kirstenhill Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 So, let's start from the JAWM assumption that I want to have a birthday party for DS5 (turning six in a couple weeks) with other kids at our house. That's what we've always done with the two older kids starting at about age 4 (simple, inexpensive parties at home with friends invited). Family dynamics are such that big "family" birthday parties with extended family invited are not really a possibility right now. He really wants to have a party with friends like his older sibs have had, and didn't like a few non-traditional ideas I tossed around with him (like, "hey, let's invite so-and-so for a day at the waterpark with us for your birthday). The problem is, DS5 has very few of his "own" friends. My older two kids both have a few close neighborhood friends, while there is no one closer to DS5's age. There is one younger boy, but he is between the ages of DS5 and DS3, and pretty much only plays with DS3. DS5 plays with all of DS7's friends, but I get the impression from those kids that they very much view DS5 as the "younger brother" -- they know they have to include him if they are going to be allowed to play at our house, but he isn't really "their friend", KWIM? We had a small "kid" birthday party for DS5 last year, but three out of the four kids we invited are kids we haven't seen much in the past year since that party for various reasons. At church there is really only one other boy his age that he knows very well, so that is our one shoe-in invite. His class at church is mostly all girls (whom DS5 doesn't have the time of day for), and a few other boys who rarely attend and whose parents I don't really know (and maybe a couple boys who just turned five and just moved into the class, so DS5 doesn't know them very well). He is in a small mixed-age prek-K class at co-op, and we could invite those boys...but I am not very confident they will attend as we never see them outside of co-op, and while we live 20 minutes away from the co-op meeting place, they live 10-20 minutes in the opposite direction -- so kind of a long drive to attend for someone you don't regularly see outside of a group setting. So, we can invite the one boy from church and the 3 boys from co-op -- and it will be great if they all come but I have my doubts. A birthday party with one guest would be pretty lame. I feel like I need a back up plan here -- do I invite the boys he knows that are really DS7's friends (and they will get an invite to DS7's party too six weeks later)? Invite the boys who just moved up into his class at church despite the fact he doesn't really know them very well yet? DS5 is always telling me he wishes he had more friends, but he isn't the kind of kid who easily makes friendships happen anyway, and we have just been really unlucky not to know many boys his age. :-( Or maybe I just prepare him for disappointment and tell him we can have a party but it might be a very small one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 We have been in similar situations. We've either planned a really fun outing (mini-golf and pizza, etc) with one friend or just family. Then, I've gone overboard buying gifts. Not perfect, I realize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Just have a glorified birthday play date and the friends who come can come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 When my kids were younger, sometimes we'd do family parties with sibling groups too. Lots of young kids don't have tons of close friends - I don't think that's super unusual. If they have a big party sometimes they're just inviting their whole class, or boyscout troop, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirstenhill Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 I think the main problem is that he says he wants a party with friends, just like his older sibs have always had. I love "kid/friend" birthday parties and I am sad I can't give him one. That's why I put the JAWM on the beginning of the post for that aspect...I know lots of people don't like those kind of parties, but I actually do. With my older two, knowing who to invite was never a problem so this is new for me. I know you don't have to have that to have a fun birthday experience, but when DS5 sees friends come over, bring gifts, etc for his older sibs parties, you can understand why he would want it too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 My kids loved friend parties at that age. I would encourage you to invite the friend and potential friends you mentioned. It might be that some of them are also looking for more friends and will welcome to party invite. But warn ds that since you don't know them well that they might not be able to come. You can fudge it a little and explain that they might be busy with other things. And since you don't know them well, that could very well be true. They might have soccer or something on party day. I might also invite the friends of his siblings. I'd probably send the invites out a week earlier than usual so you can track down folks who don't rsvp. If it turns out only a friend or two can come, ds would be better off knowing in advance than being disappointed that day. Hope you have a great turnout! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Invite the world and see who comes. I hope it works out for all of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I think the main problem is that he says he wants a party with friends, just like his older sibs have always had. I love "kid/friend" birthday parties and I am sad I can't give him one. That's why I put the JAWM on the beginning of the post for that aspect...I know lots of people don't like those kind of parties, but I actually do. With my older two, knowing who to invite was never a problem so this is new for me. I know you don't have to have that to have a fun birthday experience, but when DS5 sees friends come over, bring gifts, etc for his older sibs parties, you can understand why he would want it too! No advice but I hope you can come up with a way to make it work out for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickerplum Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Are there any grown-ups that he'd enjoy inviting? My 7 year old put 75% adults on her party invite list at age 5. She enjoys adults more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babs Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Move the party closer to the co-op kids - find a bday venue that way and then just the one kid can come with you that lives near you - or invite that family to join you. Chuck E Cheese? Roller skating or bowling near them? I get it...we struggled with that when my boys were younger. Keep trying and keep inviting kids over for him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyoustxmama Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 My local homeschool group will often get a big group email from one family or another to the effect of "Suzy is turning 7! Meet us at the roller rink at 1pm Saturday!" There are 50 or so families in the group, and while most know of the others i doubt everyone is super close friends with everyone else, but this gives the kids a big drawing pool of peers for a party. I know he likes just the one boy in Sunday school, but if he wants the party group experience, could he take invitations for the class (whether that would be weird would seem to depend on your possibly knowing their parents, how big and how interactive is your church?) or a homeschool group you are in? It's a tough situation. Kids in ps or private school usually just invite their classmates at that age. Homeschool families... It's hit or miss who you know, who the neighbors are, who's in Sunday school or Tae kwon do or whatever else. Cousins also make good invites, if he has them. My sister, bless her soul, drags her entire brood 2.5 hours to Oklahoma every year so ds1 will have a birthday turnout sufficient to make a dent in a sheet cake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I think I would invite every single kid you mentioned and see how it shakes out. And I would maybe go a little overboard in terms of planning something fun for the party itself, like give it a really simple theme and do fun things for it around that. Which, it sounds like is more than you usually do, but I think i would want to have half a dozen pin the tail on the donkey sort of things planned so that it will feel like a party in case no one shows up. If you pick something - pirates, sports, carnival, whatever - and then ask for ideas, I'll bet the Hive will plan the whole thing budget style for you. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 When I was little, my mom would have cake & ice cream for all the neighborhood kids, of whatever age. Everyone came. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Agreed, ask the kids that are your older one's friends. Ask whomever you can think of. I'm in the same pinch, and will be doing the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftymama Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I haven't read all the responses, but I've been there. Sometimes it feels like at least one of the littles has this problem every year because we move so much and are in an environment where the friends move just as much. Ask you son who he wants to invite. If he wants to invite the older kids and he considers them his friends I would invite them. Depending on the relationship I may chat with the moms first. Second, ask him what he wants to do at this party. It may give you a reason to invite only one or two people that you're pretty sure would make the effort to be there. And we generally invite whole families when the numbers are low. It makes the birthday kid feel like it's a bigger party than it really is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Well, there's always my idea, lol. My ds just celebrated his 12th birthday. He really wanted to have a party at a nearby recreation center that has an indoor pool. The thing is, we just had a death in the family, and with the funeral the week before and all that, I just did not have the time or money to organize that kind of event. Yes, even a party at a venue is work! So, what I proposed was a party at a local skate park. This particular park is not very old, and there are nearby athletic parks. It's completely free. And kids can bring skateboards, scooters, bikes, and inline skates. There are tables there for people to sit and watch or to eat and drink. I invited his two cousins, two boys who are friends, and two friends who are girls (sisters). With ds, that is 7 kids, 3 girls and 4 boys, and they ranged from 8 years to 12. Plus, adults of course. DH and I brought cupcakes, pizza, and other snacks and drinks, and we just staked a table there for our group. There were many other kids there, of course. And so even though it was just 7 kids, the event felt much larger, kwim? The party was a great success, and ds does not at all regret having a skating park party instead of a pool party. So, I guess the moral of the story is, find a park or other similar place that appeals to older kids as well. Then, you can still invite the older kids and they are more likely to come. (Also, girls can be great friends too! ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I'd go ahead and invite absolutely everybody you can think of that your son thinks he is friends with, plus allow each of his older siblings to invite a friend for themselves (if they have their best friend, they are less likely to monopolize the friends invited by the birthday boy). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 In my experience, unless you know people very well, they are more likely to come if it's a cool birthday venue instead of a person's home. People are often looking for entertainment for their kids on the weekends so want something they know their kids will excited about. If it's a place they can drop off its even better - I think the neutral ground + professional staff of birthday venues makes people more comfortable dropping off if they don't know you well. I love the idea of the old fashioned simple home parties I used to have as a kid but I think that works better if you have a strong core group of friends you know very well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Invite the world and see who comes. I hope it works out for all of you! Yeah, I'd invite all the friends from the pre-K co-op and see who comes. You might be surprised. I meet half my kids' school friends at their birthday parties! I'd be just as happy dropping off at a house as at a big place--it depends which is closer. Regardless, I think inviting everyone and seeing who comes is worthwhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Until about age 9, I just invited everyone DD was in contact with, all week. At 5, that meant she had 4 kids at her party, at 6 about 7, at 8 about 30 (that year our homeschool co-op was huge, so we had a LOT of kids to invite by the time you added siblings of the kids in her class-we rented a classroom at church, and I hired some homeschool teens to come in and lead games, crafts, and face painting with the kids). At 9, she decided she wanted to just invite her special friends, and the last two years have been more like 6-7 kids. Similarly, the number of parties has followed-age 5-8. she was basically invited by everyone in our social circles, so as her social circle got bigger, that meant more invitations. About 9, it shifted to the "handful of girls giggling all night" type stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I will also say that until the slumber parties, parents tended to stay and chat. NO ONE wants to willingly be at a slumber party with a bunch of giggling 10 yr old girls.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Invite enough guaranteed friends so you have critical mass even if half of them are older DS's buddies. Then, invite everyone else. If half of those kids come you still have a good sized group. If only the guaranteed friends come, you still have enough for a party. I hedged my bets like this one year and EVERY kid came, so be careful what you wish for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirstenhill Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Thanks! I think I will invite a bigger list and see what happens...I asked DS who he wanted to come, and it was kind of funny...besides the one close friend from church...he made it sound like he doesn't really care who comes as long as we have fun party with a bunch of kids...LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Thanks! I think I will invite a bigger list and see what happens...I asked DS who he wanted to come, and it was kind of funny...besides the one close friend from church...he made it sound like he doesn't really care who comes as long as we have fun party with a bunch of kids...LOL! Ha- I totally found this true with my kids at this age. It hardly mattered who showed up as long as there was cake and chaos! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 That is very true. It's highly probably that he is oblivious to the things that you're worrying about, such as the fact that some of his 'friends' are, more properly speaking, his siblings' friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weddell Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 We did my 6yo DS's party at a popular party place (full of bouncy houses and climbing). He's in kindergarten but has a really small class of 12. We invited everyone even though it was the beginning of the year and we didn't know anyone well. A few couldn't come but over half said yes. Then I let my older DD invite her friend and I knew the mom would bring the friend's older brother as well. DS loves this older brother and feels "cool" that he knows an older kid. Then I told the other parents that the younger siblings could stay and jump too. So we ended up with a big party but hardly any of the kids were DS's "friends" in the strict sense of the word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I think at that age, the specific friends aren't as important as the fact that kids are over and it's a party. I'd probably limit it to 4 altogether (including your son), but would call the parents ahead of time and set the date with them and know that it's a go before you even send out invitations. If the first choice options don't work, then call the second, even if they're just friends of sibling. :) Anyway, I hadn't read all of the responses, and just saw your last response. That's a good way of handling it too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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