Advice for new homeschoolers

[klmama]

I always love seeing the enthusiasm of new homeschoolers!   They have so much delight in helping their dc learn!  Their kids are usually little, so schoolwork doesn't take very long, and they have much more free time for the enjoyable activities like read-alouds, park days, and field trips.  It's a fun, exciting time for them, and for many of us who have been in the trenches for many years (15 here), it's a pleasure to watch. 

 

One concern I have for new homeschoolers, though, is that frequently they are extremely vocal about the correctness of their decisions and the error of alternate choices, often to the point of belittling others, even right to their faces. Obviously, everyone doesn't do this, but I've seen it many times.  It concerns me because that burns bridges in the local community, and people usually don't even realize they've done it until they need help from the very people they've offended.  Local relationships are important!

 

So, here's my advice to new homeschoolers:  please realize that the choices you have made may be working now, but they may not always be a good fit for your dc.  You may need a very different approach someday for one or all of your dc.  Choose to get along with other homeschoolers, even those who make different choices regarding parenting style, teaching style, curricula, co-ops, online coursework, public school involvement, dual enrollment, working outside the home, etc.  Build relationships so that if you ever need advice, they'll be happy to share what they know.   Be careful to get along with any school employees you may meet, too. While it's hard to imagine now, you may need to consider enrolling your dc in a brick-and-mortar school at some point. Having positive relationships with people at the local public and private schools may be the best thing you can do for any of your dc if they need to enroll there someday, however unlikely that may seem now.

 

What advice would the rest of you share with the new homeschoolers?

 

[....]

 

What advice would the rest of you share with the new homeschoolers?

 

 

1.  Just being at home does not automatically mean they're learning more than they would in public school.

 

2.  Be careful with too much independent work and not following up on independent work.  I've seen a few disasters recently.  Kids get halfway through the school year and the parents realize the kids basically didn't do anything.

[Slache]

Thanks for the thread!

[musicalmom1125]

Keep an open mind about curriculum.  I can't tell you how many times I ended up using the book/workbook/system/etc. that I was never going to use.  Your kids change.  You change.  Your circumstances change.  Just because it's not a fit for you now, don't rule it out for future use.  I always wanted to used a particular curriculum from start to finish.  But that never happened.  Not once.  It just never worked our for us.

 

I turned my nose up at Saxon math for years.  Guess what saved our hineys in middle school.  You bet - Saxon math. 

 

Good topic!

 

 

[RootAnn]

Just because something is working great for you and your kids doesn't mean it will work for someone else. And to echo klmama, if someone else is using something different than you and it is working for them (if even for a season), don't criticize them or it.

[Guest]

1. Just being at home does not automatically mean they're learning more than they would in public school.

 

2. Be careful with too much independent work and not following up on independent work. I've seen a few disasters recently. Kids get halfway through the school year and the parents realize the kids basically didn't do anything.

I echo the independent work follow up. I wouldn't limit it to younger kids either. A lot of the literature has it sound like kids should be 100% independent by high school, but I don't agree this is necessarily true and it give false expectations for some kids. Some kids need accountability more than others. And if the child is coming out of B&M school you cannot expect them to be as independent either compared to if you had HS'd all along. Take time to learn where they're at. Don't just hand them the assignments and walk away.

[Guest]

I always love seeing the enthusiasm of new homeschoolers! They have so much delight in helping their dc learn! Their kids are usually little, so schoolwork doesn't take very long, and they have much more free time for the enjoyable activities like read-alouds, park days, and field trips. It's a fun, exciting time for them, and for many of us who have been in the trenches for many years (15 here), it's a pleasure to watch.

 

One concern I have for new homeschoolers, though, is that frequently they are extremely vocal about the correctness of their decisions and the error of alternate choices, often to the point of belittling others, even right to their faces. Obviously, everyone doesn't do this, but I've seen it many times. It concerns me because that burns bridges in the local community, and people usually don't even realize they've done it until they need help from the very people they've offended. Local relationships are important!

 

So, here's my advice to new homeschoolers: please realize that the choices you have made may be working now, but they may not always be a good fit for your dc. You may need a very different approach someday for one or all of your dc. Choose to get along with other homeschoolers, even those who make different choices regarding parenting style, teaching style, curricula, co-ops, online coursework, public school involvement, dual enrollment, working outside the home, etc. Build relationships so that if you ever need advice, they'll be happy to share what they know. Be careful to get along with any school employees you may meet, too. While it's hard to imagine now, you may need to consider enrolling your dc in a brick-and-mortar school at some point. Having positive relationships with people at the local public and private schools may be the best thing you can do for any of your dc if they need to enroll there someday, however unlikely that may seem now.

 

What advice would the rest of you share with the new homeschoolers?

I did want to add something- I don't think the superiority attitude is unique to homeschooling. It's what my friends and I refer to as "new convert syndrome" and it seems to follow with certain personality types no matter what new thing they're trying. Diet, parenting style, exercising, religion.....I think it can be part of adapting a new lifestyle and feeling a little defensive so they go overboard. I try to cut some slack with people on this and rarely let the newly converted shape my opinions on movements as a whole. I'm also not sure most of them see it in themselves until so far afterwards to actually realize they're doing it.

[nobeatenpath]

1. Little kids are soooo much different than older kids. So much. Keep that in mind a) in terms of how you judge other homeschoolers and b) your comments about how long you are going to homeschool for. Trust me.

 

2. You can't get it all done. You will have great plans, awesome plans - and I will guarantee that a lot of the time they are not always going to pan out. You won't make it on exciting field trips every week. Your kid is going to come to hate piano/nature journalling/gardening. That group of fantastic hippy crafters you were going to hang out with turn out to be an inappropriate group to be with. You find that you can never manage to get all the work you scheduled done. A kid is sick and ends up in hospital for two weeks and the whole schedule is blown. You end up needing to go to doctors appointments, across town, twice a week for a few months and there are two days gone every week. A chance to travel to somewhere exciting lands in your lap but it means a month on holiday you didn't expect when you didn't expect it. Or you just picked a maths curriculum that everyone raves about but, you know what, it sucks and you have to put it aside. Don't get discouraged, don't beat yourself up. One of the great things about homeschooling is the flexibility it affords you.

 

3. Try and remember the big picture. You don't have to do everything NOW - your child doesn't have to master everything now. You don't have to do every amazing program/trip/craft project this year.

 

4. Stuff that you think looks fun is often not what your kid thinks is fun. Often what you think your kid will think is fun is not what your kid thinks is fun.

 

5. Not everyone is as interested in what you do as you think they are. Not even other homeschoolers.

Edited October 9, 2016 by nobeatenpath

[Arcadia]

To remember to take care of themselves, not just home school moms but moms in general tend to hold the fort and give less priority to self care.

 

I was exhausted even when my kids were in public school. Having support system, friends and budget to outsource and for babysitting, in place before pulling them out of B&M school was crucial for me. I am the mom that go nuts having my kids 24/7 so I have to have solutions in place before starting homeschooling.

Edited October 9, 2016 by Arcadia

[Clemsondana]

When you talk about your choices, add the words 'for us' on the end, and when somebody else is talking about their plans, mentally tack the words 'for us' onto the end of their statements.  It seem like people feel criticized or judged by statements like 'That curriculum or plan is too...' whether the description is too open-ended, too structured, too unstructured, too rigorous, too simple, etc, but in what most people mean is that it is too structured or too easy ​for their family/student.  Some families like a lot of academic rigor, some prefer to make sure that their students learn the basics and then have free time to pursue other interests, for some families a medical or emotional situation may be the most pressing issue and they need a bare-bones education plan for a while, some families like activities and hands-on projects, and some families like a checklist of workbooks...and many families use a combination of those over time, or even different approaches for different subjects or different children.  If a family prefers more activity, or a more relaxed pace, or more workbooks, or more creative plans, it's not a commentary on what you are doing right or wrong, it's just an approach that works for them. 

 

[MotherGoose]

Life happens. This summer, I had a lovely plan all scheduled. Since this is my 6th year homeschooling, I was aware that life happens...but still. Since August, we had a friend who lives a couple of states away in town due to a relatives death, and we were able to spend a couple of days with her instead of a hurried Saturday as we would have if kids were in school, the death of a relative, very tragically, an ICU stay of a grandparent, and a hurricane, where we had unexpected house guests for 5 nights. Life happens, no matter what. But we keep plugging along, and I'm working on a revised schedule before our planned vacation. So don't throw it all out, just keep moving along, even when your nice plans get disrupted.

[MotherGoose]

And the main advice I have, which I've followed, is keep doing math if you don't do anything else (and reading, especially with new readers).

[IsabelC]

All of the above, plus: If you have been home educating your 5yo for 2 months, do not try to tell veteran home schoolers who are putting their 7th child through highschool what they should be doing  <_<

Edited October 10, 2016 by IsabelC

[Melissa in Australia]

REMEMBER it is a marathon, not a race - best advice ever that I read on these boards many many  moons ago

Edited October 10, 2016 by Melissa in Australia

[....]

Life happens. This summer, I had a lovely plan all scheduled. Since this is my 6th year homeschooling, I was aware that life happens...but still. Since August, we had a friend who lives a couple of states away in town due to a relatives death, and we were able to spend a couple of days with her instead of a hurried Saturday as we would have if kids were in school, the death of a relative, very tragically, an ICU stay of a grandparent, and a hurricane, where we had unexpected house guests for 5 nights. Life happens, no matter what. But we keep plugging along, and I'm working on a revised schedule before our planned vacation. So don't throw it all out, just keep moving along, even when your nice plans get disrupted.

 

:iagree:   My 9 year-old has already missed an entire month of schoolwork (all of September).  She was in the hospital with a concussion.   :glare:  Was not allowed to read, watch TV or even listen to a book for weeks.  Stuff like that happens.  We just have to pick up where we left off!  

[Guest]

All of the above, plus: If you have been home educating your 5yo for 2 months, do not try to tell veteran home schoolers who are putting their 7th child through highschool what they should be doing <_<

HA! Yes!

[ScoutTN]

Great thread.

[HS Mom in NC]

1. Figure out back up plans B and C now.  Decide which 2 different kind of homeschooling approaches you'll take if the one you're using now doesn't work out.  Figure out what 2 other options you'll do if homeschooling doesn't work out due to circumstances beyond your control-it makes homeschooling in the present more peaceful.

 

2. Never attend a church where everyone homeschools. Somehow homeschooling will eventually become doctrine there and no one needs that in their lives.

 

3. Stop wanting approval.  Make peace with the fact that your parent, sibling, cousin, friend, in-law, pastor, neighbor, fellow congregant, facebook friend, pediatrician is never going to applaud you for choosing to homeschool.  Never.  Get over it yesterday because it's not likely to ever happen.  You don't need to spend emotional resources on it.

 

4. End your lady-in-waiting days.  Don't wait for someone to introduce themselves to you-go introduce yourself first.  Don't wait for someone to plan that group event you always wanted-plan it yourself.  Don't wait to incorporate more _____________ in your home school-incorporate it now.  Don't wait to be invited to another homeschooler's house-invite them over to your house. 

 

5. Take the time to teach your kids how to do all the household chores and cooking now-they can and should help.  If you keep putting it off you'll eventually feel overwhelmed because as they get older life gets more demanding outside your house and it will fall apart.

 

6. Learn to prioritize. Few things pay off more abundantly that learning to prioritize.  Once you've prioritized, start at the top and work your down. Let the lesser things go without guilt-they're not that important anyway.

 

7. Take yourself seriously.  Develop yourself professionally.  Learn household management skills.  Learn time management skills.  Learn about homeschooling. Learn organizational skills. Figure out what you most need now and learn about just that.  Once it's up and running fairly smoothly, move on to the next thing you most need and work on that. 

 

8. Get rid of all your all or nothing thinking and learn to analyze and be flexible.  When something isn't going well don't automatically assume the solution is to ditch it all and start with something completely new. Remember that curriculum is written for the masses and can't be a perfect 100% fit.  See if some tweaking or supplementing might do the job rather than assuming you or it is a failure. Keep in mind that the best anyone can hope for is about 80%.

[LMD]

Best thread ever.

 

6 years in I'd say - routine and family culture. Think about it and be intentional about it. Homeschooling is a way of life, create the atmosphere you want to live in. It's not as showy as jumping into a full K program but so much more helpful.

Edited October 11, 2016 by LMD

[IsabelC]

1. Figure out back up plans B and C now.  Decide which 2 different kind of homeschooling approaches you'll take if the one you're using now doesn't work out.  Figure out what 2 other options you'll do if homeschooling doesn't work out due to circumstances beyond your control-it makes homeschooling in the present more peaceful.

 

2. Never attend a church where everyone homeschools. Somehow homeschooling will eventually become doctrine there and no one needs that in their lives.

 

3. Stop wanting approval.  Make peace with the fact that your parent, sibling, cousin, friend, in-law, pastor, neighbor, fellow congregant, facebook friend, pediatrician is never going to applaud you for choosing to homeschool.  Never.  Get over it yesterday because it's not likely to ever happen.  You don't need to spend emotional resources on it.

 

4. End your lady-in-waiting days.  Don't wait for someone to introduce themselves to you-go introduce yourself first.  Don't wait for someone to plan that group event you always wanted-plan it yourself.  Don't wait to incorporate more _____________ in your home school-incorporate it now.  Don't wait to be invited to another homeschooler's house-invite them over to your house. 

 

5. Take the time to teach your kids how to do all the household chores and cooking now-they can and should help.  If you keep putting it off you'll eventually feel overwhelmed because as they get older life gets more demanding outside your house and it will fall apart.

 

6. Learn to prioritize. Few things pay off more abundantly that learning to prioritize.  Once you've prioritized, start at the top and work your down. Let the lesser things go without guilt-they're not that important anyway.

 

7. Take yourself seriously.  Develop yourself professionally.  Learn household management skills.  Learn time management skills.  Learn about homeschooling. Learn organizational skills. Figure out what you most need now and learn about just that.  Once it's up and running fairly smoothly, move on to the next thing you most need and work on that. 

 

8. Get rid of all your all or nothing thinking and learn to analyze and be flexible.  When something isn't going well don't automatically assume the solution is to ditch it all and start with something completely new. Remember that curriculum is written for the masses and can't be a perfect 100% fit.  See if some tweaking or supplementing might do the job rather than assuming you or it is a failure. Keep in mind that the best anyone can hope for is about 80%.

 

This is all really good advice, but I especially like #3.  It is so liberating when you finally accept that there will always be those who disapprove, and move past getting upset or frustrated about it!

Edited October 11, 2016 by IsabelC

[stutterfish]

Accept that it's ok to be a good enough homeschooler: I can pretty much guarantee that your kids will be a lot happier with "good enough" homeschooling than living amidst the unpredictable swings of an anxious parent constantly striving for perfection in their homeschooling.

 

Stop comparing yourself with others. Yes, you will see other families who appear to have achieved the heights of perfection in homeschooling, but it will most likely be a well-practiced illusion, or will have come at the cost of something else, equally important.

 

Listen to and learn from others, but in the end, do it your way. Only you have your children.

 

It's not a race. Learning is lifelong. Enjoy the journey :)

[Jess4879]

All of the above, plus: If you have been home educating your 5yo for 2 months, do not try to tell veteran home schoolers who are putting their 7th child through highschool what they should be doing  <_<

 

This.  So this. 

 

It reminds me of a lady I knew when I was expecting my third.  She was expecting her first and was giving advice on nursing.  :001_rolleyes:

 

I find our newbie homeschoolers are very "know it all."  They have walked the path for all of two minutes, but they are suddenly very, very wise.  About everything.  And they like to tell you all about it.  In detail. 

[MelanieT]

 Thank you for this thread. It's our first year homeschooling, and all of the responses were very helpful and enlightening. :) MT-

[AMJ]

Life happens. This summer, I had a lovely plan all scheduled. Since this is my 6th year homeschooling, I was aware that life happens...but still. Since August, we had a friend who lives a couple of states away in town due to a relatives death, and we were able to spend a couple of days with her instead of a hurried Saturday as we would have if kids were in school, the death of a relative, very tragically, an ICU stay of a grandparent, and a hurricane, where we had unexpected house guests for 5 nights. Life happens, no matter what. But we keep plugging along, and I'm working on a revised schedule before our planned vacation. So don't throw it all out, just keep moving along, even when your nice plans get disrupted.

 

 

Oh, exactly.  You WILL be blindsided at times, so roll with it.  

 

I wasn't even blindsided this school year like I was last school year (medical problems, doctor visits, receiving a life-altering diagnosis over the summer) but I have found that the plan I had put together for this school year simply hasn't fit our reality.  My kids are junior high and high school so I made some topics a weekly sort of thing (touching bases weekly, kids work independently on the subjects all week long but can come to me anytime if they need or want help) and I'm revising the plan massively for the rest of the year.

 

Life happens, people (especially kids) change, and what worked last year might not work again this year.  Be flexible.  Adapt and keep going forward.

 

Allow for down days.  Sometimes it will be one or more kids who need it.  Sometimes it will be you.  Sometimes it will be someone or something else who really needs your time and/or attention.  Build some down days into your plan from the start so you don't fret as much about "falling behind" your plan.  Take them when you need them, and if you don't need them either work ahead or take a day off.

 

Play.  Everyone, no matter what age, needs play time.  Make it a priority.

 

Know that you don't have to start homeschooling when your kids are young.  When we started my eldest was going into 6th grade and my youngest was going into 4th.  It was an adjustment, but nothing so daunting once it came down to doing it.  The anticipation/not knowing what to expect was the most daunting part.

 

Be prepared to change tactics.  Work with your child's way of learning, and judge materials, approaches, curricula on how they fit your individual child.

 

DON'T compare one child to another, especially out loud if any child is around anywhere.  Each child is different and comparisons make them feel like they don't measure up somehow, or maybe they do at the moment but what happens if that ever changes?  Comparisons worry kids.  Don't base your expectations of one child on your experience or observations of another.

 

Don't worry about knowing a subject.  Most subjects can be covered quite effectively if you are willing to learn alongside your child.  There will likely be some you simply want to outsource, but don't let fear of the unknown be the only reason you do so.

 

Relax (as much as you can).  Have fun.  ENJOY the homeschool, and the kids will most likely enjoy it, too.

[AMJ]

This is all really good advice, but I especially like #3.  It is so liberating when you finally accept that there will always be those who disapprove, and move past getting upset or frustrated about it!

 

 

Hear hear!  I'm still stymied by my quite intelligent SIL's persistence in thinking I have to do things the same way the public schools do.  Not in this state!

[AMJ]

Know that at no point along the way will you know everything about any part of the process, though you might know quite a lot.  Always keep a mind open enough to consider what someone else is saying, even if they are not as experienced as you.  The vast majority of newer-than-you folks are eager not just to learn about it all, but to try to be of help to someone else, and newbies DO do some homework.  Please forgive us our over-exuberances.  Often we just need to hear someone else's perspective.  And who knows?  Something some newbie says might actually be helpful.

 

There is no clear dividing line between "experienced" and newbie; there is no mark to pass or certificate awarded.  You will be a newbie and suddenly discover you actually have experience.  You will be the seasoned veteran and find areas in which you are a complete newb.  This is life.

[Critterfixer]

Build in breaks. Do it for yourself.

Be yourself. 

Let your kids be who they are.

Find your fun. If you can't find it, make it if at all possible, because you're going to need some laughter

Develop contingency plans, and know that at some point, you'll have to scrap them all and figure it out afresh.

Make time to learn things for yourself. I've lost count of how many lessons I could have made fun if I'd bothered to sit down and realize that they needed a generous dose of Mom to improve them.

Realize that a lot of teaching is being creative with what you have. Therefore, take time and space to nurture your creativity. It will bless you in return.

 

That's about it.

 

Edited October 13, 2016 by Critterfixer

[Guest]

Oh, exactly. You WILL be blindsided at times, so roll with it.

 

I wasn't even blindsided this school year like I was last school year (medical problems, doctor visits, receiving a life-altering diagnosis over the summer) but I have found that the plan I had put together for this school year simply hasn't fit our reality. My kids are junior high and high school so I made some topics a weekly sort of thing (touching bases weekly, kids work independently on the subjects all week long but can come to me anytime if they need or want help) and I'm revising the plan massively for the rest of the year.

 

Life happens, people (especially kids) change, and what worked last year might not work again this year. Be flexible. Adapt and keep going forward.

 

Allow for down days. Sometimes it will be one or more kids who need it. Sometimes it will be you. Sometimes it will be someone or something else who really needs your time and/or attention. Build some down days into your plan from the start so you don't fret as much about "falling behind" your plan. Take them when you need them, and if you don't need them either work ahead or take a day off.

 

Play. Everyone, no matter what age, needs play time. Make it a priority.

 

Know that you don't have to start homeschooling when your kids are young. When we started my eldest was going into 6th grade and my youngest was going into 4th. It was an adjustment, but nothing so daunting once it came down to doing it. The anticipation/not knowing what to expect was the most daunting part.

 

Be prepared to change tactics. Work with your child's way of learning, and judge materials, approaches, curricula on how they fit your individual child.

 

DON'T compare one child to another, especially out loud if any child is around anywhere. Each child is different and comparisons make them feel like they don't measure up somehow, or maybe they do at the moment but what happens if that ever changes? Comparisons worry kids. Don't base your expectations of one child on your experience or observations of another.

 

Don't worry about knowing a subject. Most subjects can be covered quite effectively if you are willing to learn alongside your child. There will likely be some you simply want to outsource, but don't let fear of the unknown be the only reason you do so.

 

Relax (as much as you can). Have fun. ENJOY the homeschool, and the kids will most likely enjoy it, too.

Liking this wasn't enough. I need to print this. Great post.

[Guest]

Build in breaks. Do it for yourself.

Be yourself.

Let your kids be who they are.

Find your fun. If you can't find it, make it if at all possible, because you're going to need some laughter

Develop contingency plans, and know that at some point, you'll have to scrap them all and figure it out afresh.

Make time to learn things for yourself. I've lost count of how many lessons I could have made fun if I'd bothered to sit down and realize that they needed a generous dose of Mom to improve them.

Realize that a lot of teaching is being creative with what you have. Therefore, take time and space to nurture your creativity. It will bless you in return.

 

That's about it.

And this one too. I think "find your fun" needs to be my mantra for the rest of the year.

[bttrflyvld]

Enjoy the journey and have fun learning with your kids.

 

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