Scarlett Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 (edited) Ugh. I wish my skin was thicker and 16 year old boys didn't make me want to cry. My 16 year old is super irritable and cranky.....it began when I wouldn't let him hang out with friends after he got off work....and continued all night....he didn't want to help with dinner, didn't want to work on school work he is behind on, and on and on. So I told him to get off the comouter by 9:45 so he could be in bed by 10ish after his shower.....because he needs sleep. 6:30 comes early..... Am I terrible mom for insisting he needs some sleep? I have let weeks go by with him not getting enough sleep. I am all for natural consequences but I worry about him driving when he is exhausted. Edited November 10, 2016 by Scarlett 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 It's tough when they aren't little anymore and a simple statement like, "get off the computer and go to bed," suddenly becomes so fraught and prone to second guessing. You sound like you've got this, really. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 I made my DS11 go back and get a morning nap after his morning online class when he wakes up cranky. It makes the rest of the day go much better. They are growing and need their sleep. You are not terrible to trying to ensure he gets his sleep. As a kid, I slept on the public buses when exhausted on the way to school but I had friends and even the bus drivers who would look out for me. For a kid who is going to be driving the next day, I would stay in the room until the kid is fast asleep. Lack of sleep makes my DS11 extremely grouchy like the bear on the California state flag or Snow White's Grumpy :P My thick skin came from babysitting my mischievous nephews (cousins' kids) my age and younger since I was very young. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 (edited) He does need his sleep. The trouble is that adolescents don't seem to have the same circadian rhythms as adults. It's biology! They're hard-wired to stay up later and then sleep in. A lot of them, even if they go to bed at a reasonable hour, simply can't sleep - they just lie awake. Waking up at 6:45 is hard at that age. What I actually ended up doing as a teenager - and I'm aware this works for virtually nobody but me, but I'm throwing it out there - is sleeping on a split schedule. I went to bed at 1:30, woke up at 7, was out the door by 7:10, got home at 3:30, and then slept from 4 - 7 (more or less). Edited November 10, 2016 by Tanaqui 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 10, 2016 Author Share Posted November 10, 2016 He does need his sleep. The trouble is that adolescents don't seem to have the same circadian rhythms as adults. It's biology! They're hard-wired to stay up later and then sleep in. A lot of them, even if they go to bed at a reasonable hour, simply can't sleep - they just lie awake. Waking up at 6:45 is hard at that age. What I actually ended up doing as a teenager - and I'm aware this works for virtually nobody but me, but I'm throwing it out there - is sleeping on a split schedule. I went to bed at 1:30, woke up at 7, was out the door by 7:10, got home at 3:30, and then slept from 4 - 7 (more or less). Well, there is some truth to that. But I believe he has a better chance of going to sleep if he is in his dark bedroom than sitting at his computer gaming. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 Yes and no. I mean, yes on the "on the computer gaming" front, but generally experts in sleep disorders - and I assume their advice is relevant here as well! - will recommend that you don't simply lie in bed brooding about the fact that you can't sleep, but that you get up and do something else like read a book or tidy up. The idea is that you associate your bed with sleep and ONLY sleep (and possibly one other activity if you're an adult) so it gets a bit Pavlovian... kinda like how as soon as you step into the bathroom your bladder wakes up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 (edited) I'm right there with you. On my third 16 year old with a 14 year old right behind him and 5 more after that. Ahhhhh However, being behind on school work would be an automatic no for computer/gaming at our house. "Didn't want to work on catching up school work" just simply wouldn't fly here. We also require all electronics turned in at 9 pm. No exceptions (ok only if they are out of the house past that). Gives them time to settle and unwind. I do also send them to bed at set times. On weekends and summer we are more lax. Edited November 10, 2016 by busymama7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 16? I have this problem with my 8 yr old lol. When does it end?! Not so much computer games, but just getting him to brush his teeth/go to bed in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 16? I have this problem with my 8 yr old lol. When does it end?! Not so much computer games, but just getting him to brush his teeth/go to bed in general. Never? My kids are the ones nagging my hubby to turn off screens and sleep :lol: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 I don't think that's bad parenting. My parents told me multiple times to go to sleep as a teen. I think it's normal. Heck, even DH still stays up too late and it affects our family the next day. I have no problem with encouraging sleep because I don't want to have a bad day from your decision. Maybe gently put it in the camp of self awareness, that your behavior affects all of us and safety for you. When you make more grown up decisions then you'll be more independent. And sleep experts also ask for no screens in the bedroom I think. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 And sleep experts also ask for no screens in the bedroom I think. Oh, definitely. The most common advice from sleep experts boils down to "Your bedroom is for sleeping, dressing, and possibly a single adult activity. NOTHING ELSE." That definitely precludes screens! Many also make the point that screen time can hype up the brain somewhat and make it harder to sleep. Source: Lots of article in the popular press. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 My skin is thick, and 16 year old girls mostly make me want to yell, not cry, and if they're under the age of 18 and living in my house I'll tell them whatever I think needs to be said, and expect them to follow instructions or suffer the consequences! Mostly it doesn't come to real conflict, though, as I've followed this approach for years and dd knows what's expected of her. Sleep is definitely something I insist on, mostly because the crankiness resulting from lack of sleep impacts directly on me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 My observation: One of the main reasons we all have mothers is to protect us from the dangers of this world while we are young. "Worst Mom Awards" are frequently bestowed upon their recipients by teenagers who are not mature enough to appreciate the wisdom their mother is showing by creating and enforcing limits. Don't be surprised when that award is replaced by a "Best Mom Award" later in the child's life when maturity allows them to see their mother's great wisdom in providing limits for them while they were younger. :hurray: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 I remember thinking my number #1 job when my kids were teens was making sure they got enough sleep! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 Ugh. I wish my skin was thicker and 16 year old boys didn't make me want to cry. My 16 year old is super irritable and cranky.....it began when I wouldn't let him hang out with friends after he got off work....and continued all night....he didn't want to help with dinner, didn't want to work on school work he is behind on, and on and on. So I told him to get off the comouter by 9:45 so he could be in bed by 10ish after his shower.....because he needs sleep. 6:30 comes early..... Am I terrible mom for insisting he needs some sleep? I have let weeks go by with him not getting enough sleep. I am all for natural consequences but I worry about him driving when he is exhausted. I think it's reasonable. I'd say set a family rule going forward that way it's not the same fight over and over, kwim? Like: Hey - new family rule screens off by 9:00 so your brain calms down and in bed/lights out by 10:00 or whatever you decide. But this way, the heat goes off you and onto the kiddo, as in, "Hey, you remember the rule, man. Get off that computer and do something else. FYI, lights off at ten. Love you." KWIM? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 10, 2016 Author Share Posted November 10, 2016 Thank you all. We have always had a no screens in the bedroom rule. I don't think he is in bed and can't sleep. I really don't. But I am not going to ask him. LOL. He will be sure to tell me. I got up and made him bacon eggs and big glass of instant breakfast. He said thank you. He is all about 'I am 16 and shouldn't be micromanaged'......he started out furious because I insisted he come home after he got off work and because I was insisting he help in the kitchen etc he missed a call to go to dinner with a friend. Which didn't matter because I wasn't letting him go. And then I had him to come to his bedroom and help clean up a small mess from where Dh put a new outlet in for him.....when he left the computer his friend playing on line with him left too....so he was furious about that. Then when I thought.....hmmmm. He sure is irritable I think he needs sleep....and I went to his desk and gently said, ' son you need some rest so I want you to get off the computer in 15 min (9:45) and b in bed by 10. About 9:45 he comes to my bedroom door to let me know his friend had just got back on when he had to get off and I make his life miserable. I resisted the urge to engage and tried to remember he was acting like a cranky toddler.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 I've taken to telling my 16 year old that 9 pm on school nights you're done gaming. Stay up and read and knit sweaters all night long if you want. That has worked well. We have a 7:15 wake up time. It sometimes get pushed to 7:30 but we're doing ok. Behind on school work would be no go for gaming at all here and a possible danger zone for having a job. My kid needs to be caught up by every Sunday night. He sometimes does end up with weekend homework depending on how the week is going. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 My 15 and 16 year old would never been done with work and commitments that early, but if it works for your family, then that's great. You certainly aren't a bad mom! I remind my kids around 11pm that 6am comes really early, but I don't force them to stop doing work or hanging out on the phone. (This could change if they develop bad attitudes.) While they help out around the house some, they don't have specific chores, so that may be a difference too. I assume that if they have a bad grade on a test, a bad day at the baseball field, or a bad audition, then they will approach the situation differently next time. If they don't, I'll be more assertive with my priorities speech. They really hate that speech! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 Thank you all. We have always had a no screens in the bedroom rule. I don't think he is in bed and can't sleep. I really don't. But I am not going to ask him. LOL. He will be sure to tell me. I got up and made him bacon eggs and big glass of instant breakfast. He said thank you. He is all about 'I am 16 and shouldn't be micromanaged'......he started out furious because I insisted he come home after he got off work and because I was insisting he help in the kitchen etc he missed a call to go to dinner with a friend. Which didn't matter because I wasn't letting him go. And then I had him to come to his bedroom and help clean up a small mess from where Dh put a new outlet in for him.....when he left the computer his friend playing on line with him left too....so he was furious about that. Then when I thought.....hmmmm. He sure is irritable I think he needs sleep....and I went to his desk and gently said, ' son you need some rest so I want you to get off the computer in 15 min (9:45) and b in bed by 10. About 9:45 he comes to my bedroom door to let me know his friend had just got back on when he had to get off and I make his life miserable. I resisted the urge to engage and tried to remember he was acting like a cranky toddler.... I think he should just communicate with his friend that the best time for them to game together is X o'clock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 10, 2016 Author Share Posted November 10, 2016 I was imagining the same conversation going on in his friends house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 So last night I was so exhausted I was asleep by 9. This morning ds6 left without saying goodbye.....so I called him and asked him what time he went to bed last night. He said just after midnight. I told him that I left it to him last night and he showed he won't go to bed at a decent time. He argued that didnt make sense....I can't say I am leaving it up to him and then say he did it wrong. I ignored that and told him 6 1/2 hours is not enough sleep no matter how you slice it and he had to have more. Seriously, you know those people who just let teens do whatever they want? I am starting to understand them now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Sleep deprivation causes many, many car accidents. At some point you might need to warn him he needs more sleep or you are going to take away the keys. People are lousy at judging how sleep deprived they are. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 Sleep deprivation causes many, many car accidents. At some point you might need to warn him he needs more sleep or you are going to take away the keys. People are lousy at judging how sleep deprived they are. Thank you. This is what I am worried about. He drives 30 minutes each way to school each morning. The other day we were watching a video together related to our Bible study and he literally could not hold his eyes open. I am going to have to insist he be off the computer by 9 and in his room by 10. He can read if he can't sleep....but I bet he can sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 If you want to try something weird, tell him he has to wear orange safety glasses after 9pm when he is home. They will block the blue light that inhibits melatonin production. This may result in him going to bed earlier. Playing video games is not conducive to wanting to go to bed. I'd set up a house rule about when the screen time needs to end. If he wants to stay up late, he can read books in his room with orange glasses and/or a red light bulb. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 12, 2016 Author Share Posted November 12, 2016 If you want to try something weird, tell him he has to wear orange safety glasses after 9pm when he is home. They will block the blue light that inhibits melatonin production. This may result in him going to bed earlier. Playing video games is not conducive to wanting to go to bed. I'd set up a house rule about when the screen time needs to end. If he wants to stay up late, he can read books in his room with orange glasses and/or a red light bulb. Interesting! Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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