Family Name Traditions?

[MomtoCandJ]

Both of my grandmas, Dh's paternal grandma, dd2 and I all have the same middle name (Ann). Dd1 has the same middle name has dmil (Sue).

[T'smom]

My sister dropped her middle name and replaced it with her maiden name. I thought that was unique, I did not know anyone else before that and very few after. Although, now that I think about it - lots of my friends on Facebook have their name as Firstname Maidenname Marriedname, maybe that is their legal name. But, that is the way I listed my name on Facebook and that was just so that people who hadn't seen me since before I got married would know who I was, it is not my legal name. Now I want to start asking everyone!

[vonfirmath]

My sister dropped her middle name and replaced it with her maiden name. I thought that was unique, I did not know anyone else before that and very few after. Although, now that I think about it - lots of my friends on Facebook have their name as Firstname Maidenname Marriedname, maybe that is their legal name. But, that is the way I listed my name on Facebook and that was just so that people who hadn't seen me since before I got married would know who I was, it is not my legal name. Now I want to start asking everyone!

 

That is how my name is on Facebook and it is NOT my legal name. It is 1) To differentiate me from my SIL, also on Facebook and 2) to make it easier for folks who knew me pre-marriage to find me.

[Lady Florida.]

We have a lot of grandparents' names used as middle names in our family.

Not really tradition, though on my side we sometimes do the above. My brother has such a middle name, as does my niece (his daughter) and even her daughter. My son was given my father's name as a first name, so he did get a grandparent name. Some of our extended family also does this. It's not a required thing or a big tradition, but it is sometimes done.

 

Dh's family tends to use surnames a middle names. They're very much white anglo-saxon protestant, so most of those surnames work just fine as middle or even first names.My maiden name sounds like a girl's first name, but it's very much a female name so could only be used for girls in the family. I suppose Riley (one of my grandparents on the Irish side) would work, but we couldn't really use any of the Italian last names as middle names. I guess that's why we use grandparents' names. :)

[Mom in High Heels]

You are in the states? It must be regional, because I do not know one person IRL, who dropped their middle name and used their maiden name as a new middle name upon marriage. I've never even heard of such a thing until I read your post and someone's follow up post. Interesting.

 

Several of my cousins have done this, and quite a few of my friends. Of course a lot of my friends either hyphenated or simply kept their maiden name and didn't take their dhs' name at all.  I wasn't keen of giving up my last name, but since I go by my middle name, it would mean giving up my first name, which is my grandmother's middle name, and my mom would have had a stroke if I'd done that.  I'm the only grandchild (out of 25), who has her name.  I've never gone by it though.

 

We do this too.  This does make a phenomena where most of my doctors call me by my first name but some are friendlier and have found out my middle name and call me that.  So when I call for appointments I always have to think about which name they know me as!  

 

Haha!  This is me.  I have never, since birth, gone by my first name.  When James Bond and I first got married, and I had a first and last name I wasn't used to, I constantly forgot to answer if I was at an appt or whatever.  After 20 years, I'm now used to the last name, so I catch that if I'm called, but a lot of places now just use the first name, so it takes me a second or two to catch on.  My parents always planned on calling me by my middle name, so WHY they decided to not give it as the first name is beyond me.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My parents always planned to call me by my middle name as well.  It just sounds best after my first name.  I didn't learn though.  I did the same thing to my daughter, who we've always called by her middle name!  

[Lady Florida.]

I kept my given middle name and dropped my maiden name; most women I know drop their middle name and take the maiden name as the middle name when they get married. 

 

This is possibly a regional or cultural thing. I've never heard of it.

 

You are in the states? It must be regional, because I do not know one person IRL, who dropped their middle name and used their maiden name as a new middle name upon marriage. I've never even heard of such a thing until I read your post and someone's follow up post. Interesting.

 

I don't know anyone who has done this either. I know a few women who hyphenated their maiden name and husband's surname but that just gave them a hyphenated last name. They all still use their middle name as a middle name.

 

I did try to use my maiden name as a middle name but I don't have a middle name, so it didn't involve dropping anything. My maiden name sounds like a girl's name I thought it would be cool to finally have a middle name. However, it just never really caught on with me. My driver's license does have my maiden name. It's not hyphenated, but instead appears as a middle name would. I'm also on facebook that way, but I did that so people who don't know my married name could find me (and I do have one cousin who found me that way). People are often surprised when they find out that it's my maiden name and not my middle name. Other than my DL and facebook though, I just don't bother with my maiden name. I always sign my name with just Kathleen and my husband's last name. 

[chocolatechip]

One of my children has the same middle name as mil's. Only, it is not spelled the same way. Mil kept complaining and b*tching about it and I finally had to explain that she was named MY middle name, NOT mil's, thank you very much. She never forgave me for that.

 

Okay--here's a question: Anglo girl marrying Hispanic guy. He has the zillion names of his mother, grandmother, father, etc. For the sake of an example, we'll say it's Juan Sebastien Diego Garcia Hernandez Lopez, etc. Does the girl just give up and keep her maiden name? Smush it in there with all the others? He already goes by two last names, so hyphenating would get very complicated! What's usual here? 

Seems like the simplest thing would be to just have her be Firstname Hernandez Lopez. 

[Orthodox6]

We also may be working with generational differences. I have the impression that although some women readers of WTM are my age, or slightly older, most are much younger than I. My experience and anecdotal experience, then, would go back to the last quarter of the 1800s. Women younger than I, when they speak of their lives, relate things very different from what my life has been.

[Mom in High Heels]

Yeah, but Hispanic names are rarely simple! And if they go with the Hispanic tradition, it would be Susie Anglo mom name, Anglo dad name, then Hispanic. And then the kids would be Firstname Anglo dad name, Hispanic dad name. I think. Glad *I* don't have to figure it out! I think it's a neat tradition, but man, it's complicated!

 

There are many Hispanic name tapes in the military that have really tiny lettering, because their last names are so long.  Some have just done the last two names hyphenated, but they are still quite long!  I can't imagine what it must be like for a senior enlisted or officer who is yelling at them, which happens a lot in the military.

[Amber in SJ]

In my family of origin, for many, many generations the first born son has had the name Earl either as a first name or middle name.  My dad's first name is Earl.  My mom named of all of us except my brother, she threw up her hands and told my dad "nothing goes with Earl."  My brother's name is Timothy Earl, his son's name is Davis Earl.

 

My mother & I share a middle name.  I gave my second daughter the same middle name and a first name with the same initial.  My daughter has decided she wants to continue this tradition.  We'll see.

 

Amber in SJ

[AK_Mom4]

I'm in the U.S. where nearly unanimous practice for probably "forever" has been for a woman to marry and then use her first name, maiden name, then husband's surname. I was unusual to do as did Gaillardia. My observations, however, are limited to Western European backgrounds.

 

I would enjoy hearing of other people's understanding of this topic.

 

I've never met any woman anywhere that did this.  Lived in the US all my life.  I am thinking this must be a regional thing where you are.

[gaillardia]

I've never met any woman anywhere that did this.  Lived in the US all my life.  I am thinking this must be a regional thing where you are.

 

Which part, where the woman drops the maiden name or drops the middle name and has the maiden name as the new middle name? My sisters both kept their maiden names. My mother kept her maiden name. I never understood why and I asked if it was a rule or a law and they were certain that, "well, you just don't do that (drop maiden name and keep middle name)."

Some of my friends kept all of their names.

ETA: I'm from the mid-Atlantic states.

 

[happypamama]

DD's middle name is my grandmother's middle name. DS1 got DH's grandfather's name for his middle name. DS3 and DH share a middle name, which is also the name of DH's other grandfather. If we were to have another girl, she would get my middle name for her middle; I love my middle name, and my father chose it. My dad, his mother, and I, all the eldest children, all have the same first initial. (We did break that tradition because my DH has the same first initial, and we didn't want pressure to have all of us match.).

 

DH's first name is also the same as his great-grandfather, and in order down the line, from several generations back, the names are A, B, C, A (FIL), B (DH), C (DS1's middle), so I guess DS1 will have to use name A if he ever has a son, LOL.

 

DD got named after a First Lady (not intentional). DS1 and DS2 got named after Presidents, also not intentional. DS3 got named for a President too (that was intentional, so as not to leave him out). The first three boys also have names of Biblical people (intentional) who were part of a group of twelve in the Bible (not intentional, but crazy that it happened that way!), but we were really limited on ideas to make DS4 "match" the rest. But that's okay, because like God provided supernatural protection from danger from one of his Biblical followers, He provided a special protection during our littlest guy's entrance, and thus, DS4 is named for him. (And so as not to leave him out completely, his middle name is the last name of a President.)

[chocolatechip]

Yeah, but Hispanic names are rarely simple! And if they go with the Hispanic tradition, it would be Susie Anglo mom name, Anglo dad name, then Hispanic. And then the kids would be Firstname Anglo dad name, Hispanic dad name. I think. Glad *I* don't have to figure it out! I think it's a neat tradition, but man, it's complicated!

SO true! Have you ever read My Heart Lies South by Elizabeth Borton de Treviño? She has a chapter in there where she discusses the mess of names. It's hilarious. The whole book is amazing!

[mommaduck]

We also may be working with generational differences. I have the impression that although some women readers of WTM are my age, or slightly older, most are much younger than I. My experience and anecdotal experience, then, would go back to the last quarter of the 1800s. Women younger than I, when they speak of their lives, relate things very different from what my life has been.

 

Again, I don't think it's age. Most of my friends IRL have been at least 15yrs older than myself...and honestly, I have had friendships with those that were in their 60's-90's even. I do genealogy. I look more at my mother's, grandmother's, and greatgrandmother's generations when I'm looking at naming traditions, including those traditions dealing with surnames and marriage. I have NOT seen this except on rare occasion.

[melbotoast]

I just remembered this. My parents' oldest child has a name with 8 letters, the next has 7, then 6, then 5. When they got to the last, who should've had 4 letters, they picked a name that can be spelled with 4 or 5 letters, but my dad preferred the 5 letter spelling so that is what they used. My mom's mom spelled it with 4 letters for a while though.

[Jenny in Florida]

No "traditions" on either side here, but my husband and I followed the same template for naming our two.

 

We chose a first name we both liked and gave a middle name that is a reference to my mother-in-law. So, my daughter's middle name is the same as one of her grandmother's middle names. (My MIL had two.) And my son's middle name is my MIL's maiden name. If our son had been a girl, he would have had another first name we loved and my MIL's other middle name.

 

I like how that selection of names connects the kids to various branches of their family tree. I will admit to a teeny, tiny little hope that our kids will do something similar in naming their own children.

[HS Mom in NC]

I should clarify that my youngest (an international adoptee from S. Korea) has two middle names.  My maiden name and her birth mother's maiden name. All 3 of my kids have my maiden name as a middle and all have virtues as first names.

 

 

me                                   FIRST NAME, MAIDEN NAME, HUSBAND'S LAST NAME

Oldest Bio kid                  VIRTUE NAME, MOM'S MAIDEN NAME, DAD'S LAST NAME

Middle Bio kid                  VIRTUE NAME, MOM'S MAIDEN NAME, DAD'S LAST NAME

Youngest Adopted kid      VIRTUE NAME, BIO MOM'S MAIDEN NAME, MOM'S MAIDEN NAME, DAD'S LAST NAME

 

They can name their own kids however they want.

[gaillardia]

Again, I don't think it's age. Most of my friends IRL have been at least 15yrs older than myself...and honestly, I have had friendships with those that were in their 60's-90's even. I do genealogy. I look more at my mother's, grandmother's, and greatgrandmother's generations when I'm looking at naming traditions, including those traditions dealing with surnames and marriage. I have NOT seen this except on rare occasion.

 

I am also a genealogist. It is interesting to me that siblings in a large family would generally name their children after one another. A large family would have grandchildren with the same names as their aunts, uncles and cousins, etc.

 

[PeacefulChaos]

Not really.

I mean, DH's grandfather was Samuel David,Jr - he had the third who they called David, and he had the fourth who they called Davey/Dave. I have a nephew named Sam, different middle name.

DH's grandmother was Margaret, she had Margie. Our daughter's middle name is Margaret.

My great-grandfather was Leo, and I have multiple cousins with the middle name Leo and one with it as his first name.

It's all random stuff like that. No obligations or any such nonsense. :)

[mommaduck]

I am also a genealogist. It is interesting to me that siblings in a large family would generally name their children after one another. A large family would have grandchildren with the same names as their aunts, uncles and cousins, etc.

 

 

That's what's funny about my mother's family. Everyone has a different name. I haven't run into a duplicate yet, unless you go back to the Medieval period and those named just before and after Axel Axelson Thott. 

[duckens]

I haven't read the other responses.

 

Not in my family, but:

 

1) I have a friend for whom the firstborn son always switched first and middle names with the father.

 

So if my friend was named, "John Lewis Smith".....

His father was named, "Lewis John Smith".....

And his grandfather was named, "John Lewis Smith".....

And his great grandfather was named, "Lewis John Smith".....

going back forever.

He was Lebanese Maronite Christian, so imagine the names as Arabic names.  I don't know if this is a traditional Lebanese, Arabic, Middle Eastern, or Maronite Christian tradition.  Or just his family.

 

2) I nannied for a Chinese-American family for two years that explained this to me:

 

Some Chinese children of the same generation will all share the same middle name.  Somewhere there is a literal and prescribed list of what this generation's middle name will be (for your family).

So your grandma and all of her siblings will have the same middle name.

You dad and your aunts and uncles will all have the next name on the list as their middle name.

You, your siblings, and your first cousins will all have the second name on the list as their middle name.

All of your children, nieces, nephews, and the children of your first cousins will have the third name on the list as their middle name.

Imagine running into someone with your same last name, and you could trace how you are related to that person by their middle name!

3) Our new family tradition:

 

Loverboy and I are not married.  And I am a feminist.  Does my name not count for my children?  And yet hyphenation can be awkward. 

Disclaimer: I acknowledge that hyphenation is the best choice for many families. 

My daughters have my last name as a second middle name.

Example (no real names have been listed):

Dad's name:  John Smith

Mom's name: Jane Jones

Child #1:  Emma Jill Jones Smith, aka Emma Smith

Child #2: Anna Julia Jones Smith, aka Anna Smith

Four generations from now, imagine how easy genealogy will be?  My maiden name will be listed on all of my daughters' legal documents throughout their life.
 

[duckens]

 

most women I know drop their middle name and take the maiden name as the middle name when they get married.

 

4) I have one friend who doesn't have a given middle name, so her maiden name became her middle name.

 

Her maiden name is Smart.  So now she can literally say, "Smart is my middle name!!!"

 

 

5) I also nannied for a Jewish family.  They named new babies as a variation on a recently deceased relative.  Since Jews have been chased and persecuted all across Europe for the past 1500 years, this was a loose way to keep family records.

 

Example (not real names):

When Grandma Elaine died, the next baby girl was named Genevieve Elaina.  This is helpful for genealogy, and little Genevieve had a special place in Grandpa's heart compared to the other grandkids because she was named after his beloved Elaine.

 

[Stratford]

My oldest son, husband, and FIL all share the same middle name, all are oldest sons.  They share the same middle initial with a total of 6 generations or so.  

 

That's about as far as we go with traditions and names.

 

We did give each of our boys a "legacy" middle name.  I mentioned my oldest above, #2 has my mom's maiden name as a middle name, #3 has my dad's first name as middle, and #4 has my MIL's maiden name as a middle.  Thankfully they were all names I liked, it was kind of fun to give each kid a special grandparent name.  

[gaillardia]

I've always regretted not naming ds the name of my Scots clan... Bit late now I suppose!

 

Dh's family used three names JSM Lastname. And most of them married ladies named Jane--it's a nightmare... 

My father's 3 brothers married women named Mary; one remained Mary and the other two had names that commonly went along with Mary so they were called Mary Jane and Mary Lou (not their real names, but just an example).

I also had a great aunt Mary on my mom's side.

What was the name of your Scots clan? I have a little Scot in me.

 

[Guest]

My oldest son and my ex husband have the same name.

 

My son is not named after his father, he is named after his father's best friend's kid, or at least that's what I promised to tell people when he agreed to let me name my son after a character in a story.

 

It's the same name and fairly common, obviously. "Hippie names" are more my style, but the kid kind of came with the name and nothing else was going to fit.

 

ds intends to use the name for his oldest child, regardless of the gender, but dgc1 will be named after dxh. dgc2 will be named after me if she's a girl, but everyone will go "Huh?" about that because ds is not using my legal name or anything anyone has ever called me in real life, it's a username from a video game I used to play.

 

My mother's family has the tradition of John Jr. being known as "John Two", John III as "John Three", etc., but exy wasn't going to go for that.

 

My father's family has the tradition of naming the first son after the maternal grandfather but I wasn't going to go for that.

[Mom in High Heels]

I've always regretted not naming ds the name of my Scots clan... Bit late now I suppose!

 

Dh's family used three names JSM Lastname. And most of them married ladies named Jane--it's a nightmare... 

 

My mom and 3 of her cousins, who are all the same age, have the first name Mary.  WHY?  WHY?  It wasn't even a family name, the parents all just decided to use it.  The girls all went by their first and middle names in school, because they were in the same class.  My mom eventually started using a nickname version of her middle name, but others still go by Mary Middle Name.

[mom2jjka]

I actually broke with tradition....

 

The firstborn daughters on my mom's side have all started with M for at least 5 generations.  My daughter starts with a J  (but her middle name is an M) 

[December]

There are five generations on my dad's side of same first name, different middle name.   Though my dad was the third born son, I guess my grandparents didn't feel like being traditional with the first two!

 

On my MIL's side it was traditional for the women not have middle names and have their maiden name become their middle name when they married, but my MIL broke this tradition by just using first name married name and giving middle names to all her daughters.

[mommaduck]

A bit of a spin off....people going by their middle names:

I know with the Mennonites it's common to name all the boys the same name ex: James. So you could have five brothers all named James, but they would all go by their middle names James Omar would be Omar, James Kevin would be Kevin, and so on and so forth.

 

I was thinking that there are a few people in my family that go by middle names. We either were given odd names or family names. I grew up going by my middle name (didn't like it, but a bigoted stepfather insisted on it due to it being an ethnic name). One of my sisters goes by her middle name. Our grandmother went by her middle name. My oldest daughter is called by either her first or her middle name...she answers to both. My husband's stepmother goes by her middle name. I found that several people I grew up with, now that we are on FB together, went by their middle names or by their first names at times and middle at other times (depending upon how close you were to them...same with my daughter...those closer, use her middle name. In fact, only those related to me or have known me since childhood are allowed to use my middle name now).

[happi duck]

Our families don't have any set traditions but...

 

My mom ended up using a pattern in naming her kids...I ended up following the same pattern by choice, no pressure.

 

Also, we have used some family names because we liked them.