newlifemom Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 DIFFICULT. Dh is yelling at him now b/c he can't put away a simple basket of clothes (maybe 6 or 7 items) without having someone stand over him. I mean he's almost 7 years old. Shouldn't he be old enough? Is this just part of his ongoing issues? I never know when to discipline and when he's acting out. Someone please tell me what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 There could be a lot going on there. He is only 6. Maybe, to him, that little basket of clothes is not as important as it is to you all...or as playing is to him. What did he do instead of putting away the clothes? My 5 year old will dissolve into tears if he has to clean a huge mess that he has made all by himself. I think it is overwhelming for him, so we tend to stand in there with him and say, "okay...put all of your cars back in the bucket," "okay, now put the covers back on your bed," etc. Of course, we are still working toward independance there. I am not sure - are there other issues with your son? ADHD maybe or a processing disorder. Not knowing or being around your son, it is hard to say whether he is acting out or something is wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Someone please tell me what to do. Be thankful you have 3 girls :D Bill (father of a boy :tongue_smilie:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Be thankful you have 3 girls :D Bill (father of a boy :tongue_smilie:) HAHAHA!!! I should sign mine mom of two boys...and ONLY boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 DIFFICULT. Dh is yelling at him now b/c he can't put away a simple basket of clothes (maybe 6 or 7 items) without having someone stand over him. I mean he's almost 7 years old. Shouldn't he be old enough? Is this just part of his ongoing issues? I never know when to discipline and when he's acting out. Someone please tell me what to do. He is only 7. My 7 yo dd still can't do this either. Yelling may get him to do the task now but it won't get to the heart of the issue which is character. (Gently) I think you need to think of other non-yelling creative ways to motivate this child. What is his "currencency?" My 7 yo is motivated by money. My 5 yo's currency is time for his electronic games. If they don't get jobs done then they don't earn their reward -- time to play video games on Saturday and/or their allowance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 When you originally sent your ds to put away his laundry did he purposely disregard your instructions or did he get distracted and forget about the laundry? Children are easily distracted; I try not to hold that against them. Sorry you're feeling frustrated!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 DIFFICULT. Dh is yelling at him now b/c he can't put away a simple basket of clothes (maybe 6 or 7 items) without having someone stand over him. I mean he's almost 7 years old. Shouldn't he be old enough? Is this just part of his ongoing issues? I never know when to discipline and when he's acting out. Someone please tell me what to do. Based on my own experience, yes, he should be old enough to complete that task. (Disclaimer: Each child differs, may not have the same attention span, etcetera.) He didn't. He was either willfully disobedient or just didn't follow through. So help him along. Make him follow through. Mete out appropriate consequences as you deem necessary, but you and your husband probably know by now that yelling at him about it isn't going to help.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 I really don't know what happened. I wasn't invovled. I am supposed to be working on lesson plans.( really I am I just finished) so I was in the living room. I remember seeing dh bring the very small basket of clothes into the kid's room and tell them to put it away. Dd 5 apparently did this and picked up some other toys as well. Ds did not. I don't know how much time elapsed but dh was quite put out when he went in there to pray with them and found that ds put one thing away and well was probably playing. The thing is he is probably ADHD, possibly ASD and well, difficult. Nothing is easy it's always a struggle. We (dh and I) go back and forth how to handle it. I don't know if these are things that we have to look on as parents to a special needs or just parents of a boy and thus we tend to go easy on him and then get frustrated like dh did tonight and end up yelling. I do it too. I am waiting to hear from Dr so we can get him evaluated, just needed to vent a little I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 my son has days where I ask him to put him his clothes and he does it. a large pile of them. then there are days where he looks at the pile, starts crying and hours later he is still whining for help. since we know he can do it without help I don't help. And he's not allowed whatever really fun thing he wants until he does it. so I am mean. but on those bad days standing firm helps b/c eventually he goes and does it and gets over his mood. making the bed is our current 'hot button' issue. He can do it. but it's hard. and I don't mind helping but dh says no. so he's using that division to work out in his favor. I have no help really....but we have the same problems some days. and then some days we don't. no rhyme or reason to it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I really don't know what happened. I wasn't invovled. I am supposed to be working on lesson plans.( really I am I just finished) so I was in the living room. I remember seeing dh bring the very small basket of clothes into the kid's room and tell them to put it away. Dd 5 apparently did this and picked up some other toys as well. Ds did not. I don't know how much time elapsed but dh was quite put out when he went in there to pray with them and found that ds put one thing away and well was probably playing. The thing is he is probably ADHD, possibly ASD and well, difficult. Nothing is easy it's always a struggle. We (dh and I) go back and forth how to handle it. I don't know if these are things that we have to look on as parents to a special needs or just parents of a boy and thus we tend to go easy on him and then get frustrated like dh did tonight and end up yelling. I do it too. I am waiting to hear from Dr so we can get him evaluated, just needed to vent a little I guess. As someone who has a 7yo with "issues", it so hard to know what to do. No, yelling doesn't help. Yes, you may just have to stand over him as he does whatever it is you want done. The goal is that he does what you asked him to do - he is able, but I wouldn't call supervision going easy on him. Deliberate disobedience would be handled one way and distraction in a child with special needs would be handled another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 As someone who has a 7yo with "issues", it so hard to know what to do. No, yelling doesn't help. Yes, you may just have to stand over him as he does whatever it is you want done. The goal is that he does what you asked him to do - he is able, but I wouldn't call supervision going easy on him. Deliberate disobedience would be handled one way and distraction in a child with special needs would be handled another. That is why, while I am nervous about getting a diagnosis I almost feel I need one. We go back and forth about what he should be able to do, what he should be guided through etc. (sigh) It doesn't get easier does it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My son, who is the same age as yours, can put away a basket of clothes but it takes him FOREVER even though he isn't stopping to play or goof around. I think it is a BIG job for some children that age. I get the best results with laundry when we work together as a team. I fold the clothes and neatly pile the hanging items by person so that hangers can be inserted easily. The kids put the folded clothes where they belong and put hangers on their set of clothes to be hung. We get it done very quickly this way, with no complaints, and my kids know where everyone's clothes go not just theirs. My almost 2 year tries to help so we let him put socks away with help (or else they'd all end up in the wrong person's drawer). Maybe working together would help for the time being? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My son, adhd and sensory integration disorder, is 11 and he cannot go brush his teeth when told just once. Most of the time. It kills me sometimes!! Drives me nutty. He gets lots of reminders and we have a system where when he just doesn't want to and I can tell the difference he gets points(minutes) subtracted from bedtime. He loves to stay up later than his young brothers, but he has to behave better for me. It's a process... a process... an over and over and over again process... sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Maybe working together would help for the time being? :iagree: I have clear memories of enjoying cleaning up my room at that age, but only if Mum were there. My 6, also, hates being alone and often loses focus if alone. If he does carry on with out us being there, he keeps running to me and giving me progress reports. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 as a parent and a home schooling Mom is this... My expectations for my child can NOT be the same as my goals for my child. Read it again, it is more profound than it seems. If my goal is that someday my kids put their laundry away neatly and well, my expectation is still, that at 6, it is going to take a great deal of hand holding. As they get older my expectations get higher for them but even still, we are not a the goal yet so there is still some kind of hand holding and encouragement. Someday the goal will be reached as long as you stay the course and lovingly come alongside you child as you teach toward your goals. At six I would not leave them alone to do a pile of laundry yet, at least my dd still needed help hanging things. Socks, underwear and pj's are easily done but hanging things up and folding properly I would think still need some teaching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Patience. Deep breaths. Constant reteaching. Nice tone of voice. Smiles, not yelling. Ask your ds to visualize himself doing the chores before he does them so he'll remember. Ask him to tell back to you what he needs to do. Supervise cheerfully, as needed. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Read Transforming the Difficult Child! Just the first section of the book helped me understand alot and react alot better! I have a 6 year old. I've wanted him tested for about a year now for something. I was convinced he was adhd, or asperger's, or gifted. He may have a little of all of those things, but he's already making changes for the good. He's thinking much more before he acts and working really hard at succeeding. He wants to succeed and we want him to succeed - the book helped to put us on the same page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Read Transforming the Difficult Child! Just the first section of the book helped me understand alot and react alot better! I have a 6 year old. I've wanted him tested for about a year now for something. I was convinced he was adhd, or asperger's, or gifted. He may have a little of all of those things, but he's already making changes for the good. He's thinking much more before he acts and working really hard at succeeding. He wants to succeed and we want him to succeed - the book helped to put us on the same page. Do you have the new 2008 edition that amazon is selling or the older version (1998)? Through ILL, I can get the old edition. I'm wondering if there is anything worthwhile in the new edition. Thanks! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I have the 2005 version. I'm not sure what the difference would be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I have the 2005 version. I'm not sure what the difference would be. I requested the old version from ILL, hopefully it is not too different. Thanks. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Dh is yelling at him now b/c he can't put away a simple basket of clothes (maybe 6 or 7 items) without having someone stand over him. I mean he's almost 7 years old. Shouldn't he be old enough? Is this just part of his ongoing issues? I'm really not good at remembering which kids have which "ongoing issues" so my answer might be different if I understood that. Generally, I tried to frame things two ways for my ds (who had an alphabet soup of dxes by your ds's age). First, I gave him a time limit such as, "Tyler, it's 11:00; by 11:15, that basket of clothes needs to be put up." This allowed Tyler to get his head around it, work it out in his head, get to it, etc. Second, I made it clear that the world has stopped until it's done such as "you may go outside after that basket of clothes is put up." Sometimes I used one or the other. Many times, I used both together. One thing I still use quite regularly with "little friends" is the race. My friend's 6yo has spent winter break with us and he'd get out all the train tracks and castle blocks. I knew he was capable of picking up when it was just these two toys. It was time to "do chores" around here and he had to pick them up. So my daughter would race. Could he pick them up before she finished? Anyway, regardless, checking is NECESSARY. You check often during training and spot check at various frequencies afterwards. You don't tell a child to do something at 11am and then fuss at him for not having it done at bedtime. Instead, you check in a timely manner. Some people think checking is similar to "standing over him." The thing is that you can't train a child to mind and follow through completely without first teaching, watching, then checking. If he doesn't do it and you don't find out about it, he loses by "winning" for HOURS. That isn't in the child's best interest. And he's learning. And seeing how the world works. And gaining valuable ethics. And it takes TIME. LOTS of time. BTW, my hubby will be checking my kids' rooms when he gets home from work today (we ask them to clean them every month or two). My kids are 13 and 16. You still will be making sure sometimes with teens :) I hope some of this helps, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 as a parent and a home schooling Mom is this...My expectations for my child can NOT be the same as my goals for my child. Read it again, it is more profound than it seems. If my goal is that someday my kids put their laundry away neatly and well, my expectation is still, that at 6, it is going to take a great deal of hand holding. As they get older my expectations get higher for them but even still, we are not a the goal yet so there is still some kind of hand holding and encouragement. Someday the goal will be reached as long as you stay the course and lovingly come alongside you child as you teach toward your goals. At six I would not leave them alone to do a pile of laundry yet, at least my dd still needed help hanging things. Socks, underwear and pj's are easily done but hanging things up and folding properly I would think still need some teaching. Wow. :iagree: But you've put it all in a nice neat sentance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 For Pete's sake.......maybe there's a problem and maybe there isn't, but my boys.......... They can gas up the car, load the truck, feed cattle, mow the lawn, break a horse, change the oil, burn the trash, play a helluva game of chess and give you endless details on every gun ever made but put up a basket of clothes? Nope, I'd find them on the floor, or their table or anywhere but their drawers, and they're 14. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My 9yo is easilly distracted (when it's something he's not interested in, that is). When interested, he's so focused the world could be coming to an end and he'd never notice (even non-electronic stuff can generate this type of intense focus). Chores... fall into the "uninteresting category" -- fully capable, but completely distracted by a shadow on the wall, "is that a spider?" he thinks, then investigates and completely forgets what he was in his bedroom to do. OTOH, my 5yo took it upon himself to "organize" the refrigerator. He took everything out of the door and put it on the shelves (sort of like when the children decided to "clean" their room and literally picked everything that wasn't nailed or tied down and piled it in their closet (I have pictures). Apparently, their sense of organization and cleanliness is a lot lower than mine:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 For Pete's sake.......maybe there's a problem and maybe there isn't, but my boys.......... They can gas up the car, load the truck, feed cattle, mow the lawn, break a horse, change the oil, burn the trash, play a helluva game of chess and give you endless details on every gun ever made but put up a basket of clothes? Nope, I'd find them on the floor, or their table or anywhere but their drawers, and they're 14. I love you Remudamom. You are just so sensible. Always. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My ds15 has always been like that! I STILL have to remind him what he was supposed to do. It's funny to see the light bulb go on--"Huh? Oh yeeeaaaahhhh!" :) Remember that different children are different! I am hoping that you and dh don't use dd as a "weapon"----by that I mean, "Well, dd did that, and she's only 5!" That will break his spirit! Some kids just have a harder time concentrating and remembering those things. YES, it is frustrating to an adult who knows exactly what they want that child to do, especially when another of their children does it so well! BUT......some kids look at that basket and get overwhelmed. They're not sure they remember which drawer things go in. They're not sure if they're supposed to wait for mom to come help, since she helped last time, or if they are supposed to do it before she gets there. Who knows what their little heads are thinking?! But most of the time, those guys aren't trying to be bad! In fact, probably just the opposite. But they can't wrap their brain around how they're s'posed to do all the things they're s'posed to do! I was that way when I was younger. My dad was that way when he was younger. Maybe it's some kind of genetic make-up thing or something? I don't know. But a soft word or two as a reminder will do a WORLD of good more than yelling. Sad to say, I know that from experience. :( Some kids are just built that way--as remudamom said her boys are. As I said mine is. So I say No, you don't have to stand over him always! Try to look at the positive things he does, and be generous with the compliments on what he does do well. That can help him gain confidence, and the gentle reminders help him stay focused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 If it makes you feel any less anxious, my nearly 8, neuro-typical, girl child often misses the mark on such complex instructions as "go put your nightgown on". (And then, 20 minutes later, when we ask if she's ready for bed - and she has done nothing beyond walking up the steps - and we scream, it takes 30 seconds.):glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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