Have your kids completely turned away from something they used to think was so important?

[Lady Florida.]

11 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Yes, we all will have stuff, but not saddling the kids with our stuff, and especially not things they said clearly they don't want, is a great last gift we can give them. I am writing this as I am dreading having to deal with my parents' house that is full of stuff. No, I don't know when I will die, but I am planning on Swedish deathcleaning while i'm still able.

I had to deal with that when my mother died. Dh and his sibling just went through it this year after FIL died (MIL died several years ago and he didn't get rid of any of her stuff). I don't want my kids to have to go through any of that. I won't keep stuff and make them have to deal with it when I'm gone. From experience I know that most of it will be tossed or donated and I know how much work it is to do. 

[unsinkable]

9 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

No, I do not "struggle to turn the pages on a new chapter."  

20 bins?  I don't even have one per kid, so......

Now, that's Bob Seger

XXXXXXXXX

On a long and lonesome highway east of Omaha
You can listen to the engines moanin' out it's one old song
You can think about the woman or the girl you knew the night before
But your thoughts will soon be wanderin' the way they always do
When you're ridin' 16 hours and there's nothin' much to do
And you don't feel much like ridin' you just wish the trip was through
Here I am on the road again there I am up on the stage
There I go, playin' star again, there I go, turn the page
So you walk into this restaurant, all strung out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you, as you're shakin' off the cold
You pretend it doesn't bother you, but you just want to explode
Yeah, most times you can't hear 'em talk, other times you can
All the same old cliché's, is it woman, is it man
And you always seem outnumbered, you don't dare make a stand
Make your stand
Ah

But here I am, on the road again, there I am, up on the stage
Here I go, ah playin' star again, there I go, turn the page
Whoa

 

 

[Catwoman]

4 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

I cannot seem to get to regent rude's post, but keeping a couple of shirts is not "straddling them with stuff."

Somehow my post has turned into a "you must have bins and bins of crap you are straddling them with!  You evil woman, throw it ALL OUT!"

No, no, I don't, and no, no I won't.  

 

Same here.

I don’t plan to leave my ds with a ton of junk, but I’m in no way planning to get rid of the things I value on the off-chance I’ll get hit by a bus this afternoon. My ds already knows I don’t expect him to keep anything he doesn’t want, but I’m not going to turn into a minimalist so there won’t be much of anything left when I die.

I would have felt awful if my parents had parted with cherished possessions just to make things easier on me when they died. I wanted them to be happy and to keep everything they valued. 

There is a huge difference between a hoarder and an average person continuing to live a normal life and have collections and possessions that matter to them. I don’t think we can expect people to purge in the anticipation of eventual death. Their stuff is their stuff and they can do whatever they want with it.

[unsinkable]

22 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Which begs the question about why the cousin hasn't just agreed to take the bins and then gotten rid of the stuff on her own. . .

That's not what begs the question means.

Description: Any form of argument where the conclusion is assumed in one of the premises.  Many people use the phrase “begging the question” incorrectly when they use it to mean, “prompts one to ask the question”.  That is NOT the correct usage. Begging the question is a form of circular reasoning.

[DawnM]

4 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

I had to deal with that when my mother died. Dh and his sibling just went through it this year after FIL died (MIL died several years ago and he didn't get rid of any of her stuff). I don't want my kids to have to go through any of that. I won't keep stuff and make them have to deal with it when I'm gone. From experience I know that most of it will be tossed or donated and I know how much work it is to do. 

 

So, WHEN do you plan to do that?  Now?  today?  Do you plan to live in an empty house with no memories?  I am not 80, I am not moving to a nursing home, and I do not feel the need to get rid of 100% of my stuff right now.

At some point, your kids DO need to go through your stuff......however much of it there is.  You cannot live with nothing.  

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

 

Same here.

I don’t plan to leave my ds with a ton of junk, but I’m in no way planning to get rid of the things I value on the off-chance I’ll get hit by a bus this afternoon. My ds already knows I don’t expect him to keep anything he doesn’t want, but I’m not going to turn into a minimalist so there won’t be much of anything left when I die.

I would have felt awful if my parents had parted with cherished possessions just to make things easier on me when they died. I wanted them to be happy and to keep everything they valued. 

There is a huge difference between a hoarder and an average person continuing to live a normal life and have collections and possessions that matter to them. I don’t think we can expect people to purge in the anticipation of eventual death. Their stuff is their stuff and they can do whatever they want with it.

 

THANK YOU!  

[HS Mom in NC]

30 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Which begs the question about why the cousin hasn't just agreed to take the bins and then gotten rid of the stuff on her own. . .

How is she supposed to move 20 bins from Albuquerque, NM to Raleigh, NC?  She doesn't want to spend money on Uhaul and lost wages doing a few days drive instead of a few hours flight.  She doesn't want to pay ship it back to her house.  And she isn't the one who insisted on hoarding it, so should she have to invest all that to get rid of it when she's offered to help get rid of it every time she's traveled to see them?

Edited December 28, 2018 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[unsinkable]

Just now, Catwoman said:

 

Same here.

I don’t plan to leave my ds with a ton of junk, but I’m in no way planning to get rid of the things I value on the off-chance I’ll get hit by a bus this afternoon. My ds already knows I don’t expect him to keep anything he doesn’t want, but I’m not going to turn into a minimalist so there won’t be much of anything left when I die.

I would have felt awful if my parents had parted with cherished possessions just to make things easier on me when they died. I wanted them to be happy and to keep everything they valued. 

There is a huge difference between a hoarder and an average person continuing to live a normal life and have collections and possessions that matter to them. I don’t think we can expect people to purge in the anticipation of eventual death. Their stuff is their stuff and they can do whatever they want with it.

Perhaps some one has a large rubber stamp collection that is stored in the hidey-hole in the back part of the basement where only she goes...

And perhaps it is pretty neatly organized (bc she does use them but brings up only what she is using, mostly ) but her DH swears when she dies, he will call for a dumpster before he calls the funeral home...

Soooo....Perhaps she has told her stamping friends they should hustle on over if they hear she has died and get the good stuff before the dumpster arrives!

[Lady Florida.]

Just now, DawnM said:

 

So, WHEN do you plan to do that?  Now?  today?  Do you plan to live in an empty house with no memories?  I am not 80, I am not moving to a nursing home, and I do not feel the need to get rid of 100% of my stuff right now.

At some point, your kids DO need to go through your stuff......however much of it there is.  You cannot live with nothing.  

I guess it depends on how you define memories. I have a few items from when ds was a baby but a very few. At some point I'll ask him if he wants them. He kept his Lego and Thomas trains/tracks to hopefully pass on to his own child someday.

I use photos for my memories. We plan to downsize in the next year or two (our deadline is 2 years, before dh retires) so I'm actually weeding out stuff now. I guess it's a personality thing plus my aversion to stuff probably comes from my mother holding on to pretty much everything. I don't want to be like that. I just don't feel like my memories are tied up in the stuff the memories come from.

Empty house? Of course not. I'll have furniture and clothes and a few (very few) decorative items, and kitchen appliances, etc. And lots of photos on my walls and tables. 

[DawnM]

3 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

How is she supposed to move 20 bins from Albuquerque, NM to Raleigh, NC?  She doesn't want to spend money on Uhaul and lost wages doing a few days drive instead of a few hours flight.  She doesn't want to pay ship it back to her house.  And she isn't the one who insisted on hoarding it, so should she have to invest all that to get rid of it when she's offered to help get rid of it every time she's traveled to see them?

 

I had to re-read your post, you never said it was NM to NC......so how in the world was she supposed to know that info?

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I think for some of us, and no one has to join this group, but there is a difference between holding onto something that is USEFUL and sentimental, even if it’s use is decorative, and just keeping a lot of “sentimental stuff” in a box in a closet that never gets looked at or anything else. If it’s one or two boxes, awesome. But when you have attics full and closets full, it’s just a lot for the people left behind to have to deal with. I am not saying you need to ditch this stuff now, especially it isn’t only a couple of small boxes. But some of us come from dealing with house fills of stuff and it’s a burden to be honest, and sometimes it seems like people underestimate a) how much they have and b) what an emotional burden it is for someone else to have to sort through later. 

 

It was a giant leap to go from "My son wants to get rid of a shirt" to "you must be a hoarder who can't part with things because you have deep psychological issues."  

[Catwoman]

3 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

I guess it depends on how you define memories. I have a few items from when ds was a baby but a very few. At some point I'll ask him if he wants them. He kept his Lego and Thomas trains/tracks to hopefully pass on to his own child someday.

I use photos for my memories. We plan to downsize in the next year or two (our deadline is 2 years, before dh retires) so I'm actually weeding out stuff now. I guess it's a personality thing plus my aversion to stuff probably comes from my mother holding on to pretty much everything. I don't want to be like that. I just don't feel like my memories are tied up in the stuff the memories come from.

Empty house? Of course not. I'll have furniture and clothes and a few (very few) decorative items, and kitchen appliances, etc. And lots of photos on my walls and tables. 

 

Do you have any hobbies? I have quite a few and they all require quite a lot of tools, equipment, and supplies. I also like decorative stuff and artwork, and I collect certain things as well.

I think it all comes down to what’s important to you. You are probably a “less is more” person, while I’m a “more is more” person. 😉

[DawnM]

Just now, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I thought at this point we were talking about generalities on sentimental preferences. I wasn’t trying to indict you as unstable or having an issue or something. Sorry if it came across as such. 

 

Well, you didn't.....sorry, I shouldn't have attached it to your post.  

[HS Mom in NC]

2 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

I had to re-read your post, you never said it was NM to NC......so how in the world was she supposed to know that info?

So people don't assume that an adult child might not live locally is a possibility? I mean, sure, she didn't know it, but I'm not sure why someone wouldn't have considered it as a possibility because it's not out of the norm. I did say when she goes back and visits for the holidays.  Either way,  the fact is cousin hasn't been the one hoarding it, so why is  it her responsibility to move it to her house and then out even if she is local?  I said she did offer to help aunt get rid of it from aunt's house, so it's not like she's being a jerk about it, she's offering a generous compromise by helping with the problem aunt created (it used to be in cardboard boxes until a box fell apart and broke on uncle's head resulting in a minor injury, then aunt bought plastic bins to put it all in) even though it's aunt's responsibility to get rid of it if aunt doesn't want it in her garage. The fact is, aunt can't believe cousin isn't sentimental about it like aunt thinks cousin should be, and aunt is simply waiting for cousin to agree with her while nagging her about it once a year.  Cousin never asked aunt to keep any of it and has offered for 20+ years to help aunt get rid of it. Cousin has been nothing but generous and reasonable in the situation.

No, no one knows when they're going to die, but Swedish Death Cleaning is a very useful tool lots of people employ to regularly phase out things they are no longer using because they're in a new chapter of life.  So clearly you want to keep things, which is fine,  and if that changes (it may not) and you're open to a variety of suggestions about what to do with them, including getting rid of them, we'll all be here representing views all over the decluttering spectrum that we've all hashed out a dozen times before now and we'll rehash a dozen more times. It's what baordies do.

OP, I really seems you're too emotionally sensitive to handle a discussion about this.  I think a JAWM was what you really wanted, and that's OK, but don't ask about it and get upset when some people suggest getting rid of things no longer being used.  No one called you evil or said to get rid of everything you own, and everyone here knows it.  You said the kids didn't want it.  It's not crazy for people to tell you that unused and unwanted items can go.

[Lady Florida.]

21 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Do you have any hobbies? I have quite a few and they all require quite a lot of tools, equipment, and supplies. I also like decorative stuff and artwork, and I collect certain things as well.

I think it all comes down to what’s important to you. You are probably a “less is more” person, while I’m a “more is more” person. 😉

Other than crochet and reading, no I don't have any hobbies. I used to do scrapbooking and when I stopped I got rid of all my supplies. I sold some and gave some away.

When MIL was no longer able to knit due to her eyesight she gave me all of her knitting needles and yarn - some of which I gave away because there was way more than I could ever use. If I ever get to the point I can no longer crochet or knit if my eyesight goes or I end up with arthritis in my hands or I just decide I don't want to do it anymore, I'll do the same - find someone who wants my stuff. No need to leave that up to ds and dss after I'm gone.

I'm not completely a less is more person. I'm not a minimalist nor could I ever live in a tiny house because I have too much stuff to fit in one. But I'm not one to keep things because of sentimentality. Which is weird because I'm a sentimental type. As I said, I just don't attach my memories to things.

Also after growing up with a mother who, while she wasn't truly a hoarder I think she came close, I went in the opposite direction. She saved her stuff. She saved my grandparents' stuff. She saved stuff of mine and my brother's after we both told her repeatedly we didn't want it. Sometimes I took some of my stuff off her hands just so I could get rid of it. I suspect he did the same. And as I said, after she died he and I had way too much to sort through. It's a very difficult thing to do when you're already mourning a loved one, which is why I don't want my guys to have to go through it. 

Edited December 28, 2018 by Lady Florida.

[unsinkable]

21 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Do you have any hobbies? I have quite a few and they all require quite a lot of tools, equipment, and supplies. I also like decorative stuff and artwork, and I collect certain things as well.

I think it all comes down to what’s important to you. You are probably a “less is more” person, while I’m a “more is more” person. 😉

If one displays photos on walls and tables, is that considered artwork? And decorative stuff.

Edit to add: and decorative stuff?

Edited December 28, 2018 by unsinkable

[DawnM]

4 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

So people don't assume that an adult child might not live locally is a possibility? I mean, sure, she didn't know it, but I'm not sure why someone wouldn't have considered it as a possibility because it's not out of the norm. I did say when she goes back and visits for the holidays.  Either way,  the fact is cousin hasn't been the one hoarding it, so why is  it her responsibility to move it to her house and then out even if she is local?  I said she did offer to help aunt get rid of it from aunt's house, so it's not like she's being a jerk about it, she's offering a generous compromise by helping with the problem aunt created (it used to be in cardboard boxes until a box fell apart and broke on uncle's head resulting in a minor injury, then aunt bought plastic bins to put it all in) even though it's aunt's responsibility to get rid of it if aunt doesn't want it in her garage. The fact is, aunt can't believe cousin isn't sentimental about it like aunt thinks cousin should be, and aunt is simply waiting for cousin to agree with her while nagging her about it once a year.  Cousin never asked aunt to keep any of it and has offered for 20+ years to help aunt get rid of it. Cousin has been nothing but generous and reasonable in the situation.

No, no one knows when they're going to die, but Swedish Death Cleaning is a very useful tool lots of people employ to regularly phase out things they are no longer using because they're in a new chapter of life.  So clearly you want to keep things, which is fine,  and if that changes (it may not) and you're open to a variety of suggestions about what to do with them, including getting rid of them, we'll all be here representing views all over the decluttering spectrum that we've all hashed out a dozen times before now and we'll rehash a dozen more times. It's what baordies do.

OP, I really seems you're too emotionally sensitive to handle a discussion about this.  I think a JAWM was what you really wanted, and that's OK, but don't ask about it and get upset when some people suggest getting rid of things no longer being used.  No one called you evil or said to get rid of everything you own, and everyone here knows it.  You said the kids didn't want it.  It's not crazy for people to tell you that unused and unwanted items can go.

 

And everyone here is supposed to just ASSUME that you mean a cross-country move?  And you ASSUME that I have bins and bins of crap?  Please don't project.  I have less than one bin, and I do not have deep seated psychological issues because I want to keep a shirt.

Am I upset?  You bet I am....you have insinuated so much into your condescending post that I am indeed upset.   

But it has nothing to do with a. JAWM about a shirt.  

Please don't ASSUME this has anything to do with the OP at this point.....

[regentrude]

32 minutes ago, DawnM said:

It was a giant leap to go from "My son wants to get rid of a shirt" to "you must be a hoarder who can't part with things because you have deep psychological issues."  

I don't think anybody said these exact words, but I wonder whether this is not also informed by history. You have posted repeatedly that you have too much stuff ("I have a large house and it is filled to the gills!") and that you were unable to handle this without the help of a professional organizer. So perhaps knowing this about you played into the responses you received here?

Edited December 28, 2018 by regentrude

[DawnM]

3 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I don't think anybody said these exact words, but I wonder whether this is not also informed by history. You have posted repeatedly that you have too much stuff ("I have a large house and it is filled to the gills!") and that you were unable to handle this without the help of a professional organizer. So perhaps knowing this about you played into the responses you received here?

 

BAHAHAHAHA!  I always say I have too much stuff, but I never said it was filled to the gills.  I have now gotten most of my clutter out of the house and have only filled about 1/8th of a 10x20 storage unit.  

It is all relative......and if you recall me also saying, the organizer was a personal friend who offered to help me.  

 

Edited December 28, 2018 by DawnM

[regentrude]

1 minute ago, DawnM said:

BAHAHAHAHA!  I always say I have too much stuff, but I never said it was filled to the gills.  

But you did.

"

[DawnM]

11 minutes ago, regentrude said:

But you did.

"

 

Fine, but it wasn't as you imagined.  It really wasn't.  I do have a large house......and *I* felt it had too much stuff.  It is mostly purged now......of stuff my kids had through the years......now I want to keep a shirt.  

 

[Catwoman]

26 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

So people don't assume that an adult child might not live locally is a possibility? I mean, sure, she didn't know it, but I'm not sure why someone wouldn't have considered it as a possibility because it's not out of the norm. I did say when she goes back and visits for the holidays.  Either way,  the fact is cousin hasn't been the one hoarding it, so why is  it her responsibility to move it to her house and then out even if she is local?  

...

OP, I really seems you're too emotionally sensitive to handle a discussion about this.  I think a JAWM was what you really wanted, and that's OK, but don't ask about it and get upset when some people suggest getting rid of things no longer being used.  No one called you evil or said to get rid of everything you own, and everyone here knows it.  You said the kids didn't want it.  It's not crazy for people to tell you that unused and unwanted items can go.

 

Wow. How incredibly rude and condescending.

Honestly, if anyone seems to be “too emotionally sensitive” to handle a discussion about this, it seems like you qualify for the distinction far more than Dawn does. You seem awfully angry and argumentative about your cousin’s situation, and it’s not even that big of a deal. The cousin’s mom already has all of the stuff packed neatly away in plastic bins. If the cousin doesn’t want it, a few quick trips to her mom’s local Goodwill with the bins will solve the problem in a snap. 

[DawnM]

2 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Wow. How incredibly rude and condescending.

Honestly, if anyone seems to be “too emotionally sensitive” to handle a discussion about this, it seems like you qualify for the distinction far more than Dawn does. You seem awfully angry and argumentative about your cousin’s situation, and it’s not even that big of a deal. The cousin’s mom already has all of the stuff packed neatly away in plastic bins. If the cousin doesn’t want it, a few quick trips to her mom’s local Goodwill with the bins will solve the problem in a snap. 

 

Thank you.  I have been too upset to respond without being rude myself.....so I didn't respond.  But you were nicer.

It isn't that I am emotionally too sensitive about THIS topic, it is that I am indeed emotionally sensitive to a couple people who seem to take delight in saying rude things at every turn they get.

Edited December 28, 2018 by DawnM

[Catwoman]

Just now, DawnM said:

 

Thank you.  I have been too upset to respond without being rude myself.....so I didn't respond.  But you were nicer.

 

I keep reading this thread and am wondering how it went from saving some Boy Scout memorabilia and camping equipment to you being emotionally unable to handle getting rid of things and people searching your past posts to dig up old quotes.

I opened the thread because I may be in a similar situation soon if we decide to sell one of our houses, and I was hoping to read some good ideas. Fortunately, most people have been very helpful and nice, even if they aren’t particularly sentimental about things, and I think you’ve gotten some good ideas.

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

 

I keep reading this thread and am wondering how it went from saving some Boy Scout memorabilia and camping equipment to you being emotionally unable to handle getting rid of things and people searching your past posts to dig up old quotes.

I opened the thread because I may be in a similar situation soon if we decide to sell one of our houses, and I was hoping to read some good ideas. Fortunately, most people have been very helpful and nice, even if they aren’t particularly sentimental about things, and I think you’ve gotten some good ideas.

 

And I only have one house......and I suppose "large" is relative too......we moved from a 1500 sq. ft. house in CA to a 4000 sq. ft house (including the 1100 sq. ft basement) in NC.  We moved with ONE moving truck......and I thought that was too much stuff.

 

[unsinkable]

56 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I don't think anybody said these exact words, but I wonder whether this is not also informed by history. You have posted repeatedly that you have too much stuff ("I have a large house and it is filled to the gills!") and that you were unable to handle this without the help of a professional organizer. So perhaps knowing this about you played into the responses you received here?

I see it as just the opposite...Dawn wants to stay on top of things and that is was a really smart move for her to turn to a professional to help her do that. 

It is a POSITIVE that she had the organizer help her, not a negative or a indication of her being unable to handle it. Just bc someone helped her doesn't mean Dawn was unable to handle it. She used the PO as a tool to help achieve her goal.

[Catwoman]

2 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

I see it as just the opposite...Dawn wants to stay on top of things and that is was a really smart move for her to turn to a professional to help her do that. 

It is a POSITIVE that she had the organizer help her, not a negative or a indication of her being unable to handle it. Just bc someone helped her doesn't mean Dawn was unable to handle it. She used the PO as a tool to help achieve her goal.

 

That’s a good point. I can handle that kind of job, too, but I also realize that a professional organizer would probably help me be much faster and far more efficient (and ruthless!) than I would be if I did the job on my own. 

[kiwik]

Keep the scout badges.  He may want them to show his kids later.  If not we actually sell a lot of scout badges to collectors and a full set may be worth money one day.  Keep some camping gear as it is possible someone will want to camp or need it when beds are short.

[Wheres Toto]

Wow, what a convoluted thread.

I would make a shadow box with pins and badges, a quilt out of the shirts, hold onto some of the camping equipment to be used in the future.

My mother is working on purging and her solution is to give me stuff after I tell her I don't want it.  She'll sneak things in with stuff I do want.  Like I say okay to a label maker and she sticks in a clay plaque that I made in elementary school that's broken.   She dumped a bunch of random, loose pieces into the toy bins at my science center.  I didn't want all that crap.  I have a few items for younger siblings who are waiting during classes - wood blocks, duplo, plastic animals - things with a general STEM feel.  I didn't need a bunch of junk.

As far as the sleeping in cars - a fair number of people around here stay in campgrounds from May through September or October, then move into one of the shore towns for the winter, when rents go way down during the off-season.   Since rents are so high around here, it's a very economical way to live.  Many have trailers but some sleep in their trucks or cars or tents.  I don't really see a problem with camping out (in tent or car) when it's a workable solution.

I don't remember the other sjde trip that I wanted to reply to.  Oh well.

[sheryl]

I have not read all of the replies.  I like the idea of keeping special items (clothes, badges, toy/s).  Really like your idea of a quilt, Dawn!  Listen, once you give it away, you can't get it back.  Your ds's are young and speaking "in the moment" perhaps.  I can't help but think that when your kids age and get married and have kids that they might want to show those items to them. And, the quilt - such a neat idea.  Will you make one for each son?  I can see them using it.  

I have kept a few of dd's special clothes, a very special toy that I had as a child and dd used (push toy!) and so on.  We won't be keeping everything but sure, keep those special items.  

[unsinkable]

43 minutes ago, kiwik said:

Keep the scout badges.  He may want them to show his kids later.  If not we actually sell a lot of scout badges to collectors and a full set may be worth money one day.  Keep some camping gear as it is possible someone will want to camp or need it when beds are short.

I know for GS, some of the badges my DD earned can't be purchased anymore. They aren't current.

(You can still earn the badges from old books but you can't buy the old badge at the GS store)

[Catwoman]

4 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said:

You'd probably be shocked by my kids living in the bunkhouse then! Until almost Christmas last year, dd didn't have much heat but a woodstove that didn't work very well. But she had two dogs... 😉 And no running water. She couldn't live in her room in the back porch because of the dogs--the dogs already living there objected. Spoiled child--she opted for heat and indoor plumbing this year, and is living next door now. 

It wasn't a matter of the kids coming home--that's not where their jobs were. Yeah, they could have quit their jobs, but both of them needed them for 1) money and 2) resumes. Ds is now in charge of putting in 7.5 million dollars of AF computers, partly because of that internship. And dd needed to keep her foot in the music world. 

Do you not camp? How is it any different to plan on spending 5 nights on the trail because you're "enjoying nature" or to spend 5 nights on the trail because that's where you're living that week? https://www.fs.usda.gov/recarea/arp/recreation/camping-cabins/recarea/?recid=28226&actid=34 Our Troop and Crew are traveling 5.5 hours to camp at Philmont this year, in August. You get out of the car, hike down the trail, cook, camp, make coffee in the morning, and go to work. If it's the rainy season in CO (August) it's much more pleasant in the car (lay the back seat down and a twin mattress topper just fits in a Subaru!) than trying to dry out a tent all the time. There's just room for a backpack alongside. When I "camped" at Rendezvous this fall, I chose to stay in the car rather than the tipi because it looked like snow. Dd's bf spends weeks and weeks camping--it's his job. They have sheepherder tents, with small woodburning stoves, but they enjoy getting back once a week to shower. Dh usually sleeps in his pickup if they're not backpacking, as does our Assistant Scoutmaster, because it's easier on his knees than getting up and down from the ground. We have a friend who camps in his tipi every summer, just because he likes it. My oldest two girls had quite the system when they camped at big kayaking events. They were often the only women with 200 guys. They took the middle seat out of the minivan, strapped their kayaks on top, with straps that were then closed in the doors. They slept with their rescue knives between them, but there were always friends who would camp on either side, to keep an eye on them. We used to joke that the minivan was the 90's version of the Volkswagen bus. I teased ds once about living in his car and he pointed out that he'd saved $1500 for those months! You'd probably also be shocked by the concept of digging snow caves to sleep in--they're called quinzees. We do it every February. They're quite warm! Dd's fiance (the one who was killed) used to spend a month on the river, boating. If it was raining, they'd sleep in the truck. If not, they'd pitch a tent to have more room. He did this for years. I used to backpack by myself, just me and my little green tent. Those were lovely times. I also used to ride my horse from the ranch, 15 miles away and think nothing of it. I think we live in different worlds. Shoot, my kids would load up their packs, and stay for days on the far side of the ranch. They'd take a dog or two, and be quite content. 

 

We definitely live in two different worlds! 😀 I went camping once and hated it — and the “real” campers I knew said it wasn’t real camping because there were showers and indoor plumbing we could use, so even if I said I was an amateur, I would be giving myself way too much credit. 

The things you guys do sound very cool and like they would make a great movie that I would love to watch, but I’d be watching it in my hotel suite while I was deciding what to order from room service. 😉 

[Condessa]

6 hours ago, Catwoman said:

 

We will have to agree to disagree on this. In my family and in my dh’s family as well, it absolutely would be considered truly awful for a college kid to have to sleep in a tent or in their car because he or she had nowhere else to stay. If other people are okay with it, it’s none of my business, but it would not be considered “problem solving” in our family; in fact, it would be considered to be quite the opposite.

Seriously, you think it would be okay for a kid to live in his or her CAR? I find that absolutely shocking.

 

Well, she didn’t say it was a kid—these are adults making this decision.

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, Michelle Conde said:

 

Well, she didn’t say it was a kid—these are adults making this decision.

 

I still think of college students as kids. But that’s just me. I’m old. Everybody else is a kid. 😉

[Condessa]

5 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

I still think of college students as kids. But that’s just me. I’m old. Everybody else is a kid. 😉

 

Just out of curiosity, would you have the same reaction to the idea of you living in your car temporarily to save money, vs. a kid?

[Farrar]

Dh's parents live in cluttered insanity. They do occasionally cull things. They wouldn't get cast on Hoarders because they're not extreme enough. But it's pretty bad from our perspective. And they've made it clear to us that they get it. They expect us to hire people to sell it off at an estate sale. Which, okay. But I'm with Regentrude that it would be a gift to us to cull through it now, at least to some extent.

My mother whittled down her "beloved memories" type things to a single storage box. Her downsized house is well-decorated and stocked with the things she needs to live. She has photos on the walls as well. Some of the furniture is family antiques. But I have no worries about figuring out what's heirlooms vs. what's junk because she did all the work already when she downsized. A box and a lived in house is perfect. A cluttered house, uncleaned out desks, a cluttered attic, and packed full spaces. That's going to hard to deal with.

In the case of the OP, keeping two shirts with all the sewn on badges seems like an appropriate amount of memory keeping to me. It's okay to cull as you go as well. I find that the things that feel important now sometimes don't feel important a decade later, and sometimes feel more important. It's hard for me to predict. As long as I go through things every... even every five to ten years or so, then it keeps those sentimental keeping tendencies both satisfied and totally under reasonable space constraints.

[Liz CA]

21 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

We definitely live in two different worlds! 😀 I went camping once and hated it — and the “real” campers I knew said it wasn’t real camping because there were showers and indoor plumbing we could use, so even if I said I was an amateur, I would be giving myself way too much credit. 

The things you guys do sound very cool and like they would make a great movie that I would love to watch, but I’d be watching it in my hotel suite while I was deciding what to order from room service. 😉 

 

Different stages of life. When I was 19, I camped all the way up and down Italy. Great memories. Today...I would be in that hotel room with you watching it on TV while I have some salmon rolls.

[Catwoman]

10 minutes ago, Michelle Conde said:

 

Just out of curiosity, would you have the same reaction to the idea of you living in your car temporarily to save money, vs. a kid?

 

Absolutely. 

I really like my cars, but I would never want to live in them at any time for any reason.

[DawnM]

28 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

We definitely live in two different worlds! 😀 I went camping once and hated it — and the “real” campers I knew said it wasn’t real camping because there were showers and indoor plumbing we could use, so even if I said I was an amateur, I would be giving myself way too much credit. 

The things you guys do sound very cool and like they would make a great movie that I would love to watch, but I’d be watching it in my hotel suite while I was deciding what to order from room service. 😉 

 

I camped with the family once.  It rained so hard we ended up with 2" of water in our tent.  I was done.  We packed up and left.  Yup, I am a camping wimp!

[DawnM]

3 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Absolutely. 

I really like my cars, but I would never want to live in them at any time for any reason.

 

Same.

And my oldest doesn't even drive or have a car, so, there is that.

[unsinkable]

7 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

Same.

And my oldest doesn't even drive or have a car, so, there is that.

A few years ago, I read about a kid, oops, adult college student, who dug a semi-underground bunker on campus and lived in it until the school kicked him out.

So there is always that.

[DawnM]

2 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

A few years ago, I read about a kid, oops, adult college student, who dug a semi-underground bunker on campus and lived in it until the school kicked him out.

So there is always that.

 

I need a "wow, no way" emoji!  That is crazy.

[unsinkable]

6 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

I need a "wow, no way" emoji!  That is crazy.

I'm struggling to find an article about it but I found another one about a city considering criminal prosecution for a company that illegally subdivided 2 bedroom apartments into 4 bedroom apartments so they could tell students they had private rooms.

The sh!t people try to pull. SMH

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, unsinkable said:

I'm struggling to find an article about it but I found another one about a city considering criminal prosecution for a company that illegally subdivided 2 bedroom apartments into 4 bedroom apartments so they could tell students they had private rooms.

The sh!t people try to pull. SMH

Interesting.  My son is in an apartment on campus where I am sure they divided a 2 bedroom into a 4 bedroom.  The bedrooms are tiny......single bed, side table, small closet, and a desk, that is all that fits.

But my son needed a single room (accommodation for Autism), so that is what he got.  

But they didn't do it illegally I am quite sure.

[DawnM]

Just now, Margaret in CO said:

There was a fellow who copied a key to an empty dorm room and lived there rent free for an entire semester! That would never happen now in Boulder, as EVERY room is full. 

 

😱 And no one noticed?

[prairiewindmomma]

4 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Which begs the question about why the cousin hasn't just agreed to take the bins and then gotten rid of the stuff on her own. . .

Yup. A $30 2hr Uhaul rental and a trip to a thrift store donation center would solve that angst.

[DawnM]

2 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Yup. A $30 2hr Uhaul rental and a trip to a thrift store donation center would solve that angst.

 

You would think, but the poster failed to explain that the bins were across the country.

[prairiewindmomma]

3 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

You would think, but the poster failed to explain that the bins were across the country.

Oh, sorry, I am quoting and posting as I go. I just caught up. Sorry! Keep moving along! Nothing to see here!

[unsinkable]

10 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said:

There was a fellow who copied a key to an empty dorm room and lived there rent free for an entire semester! That would never happen now in Boulder, as EVERY room is full. 

Haha...Boulder is where the article is from!

http://www.dailycamera.com/news/boulder/ci_30278440/boulder-weighs-criminal-prosecution-over-illegally-subdivided-apartments

[moonflower]

3 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

I had to re-read your post, you never said it was NM to NC......so how in the world was she supposed to know that info?

It doesn't really matter how far the distance between the two is - it's not the child's stuff.  It's not her responsibility to get rid of or take care of, whether she lives down the street or across the country.  

Also, I doubt it would satisfy the mother (but who knows) for the kid to come get the stuff and donate it.  I mean, the mother isn't asking for help getting rid of it, she's asking for the child to come keep it.  If my mom were keeping bins and bins of stuff for me (or even one box) and I kept saying no mom, don't want it, then eventually said sure mom, I'll take it - only to promptly dump it at the Goodwill - I think my mom would be hurt and pissed.  Because it would essentially require a lie, or a lie by omission.