VENT My hairstylist left :(

[MEmama]

The only hairstylist who hasn't made me cry left the salon where I've been going for the past 6 years. 

So I decided to be brave and try a new to me stylist at the same salon and seriously...I've never had someone behave so openly judgemental (like bordering on hostile). First she berated my son for having acne on his neck (oh the horror of a 15 yo boy with imperfect skin!) and went on and on and on about it--in front of him. Then when it was my turn for a cut, she was very clear about her distaste for how I wanted it cut ("so boring! Let's live it up shall we?), that I don't use product, that I let my hair air dry, that I don't use fancy shampoo...you name it. So knowing that I don't want my hair fussy, she used several types of product and spent ages blowing it out--it looked like a fluffy version of Farah Fawcett hair by the time she was done with it. When she asked me how I liked it, the nicest thing I could manage to get out was "I don't know since I don't wear my hair like this. I'll know after I wash it", to which she haughtily retorted, "Well at least it's styled!" as though in not styling my hair I have some deficiency. She even went so far as to tell me that "even though you're just a distracted mom, you might as well have some fun with your hair". WTH?!?!?

I admit I sort of laughed her off because if I didn't, I would have ended up in hysterical tears. It sounds absurd, but I have serious trauma over getting my hair cut (my mother used to laugh at my tears when I was a child) and having someone so unrelentingly judgemental has left me really shaken. Plus I hate the haircut and now I have these awful wispy piece that touch my face, which I have a sensitivity to. 

My hair looked so bad and felt so gross with all the product in it that I immediately went home and washed it 3 times. It still smells disgusting. 

I know it's shallow, but I really needed to vent. I'm in for several months of hating my hair and growing it out, and then seeking out a new stylist. Ugh. 

[Selkie]

What a jerk!! I agree that you should track down your former stylist. I've been going to the same person for over twenty years and would hate to have to find someone new!

[MEmama]

8 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Can you find out where your preferred stylist went to?  I spent years following a stylist around to multiple salons.  

 

I wish. It seems he's taking a break. Boo. :(

[alisoncooks]

I'd be upset, too!  I have past hair trauma, lol, and cry over bad experiences with haircuts. (Which is ironic b/c I really don't give a rat's @?!& about my hair; I wash/air dry and have had the same boring, basic cut for a decade.)

I'd be tempted to write the owner of the salon and tell them exactly why you won't be coming back. That stylist sounds like a jerk. 

[MEmama]

27 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

I'd be upset, too!  I have past hair trauma, lol, and cry over bad experiences with haircuts. (Which is ironic b/c I really don't give a rat's @?!& about my hair; I wash/air dry and have had the same boring, basic cut for a decade.)

I'd be tempted to write the owner of the salon and tell them exactly why you won't be coming back. That stylist sounds like a jerk. 

My DH is encouraging me to let them know too. I hate confrontation (I even tipped her 20%!) and I'm not sure I'd be able to articulate just how bad she made feel. But yeah, you're right. I should let them know. I wonder who would go back for that kind of treatment? 

[Acorn]

We must have a lot in common. It has taken decades but I have learned to start with “I don’t own a hairdryer, won’t buy product..” I never let them use anything during the cut, if any are pushed I just say that I don’t ever want another allergic reaction like the ones that I used to tolerate (and then tip too.) I have finally found someone who follows my rules,  though she looks at me like I’m an alien ?. I would be really sad to have to go through the process again. 

[alisoncooks]

46 minutes ago, MEmama said:

I wonder who would go back for that kind of treatment? 

And PAY to be treated like that!  Nope. 

[MEmama]

10 minutes ago, Acorn said:

We must have a lot in common. It has taken decades but I have learned to start with “I don’t own a hairdryer, won’t buy product..” I never let them use anything during the cut, if any are pushed I just say that I don’t ever want another allergic reaction like the ones that I used to tolerate (and then tip too.) I have finally found someone who follows my rules,  though she looks at me like I’m an alien ?. I would be really sad to have to go through the process again. 

Yeah, she was clearly upset that (former stylist) didn't push product on me. I *almost* replied "No, he respected me too much", but changed it to "No, he knew I'm a lost cause". 

Ugh. I wonder if she has any idea how rude and condescending she comes off. 

[Spryte]

Just the thread title made my heart pound and my hair stand up straight.

Losing that one stylist who really gets you is serious business.  ?

I’m so sorry.  Hoping you find someone better soon.  

 

[eagleynne]

No lie, I finally got so fed up with stylists that wouldn't listen to what I wanted that I bought a Flow-Bee. I wear my hair in a simple taper cut, and since I can now control every aspect of the cut I get exactly what I want.

[Kalmia]

I hate getting my hair cut in a salon so much that I adopted a simple style, straight across the bottom, no layers, and bangs cut using the twist them and cut the bottom of the twisted bunch at the length you want trick, so that my mom could cut the bottom of my hair and I cut my bangs. It costs nothing and takes 15 minutes and is stress free. Maybe one of your friends or family members could be trained to do it. Or maybe there is a barber shop near you if your style is simple enough. They won't be putting smelly stuff in your hair or trying to sell you product.

https://www.refinery29.com/women-mens-barber-shop-haircuts

https://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/12/fashion/For-Women-Hairstyles-at-the-Barbershop.html

 

Edited August 10, 2018 by Kalmia

[gaillardia]

Our stylist left 3 years ago and we are (my daughters and I) still dissatisfied with every place we try. She moved halfway across the country so no chance we'll follow her. My daughters went to the place our stylist worked a few weeks ago and were treated badly right away. So they left.

I feel your pain. No one has the right to talk to you or your son like that. You mentioned that you said you were a lost cause and I hate it when we feel like we have to stoop to their level and play their stupid control game. I've been publicly shamed sitting in the stylist chair before too. Never again, @ MEmama! 

[MEmama]

1 minute ago, gaillardia said:

Our stylist left 3 years ago and we are (my daughters and I) still dissatisfied with every place we try. She moved halfway across the country so no chance we'll follow her. My daughters went to the place our stylist worked a few weeks ago and were treated badly right away. So they left.

I feel your pain. No one has the right to talk to you or your son like that. You mentioned that you said you were a lost cause and I hate it when we feel like we have to stoop to their level and play their stupid control game. I've been publicly shamed sitting in the stylist chair before too. Never again, @ MEmama! 

Thanks. I knew others here would understand! 

[MEmama]

2 hours ago, Spryte said:

Just the thread title made my heart pound and my hair stand up straight.

Losing that one stylist who really gets you is serious business.  ?

I’m so sorry.  Hoping you find someone better soon.  

 

It really is. DH and DS don't quite get the trauma, but I knew I'd find understanding here. Haircut anxiety is a real thing. :(

[Alicia64]

Honestly, that woman has a personality disorder -- I'm sure you're not the only one who has left upset. Her behavior is ridiculous. It's totally crossing the line for a hairstylist to insist that we spend our money a certain way. Color, products and so forth cost a mint. (I know, because I use some of them very judiciously.)

I'd also call and complain. Not saying you should do that, but at this point in my life? I would, and I'd ask for the tip back. (I know they won't give it back, but I'd ask anyway.)

And I'm so sorry you were raised by a cruel mother. I know what that's like. Consider yourself a true survivor.

Is there a chance you live near Atlanta? I'm not sure why I think that -- maybe I'm wrong.

Starting a thread on how to find a good stylist would be a fun idea.

Hang in there -- we all run into toads.

Alley

[wintermom]

I'm dreading my next hair cut. My homeschool mom friend and hair stylist of several years just moved away, so I have to find someone new. My other friend just had a similarly horrible experience to the OP at a salon, where she asked for a specific length so she could put it up in a pony tail while she did her running. The stylist said, "Ladies with your hair colour (grey), should have short hair." And she quickly slashed away at friend's hair and was done in less than 5 minutes. My friend felt pretty much violated and was in such a state of shock she just paid and left. I definitely won't be going there!

Edited August 13, 2018 by wintermom

[Garga]

I’ve never had a hair stylist that I’ve really liked.  I’ve been going to one now that just sort of cuts the hair however she likes.  I bring in pictures, but it never looks like the pictures.  One of my friends is a hairstylist and all my other friends rave about her and say how great she makes their hair look, but when she cuts mine, it comes out so-so.  Then again, all of them, including the stylist, have thick hair while I have very fine hair.  People with full hair have a lot more hair options than people with skimpy, fine hair.  

I would have been completely shaken by that experience, OP.  You need to write an email if you can’t comfortably talk on the phone to the owner of the store.  They need to know so that they can educate this woman so other people don’t walk out of there as miserable as you did.  

And I know what it’s like to have to wait months for a style to grow out after it was cut wrong.  I’m so sorry.  I can feel so ugly when my hair is looking bad.  

I’m wondering if another haircut person could fix it for you, but if it was me, I’d probably be too scared to try to find one after all that.  

Edited August 13, 2018 by Garga

[Liz CA]

On 8/10/2018 at 4:54 PM, MEmama said:

It really is. DH and DS don't quite get the trauma, but I knew I'd find understanding here. Haircut anxiety is a real thing. ?

 

It can be a bit trying - for me mostly because I have to take the time to go in, pay and then come out less than happy. At least this is what happened after one of my hairdressers relocated hundreds of miles away. The person she recommended, could not blend the layers of my wavy hair very well and it looked like a bowl cut. I quickly went to something like Supercuts to have it fixed.

I have finally found someone who seems to be able to cut wavy hair and even out the color as mine bleaches in the summer and gets darker in winter.

Be really clear what you want and don't want. Just like you mentioned, I do not spend time on styling beyond simple blow drying in winter perhaps or if I need to go somewhere quickly. I mentioned it to my current hairstylist and she seems to get it even though she seems to like to style it after she cuts it which is fine.

 

[mumto2]

Hugs, I so totally feel your pain.  I hate getting my hair cut because I am allergic to a whole lot of products and do not want to be sold to or have it used on my hair.  It doesn't matter how great it looks when you itch and have raw scalp,  you can't use it.  Some refuse to listen.  It's actually easier just to go to random line up type salon and see what I get.  They don't know me so I can allow myself to be firm.  Actually right now I have someone at one of my anonymous places we all like.......hopefully she stays a long time!