klmama Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 No, I am not seeking divorce or remarriage! Dh and I are very happy! I'm just curious. Does your church allow divorced people to remarry in the church and still participate as full members? Does the reason for the divorce matter? Particularly, if you attend a church that has the Bible as the only guiding document for right living (no church tradition or other writings), how does your church handle the question of remarriage after divorce? If your church is part of a denomination, please state which one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 If the first marriage was annulled. (Catholic) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I'm pretty church my church (a congregation of the United Church of Christ) doesn't have any restrictions on remarriage after divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I believe (as does my church) that the only scriptural basis for divorce and remarriage is unfaithfulness. If you divorce and stay single for another reason, fine. But if you remarry, that is living in adultery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 United Methodists provide counseling before marriage, but otherwise make no restrictions on remarriage. sigh. I've seen too many people walking down the aisle whom I think should have been tackled and then carried bodily out of the church. OK, that's a wee bit of an exaggeration. Counseling just doesn't seem strong enough of a word for what I think needs to be done, whether for marriage #1 or #2 or what have you. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Remarriage after divorce is okay at our church. I'm not entirely sure what, if any, special requirements (such as counseling) are required. My church is PCA (Presbyterian Church in(of) America) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I have no idea what my church thinks of it. I know that I have been thinking about this a lot lately, because many believe like melissa does which makes me wonder how my church as a whole thinks of it. See I separated from my husband 8 years ago when I was not a christian but we never actually divorced yet. Now I am a christian and am faced with two choices, divorce and remarry which gets me labelled as an adulteress by many, or stay married and live common law with someone and again get labelled as adulteress. I am thinking it is a no win situation unless I maintain the current status quo, which I am not happy with. Hmmm I am thinking it is time to talk to my pastor and see what our church really does think about divorce and remarriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Our Baptist church teaches that reasons for divorce only include unfaithfulness and abandonment. Remarriage for those under that category is accepted. People outside of that are accepted, but not "condoned"... they would be considered in adultery. I have struggled greatly with these types of stands because there is a lot of abuse out there and I believe women and children abused should have the church's support, divorce rights and remarriage that is not considered adultery!! Some pastors agree with this, others do not and it can get very divisive in congregations and all... I think that if a man is abusing wife and children, that is an abandonment of vows. I believe that substantiated verbal and emotional abuse is also an abandonment of vows. Men can be cruel verbally, emotionally and controlling in extreme ways and never lay a hand on the wife and give her a very, very miserable life... where is her support? Once again, if this substantiated, why not come alongside this dear lady and support her and help her to have a better life??? If she takes a stand against this abuse, why call her an adulteress if she divorces and remarries? Some might say that the man may change over time and then want to be with her, so she should stay single... I say don't hold tight to those types of rules... there are some trusts that are broken and cannot be resolved and if a dog keeps biting you, why keep reaching out to pet it?? After a while, you're going to stop putting your hand near the dog and walk away, leaving the dog well alone. Of course you are getting my thoughts following what our church teaches... And as I mentioned, staff at our church disagree with each other, but the church does have that "official stand". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I feel the need to mention that Baptist churches are a denomination, but they are as different as day and night when it comes to certain doctrinal issues. Yes, divorce is considered a sin in our Baptist church, but, no one is going to point a finger, shun, or even begin to condemn you if you decide to divorce. If you come to our Pastor, he will try everything he can to help you save your marriage. But, he is not in charge of you and ultimately the decision is yours. As for remarriage, I believe the terms are the same for couples who want to be married the first time. You have to do pre-marital counseling, but you don't have to be a member of our church. On the flip side, we went to a Baptist church that did shun and condemn one of the parties in divorce. What I mean by that is, they (the pastor and deacons) would form their own opinion on who was at fault, and that was the person that was "in sin." :glare: Most times, it was the woman's fault. Even if her husband had left and been unfaithful, the woman would be "encouraged" to entice him back. You know, the whole, greet him at the door with a smile, give him whatever he wants, make the kids behave etc:banghead: I think it's obvious why we don't go there anymore. So, while I understand why you asked for denomination identification, I want to caution everyone against condemning a whole denomination on one church. Within the denominations there are congregations of all types. You would have to ask each individual church what they do for these situations. Obviously, we've learned the hard way:tongue_smilie: Blessings! Dorinda, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 (edited) I believe (as does my church) that the only scriptural basis for divorce and remarriage is unfaithfulness. If you divorce and stay single for another reason, fine. But if you remarry, that is living in adultery. My husband was divorced prior to becoming a Christian. It wasn't his choice, but if your spouse wants to divorce you, there's very little you can do about it other than contest the terms. She was unfaithful to their vows, though not in the sense that you mean. Just out of curiosity, since I'm "living in adultery," is it your position that my husband and I should divorce and break up our family? That we should stay together but remain celibate? Edited January 31, 2009 by WordGirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mktkcb Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Actually, I think the poster you mentioned would place your husband in the scripturally OK catagory, because he was not the one wanting to divorce. Unless it was your husband that was truly guilty of unfaithfulness.....I'm not assuming it was.....he is free to remarry, scripturally. ALSO, it happened before he became a christian. Thats actually the more important issue. If the divorce occured before conversion, then it isn't held against him, scripturally (obviously there might be continuing practical implications, but not scriptural ones). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Actually, I think the poster you mentioned would place your husband in the scripturally OK catagory, because he was not the one wanting to divorce. Unless it was your husband that was truly guilty of unfaithfulness.....I'm not assuming it was.....he is free to remarry, scripturally. ALSO, it happened before he became a christian. Thats actually the more important issue. If the divorce occured before conversion, then it isn't held against him, scripturally (obviously there might be continuing practical implications, but not scriptural ones). That was certainly my understanding when I married him after much consideration and prayer, but I have occasionally come across people who don't believe his post-divorce conversion changes anything with regard to his freedom to remarry. I'm certainly not suggesting that my husband was blameless for what led to the divorce, but the end result is that she wanted to be on her own rather than go to counseling or try to resolve the problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 That was certainly my understanding when I married him after much consideration and prayer, but I have occasionally come across people who don't believe his post-divorce conversion changes anything with regard to his freedom to remarry. I'm certainly not suggesting that my husband was blameless for what led to the divorce, but the end result is that she wanted to be on her own rather than go to counseling or try to resolve the problems. And what people forget is, even if the roles were reversed and your husband was the one who instigated the divorce, it's none of their business! It's between him and the Lord. Christ forgives us and the church should too. I have a dear friend who's getting married next weekend. It will be her second marriage and it will be in the church. I am so happy for her, and I think the Lord is too! I have another friend who remarried this summer. She has family members that called her an adulteress, but why was she required to stay in a marriage where the husband refused to work? Why should she put up with infidelity and drunkenness. Aren't those sins forms of abandonment? She had to leave her church because of it. Did the church rally around her when he wouldn't get clean? No! They told her to be a better wife and pray for him. When is enough enough? Some churches seem to forget that God GAVE Eve to Adam as a GIFT. And he commanded husbands to LOVE their wives as Christ loved the Church. This means putting them first, being willing to die for them! I really believe that there are times God calls women (and men) out of marriages because of the spouse's sin. In the case of my friend, she strongly believed that God was calling her out of her marriage because of her children and how his behavior was affecting them. If God can take away other things in our lives, why not spouses? It's too bad people treat you and your husband like that Wordgirl. It's none of their business and he shouldn't have to justify it. God blessed him with you (and hopefully visa versa:D) and that's all that matters. Blessings! Dorinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 BTW - Wordgirl, is your real name Becky?:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 This thread, the wording of the OP, and the content of many of the replies are insulting, devastating and unkind. It's a blatant example of how the conservative church fails members in awful circumstances, who are hurt, scared and lonely beyond words. God never meant for a piece of paper to be elevated to idol status. God hates divorce not because it's a sin but because the marriages that lead to divorce are not His wonderful design for union. I have personally suffered additional spiritual abuse under the so-called doctrine representesd in this thread. I have witnsessed a dozen or more others who have had the same experience. Message boards are full of now unchurched Christians or lapsed Christians because of the conservative church's rhetoric and actions on this issue. Fortunately, Jesus has sat with me wiping my tears while His so called followers consider my current life adultery and my children from broken homes. I say this, ironically, having immunity and exemption because adultery was a factor in my divorce. But it doesn't matter; the effects of the thinking represented in this thread hit hard on believers who divorce, remarry or don't buy the party line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 This thread, the wording of the OP, and the content of many of the replies are insulting, devastating and unkind. Joanne, please forgive me. I am sorry this thread has hurt you. That was not my intention at all, and I am sorry that it has. I am not sitting in judgment. I watched my mother go through a terrible time because of lack of compassion and understanding among the church folk, even though she had done nothing but try to have a good marriage. I would never wish that on anyone else. I'm sorry you saw something unkind in my question. Honestly, I was simply curious, because a relative who is divorced is seeking a church in which to remarry. The divorced woman he loves cannot remarry within her own church without an annulment, which will take quite a long time, so they are seeking a new church in which to start fresh. I think my church would be willing to marry them, but I'm not sure. I thought there might be other denominations as options for them to consider. Perhaps I should have clarified that in the beginning. Again, I'm sorry you found this hurtful. I know you've gone through a lot, and I do sincerely apologize for bringing up a subject that causes you pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karenciavo Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Honestly, I was simply curious, because a relative who is divorced is seeking a church in which to remarry. The divorced woman he loves cannot remarry within her own church without an annulment, which will take quite a long time, so they are seeking a new church in which to start fresh. I think my church would be willing to marry them, but I'm not sure. I thought there might be other denominations as options for them to consider. My church, the Presbyterian Church in America, marries members only. Divorce is not an obstacle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Just out of curiosity, since I'm "living in adultery," is it your position that my husband and I should divorce and break up our family? That we should stay together but remain celibate? That is what we were instructed to do by other Christians. Friends stopped being friends with us after they found out my husband had been married prior to me. His wife left him, and yes, there was infidelity on her part. He waited almost four years before moving on. We married, I began raising Aaron as my own, and had Nathan and Ben when we were told we were living in adultery and that we needed to break it. My husband actually contemplated moving into the garage because there would be no way he could pay for two places to live. Finally, we decided that we were to live the life we have now in a manner worthy of our calling. That we were to give our boys the best they could have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I am in the process of converting to Catholicism. I must have a former marriage annulled. It is something I thought I would never have to revisit, but, ... here I am. It is what I have to do in order to receive communion. I also must talk my husband (former Catholic, now atheist) into re-marrying me in the church. Whew. That's gonna go over well. But I pray every day for things to resolve. I figure others have had to go through more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I am a Jehovah's Witness. We use only the scriptures. No tradition. The scriptures indicate that "I say to you that whoever divorces his wife except on the grounds of fornication and marries another commits adultery.’"—Matt. 19:3-9; also Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Matthew 5:32: "Everyone divorcing his wife except on account of fornication makes her a subject for adultery, seeing that whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." "But if the unbelieving one proceeds to depart, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not in servitude under such circumstances, but God has called you to peace."—1 Cor. 7:15. In the interest of his own Christian peace, the believer may let the unbelieving marriage mate depart and live elsewhere. The departed unbeliever may not remarry, any more than a departed Christian believer may do so: "But if she should actually depart, let her remain single or else make up again with her husband." (1 Cor. 7:11) Once adultery is comitted by a marriage mate, the innocent mate is free to remarry. Adultery does not indicate that you must divorce or remarry, but you can choose that course. If a divorce or separation is warranted due to abuse or financial neglect, the innocent mate eventually has evidence that the abuser has commmitted fornication, and then they are free to remarry if they choose. In the case of someone who has divorced and remarried without scriptural grounds, they have committed adultery and are expelled from the congregation. (1 Corinthians 5:9-13) They do have the ability to come back into the congregation, (2 Corinthians 2:5-8, 1 John 1:9; 2:1) with their current spouse but I do not know of all the variables and requirements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I say this, ironically, having immunity and exemption because adultery was a factor in my divorce. But it doesn't matter; the effects of the thinking represented in this thread hit hard on believers who divorce, remarry or don't buy the party line. :grouphug: Joanne, that would not happen within my brotherhood. When God forgives, he forgets, and so we follow his example. Further, you have nothing to be forgiven for, as you were innocent to begin with. I am so sorry that you have been treated this way. 7 so that, on the contrary now, YOU should kindly forgive and comfort [him], that somehow such a man may not be swallowed up by his being overly sad. 8 Therefore I exhort YOU to confirm YOUR love for him. 9 For to this end also I write to ascertain the proof of YOU, whether YOU are obedient in all things. 10 Anything YOU kindly forgive anyone, I do too. In fact, as for me, whatever I have kindly forgiven, if I have kindly forgiven anything, it has been for YOUR sakes in Christ’s sight; 11 that we may not be overreached by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his designs. --2 Corinthians 2:5-11. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Honestly, I was simply curious, because a relative who is divorced is seeking a church in which to remarry. The divorced woman he loves cannot remarry within her own church without an annulment, which will take quite a long time, so they are seeking a new church in which to start fresh. I think my church would be willing to marry them, but I'm not sure. I thought there might be other denominations as options for them to consider. Perhaps I should have clarified that in the beginning. If I had known that was the reason I probably would not have responded. :D It takes a long time to qualify to be married in a Kingdom Hall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 So, the way we handle re-marriage after a divorce is to say, "Congratulations." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 BTW - Wordgirl, is your real name Becky?:D Why, uh, no! I'm not Becky, nosirree! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Why, uh, no! I'm not Becky, nosirree! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Hi Dawn:-) When I married my ...now husband...we went through the whole..."Can I marry a divorced man?" and...I believe that we are within God's will of being married. His wife left him..and even when you are married to someone...and it's not based on Biblical reasons...when you have a new family...you repent...Thank God for what you have....and live.... At least that's what I believe the Bible teaches. Carrie;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Joanne, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. You make me think about the words we all use to talk about these situations which are painful to everyone involved. Blessings! Dorinda:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Hi Dawn:-)When I married my ...now husband...we went through the whole..."Can I marry a divorced man?" and...I believe that we are within God's will of being married. His wife left him..and even when you are married to someone...and it's not based on Biblical reasons...when you have a new family...you repent...Thank God for what you have....and live.... At least that's what I believe the Bible teaches. Carrie;-) Well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CactusPair Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 So, the way we handle re-marriage after a divorce is to say, "Congratulations." Sound good to me!:001_smile::auto: Amen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tibbyl Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I have difficulty understanding why an independently functioning adult would continue to subject themselves to a group of people so dogmatically blinded that they are practically devoid of compassion and common sense when dealing with divorce of a fellow believer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nanmom Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Our church, Church of God, does allow divorce and reamarraige. It is not looked at favorably except in cases of adultry and if you asked our pastor he would say it was wrong but he would not kick you out of the church. It is considered when taking on a position of leadership in the church and usually those remarried except in case of adultry will not be allowed to hold positions of leadership. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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