Poll: Facebook safety for teens

[Sharon in SC]

This is the second attempt to post this (first attempt lost in cyberspace). :-} Reader's digest version: Our 16yo very responsble, sensible, and intelligent dd would very much like a FB account. She oftentimes feels left "out of the loop" at church youth functions because the bulk of the fellowship interacts routinely on FB with each other. To date, dh and I have hesitated to have her set up an account strictly because of internet safety reservations. I'm curious as to how those of us here with teens have processed this particular issue. Please share your experiences. I want to be open minded on her behalf but, most importantly, want to make a good decision. I feel that, in this day and age, you can't be too careful.

 

For the poll's sake - let's consider the term "safe" to mean protection from malicious intent.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Other....just no. But it hasn't been an issue either.

 

If either teen asked, I guess I'd have to research it and decide.

 

I do have to say that my friend's ds and my stepdaughter both have MySpace accts and both have what I would consider "very mildly inappropriate" stuff on them. Most of it is fine, but I'd rather my kids not have stuff like that on there and prefer them not looking at stuff like that. Again, it is VERY mild and probably wouldn't twinge most people's radar at all, but....obviously it does mine.

 

Anyway, so No they don't do it. My first "gut" reaction is No. But I really know NOTHING about it.

[Ria]

I have a Facebook account, as do five of my children. Unless you allow someone to be your friend, you can't talk to them and they can't talk to you (or view your information). My rule for the kids is, you must know the person in order to be a friend. We've had no problems at all.

 

My five sons spend their summers at a wilderness canoe camp in Canada. Their friends from camp live all across the country and around the world. Facebook is a wonderful way for the guys to stay in touch, share pictures of their summer adventures, and plan for the upcoming summer.

 

Facebook allows me to keep up with my college kids, and to see their latest pictures. It allows them a glimpse of home, lol...when I remember to update, at least!

 

I honestly can't see how Facebook could be dangerous if you limit the contact to people your child knows in person.

 

Ria

[Sharon in SC]

Other....just no. But it hasn't been an issue either.

 

If either teen asked, I guess I'd have to research it and decide.

 

I do have to say that my friend's ds and my stepdaughter both have MySpace accts and both have what I would consider "very mildly inappropriate" stuff on them. Most of it is fine, but I'd rather my kids not have stuff like that on there and prefer them not looking at stuff like that. Again, it is VERY mild and probably wouldn't twinge most people's radar at all, but....obviously it does mine.

 

Anyway, so No they don't do it. My first "gut" reaction is No. But I really know NOTHING about it.

 

I hear you. Our youth pastor has encouraged dd to get a FB. That's where we are - plunged into the necessity of evaluating this as an option for our dd. :-}

 

I will say I was with my sister recently and she just clicked on MySpace that immediately had an ad for something that our family (nor scripture) condones. Yuk, Yuk, and double yuk to My Space!

[abbeyej]

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, with certain caveats... I would want to set it up with her, and help set the privacy settings. I would ask that she only "friend" people we know in real life (if you're doing this to get church youth group updates, you could initially keep it just to kids and adults involved with the youth group).

 

You can decide how much or how little personal information is available on her page. It will be set so that only her "friends" can see, and since it's for youth group stuff, it might make sense to have a phone number available there, but if you're uncomfortable with that, you don't have to include it. Any other personal information, you can also leave blank.

 

For my own child, I would probably also require that I have access to their password and they knew that I *could* use it to check up on their account at any time. (Not that I *would* necessarily, but I want it understood that as their parent I *may*.)

 

If I didn't have an account already, I would create one and become their first "friend". ;o)

 

Facebook also includes a chat feature (only works with "friends"). You can turn this off by clicking on the little green person on the bottom right of the screen and selecting "go offline". It will stay offline till you change it again.

[cathmom]

You can also not use her real name. You could do first name and middle as last, or first name and nickname as last, or something like that. That way, only people she tells her name to can find her.

[Demal]

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, with certain caveats... I would want to set it up with her, and help set the privacy settings. I would ask that she only "friend" people we know in real life (if you're doing this to get church youth group updates, you could initially keep it just to kids and adults involved with the youth group).

 

You can decide how much or how little personal information is available on her page. It will be set so that only her "friends" can see, and since it's for youth group stuff, it might make sense to have a phone number available there, but if you're uncomfortable with that, you don't have to include it. Any other personal information, you can also leave blank.

 

For my own child, I would probably also require that I have access to their password and they knew that I *could* use it to check up on their account at any time. (Not that I *would* necessarily, but I want it understood that as their parent I *may*.)

 

If I didn't have an account already, I would create one and become their first "friend". ;o)

:iagree:

 

It's usual and customary in our group of real life friends on Facebook (mostly moms with younger teens) to do all of the above. As a "friend," you would have access to your child's page and see all messages and who she befriends. You don't even have to go to her page because there's a live feed of all activity on your friends' pages (which you can turn on or off for specific "friends").

 

ETA: My concerns are less about internet predators, etc., and more about computer viruses.

Edited January 25, 2009 by Demal

[Hen]

I choose "other" because I will allow my teen to have one, but she hasn't really been interested yet, so I will wait till she is.

 

you can set it so that she is not even 'searchable', if someone puts in her name it will not even come up, if you want. Or you can have it searchable, but your name and small profile pic will only appear- they have to become your friends to see more. -this is the setting I have on mine.

 

I will let mine to facebook, because it is the way people are staying in touch now. I will not allow myspace because of fear of viruses and because some of the ads and content are vulgar.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I voted other because he hasn't asked to join. He does have a "Steam" account, but I keep tabs on it to make sure that nothing untoward is happening. He is part of a group of 4 or 5 friends on it and no one else. They are an exlusive group.

 

I joined facebook because I wanted to see what it was all about and learn for myself what the pitfalls might be. I am also hoping to figure out how to use it to help my business. So far, it is just a time waster for me;)

[Chris in VA]

I have a Facebook acct, and I would recommend it over MySpace. The amt of sleaze on MS is unbelievable.

Rules here are that we have access--although now my 19 is refusing, so we are dealing with that.

[fivetails]

Responsible, sensible, intelligent, sixteen years old, and she's feeling out of the loop with her youth group because they pass on info, plan things, discuss stuff, etc on FB? Yep, I'd allow it. :) She's old enough to understand about putting information online, how to use the security features, etc etc...and it wouldn't be very good if a youth event was planned and she had no knowledge of it - these days, a LOT of communication among young people is done through technological means, email/FB/etc..... it may be different than the way things were done for *us* as young people (back in the dark ages of dial phones LOL), but that doesn't mean it's bad. ;)

[Hillary in KS]

I voted "other", because he doesn't want one. Ds 13 isn't interested in most things internet, with the exception of e-mail.

 

If the kids ever do want one, I'm okay with it,as long as I set up the safety restrictions and they understand that nothing on their page is private or kept from Mom and Dad.

[fivetails]

ooops, I didn't answer the question itself... dd12 *did* have a FB account for a while (done up with the security features in place, no pics, no direct contact info, only friends I approved, etc etc y'know the drill) because she'd seen me on mine and was fascinated with the vids and throwing food and silly applications like that...the novelty wore off and I closed it down for her...she might want it back again sometime and I'd allow it, with the same restrictions as before. :)

[Macrina]

My 16yo sister has an account, I set it up for her with our Mum's permission. Her privacy settings are to the max and she has never had any problems. My Mum has a fb page now too!

[Sharon in SC]

Responsible, sensible, intelligent, sixteen years old, and she's feeling out of the loop with her youth group because they pass on info, plan things, discuss stuff, etc on FB? Yep, I'd allow it. :) She's old enough to understand about putting information online, how to use the security features, etc etc...and it wouldn't be very good if a youth event was planned and she had no knowledge of it - these days, a LOT of communication among young people is done through technological means, email/FB/etc..... it may be different than the way things were done for *us* as young people (back in the dark ages of dial phones LOL), but that doesn't mean it's bad. ;)

 

Thanks for the post. Just to clarify - FB is not the primary means of communicating about youth functions. It has just become a lively source of "fellowship". :)

[Colleen]

First of all, as an aside, may I just say how odd I find it that your youth pastor has encouraged your daughter to set up a FB account? Granted, I'm not a youth pastor kinda gal, but really....Does this guy not understand that some parents may have reservations about FB (or other things)? I think he's out of line.

 

But back to the question at hand, I voted "other" since my only teen hasn't asked for a Facebook account. I seriously doubt he even knows what FB is, for that matter. At this point, if he did want an account, I'd say no b/c I feel he's too young and he doesn't have a pressing need for one. If he were in the situation you described ~ a responsible 16 yo who is part of group that routinely interfaces on FB ~ I'd agree to it in a jiffy.

 

I do believe that at your daughter's age, and given her character, she should be given the freedom and responsibility to manage some aspects of her life online. I would set it up with her in the manner Abbey described. I believe, based on what others have told me, that FB can be relatively safe ~ but keep in mind, I'm not one who harbors grave concerns about Internet safety. The reality in this day and age for many/most of us is that our lives are fairly accessible to others through the Web. No biggie.

[LibraryLover]

I don't have any prob with FB. Two my teens have accounts, one doesn't. My sister is 'Friends' with them both, as are some of their high school teachers, and any access to their pages is only with people they allow to 'Friend' them. I don't have any problems whatsoever with how my kids are using FB. I actually have an account myself, although I don't want to 'Friend' either one of them. ;)

 

Let me tell you this: Nothing can go on on FB that doesn't become known asap. If you post you broke up with your gf or something, your cousin calls your mother & asks if you're ok. :lol: I suppose that could be a downside...

[Kate CA]

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, with certain caveats... I would want to set it up with her, and help set the privacy settings. I would ask that she only "friend" people we know in real life (if you're doing this to get church youth group updates, you could initially keep it just to kids and adults involved with the youth group).

 

You can decide how much or how little personal information is available on her page. It will be set so that only her "friends" can see, and since it's for youth group stuff, it might make sense to have a phone number available there, but if you're uncomfortable with that, you don't have to include it. Any other personal information, you can also leave blank.

 

For my own child, I would probably also require that I have access to their password and they knew that I *could* use it to check up on their account at any time. (Not that I *would* necessarily, but I want it understood that as their parent I *may*.)

 

If I didn't have an account already, I would create one and become their first "friend". ;o)

 

Facebook also includes a chat feature (only works with "friends"). You can turn this off by clicking on the little green person on the bottom right of the screen and selecting "go offline". It will stay offline till you change it again.

This is me too. I don't have concerns with the safety of FB necessarily, I am just not ready for them to have another online thing. :D They have effectively stopped blogging as there are other things more important and interesting in life. One of my dds plays all my FB games and that is the only thing she would be interested in for her own account. LOL

[Tracey in TX]

Our oldest two children have asked to have a FB account. I tested the site to ensure my comfort level with it. Now that I feel comfortable, they've lost interest. So, if they ask again, they will be allowed. As long as I'm their #1 friend and have access to all chatter taking place. :)

[Laura K (NC)]

I don't think it's safe as far as acquaintances go. I got a Facebook account so I could check on my teen children. My 13yo son started getting a whole lot of attention from an extremely forward 13yo girl and the situation escalated. We don't allow dating or boyfriend-girlfriend stuff, but this girl kept pushing my son to be more and more secretive and more and more close. Fortunately I'm smarter than my 13yo thinks I am and I have been able to play firefighter, but it is taking work. It's the instant messaging that's the danger, but that IM danger is not just on Facebook. It's just that with Facebook, images, suggestive songs, and built-in romance enhancers make it really easy for an aggressive kid to influence an innocent friend.

 

My older son has not had a problem with it, and until the past few weeks, I would have said it was perfectly safe. These are life issues that my kids would have to deal with eventually. I just didn't understand how much truly unsupervised play could go on at that site.

[LBC]

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, with certain caveats... I would want to set it up with her, and help set the privacy settings. I would ask that she only "friend" people we know in real life (if you're doing this to get church youth group updates, you could initially keep it just to kids and adults involved with the youth group).

 

You can decide how much or how little personal information is available on her page. It will be set so that only her "friends" can see, and since it's for youth group stuff, it might make sense to have a phone number available there, but if you're uncomfortable with that, you don't have to include it. Any other personal information, you can also leave blank.

 

For my own child, I would probably also require that I have access to their password and they knew that I *could* use it to check up on their account at any time. (Not that I *would* necessarily, but I want it understood that as their parent I *may*.)

 

If I didn't have an account already, I would create one and become their first "friend". ;o)

 

Facebook also includes a chat feature (only works with "friends"). You can turn this off by clicking on the little green person on the bottom right of the screen and selecting "go offline". It will stay offline till you change it again.

 

:iagree:

 

Help her set it up, and make sure you have access so that you can see who her friends are, and what they are talking about.

 

When my dd first set up her account I went to check on it, and saw that her profile said that she was "single", and interested in "men". :eek: When I went to change the setting, I realized that "single" was the closest thing to her situation, and you could only choose from men or women. I was glad to see that you can just leave that part blank.:tongue_smilie:

 

Another thing that has come up is that one of her acquaintances who attended Christian school with her for less than a year has photos of herself kissing another girl. It's a bit of a learning curve, but gives us many opportunities to discuss life outside of our safe little homeschooling world.

 

Lori

[LaMere Academy]

My 2 teens have them and they can only have as friends people they know IRL. I also know their passwords and they're my friend on it, so I see everything. They're accounts are private as well. They've had them for over 6 months and no issues.

[Vida Winter]

We have facebook and myspace completely blocked on our household network. I will have nothing to do with either one, kiddos too.

[Sharon in SC]

This is the second attempt to post this (first attempt lost in cyberspace). :-} Reader's digest version: Our 16yo very responsble, sensible, and intelligent dd would very much like a FB account. She oftentimes feels left "out of the loop" at church youth functions because the bulk of the fellowship interacts routinely on FB with each other. To date, dh and I have hesitated to have her set up an account strictly because of internet safety reservations. I'm curious as to how those of us here with teens have processed this particular issue. Please share your experiences. I want to be open minded on her behalf but, most importantly, want to make a good decision. I feel that, in this day and age, you can't be too careful.

 

For the poll's sake - let's consider the term "safe" to mean protection from malicious intent.

 

Well, from those who've responded to this poll, the majority are allowing their teens on FB, have of which are not sure it is completely safe. :-} I will say I am more open minded to the possibility for my dd. Will be talking to dh in the days to come and make a decision from there.

 

Thanks, all, for taking the time to participate!

[Jenny in Atl]

Nothing in life is safe. I let my oldest has a FB page, but I know her PW and can view it at anytime. I know who she talks to, etc. I trust her... but up to a reasonable point. Still, there is always danger in life no matter how much you try to guard against it.

[Sharon in SC]

This is the second attempt to post this (first attempt lost in cyberspace). :-} Reader's digest version: Our 16yo very responsble, sensible, and intelligent dd would very much like a FB account. She oftentimes feels left "out of the loop" at church youth functions because the bulk of the fellowship interacts routinely on FB with each other. To date, dh and I have hesitated to have her set up an account strictly because of internet safety reservations. I'm curious as to how those of us here with teens have processed this particular issue. Please share your experiences. I want to be open minded on her behalf but, most importantly, want to make a good decision. I feel that, in this day and age, you can't be too careful.

 

For the poll's sake - let's consider the term "safe" to mean protection from malicious intent.

 

Just thought I'd followup with you guys and let you know that I spent that bulk of last evening setting up a FB account for 16yo dd as a surprise to her. She knew that dh and I would be discussing it but had no clue she would come home from ballet to what she did. I had spoken with one of her dearest friends and together we got her page to the place where when she saw it she already had a bank of friends waiting to say "hi"! This really was fun for me because I had reached the place in decision making when I had peace. She's a terrific kid. We've had several friends whose kids went behind their back to set up an account. Our dd, while she's had ample opportunity to do the same thing, refused her friends offer to facilitate an account for her in the name of, "My parents don't want me to." This was a way that I found to honor her obedience and respect and I had a blast surprising her. She broke out into a huge grin and never stopped the whole time she was playing around with it.

 

Of course, in addition to leaving the settings at the highest degree of privacy, we've established guidelines 'cause I do not want this to become a time consumer for her (one of my next biggest concerns) to which she has readily agreed.

 

Anyway, just wanted to share with you guys our decision. You were all so helpful in the discussion earlier in the week.

 

Blessings,

Sharon

[RebeccaS]

I've had several friends whose kids went behind their back to set up an account. Our dd, while she's had ample opportunity to do the same thing, refused her friends offer to facilitate an account for her in the name of, "My parents don't want me to." This was a way that I found to honor her obedience and respect and I had a blast surprising her.

 

What an awesome dd you have raised! :001_smile: