How to motivate dh to do yard work, stuff like that

[CactusPair]

My dh is wonderful, I'll just begin with that. He's the best daddy in the world and my best friend. He works really hard at his job, and he's very talented in what he does.

 

But I need this fella to do some man's work. My yard (and other aspects inside the house) look terrible. I'm getting ashamed. I live in a small town and people do notice these kinds of things. Plus, I really would like our place to look nice. It's a modest house, but it happens to be my dream house. It's our first house and we're blessed to live here.

 

I can't do it by myself. 1. I'm not very strong or tough or knowledgable about that kind of work. 2. I have MS and I'm just not the young energetic filly I used to be.

 

The stuff I am asking is not a lot. I've been asking him to do certain things all summer and into fall (winter is approaching and I'm getting worried). Other things I've been trying to get done for close to 2 years.

I don't have money to hire someone.

 

My dh makes every excuse in the book or simply ignores my requests. I'm becoming a nag and I hate that. We've been getting into fights about this issue.

 

How do you get a reluctant dh to do some jobs around the yard/house? I feel like I've tried everything I can think of. I tried being nice, patient, frank about what I need, complimenting, encouraging, compromising, mad.

 

Any guidance or tips much appreciated!

 

Thanks!

[Guest janainaz]

Just scream and yell and he'll want to get away from you (that is what I do to mine!). I am actually being serious, but in a joking way. I really do yell about it and he...........really goes out there to get away from me. :001_huh:

 

I'm not suggesting it as advice - just being humorous with honesty!

[Laura in VA]

Have you asked him to consider hiring someone to do the yardwork? You said you don't have the money to do that, but perhaps suggesting it to your husband would provide some incentive for him to do it? Or, you could always offer a nice cup of teA afterwards.

[Chris in VA]

do you belong to a homeowner's association? Have the head of it call and complain.

 

Worked for us--we have a house in the Northern Neck of VA that we are "saving" for when they kick us out of the Rectory. Stupid thing has to have it's lawn mowed about once a month! We got a call last week complaining that we needed to mow the lawn and do other lawn chores.

 

Hope you find a way that works for you.

[Cricket]

Do you really want to know how my dh says a wife can get whatever she wants from her dh? It has to do with what you are...or not...wearing when you ask. ;) He always tells me that will work every time. I guess it is more fun than nagging. :lol:

[KidsHappen]

Do you really want to know how my dh says a wife can get whatever she wants from her dh? It has to do with what you are...or not...wearing when you ask. ;) He always tells me that will work every time. I guess it is more fun than nagging. :lol:

 

I was going to suggest cowboy boots, a hat and maybe some chaps - that's all. :tongue_smilie:

 

But now that I stop to think about it, I think that would fail to motivate him to go outside. :confused:

[Aggie]

Why doesn't he want to? Does he do other things you ask him to? If he's too tired or doesn't feel qualified or the jobs are just below him, it might be worth it to find the money and hire a teen. My dh would rather work overtime at his job to pay someone to do electrical work. :)

 

Do you think he would do those chores if you went out to help? Or supervise?:lol: Would "DH, would you help me _____ now? I really need your strength/ideas/_____"

 

A friend of mine says to her dh, "Do you want to take the trash out tonight or tomorrow? Which works better for you?" She says it works everytime. :)

 

If all else fails, by a DIY book from home depot and start the projects yourself. There's nothing like watching an inept woman try to do the job to get some men motivated! LOL Or, you may be surprised at what you can do!

[suzf242]

If it isn't a problem to him, I would just let it go. Do what you can, appreciate him for who he is and enjoy your life together.

 

At least that's what I do. ;)

 

Suzanne

[Alaska Mom]

I feel like I've tried everything I can think of. I tried being nice, patient, frank about what I need, complimenting, encouraging, compromising, mad.

 

 

If you have a good husband, father, etc, and you've tried "everything" (which I see from your list you have!) there's only thing to do: either let it go or hire someone. I guarantee this to work, and without yelling :D!

 

When you hire someone it gives him three options: (a) be happy and pay for it, (b) complain and pay for it, or © don't pay for it and do it himself. It works like a charm ;)!

[lynn]

My dh is wonderful, I'll just begin with that. He's the best daddy in the world and my best friend. He works really hard at his job, and he's very talented in what he does.

 

But I need this fella to do some man's work. My yard (and other aspects inside the house) look terrible. I'm getting ashamed. I live in a small town and people do notice these kinds of things. Plus, I really would like our place to look nice. It's a modest house, but it happens to be my dream house. It's our first house and we're blessed to live here.

 

I can't do it by myself. 1. I'm not very strong or tough or knowledgable about that kind of work. 2. I have MS and I'm just not the young energetic filly I used to be.

 

The stuff I am asking is not a lot. I've been asking him to do certain things all summer and into fall (winter is approaching and I'm getting worried). Other things I've been trying to get done for close to 2 years.

I don't have money to hire someone.

 

My dh makes every excuse in the book or simply ignores my requests. I'm becoming a nag and I hate that. We've been getting into fights about this issue.

 

How do you get a reluctant dh to do some jobs around the yard/house? I feel like I've tried everything I can think of. I tried being nice, patient, frank about what I need, complimenting, encouraging, compromising, mad.

 

Any guidance or tips much appreciated!

 

Thanks!

 

Do you have family or friends you could ask to help dh do this task?

[dawn of ns]

Things that have worked for me - Start doing it yourself (he may worry about what the neighbours think if his wife with MS is out doing labour), ask friends to do the work, casually talk about your plans to hire someone.

[RoughCollie]

My DH does not do yard work. This past spring, we could not afford to hire someone to do spring clean-up. I announced to everyone that we would all do it, including DH, and that I had enough rakes.

 

The key is that I did not ask for help -- I informed everyone that they would help, and told them the days and times. I also did not correct DH's raking style (he makes lots of very small piles of leaves).

 

So DH actually helped us rake twice, to my amazement. The neighbors were amazed, too. Every car that came by slowed down when they got to our yard -- I think either people hadn't seen DH or were surprised to see him doing yard work.

 

I've already bought the bags for fall clean-up, and I have plans for DH once again. Either he pays $600 for someone to rake our yard (yes, that's what it costs here) or he helps us. We don't have extra money for that, so guess which option he will choose.

 

I asked DH if he would dig holes for new shrubs, and he said yes, so apparently he knows how to do more than he will admit to.

Edited October 7, 2008 by RoughCollie

[Peela]

My dh loves me to do it with him, or just watch him. He is a good handyman but he loves an audience. :) He actually loves me to follow him around the house or yard while he does little chores. I never understood it, but thats him.

 

Also, perhaps it looks overwhelming. Perhaps you could ask him to do one specific chore- together. Ask him to come out and lift something or move something, and give him heaps of thanks for it. It's a Flylady trick. You just put the timer on for 15 minutes, or you pick one task- and before you know it you are on a roll. If you only get that little bit done- great, its an achievement. If it leads you onto other things, all the better.

[stephanie]

I try to do things for my dh that I know are important to him...you know, love language stuff:001_wub: My dh has learned that acts of service are my love language so he tries to keep up with that just as I try to keep up with his. I do know what you're talking about though...I've been asking him to put closet doors on my girls closet for 2 years now, and it just hasn't been done. My next step is to hire someone even though I know he can do it. I know his plate is full,and I also know what it feels like to just not feel like doing something! Maybe a heart-to-heart talk with dh would help...maybe he doesn't realize how important it is to you.

[dawn of ns]

 

The key is that I did not ask for help -- I informed everyone that they would help, and told them the days and times. I also did not correct DH's raking style (he makes lots of very small piles of leaves).

 

 

Another great tip! I often make the mistake of asking but when I simply declare it's yard work day or repair day things go much easier. They key is, as you said, no correcting. Also, lots of smiles, jokes and a big fantastic supper.

[Danestress]

Or if he deployed for a year? Do that.

 

Maybe your husband just really really hates yardwork and isn't good at it and doesn't feel like having that Y chromosone really makes him suited to.

 

I personally would find a neighborhood boy to do it and find the money to pay him, unless you are seriously in debt. It's not worth arguing over.

[CalicoKat]

the only way is to get out there and do it your (helpless) sellf. :001_smile:

 

BTW this works best if you do it 15 min. before you usually start dinner prep.

 

"Honey, can you pull the lawn mower and get it started?"

 

"Honey can move the mower out into the lawn?

 

"Honey, thanks for all your help. Could you help me with one more teeny little thing . . . . could you empty the bag I'm just sooo tired this time."

 

Dress the part too--tank tops work here. Or if you've got a baby, put them in the baby backpack and start to mow. My guy about died, "What will the neighbors think?!"

 

And if that doesn't motivate him perhaps being locked up in the house with the hungry kiddos might motivate him to take over so YOU can do the cooking.

 

Works like a charm. My guy hates me moving his things around in HIS garage. :)

[Scarlett]

My dh is wonderful, I'll just begin with that. He's the best daddy in the world and my best friend. He works really hard at his job, and he's very talented in what he does.

 

But I need this fella to do some man's work. My yard (and other aspects inside the house) look terrible. I'm getting ashamed. I live in a small town and people do notice these kinds of things. Plus, I really would like our place to look nice. It's a modest house, but it happens to be my dream house. It's our first house and we're blessed to live here.

 

I agree with most here who say do it yourself or hire it done. In your OP you say 1) you can't do it because you have MS and 2) you can't afford to hire it done.

 

My feelings on this type of situation are pretty radical. I say if a person/family doesn't have the means to maintain a home, then that family shouldn't have the home. If you think of it in those terms you might find ways to manage it because as you say the home is important to you. It would be to me as well.

 

I see you have a 3rd grader. My 3rd grader is 8.5 and he got his first mowing lesson at the end of this past summer. I expect next summer that I will have him mowing a portion of the yard. He certainly already weeds and gathers things up out of the yard so I can mow...and whatever else I need him to do. Since your dh is not the handyman sort, it is VITAL you teach your children this skill. VITAL.

 

Someone asked what would you do if you didn't have a husband. If *I* didn't have a husband, I would be able to manage all the mowing, but not the weedeating. I would have to hire that done, as I did last week because my dh has hurt his foot. So maybe that is an option....you mow, but hire the weedeating? I dont' know how bad your health is, but 15 minutes at a time can eventually accomplish a lot.

 

And if all else fails, maybe consider selling and buying a condo where this won't be an issue. A very good friend of mine has a similar issue with her dh not wanting to do the yardwork....she is talking about buying a condo if they move in the near future...she and I talked that through...and she did finally agree that in her situation SHE will be able to do the yardwork herself in a year or two when her kids are older (she has a 1 yo and a 3 yo right now).

 

YMMV though with your MS.

 

:grouphug: I know it isnt' easy.

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

Mention to him that you'd like to help him get the yard picked up, etc....

 

and then have a nice dinner....and dessert (which will be *you*).

 

Believe me, this should motivate him (smile).

 

Blessings,

Camy

[Heather in the Kootenays]

On Saturday mornings, I give the kids their chores, announce what chores I'm dong, and then ask dh what's on his chore list. It works. :D

[Sarah CB]

 

A friend of mine says to her dh, "Do you want to take the trash out tonight or tomorrow? Which works better for you?" She says it works everytime. :)

 

My two year old tried this with me a couple of months ago in the grocery store. He looked at me in the check-out aisle and said, "Will you buy me the chocolate bar or the gum?" I almost gave in out of amazement at his negotiating skills.

[Scarlett]

My two year old tried this with me a couple of months ago in the grocery store. He looked at me in the check-out aisle and said, "Will you buy me the chocolate bar or the gum?" I almost gave in out of amazement at his negotiating skills.

 

Hee hee. That is adorable.

[Scarlett]

You might be on to something here. Maybe the OP could suggest to her DH that they move into an apartment where yard work is done by the landlord (like where we live). Maybe that will get the message across to him.

 

Maybe. I would caution though using it as a tool of manipulation. I meant it as a sincere solution. Also, the OP LOVES the home. She WANTS the home.

 

The suggestions of others to seduce him into doing yard work....that might work for them...it wouldn't for me. I don't like feeling manipulated and I don't like to manipulate anyone. What if the yard needs mowed when I am sick and don't feel like seducing anyone? I don't know. I guess I am rambling, but I do hope the OP can find a solution.

[Tammy]

Sometimes it is nice doing yardwork WITH someone, LOL! Maybe if you hang around outside with him...doing little things....he will feel more motivated?

 

Tammy

[Jenn in Mo]

I would imagine that in addition to wanting the yard work done, you also wish he would *want* to do these things for you. As you've already discovered, nagging doesn't inspire a lot of sacrificial giving in our husbands. I've been there, I know.

 

They want to feel all manly and in charge. It's not right, but being asked often makes them run the other way instead of running to our rescue. They want to step into our rescue. This is why I've found, with my husband anyway, I'm best off not asking, but rather inspiring. I'm NOT a manipulative person, honest! But what works in my house is to mention the problem so that he knows it exists. And then I either 1. Learn to deal with it and wait for it to bother him enough to do something about it. or 2. Attempt to fix it myself and give him the opportunity to step in and be the knight in shining armor. Sometimes, I end up fixing it without rescue, but not often. And when that happens, I am pleasantly surprised that I was able to accomplish something I really didn't think I could do.

 

I learned this skill accidentally. My dh is very, VERY busy and CAN'T do all the household things that need done. I attempted to help with the lawnmowing even though I had never mowed the lawn with this big, scary looking mower. I called a friend to come show me how to operate the thing and then mowed our small front yard. It took me forever because I was learning. Dh got home from work at midnight to see a partially mowed yard. He was tickled that I was trying to help him, but it kind of ate at his manly pride that his girl was doing his job. I didn't mean to do that, but it was an interesting fact to learn. He set his alarm and woke up early to finish mowing the very wet yard before running off to work the next morning.

 

There is no nagging 'round these parts anymore. I learned that I am capable of a lot more than I thought. There are still plenty of things that I don't WANT to be capable of doing - that's MAN's work! Ewww! But I want to inspire him, not turn him away. Good grief, I was becoming someone *I* didn't even want to be around! So now I've learned, deal with it and just appreciate what he DOES do or attempt to do something about it, leaving opportunity for him to step in and help so that it doesn't bruise his pride too much. But even when leaving opportunity....I have to do it without expectations so that I don't get disappointed. A bitter wife is even worse than a nagging wife.

 

*hugs* I know this is frustrating and for me, it was hurtful. I felt unloved. I ran through the "if he really loved me" routine. Don't go there. My husband loved me. He just didn't know, ya know? Maybe he should have. Oh, well. I wanted the situation to change and waiting for him to change it wasn't going to happen. I'm glad I changed me instead.

[Kelli in TN]

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And if all else fails, maybe consider selling and buying a condo where this won't be an issue. A very good friend of mine has a similar issue with her dh not wanting to do the yardwork.

 

This is my dream! We both HATE yardwork and so, of course, we have a high maintenance yard.:glare:

 

When I get down to one or two kids at home I would LOVE to buy a small house on one of those postage stamp size lots or a condo. I would love to set my husband free from yardwork.

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

LOL....I couldn't have said it better (grin).