rainforest mama Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Hi there. I need your help. DH and I have been together over 20 years now (married almost 19). It used to be that he would eat anything I put in front of him. I'm a good cook, but lately he has been turning up his nose at some of my meals. He says he "just doesn't feel like eating that tonight." I have always cooked to please DH and the DDs, so I'm feeling a little put out by this. He's a lovely man, but it gets a little annoying when I slave over a hot stove and nobody wants to eat what I cook. What should I do? Anybody have a BTDT? Thanks, Lana. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Have you told him that it bothers you? I would start there. I would just say, "It bothers me when I cook for you and you don't eat it. If there is something I make that you don't care for, you can let me know privately after dinner and I won't make it again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 You need to sit down and talk to him. Surely he is able to understand that making a meal takes time and money. If he is not willing to eat what you have chosen for that night's meal, is he willing to look over a week's menu plan that you've put together and tell you what meals he likes? Would he e-mail you a menu of what he would like to eat in time for you to prepare it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainforest mama Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 I have told him how I feel, but he just says "you want me to be honest about how I feel don't you?" Well, actually, no, I don't want him to be honest with me about that. I just want him to eat his food and not complain. :) He obviously doesn't get it. Lana. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 We go through that every once and awhile. Dh starts buying bigger lunches at work and doesn't eat dinner. The kids eat, regardless, they don't have a choice in the matter :) I stopped cooking for dh. No breakfast, no lunch, no dinner and I do my best to exclude him from deserts too. He gets the hint, pretty quick, especially when I say, 'you didn't eat your dinner' and refuse to get him desert. It doesn't lead to arguments or anything, I just tell him it's a waste of food, money and time, if I cook and he doesn't eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainforest mama Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 DH comes home for lunch every day too, so I have to provide at least two acceptable meals each day for him. Lunch doesn't seem to be a problem, so maybe he's just not hungry at night. I've tried to get him involved in the menu planning, but everything sounds good to him on paper. It just seems to be an "I'm just not into that TODAY" type of thing. My theory is that I've spoiled him. I cook healthy meals from scratch and always have. I think after 20 years of this he's forgotten how good he's got it. Lana. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I get bored with my own cooking so I am sure dh does too. I can't imagine going to eat in a restaurant that only served one thing a day. The way I combat it, is to try and greatly vary recipes. I do have some standbys, but I like to try various cookbooks too. Sometimes they are good dinners, sometimes not, but at least there is some variety. One thing I do when I get bored, is to start collecting 'to go' menus. So many are available online now, and then I combine that with allrecipes.com and get some new ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I pester my dh around 3:00 or so - "is there anything that sounds good to you for dinner" This is usually because I don't plan ahead very well. Also Dh never knows in advance when he will be home from work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 DH comes home for lunch every day too, so I have to provide at least two acceptable meals each day for him. Lunch doesn't seem to be a problem, so maybe he's just not hungry at night. I've tried to get him involved in the menu planning, but everything sounds good to him on paper. It just seems to be an "I'm just not into that TODAY" type of thing. My theory is that I've spoiled him. I cook healthy meals from scratch and always have. I think after 20 years of this he's forgotten how good he's got it. Lana. How old is he? Maybe his metabolism is just slowing down and he isn't as hungry. My dh has always eaten big dinners until about a year ago, now he'll even put up with my cooking. My dh is 48 works physically hard everyday, but eats half of what he used to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Are you cooking scrupulously healthy life-sustaining (yet delicious) foods? I ask because you say you are "cooking to please". When I hear that alarm-bells go off in my head. Too often to get the enthusiastic feedback from family that (especially) American women have been socialized to "crave", family meals are very often loaded with hidden fats, salt and sugars that are detrimental to health. Sometimes after twenty-years of bad eating-habits men start feeling the effects. It might not be an "intellectualized" thought but the body's "inner-intelligence" may be saying the food is not promoting health and vitality. And so he may "pass". Not because your food is any less delicious than it was last year, but because its not what he needs to feel well. I may be a million-miles off. And please excuse the high degree of presumptuousness of this post. I may have this all wrong. I like having my family and friends enjoy the meals I prepare as much as anyone. But I also understand the dangers and temptations of sneaking a in a little butter or a little cheese, or pulling out ice cream and cookies, or what-ever. And if your husband is not eating foods he's eaten happily for years, I'd at least ask myself if there's something more to it than not liking the meal. KWIM? *heads I post, tails I delete* heads :001_huh: Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Well - is he eating at all? If he has no appetite I would worry about his health - either physical or mental. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Is there some reason your husband can't make his own lunch? And what about having him cook dinner one night a week? Dh and I split the breakfast cooking. We are each responsible for our own lunches, as are the kids (they are in ps now, but last year they did their own thing). I make dinners most nights, but dh often helps me. Make up a menu plan a week ahead. Talk to your dh and see what he thinks of your choices. Work together. Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I am not a short order cook for anyone. If my DH started turning up his nose at my meals, he would find himself with a lot more cooking duties. He isn't 2. He should eat what is put in front of him, end of story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 You've already done what my first suggestion would have been. You have discussed it and he doesn't see the problem because you are the only one bothered by his behavior. So you need to establish a boundary. I would start with lunch. There's no reason a grown man can't get his own lunch. If he asks where his lunch is, just say, "Well, I've noticed you seem to be getting tired of my cooking...I've decided it's best you feed yourself." The upshot is, it's impolite to turn a nose up at food that is prepared for you unless you plan to take a shot at preparing dinner yourself. If he's not part of the solution, then he is part of the problem. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I let my DH help with meal planning. That way if he complains, I can tell him he okayed it when the list was made, and if he doesn't want to eat it, he can go elsewhere. Mind you, we've only been married 8.5 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 My dh has always been like that- and I used to get hurt a lot. I wanted everyone to eat healthy and he just wanted comfort food. (And hes a vegetarian who doesnt like vegetables or legumes!). Too hard. Many times I cook fo the kids and not him. Many times I have been in tears or left the table upset at his comments. However he is not heartless-just blunt! The meals that work best for this family are meals that have several components- salad, meat, vegetable, cheese, bread etc. That way everyone gets something they like, and I can eat healthy too. Took me 17 years to work it out though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I'm a little confused. Is the issue that he isn't hungry for dinner or that he is complaining about what you are making? I still don't get why you can't just talk to him about it and see what he thinks is a good solution. Tell him he may not complain about the food once it has been prepared. He can comment when you are planning and he can comment privately after the meal, but NOT during! It is bad modeling for the kids to hear their dad complaining about what has been lovingly prepared. If this is a new thing for him, talk to him about what is different. I don't think you have spoiled him. I have been cooking home-cooked meals for my dh for 18 years and he wouldn't do that. He helps me plan the meals because he is a fairly picky eater and he knows that he eats whatever I make and is thankful. He also knows that he can tell me later if he didn't really care for something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainforest mama Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 You guys have given me lots to think about. One poster mentioned that her husband is 48 and has cut back on what he eats. DH will be 48 this summer. Maybe it's an age thing. This hasn't been a problem until fairly recently. It could also be the winter. It has been so gray and awful, maybe it's having an effect on his appetite. BTW, last night he LOVED what I cooked! I agree with Peela, my DH is not heartless either, he just likes to be honest with his feelings. DH has suggested that he cook once a week, but that still means that I have to decide what he cooks. Sigh, that's just the way he is. He is a truly wonderful man in most ways, but I still want to give him a swat every once in a while. :) Thanks for all your suggestions. You have given me something to work with. Lana. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Stop cooking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Stop cooking. :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 You know, even I get tired of some of our standby meals. You and dh should sit down together and plan the upcoming week of meals together. Dh and I have started doing this just to save money/time, but that way neither of you is having to eat something you don't like. hth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Completely different thought here, is he well? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 When my dh came home for lunch and dinner, I always made lunch our nicest meal with all the fixings. He had an hour for lunch, worked 1 mile away, and he came home at the same time every day. Then at dinner, because I had fed everyone so well at lunch, we ate leftovers, sandwiches, soups, or other light meals and a dessert. It worked wonderful for us, I didn't have to cook 2 large meals, and someone could eat as light or heavy as they wanted in the evening as long as they used leftovers. My dh often ate PBJ for dinner then and I didn't feel bad about it because I had already cooked the good meal and was done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamnkats Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Hi there. I need your help. DH and I have been together over 20 years now (married almost 19). It used to be that he would eat anything I put in front of him. I'm a good cook, but lately he has been turning up his nose at some of my meals. He says he "just doesn't feel like eating that tonight." I have always cooked to please DH and the DDs, so I'm feeling a little put out by this. He's a lovely man, but it gets a little annoying when I slave over a hot stove and nobody wants to eat what I cook. What should I do? Anybody have a BTDT? Thanks, Lana. I would suspect a medical condition and insist he visit a doctor. I've got alarm bells ringing here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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