Any way to help the dog/mailman situation?

[dirty ethel rackham]

I know this sounds like a cliche ... dog doesn't like our regular mailman, M, and makes a big stink.  Happens all the time.  It makes perfect sense ... a stranger comes onto the property regularly, property that the dog feels it is duty to protect.  Our house is in an older neighborhood where the boxes are on the houses and the mailman has to come to the front porch to deliver the mail. 

 

Well, our dog only gets riled with this one mailman, not the subs that fill in from time to time.  Bear is friendly to a fault.  His only value as a watch dog would be to bark with excitement if someone were to come over - but even that isn't reliable.  A couple of years ago, I was out in our unfenced back yard with Bear, working on recall training.  I had him on a 20 foot lead. M, our mailman walked by and saw us through the side yard and yelled at me.  I guess he thought the dog was off-leash.  Bear wasn't, but I could see how he would think that.  However, the way he chewed me out really unnerved me.  I supposed Bear picked up on my distress and has taken a dislike to M ever since.  All of the neighbors think there is something off about M - perhaps on the spectrum or something. He just doesn't interact in expected ways.  M has been bitten by dogs several times and really despises them.  His behavior is confusing to adults, so I guess that would be confusing to animals as well. 

 

So, a couple of times, I was out walking Bear and happened to pass M on his rounds.  I had hoped I could have the two meet on neutral ground and help them get comfortable, but Bear barked loudly at him (never does this to anyone else.)  M declined. 

 

Whenever I am outside with Bear, I usually keep an eye out for the mailman so I can get Bear inside to prevent any interaction.  I don't believe Bear would bite him.  None of the neighbors do.  But, it simply makes sense to not create a situation where the dog is upset and the mailman feels threatened.  Well, dd14 was outside studying on a really nice day last week and brought the dog out with her.  I guess she forgot to put the training lead on him and wasn't paying attention to what time the mailman was coming.  So, when M came to our house, Bear bolted to the front of the house.  He stopped about 5 feet away from the mailman when dd yelled at him to stop.  The mailman hollered.  Bear barked quite intimidatingly at M.  Dd brought Bear into the house.  Meanwhile, he launched into a 5 minute tirade against us to the next door neighbor - an elderly lady who just loves our dog. 

 

So, I know that we simply need to not let this happen again ... keep the dog in the house before the mailman arrives.  Never let him off leash (rarely happens except when playing fetch, which is way more interesting to Bear than people or even squirrels.) 

 

Any way to repair things with M?  I do feel bad.  However, I hate to even talk to him because he is never nice to me when he sees me  ... or maybe he is his version of nice ... I can't tell.  He seems more pleasant to dh.  I know that my neighbor tried to reassure M that Bear is a nice, well-behaved dog.  Do I just do my usual and let this blow over? 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would not repair things with M, sorry.  I would just keep them away from each other.  

[PrincessMommy]

  I agree that if this is your only problem with Bear probably easiest to avoid all contact.   But, have you tried reward/clicker training with Bear?

 

You could try a trick we're working on with our dog... that is to give her lots and lots of little treats whenever she starts reacting to her triggers (our dog's problem is other dogs).  I'm not talking about dog treats...but the gooood stuff.  Leftovers like steak, chicken, lamb... fish.  whatever.  cut them into very small, pea-sized chunks and when she starts reacting or when you see the mailman coming...just start giving her the treats and talking happily to her and trying to keep her away from the mailman... basically distracting her with something yummy.  The theory is that you give them a happy association with the thing their reacting to and then they will eventually calm down and not be scared.

 

[Catwoman]

I would not repair things with M, sorry. I would just keep them away from each other.

:iagree:

 

It sounds like M is a real grouch!

[hornblower]

Oh, I'm all over the place on this. When I was a teen I actually witnessed my friend's german shepherd bolt through a front door run after a letter carrier & jump at her neck. She deflected with her carrier bag & the dog bit her under her armpit & on the breast.  Dog was young, very drivey, not as well trained as it should have been. The letter carrier ran when she saw it coming (she "knew" that dog from barking at her for months prior through the door) & I'm still not sure if that made it worse or not. The carrier was convinced if she'd stood still the dog would have got her on the neck or head but it's always foolish to think you can outrun a dog that size....  That dog was euthanized prior to a mandated dangerous dog inquiry.

 

 

Anyway. Letter carriers are rightly nervous & some of them really over react & if they've been bitten before, it makes it a very stressful thing.

Everyone thinks their dog will never bite. Until it does.  I think most carriers say that the bite they received was the first one the dog ever inflicted, kwim? So reassurances about a dog don't always convince them....

For your Bear.... well, some dogs just really react badly to people in uniforms or to certain or to men with certain pitch in their voices. My Daisy (malamute x german shep) is a bit like that. The times she has met people in uniform on the street, we've been lucky &  they've all had cookies & she's a floozy for a cookie....  For our letter delivery people she just alert barks but if I have to open the door to sign for parcels etc she's totally fine. I do always show her the letters and let her sniff them and the parcels and sometimes it's orders from pet supply places & we open them & there are cookies inside. Also pizza delivery people are lovely as far as she's concerned LOL. She barks but it's just alert barking.... (my other 2 are just excited barkers, they're not guardy at all)

You can work hard on counter conditioning and desensitization & reward your dog heavily with yummy treats. The method "open bar/closed bar" is often used for this process. When the 'trigger' is in sight or within hearing if it's a stomping walk down a driveway etc the bar is open and you feed small treat after small treat pretty much continuously. When the trigger goes away, the bar closes.  Lots of repetitions and eventually the trigger becomes a cue that yummy things are going to happen & you've conditioned a new response to the stimulus.

I would probably say something briefly to the mailman ""sorry about that, it won't happen again"  but that's it. Odds are you won't convince him anyway.

btw, I took my old Daisy girl out for a special one-on-one walk on Saturday & a woman had her 2 incredibly reactive yappy yorkies offleash with her while she vacuumed her car in her ungated driveway. The little s-its charged my dog & tried to bite her. Fortunately she's so hairy that they didn't get any skin. And fortunately for them, she's also going blind because in her younger sprier days, she'd have disciplined them. As it was, she missed them & I just moved her away.

I also yelled a pithy commentary at their owner. I walk by her house several times a day. If she comes out & apologizes & says "it won't happen again", it would restore my genial feelings. If she comes out & tries to convince me that her dogs are 'just fine and friendly really & they never do that etc etc etc' then I would just get more irritated with her.

[dirty ethel rackham]

  I agree that if this is your only problem with Bear probably easiest to avoid all contact.   But, have you tried reward/clicker training with Bear?

 

You could try a trick we're working on with our dog... that is to give her lots and lots of little treats whenever she starts reacting to her triggers (our dog's problem is other dogs).  I'm not talking about dog treats...but the gooood stuff.  Leftovers like steak, chicken, lamb... fish.  whatever.  cut them into very small, pea-sized chunks and when she starts reacting or when you see the mailman coming...just start giving her the treats and talking happily to her and trying to keep her away from the mailman... basically distracting her with something yummy.  The theory is that you give them a happy association with the thing their reacting to and then they will eventually calm down and not be scared.

 

I've tried the positive association training like you've mentioned, but Bear just can't get it through his head that M is not a threat to me.  He feels he needs to keep warning M to be on his best behavior, which is of course , not going to happen when Bear is all intimidating. 

 

Maybe the treats weren't high value enough.  I'll have to wait until I get his tummy troubles figured out because I just can't keep having nights when he wakes us up 3-4 times to poop (runny stools.)  It happens about every 3 weeks or so.  Vet can't find anything wrong.  We think it is a food issue. 

 

[hornblower]

When you're doing a counter conditioning & desensitization protocol you have to stay far enough back for the dog to not be reacting. If you're getting reaction, you're too close. You may need to be in another room. Or he may be ok with hearing but not seeing so put in a line of sight barrier or frosting on a window etc.

Is it the site of him that triggers him? Or hearing him approach? Or the sound of the feet at the porch?

[dirty ethel rackham]

Oh, I'm all over the place on this. When I was a teen I actually witnessed my friend's german shepherd bolt through a front door run after a letter carrier & jump at her neck. She deflected with her carrier bag & the dog bit her under her armpit & on the breast.  Dog was young, very drivey, not as well trained as it should have been. The letter carrier ran when she saw it coming (she "knew" that dog from barking at her for months prior through the door) & I'm still not sure if that made it worse or not. The carrier was convinced if she'd stood still the dog would have got her on the neck or head but it's always foolish to think you can outrun a dog that size....  That dog was euthanized prior to a mandated dangerous dog inquiry.

 

 

Anyway. Letter carriers are rightly nervous & some of them really over react & if they've been bitten before, it makes it a very stressful thing.

 

Everyone thinks their dog will never bite. Until it does.  I think most carriers say that the bite they received was the first one the dog ever inflicted, kwim? So reassurances about a dog don't always convince them....

 

Oh, I agree.  Yes, I can understand why letter carriers would be nervous.  And I do know that any dog can bite.  I will do my best to keep them apart.  Bear's barks are more intimidating rather than ferocious.  We've experienced the ferocious "I want to tear your face off" barks from dogs we encounter on our walks. 

 

For your Bear.... well, some dogs just really react badly to people in uniforms or to certain or to men with certain pitch in their voices. My Daisy (malamute x german shep) is a bit like that. The times she has met people in uniform on the street, we've been lucky &  they've all had cookies & she's a floozy for a cookie....  For our letter delivery people she just alert barks but if I have to open the door to sign for parcels etc she's totally fine. I do always show her the letters and let her sniff them and the parcels and sometimes it's orders from pet supply places & we open them & there are cookies inside. Also pizza delivery people are lovely as far as she's concerned LOL. She barks but it's just alert barking.... (my other 2 are just excited barkers, they're not guardy at all)

 

You can work hard on counter conditioning and desensitization & reward your dog heavily with yummy treats. The method "open bar/closed bar" is often used for this process. When the 'trigger' is in sight or within hearing if it's a stomping walk down a driveway etc the bar is open and you feed small treat after small treat pretty much continuously. When the trigger goes away, the bar closes.  Lots of repetitions and eventually the trigger becomes a cue that yummy things are going to happen & you've conditioned a new response to the stimulus.

 

I would probably say something briefly to the mailman ""sorry about that, it won't happen again"  but that's it. Odds are you won't convince him anyway.

 

btw, I took my old Daisy girl out for a special one-on-one walk on Saturday & a woman had her 2 incredibly reactive yappy yorkies offleash with her while she vacuumed her car in her ungated driveway. The little s-its charged my dog & tried to bite her. Fortunately she's so hairy that they didn't get any skin. And fortunately for them, she's also going blind because in her younger sprier days, she'd have disciplined them. As it was, she missed them & I just moved her away.

 

I also yelled a pithy commentary at their owner. I walk by her house several times a day. If she comes out & apologizes & says "it won't happen again", it would restore my genial feelings. If she comes out & tries to convince me that her dogs are 'just fine and friendly really & they never do that etc etc etc' then I would just get more irritated with her.

I think I'll have my husband do the "It won't happen again talk" since I am really uncomfortable around the guy.  I just haven't figured out how to talk to him without him being really harsh with me.

[dirty ethel rackham]

When you're doing a counter conditioning & desensitization protocol you have to stay far enough back for the dog to not be reacting. If you're getting reaction, you're too close. You may need to be in another room. Or he may be ok with hearing but not seeing so put in a line of sight barrier or frosting on a window etc.

 

Is it the site of him that triggers him? Or hearing him approach? Or the sound of the feet at the porch?

 

I'm not sure.  He usually seems to know he is coming before I know - often, the mailman is still in the neighbor's yard walking toward our yard, but not in sight yet.  If he is asleep, he doesn't react until the mailman is on our porch.  Since the mailman walks his route, I don't know when he is coming.  The only warning I get is if I see the truck go by and it could be 15 minutes to 45 minutes before he gets to our house.  It's not like I can set my watch to it.  And I do want him to bark when other people come to the door, just to let me know that they are there. 

 

[Pawz4me]

I don't want to be discouraging, but you may have a hard time counter conditioning Bear as long as he senses you're uncomfortable around M.  I suspect you tense up when it's around the time for him to come.  I know in your situation I would be tensing up!  Even if it's a very slight reaction, most dogs will sense it.  It's very difficult to "hide" our anxieties from them.  

[Catwoman]

I've tried the positive association training like you've mentioned, but Bear just can't get it through his head that M is not a threat to me. He feels he needs to keep warning M to be on his best behavior, which is of course , not going to happen when Bear is all intimidating.

 

Maybe the treats weren't high value enough. I'll have to wait until I get his tummy troubles figured out because I just can't keep having nights when he wakes us up 3-4 times to poop (runny stools.) It happens about every 3 weeks or so. Vet can't find anything wrong. We think it is a food issue.

 

This may sound crazy, but if Bear is friendly to everyone else and hates M, maybe he has a good reason for it. Maybe Bear senses something bad about M and is keeping you safe from him.

 

I would trust Bear's instincts and make a point of keeping him away from the mailman, rather than trying to force him to be nice to the guy.

[katilac]

Yes, I would focus on keeping the dog away from him, and I'd be vigilant about it - he could refuse to deliver mail to your house, and you'll have to pick it up at the post office. Actually, if the post office is close to you, that might be easier than dealing with putting up the dog every time the mail comes! 

 

Nobody ever thinks their dog is going to bite, until their dog bites. When a dog corners me and barks and scares the living daylight out of me, I don't want to hear about how he's a good dog and would never bite me. 

 

You seem friendly with your neighbor. Could she accept your mail for a while, so he doesn't have to approach your house at all? 

 

 

[dirty ethel rackham]

Don't get me wrong.  My dog is not behaving in a ferocious way.  The only time I have seen our dog look ferocious is when a coyote went  through our yard.  He is just barking warningly.  He is under control, not encroaching, not lunging (unlike when he is being too friendly.)  He has never been less than 5 feet away from the mailman.  If my dog's behavior is cause for not delivering our mail, then I imagine almost every other dog owner on his route can't get theirs either, since my dog's reaction is more mild than most.  In the 3 years we have had this dog, this is the only incident where the dog has been off leash near the mailman, and thus creating a potentially risky situation.  He does not lunge at the door when the mailman comes, even when we only have the storm door closed and Bear can see the front porch.  But I do see how someone who is afraid of dogs would be unnerved. 

 

We had a family meeting and everyone is on board with keeping the dog in the house when it is likely that the mailman might be coming and being very vigilant.  We will have constant reminders for the college kids when they are home. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

We had a neighbor many many years ago who was terrified of our golden.  And somehow our golden, who was gentle with everyone, was set off by him  I came out one day to hear him absolutely screaming at my dog.  Then I lost it myself and screamed back.  It turned out that this guy had some kind of PTSD related to dogs.  I appreciated knowing that but it was too stressful for him or the dog to be in close proximity.  I worked very hard to keep them apart.  

[dirty ethel rackham]

We had a neighbor many many years ago who was terrified of our golden.  And somehow our golden, who was gentle with everyone, was set off by him  I came out one day to hear him absolutely screaming at my dog.  Then I lost it myself and screamed back.  It turned out that this guy had some kind of PTSD related to dogs.  I appreciated knowing that but it was too stressful for him or the dog to be in close proximity.  I worked very hard to keep them apart.  

You know, I think that, for M, it may be a combination of PTSD from previous bites as well as his odd interactions that make people and dogs uncomfortable.  Like I said, we think he may be on the spectrum or have had some mental issues.  I am not afraid of the guy, but uncomfortable with him, especially since my only interactions with him have been negative. 

[Tree Frog]

Oh, I'm all over the place on this. When I was a teen I actually witnessed my friend's german shepherd bolt through a front door run after a letter carrier & jump at her neck. She deflected with her carrier bag & the dog bit her under her armpit & on the breast.  Dog was young, very drivey, not as well trained as it should have been. The letter carrier ran when she saw it coming (she "knew" that dog from barking at her for months prior through the door) & I'm still not sure if that made it worse or not. The carrier was convinced if she'd stood still the dog would have got her on the neck or head but it's always foolish to think you can outrun a dog that size....  That dog was euthanized prior to a mandated dangerous dog inquiry.

 

 

Anyway. Letter carriers are rightly nervous & some of them really over react & if they've been bitten before, it makes it a very stressful thing.

 

Everyone thinks their dog will never bite. Until it does.  I think most carriers say that the bite they received was the first one the dog ever inflicted, kwim? So reassurances about a dog don't always convince them....

 

For your Bear.... well, some dogs just really react badly to people in uniforms or to certain or to men with certain pitch in their voices. My Daisy (malamute x german shep) is a bit like that. The times she has met people in uniform on the street, we've been lucky &  they've all had cookies & she's a floozy for a cookie....  For our letter delivery people she just alert barks but if I have to open the door to sign for parcels etc she's totally fine. I do always show her the letters and let her sniff them and the parcels and sometimes it's orders from pet supply places & we open them & there are cookies inside. Also pizza delivery people are lovely as far as she's concerned LOL. She barks but it's just alert barking.... (my other 2 are just excited barkers, they're not guardy at all)

 

You can work hard on counter conditioning and desensitization & reward your dog heavily with yummy treats. The method "open bar/closed bar" is often used for this process. When the 'trigger' is in sight or within hearing if it's a stomping walk down a driveway etc the bar is open and you feed small treat after small treat pretty much continuously. When the trigger goes away, the bar closes.  Lots of repetitions and eventually the trigger becomes a cue that yummy things are going to happen & you've conditioned a new response to the stimulus.

 

I would probably say something briefly to the mailman ""sorry about that, it won't happen again"  but that's it. Odds are you won't convince him anyway.

 

btw, I took my old Daisy girl out for a special one-on-one walk on Saturday & a woman had her 2 incredibly reactive yappy yorkies offleash with her while she vacuumed her car in her ungated driveway. The little s-its charged my dog & tried to bite her. Fortunately she's so hairy that they didn't get any skin. And fortunately for them, she's also going blind because in her younger sprier days, she'd have disciplined them. As it was, she missed them & I just moved her away.

 

I also yelled a pithy commentary at their owner. I walk by her house several times a day. If she comes out & apologizes & says "it won't happen again", it would restore my genial feelings. If she comes out & tries to convince me that her dogs are 'just fine and friendly really & they never do that etc etc etc' then I would just get more irritated with her.

 

I'm sorry to interrupt, but Hornblower, how do you train a dog to alert bark? I make our dog lay down after he's barked, but frequently I'm physically going to him, at which point he settles down. Different issue, but also concerning: he also nearly went through the screened window to see the neighbor's new puppy when we weren't home and scared the neighbors. I could see him going through a window if we're not there to settle him. Now we crate both dogs when we leave. I'd really like to be able to leave them out.

[kbutton]

You know, I think that, for M, it may be a combination of PTSD from previous bites as well as his odd interactions that make people and dogs uncomfortable.  Like I said, we think he may be on the spectrum or have had some mental issues.  I am not afraid of the guy, but uncomfortable with him, especially since my only interactions with him have been negative. 

 

My dad was a walking mailman (no truck at all). He was bitten a number of times. As was mentioned upthread, he's been the first one bitten by a dog before. He made a point to make friends with all the puppies and to do what he could about the grown-up dogs that moved in. It didn't always matter. He knew everyone in town (some for decades), but some dogs just didn't like him or didn't like people. 

 

I would keep them separate. I don't get terrible reactions from dogs as a rule, but I've never been comfortable around dogs as I've been around too many that were very poorly trained. Dogs pick up on that even if they don't get all barky about it. If I know the dog is well-trained, I don't give off the "bad" vibes so easily, but dogs don't exactly just gravitate to me either.

 

My husband has been known to charm nearly every animal in the universe (even half-feral cats), but one of my friends' dogs does not like him, and my DH is about the only person that dog doesn't like. Sometimes there just isn't an obvious reason for the distress.

[katilac]

Don't get me wrong.  My dog is not behaving in a ferocious way.  The only time I have seen our dog look ferocious is when a coyote went  through our yard.  He is just barking warningly.  He is under control, not encroaching, not lunging (unlike when he is being too friendly.)  He has never been less than 5 feet away from the mailman.  If my dog's behavior is cause for not delivering our mail, then I imagine almost every other dog owner on his route can't get theirs either, since my dog's reaction is more mild than most.  In the 3 years we have had this dog, this is the only incident where the dog has been off leash near the mailman, and thus creating a potentially risky situation.  He does not lunge at the door when the mailman comes, even when we only have the storm door closed and Bear can see the front porch.  But I do see how someone who is afraid of dogs would be unnerved. 

 

We had a family meeting and everyone is on board with keeping the dog in the house when it is likely that the mailman might be coming and being very vigilant.  We will have constant reminders for the college kids when they are home. 

 

Yes, it is very unnerving for someone who is afraid of dogs - really, it is unnerving for many people who simply aren't familiar with or comfortable around dogs. 

 

You give very "dog-owner oriented" responses. To you, the dog is at least 5 feet away; to me, the dog would be only five feet away. I don't at all care to interpret whether the dog is barking warningly or ferociously, and I don't believe an owner's interpretation anymore than I believe an owner's statement that their dog would never, ever bite. You said yourself he was barking "quite intimidatingly" at him.  Regardless of the descriptor, I  just really want your dog to leave me alone, y'know? 

 

I know you are going to keep him away, that's great, but I thought I would give the non-dog-person perspective. 

[dirty ethel rackham]

Yes, it is very unnerving for someone who is afraid of dogs - really, it is unnerving for many people who simply aren't familiar with or comfortable around dogs. 

 

You give very "dog-owner oriented" responses. To you, the dog is at least 5 feet away; to me, the dog would be only five feet away. I don't at all care to interpret whether the dog is barking warningly or ferociously, and I don't believe an owner's interpretation anymore than I believe an owner's statement that their dog would never, ever bite. You said yourself he was barking "quite intimidatingly" at him.  Regardless of the descriptor, I  just really want your dog to leave me alone, y'know? 

 

I know you are going to keep him away, that's great, but I thought I would give the non-dog-person perspective. 

 

Oh, I totally get where you were coming from. There are a couple of dogs in my neighborhood that make me very uncomfortable.   Since they are breeds that have ambiguous body language, 5 feet is too close for my comfort as well.   My post was in response to those who thought my dog would be the cause for me not getting my mail delivered anymore. 

 

[hornblower]

I'm sorry to interrupt, but Hornblower, how do you train a dog to alert bark? I make our dog lay down after he's barked, but frequently I'm physically going to him, at which point he settles down. Different issue, but also concerning: he also nearly went through the screened window to see the neighbor's new puppy when we weren't home and scared the neighbors. I could see him going through a window if we're not there to settle him. Now we crate both dogs when we leave. I'd really like to be able to leave them out.

 

Hi, sorry, I'm just back online now. I'm not 100% clear on your question but I think what you're saying is that you'd like the dog to bark & then stop?

 

Assuming he's already barking - which it sounds like he is - what you're looking for then is a positive interruptor.

 

For barking, in the beginning I go to stand beside the dog, look where they're looking & then say "thank you" & give them a pet & ask them to settle or redirecting them to another activity.  They've done a good thing - they've used their eyes & ears to tell me about something, I've come to check it out & shown my appreciation.  You absolutely will have to go towards them in the early stages & in fact I really recommend going to theatrically stand beside them and intently peering at whatever they're looking at. They're communicating stuff to you. They're doing their version of "LOOK MOM, look!!!!"  What you don't want is to use your body as 'pressure' to intimidate him to move and settle.  Eventually you will be able to just use your voice but you'd want to put in lots of time on teaching recalls (from gradually more difficult situations) and distance downs or distance 'send to mat/bed' bhvrs. You'd want to practice those lots in calm quiet situation where there's nothing to bark at & then eventually you'll be able to use your positive interruptor noise &/or the cheery "thank you, that'll do" and redirect to another behavior.

 

Now if it's something really exciting like actual guests, my girl stops barking & starts joy howling. My setter roos and woos & the newf just whines & barks with excitement. It's loud when people come over but I don't really care about training that out. I believe in loud happy boisterous greetings with dogs.

 

If you have a very easily over stimulated dog, check out the kikopup video on barking at the door/guests/noises because you need to teach them to take it down a notch before you can move on to the, "yup, ok, I've seen that, thanks, as you were" thing.

 

 

 

Oh forgot the 2nd part: is he friendly to the neighbour dog or aggressive/territorial?  I would make sure windows are closed or open just a crack. I have heard of dogs going through a window... :(

 

 

[KungFuPanda]

Can you install a mailbox at the end of your walk?

[Katy]

Try posting this Doggie Haiku on your fridge and laughing at the situation?

 

Dog Haiku

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts - I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Mailman fiend - come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat - come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss -
well, maybe catching cats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much as I do.

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation.

My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet. I blow a big one.

The cat is not all
Bad - she fill the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

 

Are you gonna to eat that?
You gonna eat that?
I could eat that!!

[dirty ethel rackham]

^^ :lol:   Made my day, Katy!!