What do you do for yourself to reduce stress and promote relaxation?

[Jackie in NE]

With our new living arrangements, my dh is gone ALL THE TIME. That leaves me with 4 active kiddos who are with me ALL THE TIME. I find myself looking at other "grown-ups" that are shopping, driving, walking, etc. by themselves, and wishing I could be like them. I need a break.

 

Btw, we have no money. Please don't tell me to join a health club, or get a baby sitter. Can't afford it.

 

I just recognize the imbalance in my life, and I notice my temper getting short with my kiddos (it's not their fault!).

 

At night, I can't wait for them to go to bed, so that I can have 5 minutes peace! By then, I'm so tired, I just clean up the kitchen, read for 10-20 minutes, and go to sleep.

 

Also, btw, this makes me feel like a poor mother and a lousy homeschooler! Who can't wait for their kids to go to bed?

 

When it looked like I would have to go back to work, I was broken-hearted about putting my kids in ps. Now it looks like we've found a way for me to stay home, and I almost wish I could go to work. At least I think that would be easier than what I'm doing now.

 

Whine, whine, whine. If you've read this far, you're pretty amazing.

 

Thanks for any ideas/words of wisdom you can provide....

 

Jackie

[klmama]

Rest time. Yes, your kids are too old for naps, but they aren't too old for a daily silent reading time so you can get a break. After lunch, everyone here heads for a different spot to read or rest. The preschooler and I often take short naps, while the older dc read. We take an hour for this, and even with a 20 minute nap I still have time to get a sanity break by myself, reading or working on something just for me. If your youngest isn't reading well enough yet to read alone, audiobooks from the library or downloaded stories from Librivox would work.

[newbie]

Do some ten min. meditation exercises, I think you can find them on youtube.

[Heather in Neverland]

Valium. :D

[lionfamily1999]

Build a fort.

 

Seriously.

 

Give the kids some sheets and free reign to destroy the room of your choice. Ignore the racket and let them build. You'll get at least an hour out of this.

 

May I also recommend barricading the doors so no one escapes, then locking the bathroom door with yourself inside it. Run some scalding hot water into the tub and cook yourself for at least twenty minutes. Play the "what was that" game, but simply accept that whatever it was it is too late to undo now.

[Jackie in NE]

Valium. :D

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[momofkhm]

It really does help. Your 14 yo can watch the rest of them.

 

I agree with the quiet time idea as well.

[Jackie in NE]

I also recommend barricading the doors so no one escapes, then locking the bathroom door with yourself inside it. Run some scalding hot water into the tub and cook yourself for at least twenty minutes. Play the "what was that" game, but simply accept that whatever it was it is too late to undo now.

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

My kids are now sure that I've lost the few marbles I had left, as I'm LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY at the computer screen!!

 

Laughter actually IS the best medicine.... Thanks ;)

[lionfamily1999]

"Please Don't Eat the Daisies"

Probably the best book I've ever read. She recommends yelling "pick up your pants" whenever there's quiet (which is when they're getting up to shenanigans), apparently kids are perpetually leaving pants laying around, because it works.

 

Glad I could help ;)

[Jackie in NE]

It really does help. Your 14 yo can watch the rest of them.

 

I agree with the quiet time idea as well.

 

 

After running for about 20+ years, 4 marathons, and countless "fun" runs, the discs in my back are toast. That is how I USED to keep my sanity, though. What I would give for a good interval workout! Or a tempo run! or a 20 miler!

 

If I could afford the gym, I'd swim.....

[caryn]

How about a walk?or, I think you just need to carve a time alone where you can just rest or do anything you want -let say an hour a day. It could be early afternoon and no one could disturb you for that hour. You must be consistent about it same time everyday so it will incorporated in the routine.

It helps me if I could just take a short break either to relax or to read or just a short power nap if I want to. Hope this helps.

 

Caryn

[melissel]

Who can't wait for their kids to go to bed?

 

 

:seeya: That'd be me. I'm not afraid to admit it! All day with my kids is plenty. I crave the quiet after they go to bed. Of course, by then DH is home and wants to discuss his day, sooo...I've been getting up early. Is that an option? I find that when I can manage it, a quiet hour or two at the beginning of the day works better for me than time at night, when I'm too wiped out to do anything but collapse, nonfunctional, on the couch.

[Blessedfamily]

...And I was gonna add...a stiff drink. :D

 

I want to agree with this, but I shouldn't, so I won't. Lord, help me.

[elegantlion]

I highly recommend siestas! I have started implementing them after school. I take 1 hour to 1.5 hours for myself. My ds is not allowed to bug me and I hide in my room and either fall asleep, read, or watch TV. He will even come wake me up when I ask.

 

Your oldest two are old enough to supervise for an hour. You owe it to yourself.

 

My stress was over the top and I was having insomnia and by 4pm I was done. I take a siesta almost every day and it has saved my sanity.

 

Here's a lovely place to imagine yourself in, I just found this yesterday.

 

[Kim in Appalachia]

Could you do Pilate's or Yoga? Both are good for relieving stress.

 

Other advice: get plenty of sleep, eat healthy, do whatever you have to in order to get some alone time (I like the tent idea)

[Peela]

I would have the older watch the rest of them while you go for a walk.

Put them all to bed by 8pm- the older ones can read longer.

then get up before everyone- that's what I do and it really helps me. If for some reason I am not up first, it puts me on the wrong foot for the day.

But also, my husband was very good at training the kids to give us some space when we wanted it- even if it meant putting on a movie for them. Whatever it took- I am an introvert and need my space, and he needs a sane wife! He also trained them to give us some space when he and I were just sitting around chatting- adults need adult time.

I did the whole attachment parenting, family bed, long term breastfeeding thing, but I did simply take space when I needed it- even if it just meant going to my room and shutting the door.

[Jackie in NE]

You know, I think I actually have a Beginning Pilates videotape around here. I might try to dig it out and give it a try.

 

Thanks for the help.

 

Btw, I noticed your dc are close in age to mine. My oldest dd (14) is also doing Lial's Algebra, Physical Science (Apologia), French (French Prep), piano, and swimming. :)

[bettyandbob]

I rise before everyone else. A few minutes alone with hot tea before everyone else is up is a big deal.

 

I exercise.

 

If I were in your situation I'd schedule two "breaks". One to go for a walk or run alone, I'd make the 14 yo responsible for making sure everyone was safe for 30 minutes while you did this. Then I'd bundle up and get out of the house. Even if it's super cold, the sunshine will be good for you. The other break would be the mid day nap/quiet time break. Everyone must be alone with a book or nap for 45 min. Then at night bedtime would need to be enforced. I might have a night time quiet time for 30 minutes before lights out.

[Guest janainaz]

:D W-I-N-E.

[Jackie in NE]

I've got a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon breathing on the counter as we "speak".

 

Thanks

[6packofun]

Have the 14yo do some read-alouds and during that time take a long, hot shower!! And/or read yourself!

[Desert Rat]

I get up before the kiddos and do yoga. I use a show on Oxygen network called Inhale. I have for 7 years now. I love it. It starts my day in the right tone. My boys also know that I reserve the right to impose quiet room time at any point when I feel I've had enough.

I'm with you on the kid in bed thing though. I look forward to bed time and keep a strict 8pm time. By then, I pick up the book and sit reading for an hour or so.

It may seem difficult at first to get up early and workout but I find it pretty easy most of the time because I just know I'll feel better during the day.

HTH

[Happy]

Yep, my husband travels with his work and is gone as much as two weeks at time. That's hard. The reality is that you are a 'single' mom some of the time.

 

I heartily endorse the quiet hour in the afternoons, as well as an exercise break.

During your quiet time...instead of doing laundry or cleaning house, I urge you to do something for *you.* Go read a novel, or write one. Add a few stitches to a quilt. Scrapbook a page. Plant a flower. I think making room in your day for something important to yourself really refreshes.

 

It does get easier as the littles get bigger. You can actually go to the grocery store and bank by yourself. ;);)

[Pretty in Pink]

My dh works incredibly long hours as well which leaves me pretty much single-parenting 4 children. I know what you mean about them always being with you. I look forward to bedtime most days as well.

 

We do have a quiet time as PPs have suggested. When my dh is home I get away for a few hours. I usually just go to the bookstore and lounge about, reading. Sometimes I spend a few bucks and grab a hot tea or small snack. Often I just sit on the floor and read. Sometimes I only get to do this once a month, but I am always looking forward to it.

[Janna]

I whole heartedly agree about instituting the rest time.

 

I had no idea about this until I saw SWB in Cincinnati 2 years ago. I thought that once my kids were to old to nap, that was it. But she said that one should never let their kids know they are too old for naps, lol. I intend to enforce this with my little guy.

 

Since your kids are older, they obviously know that they are too old to nap. But you're still the Mom. Tell them that you are now instituting a "rest" time. Explain if you want, the need for everyone to separate for a time - it is good to learn to be alone and it makes the "reunion" all the better. But if you don't want to explain, don't. Just institute it. And be prepared to be argued with. But don't give in. After a period of time, I guarantee they will be looking forward to it just as much as you!

 

I instituted this 2 years ago, and my now 10yo dd asks about rest time every single day ("Mom, is it rest time yet? I already have planned what I'm going to read/do"). My ds still doesn't like it, but he goes without arguing and listens to books on CD. I am certain that soon he will be looking forward to it (I'm thinking that will happen when baby brother starts becoming a bother to him, LOL).

 

I live for that time of the day. Since having my baby 6 months ago, I need a nap every day. If I don't get it, I am seriously crabby. I have many days where my dh is gone all day, not getting home until 10pm or later. I have to get that nap in. In fact, I plan my day around it, to be honest. The second my ds goes down for his afternoon nap, rest time ensues.

 

And alcohol, when reasonable and responsible, can sometimes be a good thing too. :D

 

edited to add: I also got involved in a Bible study with other women from my church for an hour and half every week. Is there something like that you could do? It was free and good to be around other women (though I can relate to wanting to shop or just be out, like other moms. Frequently, after the study, which ended at 11:30, some of the women would go out to lunch together. At the beginning, I would grumble inside periodically, as I drove home to continue schooling where my dh left off when he left for work, but as the weeks went on, the grumbling stopped. I was truly OK with it. Maybe there's a free class for something you could join at the library if not a Bible study.

Edited December 7, 2008 by Janna

[Jen in PA]

My dh leaves hours before the kids are up and usually gets home after they are in bed (though not always asleep). We've also had some stretches where he was only home on weekends, and through it all there hasn't been a lot of money for babysitters. I absolutely need to have time to myself both before they get up and after they go to sleep. Sometimes I take a short nap, just half an hour while they watch Arthur on pbs, just so that I will be awake enough to enjoy the evening once I've tucked them in. I used to feel guilty about it, but now I just feel like it makes me a better mother.

[Krista in LA]

You said you don't have money for a babysitter, but is there some reason why your 14yo can't babysit for you? I found that my life got so much calmer when I was able to leave my dd (13 now, but she has been doing it for over a year) in charge while I ran to the store, or whatever. Granted, I only have 2 kids and my ds is 10 so it's a little easier but I would think that your two older ones should be able to watch the youngers while you sneak out for some alone time. Seriously, just to go to the grocery store by yourself can be a wonderful experience.