I want my kids to be homeschooled, but maybe I don't want to homeschool them

[Aspasia]

I don't know what's happening to me lately. I am a huge believer in homeschooling, and I have really loved it the last few years. But lately I'm finding myself envying my friends who have careers. I find myself craving something outside the home that I can feel successful at. But I tried sending my kids to public school in the fall and I hated it (they didn't love it either). It wasn't anything the school was doing wrong. Our school is pretty great as public schools go. I've been immersed in these alternative philosophies of education for so many years (we decided to homeschool when our oldest was a baby, and I was ravenous in my consumption of homeschool literature), I just had such a hard time sending them there every day. I feel like, for my kids, homeschooling is a great fit. And they love it. But I don't know if it's working for ME anymore. *Sigh*

 

I don't know what I'm looking for. I just wanted to get this off my chest.  

[AK_Mom4]

Hugs, OP!

Looking at the ages of your kids, I think you are in the "hard years".  The years that are full of tending and wiping noses and cleaning up after little ones.  It's exhausting, hard and boring.

 

I had a hard time homeschooling little ones.  In my case, I'm not crafty and I don't really like read-alouds and well, it wasn't very mentally stimulating.  I had to find things outside of home that were Just For Me so that I didn't go bonkers.

 

To encourage you - it gets much more fun as you go along.  We are at high school now and the things DD studies are fascinating and challenging.  We have real discussions and debates.

 

Hugs!

[Chris in VA]

I'd do it for you if you were closer! <3

 

I think it has to be a good fit for parent and child.

 

Do you take summers off? I don't think I could have done it the small amt of time I did had I not been able to take summer off.

 

Maybe you'll feel recharged in the fall. :grouphug:

[Aspasia]

Hugs, OP!

Looking at the ages of your kids, I think you are in the "hard years".  The years that are full of tending and wiping noses and cleaning up after little ones.  It's exhausting, hard and boring.

 

I had a hard time homeschooling little ones.  In my case, I'm not crafty and I don't really like read-alouds and well, it wasn't very mentally stimulating.  I had to find things outside of home that were Just For Me so that I didn't go bonkers.

 

To encourage you - it gets much more fun as you go along.  We are at high school now and the things DD studies are fascinating and challenging.  We have real discussions and debates.

 

Hugs!

This is so good to hear! Thank you!

 

I do think a lot of my issues have to do with my kids' ages. I used to love being a stay-at-home mom and homemaker. I loved cooking and making playdough and finding fun things to do with my kids. But I don't know. In the last year or so I've just become meh about it. Also, I just feel so desperate for space, mental and physical. And little kids don't give you any of that.

[Aspasia]

I actually love the homeschooling part. I just wish I could spend 3-4 hours in the morning doing homeschool stuff, and then have a nanny come in for another 4 hours while I went out and did something else. My kids would still get the free time that I and they value so much (one of my biggest beefs with public school) and they would still get the education I want to give them, but I would go get what I need, too.

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Your mental health and sense of self are important to this equation.  Would doing on-line or local classes for a future career once the kids are gone help you at all?  Or joining a book club where you are talking with and hanging out with adults?  Or maybe hiring a homeschooled teen to work with the kids twice a week while you take a break?  Like a teenager who is interested in becoming a teacher or something in childcare that would appreciate the experience and the money?

 

Or is there a couple of hour a day day school for the youngers that would work o.k. for now while you work with the olders?

 

 

[Starr]

My guess is that you will feel better as your kids get a little older. You've had littles for a long time now.  :grouphug:

[EmilyGF]

Awww, Bucolic, I could have written most of what you wrote. I've even talked with my hubby about going back to work. A friend of mine whose kids sort of homeschool is in law school at a top-3 law school right now and I sometimes feel like "what is wrong with me?"

 

Here's where I am at:

1) There is no educational option besides homeschooling that makes sense for us right now. 

2) My husband has a high pressure career that is very time consuming now but that will get more secure in the future, so this isn't a good time to put a bunch of stress on him. My friend in law school has homeschooled kids because her husband is in charge of their education (he has a job, not really a career, and works from home). There is no way my husband could do that right now.

3) I've started learning about education more so that what I am doing is more interesting. You get out what you put in. So when I just use open-and-go curricula, I won't get that much out for me personally. I'm in a Charlotte Mason reading group and started going to the Charlotte Mason International conferences. They actually focus on education!!!

4) I have mom books on topics my children are learning so that we all have something to narrate and I have something to chew on. So if my children are reading about Lewis and Clark for their quarter's historical narrative, I may have an adult book on the same topic.

5) I've done some online MOOCs that fit well with my life at the time. 

 

I wish I could live near my parents and have Saturdays off like I used to. But I can't. I could theoretically send my kids to a cheap summer camp, but the cost would still be prohibitive and would mean the loss of financial flexibility during the school year. To gain something would mean to give up something, and there is nothing I want to give up right now in order to get the time or money to pursue something on the side.

 

In a few years my kids will be older and my husband will likely have more career stability. Right now doesn't make any sense, but I won't be at this point of craziness forever.

 

Emily

[maize]

I actually love the homeschooling part. I just wish I could spend 3-4 hours in the morning doing homeschool stuff, and then have a nanny come in for another 4 hours while I went out and did something else. My kids would still get the free time that I and they value so much (one of my biggest beefs with public school) and they would still get the education I want to give them, but I would go get what I need, too.

 

Is there any money at all available that you could get a nanny? Maybe an older homeschooled teen (my current mother's helper used to nanny for her aunt)? Maybe if you did have a job of some kind to go to that money could pay for it? Is there work you want to do? 

 

I have to say I have enjoyed the bit of freedom that has come with having a child old enough to babysit at home while I run an occasional errand :)

[Guest]

Yeah, I feel a bit that way at times. Idk. It's my job, kwim ? And i am looking forward to the time when i can have a different job! Starting study again has helped me deal with the boredom that comes with homeschooling.

 

I'd love it if we had a tutor, and I could just work out our program and someone else could deliver it in the home!

I know right?!

 

I even usually like teaching but I'd just life a governess for the kids and me being able to be at home and doing my fiber arts in relative peace while still reaping the benefits of home education.

 

Alas, I just don't make enough money to swing it :)

[Aspasia]

Is there any money at all available that you could get a nanny? Maybe an older homeschooled teen (my current mother's helper used to nanny for her aunt)? Maybe if you did have a job of some kind to go to that money could pay for it? Is there work you want to do? 

 

I have to say I have enjoyed the bit of freedom that has come with having a child old enough to babysit at home while I run an occasional errand :)

DH is fine spending a little for occasional breaks. But four hours a day, five days a week, for four kids would cost quite a bit. 

 

I'm REALLY looking forward to my oldest being old enough to babysit while I run errands. Really, really.

[El...]

I only have two kids, so I don't have quite your load, but what helps me is doing a hard-style martial art three nights a week.  I work my body extremely hard doing something that requires a lot of focus and interests me.  It's made a huge difference in my general happiness.

 

To make that happen, I demand (*cough*) that my husband be home by a certain time, ( a reasonable time, 1.5 hours past when his work day is supposed to end in theory; he works too hard) two days a week, and when he goes out of town I withhold TV from the kids so they will sit quietly watching videos on a tablet computer during my class.

 

I wonder if there is something you can do to feed your own brain/body.

 

 

[madteaparty]

I don't love homeschooling for its sake, but I see what it can do and also it's the only option available to us right now.

That said, I find he needs me less and less. Most his classes are outsourced. I'm more of an administrator than teacher these days. I still think it needs done (who else will scan the Arabic homework, check his French progress on kindle or the alcumus?). It's still a far better education than throwing him in school so I can go back to my career.

I'm going to get a job within the next few months, but not sure if it will be full- or part- time. I don't know what the right answer is.

[SemiSweet]

I could have written your post. I was actually looking into the local public school just last week, and with high school looming ahead of us, I'm more on the fence than ever. My oldest is old enough to watch the baby while I run errands and it's wonderful. I volunteer at a resource center for homeless people as well as go to online school full time. I still feel like I need something else, but nothing else seems to make sense for our life right now. Sigh, no advice for you. :grouphug:

[SparklyUnicorn]

I've had those thoughts.  Definitely.  I have no magical solution to that.  I guess I figure if I were doing something completely different than what I'm doing now I'd possibly be longing to do something else. 

[Aspasia]

I've had those thoughts.  Definitely.  I have no magical solution to that.  I guess I figure if I were doing something completely different than what I'm doing now I'd possibly be longing to do something else. 

 

Totally. I think about this all the time. DH works with women who are mothers and wish they could stay home, but they've invested so much in their careers and/or their student loan payments are so expensive they can't justify it. I just think there's no right answer for moms. 

[luuknam]

The Y's in our area have childwatch, where you can drop your kids off while you work out or sit in the member lounge and read a book or w/e for up to 1.5 hours. The age cut-offs vary a bit by location, but at the one I go to it's 6 weeks up to and including 8yo, and sometimes they have Y-space as well (during the same hours) for 6-12yo. The only thing you can't do is leave the Y - they'll let you walk laps outside, but you can't run errands.

 

Some grocery stores will babysit your kids for free while you shop. At Wegman's I think it's 3-9yo, for up to 1.5 hours as well. Again, you can't leave the store, but it's a lot easier to do groceries when you're not dragging 4 kids around the store. Some TOPS locations also have something like that, but I don't like TOPS.

 

Probably not the solutions you're looking for, but every little bit helps.

[Aspasia]

The Y's in our area have childwatch, where you can drop your kids off while you work out or sit in the member lounge and read a book or w/e for up to 1.5 hours. The age cut-offs vary a bit by location, but at the one I go to it's 6 weeks up to and including 8yo, and sometimes they have Y-space as well (during the same hours) for 6-12yo. The only thing you can't do is leave the Y - they'll let you walk laps outside, but you can't run errands.

 

Some grocery stores will babysit your kids for free while you shop. At Wegman's I think it's 3-9yo, for up to 1.5 hours as well. Again, you can't leave the store, but it's a lot easier to do groceries when you're not dragging 4 kids around the store. Some TOPS locations also have something like that, but I don't like TOPS.

 

Probably not the solutions you're looking for, but every little bit helps.

 

Yes! We do use our Y a lot so I can have a breather. I didn't know I could leave them in the child care while I sit in the lounge and read, though. Hmmm...sounds heavenly. And I can't believe some Wegman's stores have childcare! Ours doesn't, which is a huge bummer, because I love wandering around that beautiful store.

[luuknam]

Yes! We do use our Y a lot so I can have a breather. I didn't know I could leave them in the child care while I sit in the lounge and read, though. Hmmm...sounds heavenly. And I can't believe some Wegman's stores have childcare! Ours doesn't, which is a huge bummer, because I love wandering around that beautiful store.

 

The Wegman's closest to us doesn't, but one that's only a tiny bit further (in another direction) does.

[Katy]

One of the churches here runs a program for stay at home moms to drop off kids for a few hours so they can run errands without kids. I think they do it twice a week.  It's a great community service.  It's through a small Methodist church that also has a regular daycare.  I wonder if any of the cares in your area have something similar?

[heartlikealion]

The Y's in our area have childwatch, where you can drop your kids off while you work out or sit in the member lounge and read a book or w/e for up to 1.5 hours. The age cut-offs vary a bit by location, but at the one I go to it's 6 weeks up to and including 8yo, and sometimes they have Y-space as well (during the same hours) for 6-12yo. The only thing you can't do is leave the Y - they'll let you walk laps outside, but you can't run errands.

 

Some grocery stores will babysit your kids for free while you shop. At Wegman's I think it's 3-9yo, for up to 1.5 hours as well. Again, you can't leave the store, but it's a lot easier to do groceries when you're not dragging 4 kids around the store. Some TOPS locations also have something like that, but I don't like TOPS.

 

Probably not the solutions you're looking for, but every little bit helps.

 

What does this look like? What do the kids do? There's a room set up with toys or something?