Setting work boundaries when you're kinda sorta friends with your boss

[Kanin]

Hi all, looking for advice and experiences on boundary-setting when you're kind of friends with your boss. I work in a school, and my (male) principal is someone I have known for about five years. We get along socially (like to joke, lighten things up at times) but we don't socialize outside of work. We know many people in common from a previous job.

I'm not sure if it's common in schools, or just small ones, or mine... but most staff have each other's cell phone numbers. We do text the principal at school if we need him to come deal with a situation ASAP. (Mixed feelings about using personal cell phones regularly at school...)

Anyway, it's summer "vacation." Obviously we're all doing some amount of working, but it's theoretically NOT the school year. I've gotten a couple texts over the past few weeks from my principal with questions, and was asked to do one phone conversation for planning for the next school year. Today, I was asked via text to check in with another staff member about something minor. This is something that principal can do. And I think, SHOULD do. I'm not getting paid extra to figure anything out over the summer.

I could use some help setting a boundary with this. I've already let the line be crossed way too many times over the past summers. No doubt it will seem weird to principal that all of a sudden I'm not willing to go along as we've been doing for years now. 

Thanks 🙂

[City Mouse]

That doesn’t really seem like a “friends” issue. This summer, I had a short meeting with the Superintendent (very small school district) later with the principal on a specific topic. Last week I got a call from a teacher I work with who wanted to set up an in-person meeting for this Friday. Most of the teachers are working in their rooms even though they are technically still on break. I do contract work, so my situation is a bit different. 
I have worked in other districts where almost no one worked over the break. I would assume it is just school or district dynamics.

I would respond back something like “I am not available to do that right now due to other plans, but I’ll check in with her on xxx date”

[Katy]

This. But I would rephrase it as, “on the ——th, when our contract starts.”

[Laura Corin]

So does your contract include zero working hours during the summer?

[Anne]

Another way to phrase that is, I’m not available/can’t do that right now but will put it on my list for _____.

 

[Hannah]

For the task of contacting another staff member, I'd say that I can't do it right now, but here's her number if urgent, else I can do it on x date.

If the requests are not too frequent, I'd be flexible and expect some flexibility in return during the semester.

[wintermom]

I agree with a PP that this isn't a friend issue, it's a boss thing. If you are on summer vacation you are unpaid (not on contract to work), then be professional with your reply. Word it however you would normally. I usually have something on my automatic email response like, "I'm currently away from the office until XX date. If this is an emergency, please contact XX at this number/email." You could word your text something like this. You are also a professional and a friend to this person. This is a professional context communication, that requires a professional response.

[QueenCat]

As others have said, this doesn't sound like "friend" correspondence. It sounds like "boss" correspondence. I would bet that others are getting similar correspondence. It's up to you if  you want to deal with things in the summer. When I taught, I did some things in the summer and would have done the requested items, except for contacting the other colleague on the principal's behalf. Although if I had a good relationship with that person, I might do it... As long as I wasn't getting constant texts or emails, I would go with the flow. Makes things easier in the work environment. For the in-person meetings here & there, we usually got comp time to use during the school year. 

[momto3innc]

As a principal of a smaller school, this doesn’t seem like a friend issue. Now at my school, contracts run through the summer.  We all love when we can have rest over the summer, but I’ve definitely had contact with every teacher in my building this summer. Only when important, but that’s just part of our school culture that summers are used to prepare for the next school year. I had a meeting with two teachers today and one tomorrow. Most like to do it during the summer so they can be fully prepared for the next year. 
I definitely try not to unnecessarily bug them (and we are all friendly/friends with each other), but there are just things that need to be figured out during the summer that can’t just be done by me—then I worry I am making decisions for teacher’s classrooms that they won’t prefer. So yes, I’ve sent quick texts of “would you rather have this or that?” Or “we just finished your floors—can you remind me how to set up your room?” And my new teachers have come in for training, both with me and with other teachers.

So for me this doesn’t seem unusual but obviously all schools are different.

[KungFuPanda]

When you answer his last question (you have to put a stop to it at some point) just say “FYI, I will be unavailable for any school related tasks until x date.” Make sure x date is the exact contract date you’re required to work. There’s not much summer left. If he wants to work that’s his problem, not yours. He’ll live. 

[madteaparty]

I think to the trivial request I just would not respond at all.

it’s trivial, and if he cares enough, he will do it himself. 
 I have similar issues (which in my case are of my own creation), and it is a totally different work situation, but not being reactive and jumping the moment I get an email/letting calls go to voicemail has been the hardest lesson for me to learn and relearn repeatedly forever until I die. When used, it works though! 

[Kanin]

19 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

So does your contract include zero working hours during the summer?

Yes.

[Kanin]

7 hours ago, madteaparty said:

I think to the trivial request I just would not respond at all.

it’s trivial, and if he cares enough, he will do it himself. 
 I have similar issues (which in my case are of my own creation), and it is a totally different work situation, but not being reactive and jumping the moment I get an email/letting calls go to voicemail has been the hardest lesson for me to learn and relearn repeatedly forever until I die. When used, it works though! 

That's good! I need to do that.

Starting in September, I'm going to only check emails twice a day, and that'll be my time to respond. I also get caught up in the fervor of people emailing and expecting quick responses. It really chops up the day, though. 

[Kanin]

11 hours ago, momto3innc said:

Only when important, but that’s just part of our school culture that summers are used to prepare for the next school year. I had a meeting with two teachers today and one tomorrow. Most like to do it during the summer so they can be fully prepared for the next year. 

Yes... I mean, I'm definitely preparing for the school year at home for a significant portion of the summer. It's not explicitly part of the school culture, though. It would actually help my mental health if it was part of the contract, or at least a stated part of the school culture. I spent all of last summer trying to not think about school at all until August 1st (school starts late August), but it turned out to be impossible and then I would get so upset when a text would jolt me into school-mode when I had finally stopped thinking about school for a while. 

It was such a hard school year with many difficult staff interactions that I really wish I could disconnect for a time. 

[Kanin]

21 hours ago, City Mouse said:

Most of the teachers are working in their rooms even though they are technically still on break. I do contract work, so my situation is a bit different. 
I have worked in other districts where almost no one worked over the break. I would assume it is just school or district dynamics.

I think a lot of people are working at home, some not working at all, and probably a handful working in classrooms. 

[Kanin]

11 hours ago, momto3innc said:

I definitely try not to unnecessarily bug them (and we are all friendly/friends with each other), but there are just things that need to be figured out during the summer that can’t just be done by me—then I worry I am making decisions for teacher’s classrooms that they won’t prefer. So yes, I’ve sent quick texts of “would you rather have this or that?” Or “we just finished your floors—can you remind me how to set up your room?” And my new teachers have come in for training, both with me and with other teachers.

 

I'm 100% fine with this sort of communication. It's the "How many minutes of math services does this kid get per week?" questions that put me over the edge when he and I both have the login to the website that would tell him that very thing. 

[Laura Corin]

10 minutes ago, Kanin said:

Yes.

Then I'd follow the good suggestions of others in the thread: 'thanks for the email, I'll look at that on (contract start date)'. 

Personally, I use a professional email for work stuff and I just don't look at it when I'm on leave.  That's my boundary.

[SKL]

Personally I would expect to have some limited amount of work time in the summer, but with flexibility.  So for things that require any level of research or more than a couple minutes of time, I wouldn't drop everything for that.  I'd respond something like "I'm tied up with another commitment until noon Thursday, but I can look at this after that."  If that's too long, they will do it themselves or ask someone else.

Not the same thing, but when I went on maternity leave after adopting two infants, my female boss made a point to tell me that nobody who considers herself a career woman actually leaves the workforce for maternity; they remain available via email/phone, keep up with the goings-on, and work part time.  Which is what I would have done anyway, but I thought it was kind of bold to out and say that. 😛

As for the friend aspect ... my folks told me all my life "never go into business with a friend, it will ruin the friendship and the business."  I didn't listen.  It is very challenging at times.  I am on call 24/7 for just about every kind of work you can think of, up to and including cleaning the men's bathroom after a wedding.  😛  On the other hand, I have more flexibility than most when it comes to important things like taking off work for my kids' health and education stuff.  In your case, hopefully you give a little and they give a little.