How much do you interact with or talk with your high schooler throughout the school day?

[Kidlit]

I’m curious about what is “normal†for high school. My dd will be a ninth grader next year and has recently decided to homeschool rather than enrolling in public school like we had planned. I have three younger students (including 8 and 5 year old boys who obviously require much from me), and I want to make sure I can provide what’s needed for an adequate (excellent?) education for my dd. I don’t like the thought of her sitting down in our basement every day (that’s where she has her workspace set up—her choice—to have a quiet place to work) all alone. She likes to work independently, but there has to be relationship and interaction, or else I don’t feel like it’s a “real†education. So my question is: what’s a realistic (normal?) amount of interaction around a high schooler’s education? For reference and in case it matters, here’s our tentative curricular plans for the core subjects for next year :

Excellence in Lit/ Daily Grammar Practice/something for vocabulary probably

Geometry with Derek Owens

History of the Ancient Worle by SWB

Miller Levine bio with Kolbe syllabus

[Garga]

Math: is Algebra II with an online provider. I am not involved in this at all, except to make sure the tests get scanned and sent back to the teacher properly. He spends between 1 and 2 hours on this daily.

 

Science: is Chemistry with an online provider. Every other week we do labs. I set aside an hour per lab and we do them together. He does the lab and I’m the assistant. There are 2-4 labs every other week.

 

I help him with studying for tests—we go over the review questions in the book and I will help him with flashcards for vocab. Maybe an hour a week.

 

Other than the labs and studying, I set aside 2 hours for Chemistry every day and he works on it alone. Basically the first week of the chapter he works alone, and the second week of the chapter, he works on it half alone, half with me.

 

Spanish: this is at a co-op near here. Other than driving him there and back I am not involved in this at all.

 

History: we use a Great Course lecture he listens to and a series of books that he reads. There is almost no output for this class. Just an essay from time to time. He usually reads the books and watches the lectures when we’re going to and from Spanish class.

 

English: We use Lively Art of Writing for writing and I’m semi-involved in that. Honestly, though, all he has to do is read the book (it’s very easy to read), and then he does all the practice assignments after each chapter. We talk a bit about how he’s doing on the assignments, but it’s more like checking and editing what he’s already done than active teaching.

 

For literature, he has read a bunch of books. For four of them, he does literature guides and we talk about the books a lot together while going through the literature guide. For books without the guides, he and I just read them and from time to time we will discuss something interesting from the book. I’d love to do more of this, but we simply run out of time.

 

Photography/Egyptology: For photography, there was a lot of interaction as I taught it to him. I know a lot about photography, so I was an active teacher in that class. Lots of little trips outside for picture taking.

 

Egypt: I have been reading a book on the origin of Egyptian myths out loud with him, because it’s kinda dry, yet also good. If he read it on his own, it would go in one ear and out the other. This class is based on a Great Course and a lot of projects.

 

For his projects, we talk about setting them up, but mostly he works on them alone. They’re sort of like writing essays, even though they’re projects: I get him started and check in on him from time to time, but he does the work on his own. (Projects including: planning a pretend trip to Egypt, creating maps of Egypt, writing a myth in the style of the Egyptians, mummifying that chicken on his own without my help, Power Point presentations, etc.)

 

 

There is very little time that we interact over schoolwork this year.

 

Note: Last year, I taught him biology and there was a lot of interaction for that class. There was no Great Course, and if I had him read the textbook by himself, the information woudln’t sink in. I had to pre-read it before he did and then “lecture†him on the topic before he read it, then have him read it.

 

And last year for history, it was the same thing: I didn’t use a lecture course with the Great Courses, so I would pre-read the chapter and write notes about it the night before and “lecture†him on the chapter before he read it. Without that, he would read it and it wouldn’t sink in. He had to hear it before he read it (more of an auditory learner.)

 

So, last year we interacted for 2 more hours per day than we do this year. This year, it’s really just English and the electives where we have lots of interaction.

 

He works in the same room we do, sort of. When I need to talk out loud with my other son, then one of us leaves the room—either my high schooler will move somewhere else, or my middle schooler and I will move. Depends on the subject and how many books have to be schlepped out of the room.

Edited March 20, 2018 by Garga

[freesia]

I think there are two questions you are asking in a way--how much interaction is needed for education and how much for emotional health.

 

We found that all day in a quiet space was not good for either our diligent child or our Type B child.  Type B actually needed the stimulation of being around folks to stay focused. He does use earplugs with his music, but all work is done in our living room/dining room.

 

Diligent child tends to ruminate.  So, now that she has an online class-and computers are in the dining/living room--she has to come down and be with us all for part of the day.  I also insist on lunch and any screen time be done in common areas.  This makes sure that at least 2-3 hours of the school day she is around people.

 

While I usually teach math to my high schoolers, this year I am not as hands on.  So, daily is mostly a check in. We have history discussion weekly, my dd has writing class with me (and another boy) weekly, once a month literature discussion.  So daily my interaction is about 10 minutes (plus checking work). 

[Garga]

I think there are two questions you are asking in a way--how much interaction is needed for education and how much for emotional health.

 

We found that all day in a quiet space was not good for either our diligent child or our Type B child. Type B actually needed the stimulation of being around folks to stay focused. He does use earplugs with his music, but all work is done in our living room/dining room.

 

Diligent child tends to ruminate. So, now that she has an online class-and computers are in the dining/living room--she has to come down and be with us all for part of the day. I also insist on lunch and any screen time be done in common areas. This makes sure that at least 2-3 hours of the school day she is around people.

 

While I usually teach math to my high schoolers, this year I am not as hands on. So, daily is mostly a check in. We have history discussion weekly, my dd has writing class with me (and another boy) weekly, once a month literature discussion. So daily my interaction is about 10 minutes (plus checking work).

Good point about interaction.

 

I replied up thread, and even though my son doesn’t interact with me much, he is in the same room with the rest of us as much as possible—and it’s the sunniest room in the house. Whenever my other son has work to do on his own that won’t distract my oldest (a math worksheet or something), I make sure they’re in the same room.

 

Even though they both go off and read/watch their own things while they eat at lunchtime, I coordinate lunch so we’re all cooking our lunches together.

 

I would not let my oldest sit alone in another part of the house for the 7 hours he does school each day. Nope. As I said earlier, he might have to do part of his work in the diningroom if I need the schoolroom for the younger son, but he’s never very far away (the house is small.).

Edited March 20, 2018 by Garga

[skimomma]

Interesting question.

 

Dd, an only child, is in 9th grade this year.  She has been homeschooled her whole life so most of her learning is done independently at this point.....as in, I am not sitting there giving direct instruction very often.  She has two online classes that I have no role in except to help her with time management and answering questions as they come up.  Her other subjects are "managed" by me but seldom involve direct instruction.  Dd and I are both introverts.  There is little talking during the school day.  We sit together as a family for breakfast and dinner, where there is chatting.  Dd and I eat lunch together but usually read while eating.

 

All of that said, dd seems to need someone near at all times.  I work part-time so am out of the house for parts of the week but am able to work from home and be at the same table with her 75% of the school time.  She needs me here to keep her focussed and to listen to her occasional stream-of-consciousness thoughts.  There have been a few semesters that I have had a heavier course load and have been gone more than 25% of the school time and dd's studies and psychological well-being suffered.  

 

I think this will vary widely from one student to the next.  Since yours is coming from a school environment, she may need more interaction at first.   

[Kidlit]

Thank you, Garga and Freesia, for your responses. My dd isn’t exactly alone all day in the basement. Her younger sister also has a workspace there that she uses sometimes. Her younger brothers are in and out, etc. It is also a walk-out basement so she has access to sunlight and the backyard should she choose to go outside. I didn’t mean to paint the picture of her being relegated by choice to the dungeon all day everyday. Lol. She also joins us for lunch daily and her sister and I (just eighteen months younger than she) work together in the afternoons. I imagine this setup won’t change much next year. She wants to use the basement and I’m pretty sure forcing her upstairs to do her work would result in a pretty fierce battle. Given the current setup, I don’t feel it’s an altogether unhealthy situation.

 

The point about emotional health is part of my question, yes. It’s something that is always on my radar. A big part of my question, though, is about the amount of involvement needed from a teacher/tutor/mentor for a “good†education. I’m just trying to make sure I plan my days to NOT ignore my high schooler.

[Kidlit]

Thank you, skimomma. Your insight is helpful. To be clear, my dd has never been to school. She has always homeschooled.

[J-rap]

Your situation is a little different than mine was because my kids were all quite close in age.  But, we aways started out together around the main dining room table.  We'd drink tea and talk and have some kind of a family lesson together, often talking a bit about current events, etc., with everyone participating.  That might be half an hour.  Then we'd move on to our more independent studies and projects, which often required me working with the younger ones and the older ones scattering to their place of study and working on their own.  Often, the older ones would stay in the dining room area (our school room), but if not, I'd check in with them mid-morning, or they often checked in with me with questions or comments.  Then of course they were back in the kitchen again for lunch, which we didn't necessarily do as an official meal together, but we all got hungry around the same time and usually ended up creating lunch together and eating it together at the table.

 

Afternoons I always did something with the older kids -- maybe it was discussing the latest book we were reading (I'd always read the same literature books as the older kids -- not out loud together but on our own), or maybe it was a Videotext Algebra lesson that we watched together and worked on together, or a science experiment in the kitchen, or sometimes all three.  That could be anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours (generally it wasn't two hours though!).  It really varied.  And then the rest of the time they were off on their own studying/working.  Until they got hungry again.  :)

 

In the evenings at the dinner table we often got around to talking about what they were learning in history.  It was more of a fun and interesting conversation, but I think it helped them process what they were reading about and learning, and my husband loved to ask them challenging questions to get them thinking.  

 

That's probably more information than you wanted but I had to write it all down so that I could actually see how much we interacted throughout our days!

 

I will add that that's how it went during normal days.  We did go through periods when a lot of other stuff was going on -- family emergencies and big changes, which required my kids to work almost entirely independently for long stretches of time.  (The youngest were in high school by then.)  But, we still made sure to interact socially -- over meals, mid-afternoon coffee together, evenings, etc., daily.  

[Kidlit]

Thank you, J-Rap! This actually is how our days go now. My older girls work independently in the morning, we eat lunch together and do some together-lessons (with varying degrees of participation by the eldest), and then I work with the girls both separately and together in the afternoons. Thank you for helping me reframe to see how much I DO with my dd!

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited March 22, 2018 by lllll

[2_girls_mommy]

I spend a lot of time with my high schooler, honestly. One to two days a week I start the day with a table time with my high schooler and middle schooler. We spend one to two hours on this. We do some therapies, some games, some read alouds, sometimes a video or creative writing project, just whatever we need to do. I loop through some things for this. Then we separate. 

 

My high schooler basically does math on her own this year with a video program. I check in with her, look at her grades, jot down what she is on. She is working through a Workbook for Arguments. We spent time on this together to start the year and get her started on it this January, but now she basically picks it up, reads it, outlines it, and does one or two exercises from it. When she is ready to do the exercises, she tells me, and we glance over it together. I will often tell her which couple I want her to do, based on the ones I think are most relevant and that she should know. Sometimes we will look to the online lessons to go with it and discuss as well. She reads her english grammar book completely on her own. 

 

For Latin, i am her teacher. We spend several hours a week together on it. We do translation work on the board together and look at her lesson plans and work together, especially in the months leading up to the NLE (just finished for this year, thankfully!) 

 

She is taking a science class out of the house at co-op. So I just check in with her about what her assignments are, but she does it on her own. I will talk to the teacher at co-op to make sure we are on course too.  Her main text for history she reads alone, and she has lit books going that she reads alone. I just keep track of where she is in each book semi daily. 

 

But we spend a large part of at least one day a week reading aloud together. We have a stack of read alouds that we work through with both of my girls. So if you take a day that we did 1-2 hours of morning time together, then add in at least an hour of read alouds, and another hour of Latin a day, I can spend up to 5 hours a day with my high schooler. I spend about the same amount of time with my middle schooler. I actually have to teach her lessons in math and English as well as her latin and writing. So I will rotate it. If I spend an hour on latin with one today, the other will work on her own today, and I will switch and do it the other way the next day. 

 

I don't know how I am going to add my preschooler to the mix next year to be honest. I am going to really have to keep her daily lessons short and sweet. But I definitely want to up what she is doing and cut down on screen times for her, so I have to find a way to get it all in! 

[hornblower]

My living at home college kids STILL do about 90% of their at home studying in our open floor plan living space & talk to me all the time.

We always had discussion (sometimes veering into argumentative debates lol) as part of learning.  We are all also each others' accountability buddies so at any given time there will be a "aren't you supposed to be doing x right now? How are you doing with y?" and it might be them saying it to me or each other or me saying it to them. 

In high school, I think the longest that there wouldn't have been interaction would have been maybe 2 h? One of my kids started (& has continued) wearing noise cancelling headphones to study but stayed in the open room. 

We also pretty much always had at least one subject which involved watching video (The Great Courses, HHMI, documentaries etc) and we usually did that together. Even the kid not studying that subject would often just join for a break & then to chat about it.


 

[katilac]

Oldest liked to work on her own, but we did a lot of history and literature together (with sister). Usually she would be working in the finished garage, and her sister would often be there as well for her independent work. In addition to the above classes, we'd see other randomly through the day - smallish house, and someone was always going to the bathroom or petting the cat or gathering food.  

 

Youngest much more enjoys working with someone. This final semester, we are doing lots of history and literature together. Last year, we also did geology together. She wants that person to discuss things with, to look at cool pictures with, and so on. When she was younger, someone always had to be in the general vicinity to admire some particularly fine handwriting (look, this Q is perfect!) or listen to her comments on the copy work quotation. I am advising her to find a study group for every college class next year! 

 

So, depending on the kid and classes, it was one to two hours of direct classroom interaction most days. I mean, SWB's Ancient History is no fun unless someone else is also giggling at the damp fields being plowed, so I'd definitely want to do reading together some of the time. I actually found it easier just to read together and discuss at the time than to each read separately and have a different time to discuss. It's just more of a chore that way for us, they lose some of the initial excitement, and they were never as likely to ask questions as they were in the moment. 

 

I've heard way too many disaster stories of parents discovering that their independent high schooler was actually six months behind, so I'd definitely have check-ins built into the day for independent subjects. I think that's psychologically healthier as well. 

[Alice]

Hi!

I think there are two separate issues...how much direct teaching there is and how much relationship interaction. 

For us, my 9th grader does three classes pretty much on his own. Math is AOPS and he pretty much self-teaches it. I grade it and if he needs help we go over it together, but it’s fairly rare that he needs that. Latin is Lukeion and I do very little other than to check the website so that I know that he is keeping up with it. He is also doing Computer Science with Edhesive and I just check the website to monitor his progress. He takes two classes at our co-op so I am not directly teaching those either (Chemistry and Spanish).

So as far as direct teaching, that leaves English and History with me. 

As far as relationship/emotional interaction....quite a lot. I think much more than if he was in school, based on our friends with high schoolers. He’s just here more. It probably depends on personality as well, but like your daughter, my guy has been homeschooled his whole life. So he’s really used to being around his siblings and us all doing stuff as a family. We still do our lunch read-alouds and he joins us. Sometimes he joins in for other reading times if he has free time in his day or if he wants a break from his harder stuff. Today, he chose to take a long walk with us. Because we are still all here together I feel like our conversations are still integrated as far as school and life, if that makes sense. I give him a lot of choice about things like joining us for reading or walks together or doing Mystery Class (he actually likes it more than the others). He’s a very good independent learner and knows himself. 

I sit down with him once a day and check in to see how his work is going and also just to talk. Probably twice a week we sit down for longer discussions regarding what he is reading in English and History. We’ve also been working through some Great Courses together and probably do that once or twice a week. 
 

[Momto6inIN]

Agreeing with the distinction between direct teaching and relational interaction. My 2 high school DSs do the majority of their school work on their own, but they significantly interact with me and the other kids throughout the day.

Senior DS - As far as his school work goes, he only watches a history lecture once every couple of weeks with me and we discuss literature when he's done reading something. But he still does (and enjoys!) our read alouds and our morning meeting time which includes some singing and poetry and our daily watching/discussion of CNN10.

Sophomore DS - I watch his math video with him and want to poke my eyes out discussing geometry proofs that he does differently than the book does every.stinking.time. lol, have periodic health discussions, talk about his writing and give him an assignment every week or so, and watch history lectures with him a couple of times a week. He also does the group stuff I described above, but everything else is on his own.

Both DSs still hang out a lot with us over our typically long (12-2) lunch break.

[...................]

Well having an online provider is good so they get some feedback. If you can set her up with one or two live online classes, that would be great, preferably on different days.

For interaction between you and her, don't you drive around a lot?  That's the biggest time I interact with my teens.  Another thing I do is just pop into their rooms with a magazine and sit on their bed and wait for them to tell me whatever's interesting in their lives.  You can bring a snack.  If you can't do that because of younger siblings, you'll need to schedule it in.  Perhaps each day for one hour, your kids can watch something educational and during that time you pop up to your daughter's room and check in.  Hey how's it going?  Hey I brought you a snack (something nice like fresh blueberries or cheese and chocolate)...or hey I miss you while you're working so diligently up here, can I hang for a few minutes?  

You can also take her out on a mother daughter date once a week.  She needs time, to be able to open up when she's ready.  If you fly in and out too fast you'll never get really interesting updates :)

And then, for the rest of her social time, she definitely needs a few clubs/activities/sports or co-op.  Once she's ready and if you can find her a safe place, she can also get a part time job which will help with social time and build confidence.  She doesn't need to be out of the house every single day, but probably 5 days per week she will need some things/people to intereact with and prepare her for the real world, help her build social skills and make sure she's not lonely.  :)

Hope this helps.  Remember there is always more than one way to do things, and try to keep and open mind and look for opportunities and change and grow as the seasons change.

[Lori D.]

Similar to Hornblower -- high school was a longer day than elementary, AND our 2 particular DSs needed/wanted the interaction, so I was spending more time in high school as a part of the homeschooling than in the elementary grades (when it only took 2-3 hours to get through everything). Part of that is because we did no outsourcing. And part of that is because DS#1 had a high emotional need for interacting/me being nearby, and DS#2 had mild LDs, so we were doing a lot of remedial work well into high school. Much of his writing required a lot of direct mentoring. He also did a LOT better with me directly teaching the Math and Science, and then being handy nearby for questions. We did almost all of the Literature aloud together and discussed at that time, as both DSs got a LOT more out of it that way, compared to sending them off to read solo. Out of the 6 hours/day of high school, I was probably directly interacting/involved for at least 4.5 to 5 hours/day. Again, this is directly due to the students *I* had, and what *their* needs were. Because both DSs were involved in a lot of outside the home extracurriculars, so they got a lot of social interaction that way with friends and peers, and most of my interaction time was more academic support, and just friendly emotional support / cheerleading / discussing as they did their school work.

On the other hand, I know homeschoolers who just touch base with their high schooler in the morning, the student works largely solo, and the parent just grades/administrates, and then touches base later in the day to answer questions and do discussion -- so maybe 30 minutes a day of direct interaction.

[MerryAtHope]

All told, I'd say about 2-3 hours each day of either one on one or group teaching/discussion time. We did either family devotions or Bible Study together for the first 15-30 minutes. Then I had a daily one-on-one sessions with each of my kids to go over any corrections from the previous day's work, preview anything unusual coming up for that day, and then deeper discussions on things like papers, history topics, literature, science, etc... (I rotated which topics had the extended discussion for the day, depending on the current topics and assignments.) Our one-on-one times were typically 30-60 minutes. Then they went to do their work. We would usually touch base again at lunch time, sometimes just talking, sometimes talking about a school subject. I was available throughout the day for questions about school subjects or about personal issues (which can come up a lot in high school! I think that's an important part of education too though it's also parenting--maybe even the most important part of our time together--hard to separate some things into "parenting" versus "education!") My oldest tended to do better with two daily one-on-one sessions, so he and I often had another session after lunch. 

For some subjects we used video instruction (Math-U-See and Essentials in Writing), and I always watched and discussed those videos together with my kids. 

Sometimes I spent extra time with them training how to take notes and in various study and test-taking skills. We spent a lot of time discussing meta-cognition type concepts.

I continued literature read-alouds throughout high school, so I read to them for 30-40 minutes each night.

In the first couple of years in high school, we were still working on remedial spelling, so another 20 minutes or so there.