Girlfriend's adopted newborn screams and screams endlessly...

[imeverywoman]

The doctor has given the baby Alimentum formula, but the second ingredient on the label is cow's milk. How can this be a hypoallergenic formula if it contains a highly allergic component?

 

The gastro also says that the baby has reflux and is giving her Tagamet. This is the same moron who said that my daughter had reflux and prescribed her the same meds, when in reality she was allergic to food dyes and milk.

 

The problem is that my friend believes every single thing that the doctor tells her. This baby has a problem and I believe with all my heart that it is the formula. How do I communicate this to my friend? She really needs help because she's at her wits end. Really and truly.

 

Thanks...

[Mx5]

My friend's baby had a lot of allergy / reflux issues. Nutramagen was a life saver. It is VERY expensive, but worth it. If your friend is eligible for WIC then the doc can write an order for it, and WIC will cover it, at least in Wisconsin.

 

Also, make sure your friend is holding the baby a lot. Consider advising her to have the baby in a sling, next to her chest, for bonding issues, and even co-sleeping with the babe.

 

I'm assuming the baby is fairly young? Is this your friend's first child?

[Mrs Mungo]

The doctor has given the baby Alimentum formula, but the second ingredient on the label is cow's milk. How can this be a hypoallergenic formula if it contains a highly allergic component?

 

The gastro also says that the baby has reflux and is giving her Tagamet. This is the same moron who said that my daughter had reflux and prescribed her the same meds, when in reality she was allergic to food dyes and milk.

 

The problem is that my friend believes every single thing that the doctor tells her. This baby has a problem and I believe with all my heart that it is the formula. How do I communicate this to my friend? She really needs help because she's at her wits end. Really and truly.

 

Thanks...

 

Even if the bolded is true-what can she do about it now? Do you think she should try and re-establish her milk supply? That's something that takes a lot of dedication, the few women I've seen try *wanted* it to work more than anything.

 

I know how frustrating it can be when you feel that a friend is making a wrong decision. But if you push her on this you're just going to make her feel bad and drive a wedge in your friendship. She's not going to take your very well-meaning advice to heart.

 

If the formula and meds don't work, they will try something else and muddle through.

[Zelda]

I dont think she is saying the mom has to bf. Just that the formula she has the baby on is causing the issues, and maybe she needs to see about a different formula.

 

Right, the baby is adopted. I think the problem is the *type* of formula and not the formula itself.

 

Can you email her an article?

[Harriet Vane]

When I cut his exposure to milk out completely, he was a totally different baby. It took about a week. I have heard stories from others who say it took between 2-4 weeks for their baby. Allergens are not always the culprit, but they certainly were in the case of MY baby. Allergens can also CAUSE reflux--you might mention that to her. I doubt she would respond well to statements about what you believe in your heart--she might respond to suggestions to try a different formula or articles. I remember how desperate I felt with my screaming baby, how willing I was to try anything.

[astrid]

........that newborns who scream and scream and scream sometimes have other issues, such as substance abuse by the biomom. Please don't jump all over me, I'm making no assumptions about your friend or the baby or their adoption. I'm just saying that sometimes inconsolable newborns are inconsolable because they're detoxing. And for babies who were exposed to crack and cocaine, mom says that any outside stimulation tends to exacerbate their crying. Sometimes with adoptions right after birth, this inconsolable crying is mistaken for formula issues. She says they used to walk around the newborn nursery wearing snuglis with the baby facing outward and slightly down, so as to focus on the floor, not a human face for a couple of days so as to avoid overstimulating the baby. Isn't that sad? Hey, it may very well be a formula issue. Probably is.

 

Anyway, like I said.....please don't slam me; I"m just relating what my mom, with 40 years of L&D/neonatal nursing says. Hugs to you and your friend; that's got to be one of the toughest things! Hope she and baby find some comfort and resolution soon!

 

AStrid

[Twinmom]

Suggest Nutramigen...same basic idea as the Alimentum, but no milk/no soy. She can still follow her doctor's advice but suggest it as taking a step further due to the adoption. Tell her, if you want to, that my adopted baby had the same symptoms and was ballistic on anything but Nutramigen. True story...she actually couldn't sleep even for 45 minutes on other formulas, but slept 4 hours straight after her first bottle of Nutramigen. Turns out, she's got a sensitivity to both soy and milk... Oh, and they said she had reflux, too. Went away after a while on the Nutramigen.

 

With adopted babies you do have to be more careful with formula...you just don't have enough medical history (even from the most thorough birthmother!) to know for certain what a child is allergic to. She's not going against her doc's advice by trying Nutramigen, just going the "extra mile!" Maybe that will convince her. Do try, however. Even the most secure new adoptive mommy will doubt her baby's bond to her when there is endless screaming! It's just the nature of the beast, sadly. In the beginning, we need a little positive reinforcement, if you KWIM! ;)

[Mrs Mungo]

Right, the baby is adopted. I think the problem is the *type* of formula and not the formula itself.

 

Can you email her an article?

 

I personally know women who have re-established breastfeeding in order to nurse adopted children. It's not an unreasonable conclusion at all when you move in the circles I move in.

 

The thing is, it's very hard to pinpoint what the issue could be in cases like this. There are so many variables to consider and some that a friend may not be privvy to.

[Zelda]

I personally know women who have re-established breastfeeding in order to nurse adopted children. It's not an unreasonable conclusion at all when you move in the circles I move in.

 

 

Yes, I know its possible. I encouraged a friend to establish a milk supply to feed her adopted newborn. It worked but the birth mother changed her mind.

 

I did not interpret the post to mean that she was hoping the mom would nurse, even given that knowledge. Maybe I was wrong.

[Ellie]

All you can do is look your friend in the eyeball and tell her that you believe with all your heart it is the formula. Maybe buy a can of Nutramgen and put it in her hand. Surely, if she's that desparate she'll be willing to try something else.

[imeverywoman]

Suggest Nutramigen...same basic idea as the Alimentum, but no milk/no soy. She can still follow her doctor's advice but suggest it as taking a step further due to the adoption. Tell her, if you want to, that my adopted baby had the same symptoms and was ballistic on anything but Nutramigen. True story...she actually couldn't sleep even for 45 minutes on other formulas, but slept 4 hours straight after her first bottle of Nutramigen. Turns out, she's got a sensitivity to both soy and milk... Oh, and they said she had reflux, too. Went away after a while on the Nutramigen.

 

She's not going against her doc's advice by trying Nutramigen, just going the "extra mile!" Maybe that will convince her. ;)

 

 

Your words spoke to me in a very calm, peaceful way. Thank you for sharing your information with me. Really. Thank you.

 

Humbly,

[imeverywoman]

to answer me so kindly. :)

 

I find this very interesting, but my friend tells me that the mother tested clean, as well as did the baby. Can they both test clean, if indeed they had drugs in their system?

 

 

........that newborns who scream and scream and scream sometimes have other issues, such as substance abuse by the biomom. Please don't jump all over me, I'm making no assumptions about your friend or the baby or their adoption. I'm just saying that sometimes inconsolable newborns are inconsolable because they're detoxing. And for babies who were exposed to crack and cocaine, mom says that any outside stimulation tends to exacerbate their crying.

Anyway, like I said.....please don't slam me; I"m just relating what my mom, with 40 years of L&D/neonatal nursing says.

 

Hugs to you and your friend; that's got to be one of the toughest things! Hope she and baby find some comfort and resolution soon!

 

AStrid

 

 

Please thank your mom for her insights and thanks to you for your well wishes! :)

 

Kindly,

[imeverywoman]

transition. She dreads the daytime when she is by herself. I think she could use some company to encourage her and give her moral support.

[imeverywoman]

I will share with her that this was a life saver for your friend.

 

Thanks so much!

[imeverywoman]

I think the problem is the *type* of formula and not the formula itself.

 

Can you email her an article?

 

 

Thank you! :)

[Zelda]

Thank you! :)

 

Sorry! I was talking about my understanding of your dilemma, that you believed that your friend should switch formula and not that you thought she should breastfeed. I might be wrong.

 

And I thought, maybe instead of telling her your thoughts, you could find an article talking about formula options that didn't contain cow's milk and then just send a e-mail saying, "Hey, have you seen this article? Thought you might find it kind of interesting."

 

You're a good friend to care as much as you do.

[astrid]

to answer me so kindly. :)

 

I find this very interesting, but my friend tells me that the mother tested clean, as well as did the baby. Can they both test clean, if indeed they had drugs in their system?

 

 

 

 

 

Please thank your mom for her insights and thanks to you for your well wishes! :)

 

Kindly,

 

I don't know if they could have a false negative test. I suppose anything's possible, right? Mom's gone to bed so I can't ask her until tomorrow.

 

Thanks for not jumping to the conclusion that I was somehow casting aspersions on your friend and her baby. It's a tough subject to broach, that's for sure.

 

Take Care,

astrid

[Twinmom]

I find this very interesting, but my friend tells me that the mother tested clean, as well as did the baby. Can they both test clean, if indeed they had drugs in their system?

 

Probably not, but it depends on the drug. I've adopted two drug babies (not the Nutramigen baby!) and placed many more in my adoption practice. Detoxing looks very different than what formula problems look like, IMO. Though both involve screaming incessantly, the key difference is the overstimulation factor. Formula problem babies still seek comfort and stimulation...drug babies cannot take either and that sling facing outward approach is REALLY good for them.

 

I'd tell your friend not to worry if the testing was clean and just focus on the formula issues. No use borrowing trouble and creating more worry for Momma!

[CalicoKat]

to answer me so kindly. :)

 

I find this very interesting, but my friend tells me that the mother tested clean, as well as did the baby. Can they both test clean, if indeed they had drugs in their system?

 

 

 

 

 

Please thank your mom for her insights and thanks to you for your well wishes! :)

 

Kindly,

Does she have the original discharge papers? Not to say that the adoption agency isn't being truthful--but it has been known to happen. If she didn't get the original discharge papers she should call and ask for them. They can black out the bm's info. But your friend is entitled to that record.

 

My first thought was to wonder about drug exposure.

 

My son (also adopted) was allergic to his disposible diapers. He finally took nutramagen--meat based formula--but we had to put him in cloth diapers right away. No chemicals or perfumy detergents of any kind. He didn't tolerate getting passed around either.

 

It is totally frustrating to finally have the baby you've been praying for so long only to feel totally overwhelmed with a super needy baby. Has your friend tried taking a warm bath with the baby? It may not calm him down, but it does help with the bonding. Bare skin contact.

[CalicoKat]

transition. She dreads the daytime when she is by herself. I think she could use some company to encourage her and give her moral support.

You know, you know how babies can sense our moods? Is she able to just sit down, deep breathe, and focus calming herself before she picks him up. My kids would start screaming when I was upset or frustrated.

 

Probably too simple.

[Michelle T]

My friend's baby had a lot of allergy / reflux issues. Nutramagen was a life saver. It is VERY expensive, but worth it. If your friend is eligible for WIC then the doc can write an order for it, and WIC will cover it, at least in Wisconsin.

 

Also, make sure your friend is holding the baby a lot. Consider advising her to have the baby in a sling, next to her chest, for bonding issues, and even co-sleeping with the babe.

 

I'm assuming the baby is fairly young? Is this your friend's first child?

 

My DS was the most colicky baby in the world for six months until the pediatrician finally suggested Nutramigen. It made a change almost overnight. He became a much happier baby!

 

It is very expensive. Peds usually have a bunch to give out as samples though.

Michelle T

[Kay in Cal]

That's what I would say too... I don't think either of my sons were colicky, but if you set them down alone they would scream.

 

So I didn't set them down. Pretty much ever. Either dh or I held or wore them full time for the first few months at least, and co-slept. I tend to think of that as the norm--babies just want that constant touch, but if she is already holding the baby then I would investigate food issues.

[CactusPair]

One thing that worked with my babies was getting into a warm bath tub with them. I put mine in without clothes, but if she's worried about accidents a diaper would be fine. Humming and holding the baby against my body in the warm water helped them settle down (sometimes). But I was not dealing with formula or other issues.

 

I hope the nutramigen works for her.:grouphug: Has she tried those gas drops for babies? Does driving in the car help the baby calm down at all?

[kalanamak]

How newborn? Pyloric stenosis (although this is famously most common in first born males)?

 

 

A friend had a granddaughter with a tiny intestinal hernia that DIL ignored. Finally, after being exhausted by all the crying, DIL let GM have the baby for a day and GM (my friend) rushed her to the docs office and DIL was awoken by a ER doc telling her a surgeon needed to talk to her.

 

Does the baby otherwise thrive? Normal BM's, minimal spitting up, feeds happily?

[Reya]

That's what I would say too... I don't think either of my sons were colicky, but if you set them down alone they would scream.

 

So I didn't set them down. Pretty much ever. Either dh or I held or wore them full time for the first few months at least, and co-slept. I tend to think of that as the norm--babies just want that constant touch, but if she is already holding the baby then I would investigate food issues.

 

Ha! Mine figured out at 2 hrs old that there was a difference between being held and a bassinet, and he had NO truck with the bassinet. Took months of patient work to get him to tolerate being set down. I'd marvel at the parents who had those removable carseat-thingies that their babies would SLEEP in. Mine thought the carseat was an evil torture device invented by sadistic monsters for his personal torment. He screamed the entire way home from the HOSPITAL, even. (Thank goodness he got over that eventually....)

[Amy in Orlando]

Two of my four were screamers - unrelenting screamers. With my first, I think it was probably reflux, but they weren't diagnosing babies for that yet. With my youngest, it was a combination of milk allergies and an allergy to disposable diapers (which is fairly obvious from the horrendous, almost burn-like rash).

 

I hope your friend can figure things out. With all of my kids, carrying them in a sling was really, really helpful - exhausting, but very helpful. Keep us posted as she figures it all out.

[lighthouseacademy]

What was the birth like? If the baby was csectioned, vacuum extracted, or forcep delivered or even precipitous (like mine was) the plates in the baby's head may not be aligned right and be causing pain. My friend's story: Her daughter was born with a hand up and was not coming out. The dr attached a vacuum to her head grabbed her hand, put his foot on the delivery table and YANKED her daughter out. Her daughter SCREAMED for 18 months. She HURT. She was finally taken to a chiropractor who was excellent with babies and toddlers and her daughter was MUCH better and no longer screamed. My story: My daughter was born accidentally unassisted after 45 minutes of labor. She was born with a fist on her cheek with 3 contractions from water to born and no pushing. She was fine until about 3 weeks and then she SCREAMED. ALL. THE. TIME!!! I finally took her to a chiropractor who specialized in cranial sacral therapy and walked out with the happiest baby you have ever seen. My 8 week old, who had smiled ONCE in 8 weeks smiled at a stranger as we walked out the door. She was finally no longer in pain. The chiropractor did not yank her around but gently manipulated her jaw and cranial bones to allow her head to breath properly (yes your head breaths) and to relieve the pressure.

[imeverywoman]

 

I'd tell your friend not to worry if the testing was clean and just focus on the formula issues. No use borrowing trouble and creating more worry for Momma!

 

 

"Don't you even *think* about getting her worried about the possiblity of drugs!" She's stressed out like crazy, to the point of wondering if she made a mistake.

 

It breaks my heart....

[imeverywoman]

much to her dismay...

 

Does she have the original discharge papers? Not to say that the adoption agency isn't being truthful--but it has been known to happen. If she didn't get the original discharge papers she should call and ask for them. They can black out the bm's info. But your friend is entitled to that record.

 

 

 

 

 

It is totally frustrating to finally have the baby you've been praying for so long only to feel totally overwhelmed with a super needy baby.

 

You have stated exactly what she has said to me. "This is not my dream. This is NOT what I prayed for." You understand her heart....

 

I never thought about the skin/skin contact to foster bonding. I will mention this to her...

 

Thank you! :)

[beansprouts]

redundant post. Sorry!

[imeverywoman]

, Does the baby otherwise thrive? Normal BM's, minimal spitting up, feeds happily?

 

 

She says that the baby is pleased when feeding and cries the moment the bottle is removed. Diapers are neither runny, nor hard. She was spitting up, which is why she took her to PED.

 

*sigh*

[imeverywoman]

a stomach virus from her older sister. The baby dealt with blow out diapers. Then, after feeding, she would spit up, which led to occasional projectile vomit. Baby was taken to the doctor. Formula was switched to soy, she still spit up (didn't vomit). Formula was switched again. Baby still spit up. Formula switched again.

 

Baby went to gastro, where tests were performed which indicate reflux. REGLAN was prescribed. Baby screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. They stopped the Reglan and baby is still screaming, although they were told by the doc that it would take 12 hours to leave her system.

 

If you pray, would you please pray for my friend? :grouphug:

 

Thank you so much!

[MicheleB]

I had two children with severe milk allergies (it caused intestinal bleeding). I could not b.f.

 

My first milk-allergic child (who was baby #2 in our family) used Nutramigen with no problem. I remember asking the doctor about the milk/casein in it, and he gave me an explanation but I don't remember what it was. However, for whatever reason it worked for her. She spent 7 days in the hospital as a newborn, trying to figure out *why* she was bleeding, before they realized it was a milk allergy.

 

Next baby, I was prepared. However, he could *not* tolerate Nutramigen and had to use an even more expensive formula called NeoCate. It was available through WIC with a prescription. Good thing, too.... 9 years ago it was $25 a can.

 

Next baby I thought, let's just start him off on Nutramigen. However, he didn't need it and it caused a whole other host of problems for him, namely terrible diarrhea. His body broke it down too quickly and it didn't have time to absorb. So regular formula for him.

 

All that to say, you just never know what will work for one and not for the other. Even with my dd who took Nutramigen, she could not tolerate the powdered form, only the liquid. The powder gave her diarrhea and stomach distress. Strange, huh? You just never know....

[MicheleB]

a stomach virus from her older sister. The baby dealt with blow out diapers. Then, after feeding, she would spit up, which led to occasional projectile vomit. Baby was taken to the doctor. Formula was switched to soy, she still spit up (didn't vomit). Formula was switched again. Baby still spit up. Formula switched again.

 

Baby went to gastro, where tests were performed which indicate reflux. REGLAN was prescribed. Baby screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. They stopped the Reglan and baby is still screaming, although they were told by the doc that it would take 12 hours to leave her system.

 

If you pray, would you please pray for my friend? :grouphug:

 

Thank you so much!

 

OK, forgot to mention in my other post. I had two babies with reflux. The first was 15 years ago, when I had never heard the word "reflux" before. She was very fussy, projective vomited a lot, etc. She was happy if she could suck or feed... soothing. Wish I had had something for her.

 

Third baby, spit up a lot, vomited a lot, fussy. He used Zantac and it worked wonders. (This is the baby that used NeoCate formula.)

[tinag]

I have had 3 babies with Reflux. Sucking is the only thing that seemed to soothe them also. Alimentum was the only thing that worked with them. They also could not lay down and had to always sleep sitting up. The doc gave us Prilosec bacause Tagament and Zantac did not work. Reglan can make a baby irritable. They also had me give my kids Mylanta to soothe the burning. Knowing what I know now I would try and get acidophillus in the baby and use Aloe Vera juice instead of Mylanta.

[cin]

I'm not sure where you are located. But if your friend is anywhere near a quality Children's Hospital, I would HIGHLY suggest she make the trip. I have learned that this can make a HUGE difference (of course, there are jerk doctors there, too!). Here in Cincinnati, our CHMC has an international adoption center that is SUPERB. If she is anywhere near here, I would suggest she call and talk to Dr. Staat, and see if Dr. Staat will see her. Dr. Staat is a superb doctor, not to mention Human Being.

 

I don't know if you said how old the baby is, but I would say that this is NOT an emotional issue associated with the adoption, just to set her mind at ease. Our girls were both 1 yr and they did fine after a few days. The longest I've heard of an INFANT crying is about a week. Ad Molly was a year old. This does sound physical, and I would look into getting a COMPLETE physical from a superb doctor. X-rays, MRI and blood work, which, at a Children's Hospital, they can do with little to no problem.

 

As an aside, Our oldest 'fell off the potty' in the orphanage and broke 2 bones. When we told Dr. Staat, she said she would order full body x-rays, jus tto make sure everything had healed ok. WISE WISE woman. Our dd had 8 broken bones that, at 12 mos, was healed COMPLETELY, and Praise God, correctly. But, to make sure everything was ok, she got us in with the head of pediatric orthopedics within 2 weeks. (My friend had been tryign to get into to see him for MONTHS and couldn't!). ALso, Dr. Staat puts numbing medicine on their arms before sending the kids to the lab for blood draws, which, for an international adoption, they take so much blood you wonder when the child is going to pass out! EVERY tube in the 'display.' I mean, like...8-10 tubes. Fortunately, they don't have to FILL them!

 

A doctor with a good personality is great, but sometimes you just need a SMART doctor, a good diagnostician, who can find the problem. Fortunately for us, Dr. Staat is BOTH.

 

OK, I've gone on long enough. and plenty is off track, sorry about that. My prayers are with your friend. While I didn't have it daily, 2 days was PLENTY for me.

[imeverywoman]

She is in Florida, with access to some great children's hospitals. Perhaps she'll consider it.

 

Thank you... :)

[ClassicMom]

My last child was like this. We did switch to "Nutramagen" and it helped quite a bit. We also wrapped him very tight in his blanket and then I wore him in a sling. I can't remember the name but it was very tight toward the chest so that he could hear my heart..."Bjorn?"

 

I think that if the child were possibly detoxing as suggested. This might help as well. A friend of mine adopts such children and they need swaddling and lots of love. This helps keep out extraneous stimuli.

 

I did have another son with many disabilities and any stimuli would trigger a seizure. This method worked very well with him. Might also work with this child.

 

May God Bless your friend. A lot of love and patience will bring peace and change to this little one's life forever.

[amyable]

My screamer (after a very quick, intense delivery) did worlds better after craniosacral therapy too.

 

FWIW, Alimentum and Nutramigen are BOTH casein hydrosylates, which means they are made from broken down milk proteins. Some babies tolerate one more than the other, but it's not because one has milk in it and the other does not - they both do, just broken down. Alimentum ready-to-feed even has the advantage of being corn free which is a problem for some babies. Pregestimil is another similar formula, designed for fat malabsorption problems and also protein allergies.

 

If the baby IS allergic to soy and milk and cannot tolerate even the over the counter hydrosylates, then she may need a prescribed formula like Neocate or Elecare. I wouldn't rush to those though, they have their own issues (constipation, extremely $$$, unpalatable -- although that's not as big a deal with a newborn). Worth it, though, if it is all that will work!

[CalicoKat]

much to her dismay...

 

 

 

You have stated exactly what she has said to me. "This is not my dream. This is NOT what I prayed for." You understand her heart....

 

I never thought about the skin/skin contact to foster bonding. I will mention this to her...

 

Thank you! :)

Even in a closed adoption she has the right to have the discharge papers from and medical reports from the hospital. She needs to push back to the agency and let them know there are issues and she needs to get to rule out things so they can help her son. Did the bm parent any of her other kids, or was this her first. Perhaps the agency can find out if there is a family history of colic.

 

I used to sing endlessly to my dd when she came home even though it was more for me to keep me calm and not for her. "You are my sunshine . . . ." One of her first word was sunshine. :) She's 9 and still doesn't sleep much.

[CalicoKat]

She says that the baby is pleased when feeding and cries the moment the bottle is removed. Diapers are neither runny, nor hard. She was spitting up, which is why she took her to PED.

 

*sigh*

just another thought -- has she considered taking baby to the chiropractor? I took all my newborns for their first adjustment. Its pretty easy on them and pretty much they self-adjust (no tools or maniupulations).

[imeverywoman]

FWIW, Alimentum and Nutramigen are BOTH casein hydrosylates, which means they are made from broken down milk proteins. Some babies tolerate one more than the other, but it's not because one has milk in it and the other does not - they both do, just broken down.

 

 

Thank you for this information! :)