Scarlett Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 I know the answer to this will vary widely depending upon your location and culture. However weigh in if you don’t mind. If a couple opts for a small (30 guests) destination wedding is it considered proper to throw them a wedding shower even though the vast majority of people won’t be invited to the wedding? Or would a reception for everyone week after the wedding be better? Or both? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 I think a celebration party after would be better, but that's a hard one. Looking at it as a guest, I would probably not look upon a shower ahead of time too kindly, thinking it was a gift grab. Same if it was called a reception after. It's a hard line to walk, and if not done just right it could leave invitees with a bad taste in their mouth about the intentions of the bride and groom. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 Who is hosting? If the couple or their parents are hosting, a reception after the wedding. For a recent engagement, they could hold an engagement party now and a reception in honor of the newly married couple after the wedding. If close friends or workmates want to honor the bride/couple, either a shower, a reception, or both. I think the same group hosting both events would be unusual, but multiple events hosted by different groups would be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 Hmm..Well, I've been invited to many baby showers, but so far, never been invited to the actual birthing.... Anyway, I think if friends or a church or workplace type organization hosts a shower it would be fine, but if family hosts it, it may be looked more upon as a gift grab. I seldom go to showers anyway, and only attend weddings of people I am very close to. So I would not care that the couple had a tiny destination wedding. I'd send a gift or cash in a card without attending any of it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 I was taught that you don't invite people to the shower who aren't also invited to the wedding, and to me that makes sense. It seems kind of rude. But a reception sometime after the wedding for local people seems more appropriate. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 28, 2019 Author Share Posted June 28, 2019 41 minutes ago, hjffkj said: I was taught that you don't invite people to the shower who aren't also invited to the wedding, and to me that makes sense. It seems kind of rude. But a reception sometime after the wedding for local people seems more appropriate. I know that is what I was taught too. But this is a young couple who both still live at home. They for a number of reasons do not want the stress of a local wedding, but they don't want to just cut people out. So a reception after the wedding (a week later) might be the best bet. Once they are married much of the stress they are feeling will dissipate. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 49 minutes ago, hjffkj said: I was taught that you don't invite people to the shower who aren't also invited to the wedding, and to me that makes sense. It seems kind of rude. But a reception sometime after the wedding for local people seems more appropriate. Where I grew up, it’s pretty much the opposite. While some very close friends and family are invited to the shower, it’s mainly for people who won’t be invited to the wedding, such as friends or coworkers of the parents. And the hosts are usually close friends of the parents. However, in the current case, a reception afterwards seems most appropriate. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 (edited) I always felt it is in poor taste to invite anyone to a shower who is not welcome at the wedding. A reception afterward would be fine. A baby shower is to welcome the baby. It cannot be compared to the wedding shower. A reception often brings on gifts anyway so if the point is for gifts, then the reception is plenty. Edited June 28, 2019 by Janeway 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 You could get away from the issue by hosting a party afterwards and calling it a "wedding celebration party" instead of a reception. https://www.zazzle.com/we_got_married_casual_script_wedding_reception_invitation-256860048273037964 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 28, 2019 Author Share Posted June 28, 2019 1 hour ago, Katy said: You could get away from the issue by hosting a party afterwards and calling it a "wedding celebration party" instead of a reception. https://www.zazzle.com/we_got_married_casual_script_wedding_reception_invitation-256860048273037964 OOOh. That is cool. I will pass it along. Thank you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 (edited) Never mind! I was being too nosy! Carry on.... 🙂 Edited June 28, 2019 by Catwoman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 28, 2019 Author Share Posted June 28, 2019 4 hours ago, Janeway said: I always felt it is in poor taste to invite anyone to a shower who is not welcome at the wedding. A reception afterward would be fine. A baby shower is to welcome the baby. It cannot be compared to the wedding shower. A reception often brings on gifts anyway so if the point is for gifts, then the reception is plenty. Well, the point is certainly NOT for gifts. They do want to share in the celebration with everyone but they need a low stress wedding.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 Showers are really for gifts. I was taught that they were for showering the couple with needed items to set up house and that sort of thing. I think having a shower and inviting people that are not invited to the wedding is not very polite. I always thought that if you want a small quiet wedding, then you are giving up some of the traditional things like showers that go along with a bigger, more family/community oriented wedding. I do think that a reception after the wedding can be nice, but I am not sure I would call it a reception. DH's sister got married out of town and very few people were able to make it, us included. It was a last minute change from her original plan and we didn't have money to go. They had a reception near her home town a few months later that was very low key, no presents were expected. It was more like a celebration of their marriage than a reception. It was a BBQ with cupcakes at a park. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 5 hours ago, Frances said: Where I grew up, it’s pretty much the opposite. While some very close friends and family are invited to the shower, it’s mainly for people who won’t be invited to the wedding, such as friends or coworkers of the parents. And the hosts are usually close friends of the parents. However, in the current case, a reception afterwards seems most appropriate. Yes, me,too A shower is about getting gifts and showering someone with gifts. That could be seen as money grab I guess....but the point is to give gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 A small intimate wedding for a select few and a reception after for scores of people isn't unusual where I'm from. Very little is unusual where I'm from because it's mostly transplants from all over the US and around the world. There are many reasons for the this approach, usually including extremely difficult wildcard extended family members who are known to cause scenes, create tension, and get offended by every freaking little decision that makes up a wedding or because some religions require only practicing members of their faith in their temple for temple ceremonies. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 2 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said: A small intimate wedding for a select few and a reception after for scores of people isn't unusual where I'm from. Very little is unusual where I'm from because it's mostly transplants from all over the US and around the world. There are many reasons for the this approach, usually including extremely difficult wildcard extended family members who are known to cause scenes, create tension, and get offended by every freaking little decision that makes up a wedding or because some religions require only practicing members of their faith in their temple for temple ceremonies. Thank you. I do think it is becoming more common with all the divorces, blended families and all that entails. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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