klinkermom Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 what kinds of social activities do you enjoy? Since I quit going to church and have lost 95% of my friends, I am incredibly lonely! It is crazy how everything in the South revolves around church! I'd love the opportunity to get to know people in a social setting that isn't religious. I'm not interested in going to a Universalist church, but if there are any other options, I'd love to hear them. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I don't, but I doubt you are alone. Have you looked into something like Meetup dot com? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I am a Christian in the south, but I find a lot of non-church friends through my hobbies. Perhaps there are some hobby centered groups you can join (quilt guild, running group, book club, etc.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 volunteer classes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollie010 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I used to be an atheist and have lived in the south all my life. I met a lot of people at lectures held by different departments at the university. My favorites were always the philosophers. The university also had community classes usually running 6-8 weeks on a variety of topics. I met life time friends at chic fil a, the gym and the park. There should be a plethora of community based committees/boards and charitable organizations. Also each of the activities my kiddos are involved in (soccer, baseball, ballet, scouts) have parent committees. The one with my daughters ballet is particularly active, worthwhile and fun. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 When my kids were young, I belonged to a homeschool group. That provided social time for all of us. Unfortunately, we did not make life long friends. It was fun in the moment though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 The library book club and other library sponsored events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeAndTheBoys Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 There are a lot of atheists in our local Mensa group, and they seem to be a social bunch-- also a lot of groups that meet at the library. I see a lot of signs for meetings at our library, and events seem to be well attended. I guess it depends on WHERE you are in the south. We are in a city with a gazillion scientists and engineers, so it's probably not as church-centered socially as the rural south would be. I'm not an atheist, so I don't have 100% insight, just thinking of places that we've found to be attended by non-churchgoers. Scientific meetings--we have a plantetairum society and geology/outdoor groups. Our local track association. b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandragood1 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 How do you respond when someone asks where you go to church? I found that your answer matters. "I don't go to church. I'm atheist." Will generally drive people away, make them want to convert you, or, very rarely, respond likewise. However if you answer something about meeting all your spiritual needs at home people are less judgmental. Tell them later. It is easier to accept that someone you already know and like is an atheist. I'm sad that this is so but it has been my experience. I'm from the South and still live here. I've lived in Texas and Virginia. In larger cities it is easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayne J Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Never mind--just reread the OP more closely-sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Not a southerner here, but I want to give you a big hug. I am so sorry you have lost friends over something like that. It says a whole lot more about them then it does about you and your faith journey. I understand that a lot of it is due to social activities, it provides and easy way for people to get together. But, still, good friends make the time, kwim? As a northerner, I always think the southern habit of asking where people go to church is amusing. I have never been asked that question by someone I did not know very well. It is considered to be a rather intimate question about a personal matter. You don't ask that right off the bat, and even then, only if the other person brings it up. There are people I have known for years about whom I have had no inkling they even attended a church. And then one day I see their picture in the paper for some church activity or something, lol. What happens if you directly call friends from your old church and ask them to go to a movie or coffee? Or are you worried it would just encourage them to try to suck you back in? Maybe pretend to yourself that you have moved to a new town. You just moved there and you need to get orientated and make some new connections. If there were no churches, what else could you do? And I understand that you don't want to attend a UU church, that is fine. But maybe you can look at their website for social activities? I attend a UU church and we have LOTS of people who are only involved for the social stuff and don't attend on Sundays. They are involved in the social action stuff and go to lectures or book club or knitting night or movie night etc. At least at my church (and all UU churches are different) those activities are purely social. Or, go to a couple sunday services, get the lay of the land and just do the stuff you like. I never blink an eye at seeing people at the potlucks that are hardly ever there on Sundays. It doesn't stand out at all. And FTR, I am an atheist at a UU church. I attend for my dh and kids. It makes them happy and is very important to them so I go. And I am absolutely not alone in that. But, honestly, it has never really come up. It's not like anyone has ever asked me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I'm in Florida, so not as southern as some southern states. Are there any inclusive or secular homeschool groups in your area? If not, can you start one? You might be surprised at the number of people it would attract. Our lives never revolved around church, and that's not where our friends were, so when we quit going it wasn't really an issue. I was already involved with an inclusive (more like alternative) hs group because the local Christian homeschoolers didn't think we were "Christian enough". My son was six. He's seventeen now, and I am still friends with several of the parents from that early group. The way to make friends in a homeschool group outside of homeschool activities is to schedule some adult activities. Book clubs, game nights, dinner and/or movie nights can get you started. I think some of the other suggestions are good too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 A hobby group. Or a gym/dojo. Most of our friends are people we met at our dojo or through Brotherman's theater groups. Even with that as common ground it has been hard to find people who don't care that we don't go to church. Mostly those people are actually not churchgoers themselves. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Not a southerner here, but I want to give you a big hug. I am so sorry you have lost friends over something like that. It says a whole lot more about them then it does about you and your faith journey. I understand that a lot of it is due to social activities, it provides and easy way for people to get together. But, still, good friends make the time, kwim? As a northerner, I always think the southern habit of asking where people go to church is amusing. I have never been asked that question by someone I did not know very well. It is considered to be a rather intimate question about a personal matter. You don't ask that right off the bat, and even then, only if the other person brings it up. There are people I have known for years about whom I have had no inkling they even attended a church. And then one day I see their picture in the paper for some church activity or something, lol. <snip> I agree with redsquirrel. Well, I am not a southerner nor an atheist, and many of my activities do revolve around church, but I still find it so odd that "where do you go to church" is a common question in some places. It has never occurred to me to ask that of anyone I've met. And I'm sorry you feel friendless now. I don't understand people who drop a friend because of where (or whether) they go to church. :grouphug: I hope you find what you are looking for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 what kinds of social activities do you enjoy? Since I quit going to church and have lost 95% of my friends, I am incredibly lonely! It is crazy how everything in the South revolves around church! I'd love the opportunity to get to know people in a social setting that isn't religious. I'm not interested in going to a Universalist church, but if there are any other options, I'd love to hear them. Thanks! Klinker: which state are you in? I find it helps if you join a secular co-op. Not necessarily, but it's a start. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I don't know where the "Where do you go to church?" question comes from. I've lived in Florida and Georgia and have never been asked that question. Dh's family is from a small mountain town in Tennessee and says they never heard it (though I suspect because the town is so small everyone already knows who goes to what church LOL). He has a brother in Texas and a cousin in Arkansas, who also don't get that question. Maybe it's just certain pockets of certain southern states? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Maybe you would find people with compatible interests at a "unity" group? Although such is described ad a "church", from what I have read, every possible kind of belief and non-belief is made welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I don't know where the "Where do you go to church?" question comes from. I've lived in Florida and Georgia and have never been asked that question. Dh's family is from a small mountain town in Tennessee and says they never heard it (though I suspect because the town is so small everyone already knows who goes to what church LOL). He has a brother in Texas and a cousin in Arkansas, who also don't get that question. Maybe it's just certain pockets of certain southern states? I'm in NC, and as far as I know it's not a common question here, either. We certainly don't get asked. Of our ten or so closest neighbors, I'm pretty sure only two families attend church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klinkermom Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Thank you! These are all great suggestions! I'm in Kentucky, (not the Deep South) but after going to a Christian college and joining a Christian homeschool co-op, practically everyone I know is a Christian (except one friend). I'm reluctant to change co-ops bc my children love the friends they've made there, but they do need to be around some like-minded kids their own age. It would also be nice for them to have friends that don't think they're headed to hell when they die!! (FWIW, I know these friends are just concerned, so I make sure my kids understand that and don't hold it against them.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I would imagine that the question routinely is posed among members of homeschooler groups and homeschooler activities, considering the number of Protestant homeschoolers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I just now noticd that OP does not wish to investigate a "unity" type group. Please excuse my earlier post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I have often been asked where I go to church. Not so much in the larger city I live in now, but all. the. time. in a smaller nc town and also when we lived in Georgia. I was even asked that in a job interview in Georgia - by a judge, who should have known better! I do go to church though, so I have an answer, but especially in the job setting, I was taken aback. If what you are looking for is friendship, I think that is best built one at a time. Even in church, you can know a lot of people without having real friends. Do you have neighbors? My circles of friends are basically church, my lovely neighbors, and book club. All of these have required intentionality. Proximity also helps. Real friendship is usually an investment of time and energy. A reason for regular contact helps. Having a dog gets me out in the neighborhood. Book club is a priority for me. I also made good friends homeschooling. Some of those friendships have lasted even though my kids are in school. I think volunteer work can also be fruitful if it is a regular commitment with people who care about something you care about. When you have a common interest (book club, Pilates class, a food bank etc) differences in faith are less important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Another suggestion of hobbies. Mine is the Society for Creative Anachronism (www.sca.org). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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