Just withdrew our daughter - why do I feel so terrible?

[OneStepAtATime]

Agree with upthread...contact local homeschooling groups.  See what activities they have.  Start a fun social group or a club.  Get her involved in some extracurricular activities.  Invite kids over for a play date.  Take pictures.   You can finish the book yourselves.    :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Twigs]

… I *was* feeling better until I unpacked her backpack from yesterday.  Her teacher had been making this beautiful memory book for the year.  She had the children draw a self-portrait each month and put it in there.  It had photos from all the "special days" like Dr. Suess Day, western day, Q and U's wedding, pajama day, etc., plus photos from each field trip and some random art selections.  It broke my heart that she won't be finishing her book with photos from their final field trip to the zoo, field day, and their last day of school party.

 

So, did you get pics at Dairy Queen? - her last day of school party. If you didn't, have a do-over and get some pics!

Go to the zoo and spend as much time as you like with each animal. She probably wouldn't be able to do that with a school group.

BTW, I love "Q and U's" wedding! It took me a while to figure that out.

 

 

 I am completely confident that homeschooling will be best for her but I still hate this feeling that I took something away from her.  She would have LOVED field day.  She loves to run and is super fast.  She always beat the other kids in her class at racing so she started a "speed team" to help the other kids learn to run faster.  (Ugh...and now I'm in tears again as I type this).  On the plus side, no one stole food off her tray at lunch, no one hit her, and no one told her that "girls are weak" today (she actually came home and wrote & illustrated book about that one).  She has three big/tough brothers and had NEVER been told that girls are weak until she started KG.   :mad:

 

You did take something away from her! Missing recess for stupid reasons, homework after an already full day, being belittled because she's a girl, etc. But what will she gain? Personal attention from one of the people who loves her best in the world - not some stranger who has to give attention to a room full of other people's children. All of life is a trade-off, be confident that you have made the best decision for now.

 

…

 

I also plan to sign her up for gymnastics this week and we have free tickets to the local children's museum.

… do whatever interests her for now, which seems to mostly be art & science.  

 

More activities for her memory book! 

Congratulations for making this important decision.

Best wishes.

:hurray:  :hurray:  :hurray:

[reign]

You can do it! I hope you both have a lot of fun together learning :)

[daijobu]

 

I told her I was sorry that she felt sad and she responded all bright and perky, "Mommy, I was being sarcastic." (Clearly she gets that from her older brothers).

 

 

 

I generally don't approve of sarcasm, but HA!  You daughter is the greatest.  

[Ellie]

:grouphug:

 

You just made the best.decision.ever. :-)

 

I'm sure whatever she misses there will be made up at home.

 

 

 

It doesn't matter. Don't give it another thought. Really. Anything that is that important will be taught again next year, and the year after, and the year after...

 

 

My husband says I should be relieved that it's over with and we can move on, but I feel absolutely horrible. Mentally and physically. Why couldn't I just let her finish? I felt like I was advocating for her and now I'm terrified that I made the wrong decision. I feel bad that removing her may have offended her sweet teachers. And what if she really did like school and I ruined it for her? Should we have taught her to finish what she started?

 

Mr. FLMomRN is right. He's a keeper. :D You couldn't let her finish because...she was finished. She was done. That's it. Even if you did make the wrong decision--and I don't see how that could be--it doesn't matter. She can go back in the fall...but she won't. :-) Offended her teachers? Why? Why weren't they worried about offending *you*? You are more important in your dd's life than they are. And is school the *only* place you can help your dd learn to finish what she starts? Really? If you were working somewhere that was just awful, you'd have the option to quit; why should a little 5yo person have to continue in a situation that is bad for her? You are teaching her that you love her and will advocate for her.

 

From what I read it seems like most people are usually happy after. It really caught me off guard that I'm so upset over this.

 

 

You'll be happy once the shock is over. It's a big deal. You envisioned a much different scenario for your dd's school experience, and you're having to let that go. It's sort of the death of a dream.

 

My advice is not to do anything that looks like school at least until next fall. Sleep until you finish sleeping. Read good books to her. Do some field trips. If she wants to do School Stuff, put it on the kitchen table and let her mess around until she comes up with her own ideas, and then let her go do that.

 

I took my dd out of a Christian school during Easter break of first grade. I had known Something Was Wrong for a couple of months but couldn't figure it out. And then she came home one day and cried for 40 minutes over her little half page of arithmetic homework, and I went down the street to ask my weird homeschool neighbor about homeschooling. :-) I read everything I could put my hands on over the next two weeks, and talked Mr. Ellie's ear off when he was home, and made sure my dd was on board with homeschooling. After Easter vacation, I took dd to school so she could say good-bye to everyone, and I went to the office to withdraw her. The next morning I let her sleep until she was finished sleeping, and the realization dawned on her that she wasn't going back...and she cried for 40 minutes. :blink: But that was the last time, and we just moved on with life.

 

You'll be fine. She'll be fine.

[clementine]

If you were like me, you did plenty of research & couldn't stop thinking about it.  If that's the case, of course you HAD to withdraw her & start on your journey.  :)  It's exciting for both of you!!  Congratulations on making that first big step!

[Mimm]

K should NOT take 7 hours a day plus homework. Hugs.

 

This. Yikes! Sounds exhausting. 

 

I hope you guys have a wonderful time this year. :)

[Black-eyed Suzan]

:grouphug:

 

My son has never been to public school - we decided to homeschool 6 months before he would have started kindergarten. But the first day of public school that fall I felt the same way you did. It's hard to venture into unknown territory, even if you believe it is the right decision!

 

You've gotten excellent advice.  I'll add a suggestion that a book (I wish I could remember which one!) gave me. Before school starts in the fall, write a list of goals you have for her. That way, when you have a day when you feel like she hasn't learned anything, you can look back at the goals you set and see how far she's come.

 

Welcome! :)

[Mama Geek]

There are truly no words to express how grateful I am for all your responses.  What an awesome group!  :wub:

 

Yesterday afternoon I took DD and my 12-year-old son to the newer/bigger county library across town.  My husband and I ran inside once to look something up but we haven't brought the kids to that one yet and really looked around.  It was amazing!  I'm sure it cost a pretty penny with our tax dollars but they really went all out.  DD played with some other kids her age for an hour or so.  I almost didn't even think to look since we were there for the kids but I found a huge section homeschooling.  I checked out TWTM and one called "The First Year of Homeschooling Your Child" by Linda Dobson.  (Beth in Mint Hill, I didn't see your suggestion until I got home but I will definitely read "For the Children's Sake" as well.  Thanks!)  They let us check out 20 books per card there.  Crazy!  (I was expecting them to say 3 or so).  I don't remember what the limit is at our small, local library but it sure isn't 20.  DD ended up with 10 books and last night we read about how rainbows are formed and she read me one of the fiction books she chose.

 

She woke up at 8:00 today.  I *was* feeling better until I unpacked her backpack from yesterday.  Her teacher had been making this beautiful memory book for the year.  She had the children draw a self-portrait each month and put it in there.  It had photos from all the "special days" like Dr. Suess Day, western day, Q and U's wedding, pajama day, etc., plus photos from each field trip and some random art selections.  It broke my heart that she won't be finishing her book with photos from their final field trip to the zoo, field day, and their last day of school party.  I am completely confident that homeschooling will be best for her but I still hate this feeling that I took something away from her.  She would have LOVED field day.  She loves to run and is super fast.  She always beat the other kids in her class at racing so she started a "speed team" to help the other kids learn to run faster.  (Ugh...and now I'm in tears again as I type this).  On the plus side, no one stole food off her tray at lunch, no one hit her, and no one told her that "girls are weak" today (she actually came home and wrote & illustrated book about that one).  She has three big/tough brothers and had NEVER been told that girls are weak until she started KG.   :mad:

 

She's mostly been working on crafts today and I did let her have some computer time.  She picked up Minecraft from her older brothers and builds the most amazing worlds in there.  My phone alarm went off at 1:40 to remind me it's time to pick her up from school (which takes an hour out of each day with drive time and waiting in the pick-up line).  She was painting when the alarm went off.   :)  That part was definitely nice.  

 

I also plan to sign her up for gymnastics this week and we have free tickets to the local children's museum.  

 

I have done a ton of research on curriculum and I think I've settled on most of it but we weren't planning to start that until August so for now we just plan to take your advice and relax, read, & do whatever interests her for now, which seems to mostly be art & science.  

My nieces k teacher did something similar.  She made a video of all the different set ups that they did.  Maybe I should think of doing something similar for the things dd and I do this coming year.  I know over the last year, she has done tons of fun educational things and it really would be a nice thing to have in the long run.

 

[BlsdMama]

It's probably anxiety. After a less than positive interaction with anyone I evaluate and reevaluate what I could have said differently to make it more positive, more upbeat, etc.

 

It never does any good.... That fussing, worrying, replaying of the scenario.

 

It's good. It's okay. The journey was messy but now you're here. Take a deep breath and move forward. You're going to like it here! ;)

[FloridaLisa]

 We felt good about our decision and told her today would be her last day. We sent our letter of intent yesterday and went to her school this morning to withdraw her.

 

The office lady gave her best effort to try to convince us to leave her for the last 6 weeks. When we wouldn't budge she said it was policy that we had to speak to the assistant principal before we could withdraw her. Being the horribly socially awkward person that I am, when she asked why we felt we couldn't let her finish the year I just started yapping and yapping. I do that annoying thing where I feel the need to over explain myself and make them feel better.

 

We made it out alive and signed the form. We let her finish the day there and my husband is picking her up now.

 

Double ugh on the part I bolded above. That is not Florida policy; that must be *school* policy and there was no reason whatsoever that you needed to defend your decision. As if. 

 

Anyway, it's done and I hope that by now you are REJOICING in the FREEDOM you have to read books and explore the museum and play some math games and practice handwriting and set up water play in the backyard. 

 

I think it's natural to feel anxiety at such a different path than your older 3 took especially when the school demanded some reason for pulling her out. You know what? You don't have to give one reason. Because I said so. Because I want to. Because I get to. 

 

Welcome aboard for the ride of your life! I started with a good deal of anxiety of the unknown as well, but I am so very grateful we were able to take the plunge to homeschool. 

 

Also, Florida is full of homeschoolers. Contact your local homeschool representative found on the Florida Parent Educators Association site and ask for a list of local groups. Actually, you'll probably start bumping into them now that you're at the library and museums during the day!

 

Lisa

[FLMomRN]

She's been out of school for a full week now and I think we're all feeling a bit better. :)

 

Her teacher hasn't removed me from the email list yet and I just got a reminder email about the events for the rest of the year. Here's the part that stood out:

 

"Tuesday, May 12th, Wednesday, May 13th, and Thursday, May 14th we will be taking the SAT 10.

 

Friday, May 15th is our field day. This will take place on the back field from 8:00-9:45 am. Please look for more information coming soon about field day.

 

Tuesday, May 26th-May 29th we will be taking the Discovery Education test on the computers in the morning.

 

Even though the end of the year is quickly approaching, we still have a lot to learn. Please stay true to your routine at home. Please be sure your child is getting enough sleep, completing homework, reading, and having breakfast."

 

The field "day" I was sad about her missing isn't even two hours long! Bananas!

 

I don't think I could possibly feel better about our decision at this point. Thank you all for helping me through our first few days! :)

[Renai]

She's been out of school for a full week now and I think we're all feeling a bit better. :)

 

Her teacher hasn't removed me from the email list yet and I just got a reminder email about the events for the rest of the year. Here's the part that stood out:

 

"Tuesday, May 12th, Wednesday, May 13th, and Thursday, May 14th we will be taking the SAT 10.

 

Friday, May 15th is our field day. This will take place on the back field from 8:00-9:45 am. Please look for more information coming soon about field day.

 

Tuesday, May 26th-May 29th we will be taking the Discovery Education test on the computers in the morning.

 

Even though the end of the year is quickly approaching, we still have a lot to learn. Please stay true to your routine at home. Please be sure your child is getting enough sleep, completing homework, reading, and having breakfast."

 

The field "day" I was sad about her missing isn't even two hours long! Bananas!

 

I don't think I could possibly feel better about our decision at this point. Thank you all for helping me through our first few days! :)

 

So, out of 8 days listed, 7 are for testing. (I realize it's not all day.)

 

You will have fun on this journey! :)

[Valley Girl]

 

 I *was* feeling better until I unpacked her backpack from yesterday.  Her teacher had been making this beautiful memory book for the year.  She had the children draw a self-portrait each month and put it in there.  It had photos from all the "special days" like Dr. Suess Day, western day, Q and U's wedding, pajama day, etc., plus photos from each field trip and some random art selections.  It broke my heart that she won't be finishing her book with photos from their final field trip to the zoo, field day, and their last day of school party.  I am completely confident that homeschooling will be best for her but I still hate this feeling that I took something away from her.  She would have LOVED field day.  She loves to run and is super fast.  She always beat the other kids in her class at racing so she started a "speed team" to help the other kids learn to run faster.  (Ugh...and now I'm in tears again as I type this).

 

Forgive me if someone already suggested this (I haven't read the whole thread), but why don't YOU finish her memory book and fill it with mementos of the last few weeks of kindergarten that you spend together? Include mementos or photos of what you're doing together along with some special memories or things she's said (like "Being Done Day"). I'll bet it will mean every bit as much to her someday when she looks back at it.

[HS Mom in NC]

Leaving her there for 6 more weeks wouldn't benefit anyone, especially her.  Transitions can be harder for some people more than others.  It's OK for you to struggle with the change for a while. Spend the next 6 weeks finding something you know she would love to learn about and enjoy her.

[Twigs]

… I don't think I could possibly feel better about our decision at this point. Thank you all for helping me through our first few days! :)

:hurray:  :hurray:  :hurray:

[merry gardens]

I just saw the update, and it's great to know you're feeling better about the decision to pull her out and homeschool.

 

Some level of mourning may be appropriate when things don't turn out the way we'd hoped and expected. I pulled my a child from private school earlier this year. On the last day as I watched him pack up his things and say goodbye to friends, I felt bad. Since then, several things have happened to convince us that homeschooling him is the right thing. My feelings about pulling him from school come and go. I wish things had been different, but we work with what is. Yet, I still get some emails from the school every now and then. Like you, those emails usually leave me feeling great about our decision to homeschool him.