 has some problems with getting picked on even though he is very big for his age. I think other kids pick up on his insecurities and in a ps setting I think he would struggle with mean kids.

 

Both boys have been hs'ed since preschool although they did one year of preschool when they were 3 yo. I agree that twins that are as different as my two sons, yet that received the same schooling/upbringing, are a perfect example that all boys are different and there is not a "normal" for a 9 yo boy.

[Scarlett]

This describes my twin #2. He would rather give up baseball or other activities to play with his neighborhood friends. Everyday he rushes to finish his school so he can play when the ps kids get home. He is reluctant to read, loves to build w/Legos, he is always drawing comics (or some battle scene), plays the piano all.the.time. He is not very affectionate and is very insecure and unsure of himself. He is still outgoing but is quick to point out everyone's faults or misdeeds (to me later). I think his love language is spending time with him and both my dh and myself need to do more of that w/him. He cries very easily and we struggled in the last 2 baseball seasons to teach him appropriate times to cry. We're still working on that...

 

Twin #1 is more like Scarlett's ds. Likes to read, is very smart and learning new concepts comes very easy for him, he has major attention problems, is very affectionate (he hangs on me everytime I am reading aloud), likes sports more than his brother, and will sit and watch Discovery channel or sports with his dad, he loves sushi and artichokes hearts. He explodes in anger very quickly but can be calmed down with gentle reminders. He is very outgoing and people generally like him (including other kids). Twin #2 has some problems with getting picked on even though he is very big for his age. I think other kids pick up on his insecurities and in a ps setting I think he would struggle with mean kids.

 

Both boys have been hs'ed since preschool although they did one year of preschool when they were 3 yo. I agree that twins that are as different as my two sons, yet that received the same schooling/upbringing, are a perfect example that all boys are different and there is not a "normal" for a 9 yo boy.

 

 

Very good point. Thank you. Because as I was reading this whole thread....which has been awesome, btw, I started thinking....yep they all share some common undesirable traits at times...and then thought...oh no...they are all hs'led! That might prove dh's point! LOL...It doesn't though...thanks to for those of you who posted who have boys you sent to B&M at some point.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Let me preface this by saying it might not be any help to you because we're a dorky family. My father does fine woodworking and that's as manly as it gets here -- crafting artsy cigar boxes. (He also wanted to be a teacher and spent some years in college studying classics.) My brother, the only uncle the kids have, is a freelance artist. My partner made a living for the bulk of his adulthood as a playwright, compiler of anthologies, poet and poetry teacher. None of them would choose to play sports except as a last resort.

 

When the Eldest (who is 23 now) was nine, his father was his best friend. He liked to play video games and had friends he'd go on playdates with, but he was just as happy to be at home with Dad chatting about literature and poetry. He was dorky, with thick curly hair, glasses, a speech impediment. He didn't yet have a best friend. Later he did, as a teen, and they're still in touch though they've moved apart. The Eldest seemed to come into his own around fourteen. It turned out he's built like a bull, really, really thick. When he dyed his hair blue and started defending weaker kids, he became a bit of a trendsetter in school. Now he's married, works part-time for his father, is pursuing a master's degree, takes Taekwondo classes and has an active social life. He creates and leads tabletop games for his group of friends. The Eldest was always public schooled, until the last couple of years of high school.

 

When the Nerd (who is 11 now) was nine, he would cry at the drop of a hat. I remember on one particularly absurd occasion, his baby brother managed to accidentally lob a plastic teething toy at him. Instantly the Nerd was in tears. It was very hard not to roll my eyes. He was also quietly testing boundaries, so that we ended up having to seriously limit his privileges until he got the idea that if we couldn't trust him he just wouldn't have a life. He's a private person in general, the type of self-assured kid you need repeatedly to ask if you want to hear about recent accomplishments, but that year was the worst of the hiding stuff.

 

When I look at pictures of him from that year, I see that he was pretty much constantly holding his baby brother, playing with him, or otherwise being a second kind of mom to the little ones. The rest of the time he was doing digital art projects. He had no friends that year except his siblings. We hadn't really found our niche yet in local communities.

 

The Nerd went to daycare full-time, as many hours as legally allowed, from three months to kindergarten, then went to full time K, 1st and 2nd grade in public school. We think a lot of his stress at ages eight and nine (eight was worse than nine) was due to adjusting to "life on the outside" after having basically grown up in an institutionalized setting. He was homeschooled for 3rd, 4th & 5th and went back to school for 3/4 of 6th. He'll be homeschooled through high school barring family disaster.

 

These days he hangs out with his friends and the Eldest chatting about fantasy and sci-fi books, playing board games, video games and card games, or showing each other cool stuff on the internet. According to his principal, he had gained a reputation for being the smartest kid in the 6th grade class, and a lot of kids resented that, causing the Nerd to frequently get scolded for defending himself with smart, sarcastic remarks.

 

The Nerd was always a mama's boy, even when I met him when he was six and had been in school full-time since infancy. It was his last of three years of homeschool, age ten, when he started to get over the idea that his mom is the smartest, most wonderful, most perfect creature in the universe. The Eldest, from what I have heard, never held that conception.

 

I seem to have written you a novel here. None of the other kids have been nine yet!