Have you ever successfully overcome an inhibition?

[Sunshine State Sue]

I sometimes say that I grew up in a large family where our favorite form of communication was ridicule.  I am loathe to put myself into a situation where I could be ridiculed. There are 2 activities that I might like to participate in that I cannot make myself participate in because I am so self-conscious and feel foolish and embarrassed. One is zumba. One is dancing (not sure how you call it - free style dancing?)

I'm not asking for advice on how to overcome my inhibitions. I have some ideas. I want to be inspired that it is possible to overcome an inhibition by examples of others who have overcome their inhibitions. If you have overcome an inhibition and are willing to share, I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks in advance.

[Indigo Blue]

Hmmm….don’t know if this will help…..but, hopefully it does. 
 

You could think of your inhibition as being something that your “inner child” is holding onto because that feels safer. You could internally tell that vulnerable child that the adult side of you is going to take charge of this and do what is best for “both” of you. Tell your inner child to let go and let the adult version of you be in control. 
 

This is what I do when I need to do things that I feel inhibited to do. I have a problem with not wanting to feel like I am being mean and angry at people because it, well, makes me feel like I am being a mean and angry person. Changing long-time accountants, asking for a deposit back from a painter who didn’t show up when they said they would and were unavailable by phone that whole day, etc. These things are very hard, so I make my adult self take over and just do the thing. I still have the feelings, but I let the “adult” deal with them now. 
 

If your adult just did the thing, the first time would be the hardest. It would probably be fine after that. 
 

Sorry….just now reading you didn’t want advice. Anyway, this is how I am trying to overcome at least part of mine. Just ignore if this isn’t helpful.

[Rosie_0801]

Sure. It occurred to me that I didn't need to feel ridiculous in front of people who were too busy stressing about their own stuff to notice. I still don't enjoy doing those sorts of things, but dislike isn't the same as fear.

My Nan did too. My grandfather had inadvertently trained the sociability and independence out of her, so after he died, when I bought her an Auslan class in the city, she was excited, then baulked at the door. I opened it, pushed her in and she came back out at the end totally thrilled with life, and a few weeks later, when I couldn't escort her, she climbed right on the train all by herself (she'd been afraid of that too) and took herself to class. The next I heard she was top of her class and telling me her dog was looking at her funny when she practiced in the mirror. When she finished, her certificate was framed and in pride of place on her telly until she moved away. The aunts all said she wouldn't do it, but she did.

[Katy]

Yes. I just did the things and then it didn’t matter. 

[catz]

At some point, I realized people who ridicule are actually feeling so cruddy about themselves they have to send their negative energy out to the world because they don't know what else to do with it.  It's about them.  Not about me.  99% of the time, people are just trying to get through their day and not going to care what someone else is doing.  

I felt like I grew up very much in a household like this.  And I don't think it was malicious.  I think my family loved me and did the best with the tools they had at the time.  My dad died a number of years ago now and they have really let go a lot of their negative energy over the years   And it helped that I just learned to shut it down and walk away from it.  

I am far from perfect with this.  But life is too short to be dictated by other people's bad behavior and negative energy.  

[Indigo Blue]

8 minutes ago, catz said:

But life is too short to be dictated by other people's bad behavior and negative energy.  

Truth.

[SKL]

Yes.  For decades, I couldn't wear shorts.  Just too self-conscious about my legs.  (FTR I have relatively healthy-shaped legs, but the skin isn't pretty.)  I also couldn't wear sandals or go barefoot around people.  And I wouldn't be seen in a bathing suit.  Needless to say, I got hot in the summer.  😛

A few years ago, I decided that life's too short for self-imposed, irrational limitations.  I found some shorts, sandals, and a bathing suit that suit my shape and my sense of style.  I go everywhere in shorts and sandals now.  The earth has not stopped spinning, whew!

Social anxiety seems to decrease as I get older.  I still have no desire to be a speaker at a conference, but I can tolerate being in a room full of people and chatting with various folks.

I joined TKD with my kids when they were 6 and I was 46.  The uniform + a t-shirt give good coverage, and it's not like everyone else there is a wiry 18yo, so I don't feel self-conscious there.  Because I'm older than most of the teachers, they never give me a hard time for being a slow learner.

I still have inhibitions.  I don't like to play the piano when people are around (which is basically always, these days).  I should work on that if I ever get caught up on my responsibilties.  😛

[bookbard]

Oh, lots of things. I refused to learn to drive, until I was forced. Now I drive hours each day. My sister could never speak in public - then she got a job where part of it was public speaking, every day. She's fine with it. We were all raised to be scared of adults and really struggled with shyness that took years to overcome, but we're all confident now. The key is practice. Also, I guess, realising that everyone is thinking of themselves, 90% of the time, and not you. 

[Pam in CT]

Sure. The biggest was public speaking -- I greatly prefer writing > speaking, and also behind-the-scenes > in-front-of-the-room. But practice.

Realizing that a) most of the time most of the people actually are NOT looking at us/ talking about us/ thinking about us/ judging us because most of the time they're deep inside their own concerns; and also that b) even to the limited extent that some of the time some of the people ARE judging us... most of the opinions of most of people don't actually matter all that much... is very liberating.

I mean, so maybe one of the people at the program I did last night at our library on Early Voting DID think that my roots need highlighting, or that I spent too long on the part about wonky deep-in-the-weeds legislative details, or that a darker font color would have been easier to read on the screen, or whatever. That's OK. The world will carry on rotating on its axis and I will carry on to the next thing.

 

[KungFuPanda]

You’re trying to overcome trauma, not inhibitions. The good news is that an adult dance class can be a VERY encouraging and accepting place where you can begin to heal. I’ve seen women form the most amazing friendships in an adult recreational class. Forget about every cutthroat and judgy dance movie you’ve seen. I’ve never seen that in 20 years of adult dance classes. 
 

Zumba is fine too. It moves too fast for anyone to pay attention to you. They’re looking at the teacher and trying to follow along and catch the changes. Give it a try, hang in the back, and follow along as best you can. The routines get repeated so the people who are really good at it likely have seen that routine a few times. You’ll get better as you see things again. 
 

You absolutely can overcome this but the first step is to show up for a class. Put it on your calendar. You need a date, time and location and you need to keep that appointment. Tell yourself you’ll stay for 30 minutes. You can bail if you hate it or stay if you’re hanging in there. 
 

You need to practice making mistakes around people who aren’t assholes so your instincts can learn that nothing bad will happen. It’s healthy to get to the point where you can see mistakes as learning opportunities. I grew up in a culture where pride was high and mistakes were treated as character flaws. I eventually grew to be the person who pays extra to take classes with the tough teacher that makes other people cry. I know I learn more with the teacher who has the skill to see and correct mistakes than I do with a “nicer” instructor. I’m giving this example to show my evolution, not because that level of scrutiny is happening or desirable in a beginner class; even one taught by the same teacher. It takes TIME to build comfort and confidence when you’re trying something new. Try not to be afraid. Everyone is there to have fun and the teacher WANTS you to enjoy the experience. 

[Momof4sweetkids]

By God's grace, I have overcome social anxiety. I realized that my shyness was coming off as rudeness and I could love people better if I overcame my fear.

[Clarita]

Yes, actually a lot of things. Since my mom has anxiety she made a lot of things sound really scary to me. I surround myself with encouraging go for it people and I do it and most things don't seem so bad. Even when it turns out bad, I'm a grown adult I can take myself out of that situation and never see those people again.

[Eos]

I have a slight lisp and a very quiet voice that gets quieter as people ask me to speak up, and as a result I hate public speaking...I just signed up to do a one hour presentation on my research this summer.  Ugh, why?? Anyhow, I will tell you about overcoming an inhibition next fall 🙂

[Emba]

Public speaking used to be the bane of my existence. I froze in front of a group at school and just left the room once in high school.  But just over time, making myself do it, I’ve gotten over it. I’ve voluntarily spoken in front of large groups several times. It just doesn’t even make my list of “things I’m afraid of” because I know I can do it.