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Finding a corner to hide in is not as easy as it seems. The corner needs to be comfy.

 

I am back from Walmart (thus and hense my need to hermit) and while I did pick up a rotisserie chicken on a whim for tomorrow's lunch, I completely forgot coffee filters which was the primary purpose of my Walmart Expedition.

 

#banginghedagainstkitchencabinet

Forgot the filters? I'd be sending DH right back out the door...

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I tried to teach DS chess once. We went to a few chess nights at the library, too. He was ambivalent, and I was never more than a played-against-my-amateur-dad amateur. So that was that.

 

So congrats to the chess winners! That is truly, from where we stand, amazing.

Edited by ikslo
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Hey, I'm looking for a blog post that I think was linked from the chat board once that made fun of the Kon Mari method.  I just skimmed through the 21 page kon-mari thread and I don't think it was in there.  I've tried googling for it and haven't found it.  If you remember it, and remember more about it than I do, let me know if you can find it more easily than I can.  I'd like to share it with a friend. 

Edited by Another Lynn
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I believe the definition of an introvert is that they don't derive energy from being around other people, not that they don't like people. I think there is room in the introvert camp for a gregarious introvert. :001_smile:

I'm not one of them, however.

 

I'm fixing to start school here in about thirty minutes, DH will do the shopping and then (despite needing to wash the linens today) we are all going to go hiking. I'm not about to waste 70F in January washing laundry.

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Good morning, ITT! It's raining here! Wonderful, wonderful rain!

 

We are sleeping in today because of everyone being gone all day yesterday for the chess tournament. I sometimes feel a little guilty that a decision like that indicates that we don't put church first. But I am, perhaps, a little too protective of our "down time." (There's that work ethic issue again?) And I have a dysfunction typical of many modern American Christians, I don't always equate my love for the Lord with my relationship with church. And I sometimes soothe my conscious by telling myself that the (average) modern American church has become something unrecognizable to first century Christians. (Which is true, though perhaps not a good reason for taking my toys home and playing alone.)

 

And that was more than I should have said publicly about church. Feel free to opine !

Lynn, I have the same dysfunction! I struggle so much with Church. I know that all churches are full of sinners, me being one of them, and I know that if we switch churches we may find a church that doesn't have the issues we have, but it'll have it's own issues. And I do want to belong to a church. I'm not jaded like some people are. I know it is important, Scripture tells us that we need to worship together with other people. And honestly, most of my life I have really enjoyed church. But right now, not so much!

 

Edited so I don't kill a kitten.

Edited by KrissiK
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Is a person born introverted or extroverted? Or can they change from one to the other?

 

A small part of the things I have been deliberating in my mind are these questions. When I was younger I was an extrovert. I thrived on being around others, helping others, etc. But now I am content to be alone. So now am I an introvert? I feel like I am losing myself. It is not only the introvert/extrovert thing. There are many other factors as well. I feel as if I have lost the part of me that makes me who I am. Maybe not lost, but denied it so long that I'm not sure I can find my way back. Clear as mud?

 

In other words, I feel as if I have tried so hard to be what others want or need me to be that I have displaced myself over the years.

 

On the other hand, maybe this is growing up, becoming less selfish, and gaining wisdom.

 

Or I could be having a midlife crisis and seasonal depression.:D

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Is a person born introverted or extroverted? Or can they change from one to the other?

 

A small part of the things I have been deliberating in my mind are these questions. When I was younger I was an extrovert. I thrived on being around others, helping others, etc. But now I am content to be alone. So now am I an introvert? I feel like I am losing myself. It is not only the introvert/extrovert thing. There are many other factors as well. I feel as if I have lost the part of me that makes me who I am. Maybe not lost, but denied it so long that I'm not sure I can find my way back. Clear as mud?

 

In other words, I feel as if I have tried so hard to be what others want or need me to be that I have displaced myself over the years.

 

On the other hand, maybe this is growing up, becoming less selfish, and gaining wisdom.

 

Or I could be having a midlife crisis and seasonal depression.:D

I understand, exactly what you are talking about. If someone asked me about myself I would have no idea what to say. I don't know my favorite color, favorite food or hobby. I don't know what I like to do because my life revolves around homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and taxiing people around.

 

As far as changing from introvert to extrovert or vice versa, I think that's part of your temperment. I don't think that changes much. Perhaps there are other factors that influence your need for the company of others or lack thereof.

Edited by KrissiK
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Is a person born introverted or extroverted? Or can they change from one to the other?

 

A small part of the things I have been deliberating in my mind are these questions. When I was younger I was an extrovert. I thrived on being around others, helping others, etc. But now I am content to be alone. So now am I an introvert? I feel like I am losing myself. It is not only the introvert/extrovert thing. There are many other factors as well. I feel as if I have lost the part of me that makes me who I am. Maybe not lost, but denied it so long that I'm not sure I can find my way back. Clear as mud?

 

In other words, I feel as if I have tried so hard to be what others want or need me to be that I have displaced myself over the years.

 

On the other hand, maybe this is growing up, becoming less selfish, and gaining wisdom.

 

Or I could be having a midlife crisis and seasonal depression.:D

Are you in my head????

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Is a person born introverted or extroverted? Or can they change from one to the other?

 

A small part of the things I have been deliberating in my mind are these questions. When I was younger I was an extrovert. I thrived on being around others, helping others, etc. But now I am content to be alone. So now am I an introvert? I feel like I am losing myself. It is not only the introvert/extrovert thing. There are many other factors as well. I feel as if I have lost the part of me that makes me who I am. Maybe not lost, but denied it so long that I'm not sure I can find my way back. Clear as mud?

 

In other words, I feel as if I have tried so hard to be what others want or need me to be that I have displaced myself over the years.

 

On the other hand, maybe this is growing up, becoming less selfish, and gaining wisdom.

 

Or I could be having a midlife crisis and seasonal depression. :D

Amen!

 

Are you in my head????

and Amen!

 

I used to be a hard working achiever.  Now I'm a house work avoiding, work-ethic under-mining loser.  But my favorite color is still yellow.  Except for when it's green.  :D

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Good morning, ITT! It's raining here! Wonderful, wonderful rain!

 

Lynn, I have the same dysfunction! I struggle so much with Church. I know that all churches are full of sinners, me being one of them, and I know that if we switch churches we may find a church that doesn't have the issues we have, but it'll have it's own issues. And I do want to belong to a church. I'm not jaded like some people are. I know it is important, Scripture tells us that we need to worship together with other people. And honestly, most of my life I have really enjoyed church. But right now, not so much!

 

Edited so I don't kill a kitten.

 

Thank you for posting this.  So glad I'm not alone.  :grouphug:

 

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Good morning. Mama wants coffee.

 

I used to be an extreme extrovert and probably pretty annoying. Now I'm an introvert that loves being with a good friend once a week for 4 hours. The change happened with my depression. The extrovert entered the depression and the introvert came out of it.

 

Eta: The extrovert had a bad life and didn't like herself, the introvert has a good life and does like herself, so perhaps the extrovert wasn't really an extrovert, but overcompensating for the abuse and difficulties.

Edited by Slache
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Good morning.

 

I have a problem with church and I'm a pastor's wife.

I imagine ours does too. People don't help her and become upset when she doesn't have everything done. If the janitor misses something it's her fault. If the decorations aren't up by such and such a day it's her fault. Essentially everything is her fault.

 

Also, she runs the children's program and we have the only children in the church and we want our kids to sit through church. I know that hurts her feelings. We honestly have a problem with the way she teaches but we would never ever say that to her. It would be devastating.

 

She's a good pastor's wife though and is very underappreciated.

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The church thing has been upsetting me as well. Our church is not a good fit. Dh knows it is not a good fit, but we have been going there since I was pregnant with the twins. And dh knows if we leave, his family (sisters, mother, brother) will follow. Where else would we go? So we stay.

 

However, dh is wanting to have a small (his family (small, yeah, right!)) Church service in our home. Yep, you heard me. In our home! I am not happy about this. I told him I wasn't, but it is something he really really wants. So I compromised. One time. Just once. But I am unhappy about it. Here, too, is where I feel as if I am losing myself. Dh was raised in church. I was not. I believe in church and good morals and all that is important, very important. But because it was not born and bred in me from birth, I feel dh feels it more strongly than I do. Needless to say, it is causing a little bit of friction. I'm not bashing or saying anything bad about dh. He is a good man. Maybe a little too good for me.

 

So next question. Can someone that has not been born into religion feel it as strongly as one that has been?

 

 

By the way, you all are learning all my secrets, one at a time. (I just hope that ITT invisibility cloak is working properly) :D

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Good morning. Mama wants coffee.

 

I used to be an extreme extrovert and probably pretty annoying. Now I'm an introvert that loves being with a good friend once a week for 4 hours. The change happened with my depression. The extrovert entered the depression and the introvert came out of it.

 

Eta: The extrovert had a bad life and didn't like herself, the introvert has a good life and does like herself, so perhaps the extrovert wasn't really an extrovert, but overcompensating for the abuse and difficulties.

I am thinking about your ETA, and I can relate. This has got me thinking. Thanks for posting.

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The church thing has been upsetting me as well. Our church is not a good fit. Dh knows it is not a good fit, but we have been going there since I was pregnant with the twins. And dh knows if we leave, his family (sisters, mother, brother) will follow. Where else would we go? So we stay.

 

However, dh is wanting to have a small (his family (small, yeah, right!)) Church service in our home. Yep, you heard me. In our home! I am not happy about this. I told him I wasn't, but it is something he really really wants. So I compromised. One time. Just once. But I am unhappy about it. Here, too, is where I feel as if I am losing myself. Dh was raised in church. I was not. I believe in church and good morals and all that is important, very important. But because it was not born and bred in me from birth, I feel dh feels it more strongly than I do. Needless to say, it is causing a little bit of friction. I'm not bashing or saying anything bad about dh. He is a good man. Maybe a little too good for me.

 

So next question. Can someone that has not been born into religion feel it as strongly as one that has been?

 

 

By the way, you all are learning all my secrets, one at a time. (I just hope that ITT invisibility cloak is working properly) :D

The answer: Yes, absolutely.

 

I went to a home church for a while. It was great. So much spiritual growth. Also a lot of legalism. I learned a lot, I cried a lot, I prayed a lot and was sort of responsible for breaking them up. I didn't actually start the break up, but I started the discussion about how what we were doing wasn't biblical, and that got people thinking. Remember the homeschool friend I loved and lost? She was at the home church. The break up was ugly and while I didn't choose a side she was upset that I hadn't.

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Is a permanent adaptation not a change? 

 
 

I'll have to get back to you as a ghost. I'm not convinced of the permanence of adaptation. I have, at times, forced myself to step outside of my comfort zone. In doing so I enlarge my territory that I can function comfortably in. But it doesn't change my home base or where I came from. I'm an introvert, and will always be one. But you have to understand that in every test for introversion that I've ever taken, I score 100%. I simply don't have an extroverted bone in my body. 

 

 

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Amen!

 

and Amen!

 

I used to be a hard working achiever. Now I'm a house work avoiding, work-ethic under-mining loser. But my favorite color is still yellow. Except for when it's green. :D

I used to be an achiever too. I would like to get some of that back. I would be a much better mom, wife, and person overall.

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I am usually at church on Sunday mornings. I teach Sunday school before morning service. If I'm not there then dd16 teaches for me.

 

I stay home if I'm sick, and if I'm sick I will lounge in bed and hang out here asking all these odd questions.;)

Good questions. You've got me thinking.
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I imagine ours does too. People don't help her and become upset when she doesn't have everything done. If the janitor misses something it's her fault. If the decorations aren't up by such and such a day it's her fault. Essentially everything is her fault.

 

Also, she runs the children's program and we have the only children in the church and we want our kids to sit through church. I know that hurts her feelings. We honestly have a problem with the way she teaches but we would never ever say that to her. It would be devastating.

 

She's a good pastor's wife though and is very underappreciated.

Yikes! I think our church and the denomination as a whole does a good job of protecting pastor's wives. They are not "expected" to do anything but what God has called them to do. Which is be a wife, mother (if applicable), church member, and anything else God has gifted her to do. Which may be nothing that we see. They are particularly NOT encouraged to lead programs or be in charge of anything at the church unless they have a particular calling to that ministry.

 

My MIL (also a pastor's wife - different denomination) wanted to be in charge and/or involved in everything, and it was not a good thing for her or the church. Now that FIL is semi-retired, she is vocally critical of pastor's wives who "don't do anything but get their kids to church on time." It's sad, but I have see those pastors treat her with such respect and kindness anyway - it is humbling to me.

Edited by Susan in TN
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If you don't go to church regularly what do you do on Sundays? I love not going to church. Saturday is a shopping and chores day so Sunday is very relaxing if we stay home. Nobody yell at me. 

 
 

DH goes shopping. I teach the boys. I usually wash sheets and blankets for all the beds, and do more labor intensive pet chores. I work Friday and Saturday. The rest of the week is school. 

In spite of all that I usually feel very relaxed by having a schedule that doesn't involve me leaving the house at all. After two days of work out of the house, I take pleasure in just being at home getting things done. 

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I'm home sick. Dh got the truck going, but we're afraid he'll make it to church and then it will break down again. Dd16 will go in the church van.

 

I could lay here and write up lesson plans, but I think I'll watch Sherlock instead. And be miserable. I'll eventually need to write those plans though. Should I leave off Monday? We're expecting snowpocalypse, so school may be canceled tomorrow.

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Yikes! I think our church and the denomination as a whole does a good job of protecting pastor's wives. They are not "expected" to do anything but what God has called them to do. Which is be a wife, mother (if applicable), church member, and anything else God has gifted her to do. Which may be nothing that we see. They are particularly NOT encouraged to lead programs or be in charge of anything at the church unless they have a particular calling to that ministry.

She *wants* to do children's church so that's fine. The rest is not. She lives right next door to the church and everyone thinks she has the time to do everything. Here's an example. On Christmas Eve night we had a candlelight service. Pastor asked if some people would come early to set up the candles but nobody did so she set up a few. It looked great. People noticed that she hadn't and set up all of the candles and complained so she set the candles up without any help, except for me and my kids, while everyone sat around waiting for her to finish. It was very wrong.
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People complained when I first became the pastor's wife here. I nicely but firmly told them to do it themselves.  In their defense, though, the previous pastor's wife would say she wanted help and then would micromanage everything.  It taught everyone to sit back and let her do it.  Now I only do what I want to do - which is teach the teens.  I do chip in sometimes when someone is sick or something but everyone does that. 

 

I don't really have an excuse for my problems.  I do think that meeting with other believers is important.  I do think that teaching is important. So I come even when I don't feel like it.  (I'm typing this from church!  But I have to stop now and go up to my seat.)

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The church thing has been upsetting me as well. Our church is not a good fit. Dh knows it is not a good fit, but we have been going there since I was pregnant with the twins. And dh knows if we leave, his family (sisters, mother, brother) will follow. Where else would we go? So we stay.

 

However, dh is wanting to have a small (his family (small, yeah, right!)) Church service in our home. Yep, you heard me. In our home! I am not happy about this. I told him I wasn't, but it is something he really really wants. So I compromised. One time. Just once. But I am unhappy about it. Here, too, is where I feel as if I am losing myself. Dh was raised in church. I was not. I believe in church and good morals and all that is important, very important. But because it was not born and bred in me from birth, I feel dh feels it more strongly than I do. Needless to say, it is causing a little bit of friction. I'm not bashing or saying anything bad about dh. He is a good man. Maybe a little too good for me.

 

So next question. Can someone that has not been born into religion feel it as strongly as one that has been?

 

 

By the way, you all are learning all my secrets, one at a time. (I just hope that ITT invisibility cloak is working properly) :D

 

I'm reluctant to embrace the home-church philosophy, because it is far too easy to stray into error when there is no oversight by or accountability to church authority.

 

In answer to your question, yes, I think someone who has not been born into a religion can feel it as strongly as someone was has been, because the primary relationship is with Jesus. It is all about Him, and He has no grandchildren. We all get to experience first-hand. Some of the church things, such as home-church vs no home-church, may affect folks differently depending on their upbringing.

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Jean, you are so very grown up.  I am not.

 

Dawn, my dh and I are the reverse of you and yours - I grew up in church and my dh did not.  I tend to agree with you that someone who did not grow up in it probably won't value it as highly as someone who did, though I am obliged to say there must be exceptions.  As far as home church goes - I think it can go either way.  We had friends who were doing home church years ago.  I would have loved to have joined them.  Dh wasn't comfortable with such a small group, even though he liked them.  In hind sight, it's fine that we didn't, except I think it would have been really good for the kids.  I think they could have ended up with some very good friends in a natural and healthy way.  Even so, the people in the group returned to traditional churches after a couple years without crisis or drama.  But I think there is definitely potential for things to go badly in a home group.  Similar to you, I look at our current church - with its good and its bad - and ask myself "Where else would we go?"  Everything I can think of to try, I would have bigger objections to.

 

(I'm with you on the invisibility cloak too - I say more than I should here.  But you guys are so good to me!  :grouphug: )

 

Renai, I'm hoping for snow for you, except it sounds like you need to be able to get out and have your ear(s) looked at and an antibiotic prescribed!  Can you go to an urgent treatment center today? 

 

 

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Good Sunday Morning!

 

We are sleeping in today because of everyone being gone all day yesterday for the chess tournament.  I sometimes feel a little guilty that a decision like that indicates that we don't put church first.  But I am, perhaps, a little too protective of our "down time."  (There's that work ethic issue again?)  And I have a dysfunction typical of many modern American Christians, I don't always equate my love for the Lord with my relationship with church.  And I sometimes soothe my conscious by telling myself that the (average) modern American church has become something unrecognizable to first century Christians.  (Which is true, though perhaps not a good reason for taking my toys home and playing alone.) 

 

And that was more than I should have said publicly about church.  Feel free to opine or ignore.

 

And, now about the chess tournament.  We have an 11th grade State Champion and an 8th grade State Champion.  And our 4th grader came in 3rd place.  And our 7th grader did not place, but so proud of her for giving it a go. 

 

AND so glad to see Renai!!!  Hope you are feeling much better today.  :grouphug:

 

:grouphug:  Dawn.  Hope you are getting some good rest and feeling better soon!

 

 

Thank you, Lynn, for again introducing deep thought into the thread.  I think. :laugh:

 

FWIW, I share your angst about church.  My childhood relationship with church was...awkward.  I became a believer as an adult.  I love Jesus and I know that I should be fellowshipping with believers, but I kinda don't like it.  Like, at all.  I've never found a good denominational fit and I really don't like group settings.  (Count me in with the introverts.)  The pastor of the church we were attending quit a few months ago and the family pastor is filling in.  I literally cannot sit through his sermons.  And the music is TOO LOUD.  I find myself googling the sermon topic and reading essays to distract myself.  Probably not ideal. :huh:   And right now, I haven't been in three Sundays, because sick dog.

 

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling.

 

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Jean, you are so very grown up. I am not.

 

Dawn, my dh and I are the reverse of you and yours - I grew up in church and my dh did not. I tend to agree with you that someone who did not grow up in it probably won't value it as highly as someone who did, though I am obliged to say there must be exceptions. As far as home church goes - I think it can go either way. We had friends who were doing home church years ago. I would have loved to have joined them. Dh wasn't comfortable with such a small group, even though he liked them. In hind sight, it's fine that we didn't, except I think it would have been really good for the kids. I think they could have ended up with some very good friends in a natural and healthy way. Even so, the people in the group returned to traditional churches after a couple years without crisis or drama. But I think there is definitely potential for things to go badly in a home group. Similar to you, I look at our current church - with its good and its bad - and ask myself "Where else would we go?" Everything I can think of to try, I would have bigger objections to.

 

(I'm with you on the invisibility cloak too - I say more than I should here. But you guys are so good to me! :grouphug: )

 

Renai, I'm hoping for snow for you, except it sounds like you need to be able to get out and have your ear(s) looked at and an antibiotic prescribed! Can you go to an urgent treatment center today?

Thank you, Lynn for sharing this.

 

Thanks everyone. My internet is being wonky today.

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I'll have to get back to you as a ghost. I'm not convinced of the permanence of adaptation. I have, at times, forced myself to step outside of my comfort zone. In doing so I enlarge my territory that I can function comfortably in. But it doesn't change my home base or where I came from. I'm an introvert, and will always be one. But you have to understand that in every test for introversion that I've ever taken, I score 100%. I simply don't have an extroverted bone in my body.

Well in your case, I wouldn't call it permanent, then. You change/adapt for the circumstance but revert back when out of that situation. So no, not every adaptation is permanent. But for the ones who really have changed, and who have not gone back in some time, I would say they have adapted to a new normal for them, which is a permanent adaptation. I mostly see this with extroverts changing to introverts, after some sort of life event.

 

 

ETA: BOOYAH!

Edited by ikslo
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