Reading is Making Tears Here...

[elmerRex]

My son cried for almost an hour today about his reading today. All 3 sentences of it. It was apparently too much torture for him.

Apparently I am a tyrant because I told him to read his paper before he could have a snack and when he showed he was not going to do it promptly, the other kids had snack without him.

.

His reading assignment, you wonder?

 

Sid is a big, fat kid that has jam.

Sid ran and ran to get the jam top.

Sid ran in to Bob and hit him with the jam. Splat.

 

He said it was not fun, he didn't want to do it, he does not like it. It was too hard. It was too long, it was too much. I don't love him. Why does he have to read this? Can I just read it to him? Can baba read it first? Why not make sissy do it? Can he go play? Can he have a little chocolate first? He had to pee or caca to spit, was thirsty, was sad and hungry and lonely and....On and on and on.

 

This isn't my son, but it was sort of like

. Only it lasted closer to 60 minutes. Finally I told him to go away from the table, wash his face. We made a deal about his work--if he could read his page before the timer, he could have two bits of chocolate. I set the timer for 4 minutes and he finished in 49 seconds. I think I will tear my hair out now.

 

 

 

[Kathie in VA]

ug.. hugs!  been there, see that here too.  Well done for outlasting him!  done is less then a minute?  ...then it wasn't an ability issue, just a power struggle .... and you won.  but I'm right there with ya, don't know why they have to spend more energy trying to get out of work then just getting it done, but they do.  ug.

 

[elmerRex]

I don't know if this means I should always offer two bits of chocolate for good, faster work with cheer or what.

 

Junk food is highly prized in my house because I don't allow it very often. I don't want to set the example to the others that crying and whining gets double chocolates but today I was desperate and the others were not in the room...

 

Please, what are best tips for tomorrow?

 

 

 

[elmerRex]

ug.. hugs!  been there, see that here too.  Well done for outlasting him!  done is less then a minute?  ...then it wasn't an ability issue, just a power struggle .... and you won.  but I'm right there with ya, don't know why they have to spend more energy trying to get out of work then just getting it done, but they do.  ug.

I knew he could, but I was surprised by his time! He was very eager for the 2 chocolates. Sometimes I think I should give more junk food because as it is, if a stranger promises him candy, I may never see my dear child again, my son will sell his life for candy probably. :001_rolleyes:

 

I don't want to use candy everyday, but I can not have many days like today.

[Arcadia]

If he won't read the sentences in his reading assignment, can you pick something of similar reading level for him to read?

My kids refused to read bob books or any phonics readers. I had to test them with other books or magazines.

[Angie in VA]

I always got more work out of my son in less time if he'd burned off some energy first. Really, minutes v. hours. After chores and breakfast, can he run around, bounce on a trampoline, do jumping jacks or push up or just shoot hoops? Then get some water (and potty, I see that was a stall tactic of his) and sit down to do a reading lesson. Keep it short and simple. Maybe you can read to him from a book he likes after his reading lesson.

 

This I know for sure: he will get it. Find a simple book he loves or type one up about him or about a topic he loves. Maybe leave him wanting more at the end of a session. Maybe leave it where he can get it and see if he doesn't want to read the next thing in the book himself. ;)

 

Or arrange a play date and say, "Oh, let's hurry and finish reading so we can go play with Billy!"

 

I don't think it's going here, but make sure books continue to be fun. Books on tape, read alouds by you and your hubby and big sis, etc. Keep books magical, don't make them drudgery. Not that you would, but I just had to say it. 

 

 

[elmerRex]

If he won't read the sentences in his reading assignment, can you pick something of similar reading level for him to read?

My kids refused to read bob books or any phonics readers. I had to test them with other books or magazines.

This boy is not ever satisfied. I have gotten him nice books, found pieces online, asked his English nanny to make up stuff. Most days he will not attempt anything that even looks hard without complaints and feigned distress. Sigh, very weary and tiring for me.

 

I set the timer because I knew he could do it, but I guessed that he'd need 2 or 2.5 minutes. I wanted him to have extra time. I didn't know that he'd do it so well and fast.

 

One of my children is very bright. But she struggles with decoding and give up quickly. With stories, she guesses at words to try and get them faster if I don't slow her down, and still has some weird reversals and letter switching. If this persists I'll test for dyslexia.

 

The thing is, she is fine with phonograms in isolation, or with me helping her slow down and see each sound in a word. But simple readers overwhelm her even though she could read all the words in a list. It's like sensory overload.

 

For us, it isn't intelligence, it's developmental. She's just not ready for readers, decoding is still a lot of work for her even as her phonics knowledge is quite advanced. So we decided to pause and put off the rest of our "I Can Read It" books until she decodes with less effort. The tears aren't worth it, especially when it appears to be developmental and not her attitude,more se.

 

Your situation may be different, but we tend to do more handwriting and math than reading with her at this point, so she doesn't burn out.

His writing is getting a little stronger from doing math, but we are still trying to figure out something for writing in its own sake and for reading. My son can "blend" the sounds in words, he can see "CAT" and say in his mind /kuh/ /aaaa/ /tuh/, sometimes it takes a couple of tries but he can do that with good precision for many small words. He just...refuses to because very often [make up your favorite reason] and I try not to force him, but he is getting on my nerves in big way with his attitude, but I just wait patiently and say little as possible so I don't scold or argue.

 

Guessing is a very, very, big problem for him. I take away the picture in his reading pages now, so that he can not guess at the words using clues because he is so clever he can fool me thoroughly. I think we may have to wait longer for reading instruction, I may not be a good reading teacher at all, but so far I am not the best teacher for him.

[CAtoVA]

Maybe have your son read one sentence the first day and then say (enthusiastically/brightly) "That's it!" Don't tell him in advance that you only want one sentence. He may be surprised, kind of like when you drop the rope in a game of tug of war. He will probably be gearing up for a big struggle but there won't be one. Do this for a day or so and then try two sentences for a day or so (just say "go on" when he finishes the first sentence—again don't tell him in advance). Finally get to the three sentences. Heap on the praise for his effort and persistence. Try to get his desire for accomplishment and sense of pride for a job well done (we all have this even if it looks like it is buried by antagonistic behavior) to override his resistance.

 

I know with my DS when he resisted me a lot back when he was just learning to read some of it went away if used reverse psychology and acted kind of coy, like, " Oh, it's probably asking too much for you to read all three sentences today isn't it?" (said gently not sarcastically or anything). He usually wanted to prove me "wrong" : P.

 

The other thing to consider is maybe changing the reader itself. It sounds like I Can Read—is it? My children hated the text of those for some reason and I couldn't use them (lucky I picked them up cheap at a curriculum sale) . My DS didn't like one set of readers from K12 but loved his Sing Spell Read and Write readers and would work harder when reading those.

 

Also, my DS (now 10 and rising 5th grader) was like that so don't despair—he hated to take the time to decode and often guessed at words. He really wanted to read "big kid" chapter books from the time he was 6 but didn't want to spend the time it takes to get there (had no patience with the process and work). He had no reading problems except motivation; finally reading "clicked" emotionally when he was 8 and he read the first three Harry Potter books in quick succession. Now you can't stop him from reading fiction or non fiction and he typically has three books going at once.

 

Hope that helps. I think most of us have been where you are a few times or more! Take care.

[Garga]

Golly, we had those struggles with my eldest. I haaaaated teaching reading. It was terrible.

 

He could barely read anything until the middle of 2nd grade and, trust me, we tried and tried and tried all that time. A friend of mine, with 4 older kids in public school who didn't know my struggle, commented one day, "I don't know why they push reading so early. All of my kids couldn't read a thing until midway through 2nd grade and then BAM! they started reading."

 

It was the same for me. Now, when I say he started reading in the middle of 2nd grade, that's what I mean. He wasn't reading Dickens by 3rd. He was starting, without the crying and agony. And he progressed from there and is now entering 7th grade and reads perfectly well. Above average actually.

 

Just tossing that out there. (About the 1/2 way thru 2nd grade thing.)

[Rachel]

Is your son learning English at the same time he is learning to read?  I think learning both skills at the same time would be very tiring.

 

If he is frustrated every time you try to read with him maybe take a break for a couple weeks.  I did that when my son was learning to read, it helped a lot.  Sometimes a break is needed to regroup. 

[elmerRex]

I always got more work out of my son in less time if he'd burned off some energy first. Really, minutes v. hours. After chores and breakfast, can he run around, bounce on a trampoline, do jumping jacks or push up or just shoot hoops? Then get some water (and potty, I see that was a stall tactic of his) and sit down to do a reading lesson. Keep it short and simple. Maybe you can read to him from a book he likes after his reading lesson.

 

This I know for sure: he will get it. Find a simple book he loves or type one up about him or about a topic he loves. Maybe leave him wanting more at the end of a session. Maybe leave it where he can get it and see if he doesn't want to read the next thing in the book himself. ;)

This is a good idea, I will see what I can do to trick him this clever way.

 

Or arrange a play date and say, "Oh, let's hurry and finish reading so we can go play with Billy!"

 

I don't think it's going here, but make sure books continue to be fun. Books on tape, read alouds by you and your hubby and big sis, etc. Keep books magical, don't make them drudgery. Not that you would, but I just had to say it. He is not a book liking child, but we do read a lot to him, he likes some stories but is very, very picky. Every book he shows interest in, we buy for our eldest, but he is never really satisfied. After only a few readings (or just one) he doesn't like that book anymore.

My son has lots of recess, I even take away math (which he loves a lot) to make him take a recess. We have no trampoline, but we have the rope-chair toy. We also keep no water at the desk with the pages or he may destroy them.

 

I really thought that it would be easy, quick reading assignment. I was very wrong. Those 3 sentences were very troublesome. What is more appropriate to a newly reading child? I do not know, I am ESL myself.

[CAtoVA]

Do you mean troublesome as in your DS really couldn't decode them or troublesome in that he was jerking you around because he didn't WANT to decode them? Two very different things  and handled differently : ) .

 

Those three sentences sound appropriate for learning to read but it may be the text itself as I wrote above.  I edited my original message a bit (above) and added some more points for clarity.

[elmerRex]

Maybe have your son read one sentence the first day and then say (enthusiastically/brightly) "That's it!" Don't tell him in advance that you only want one sentence. He may be surprised, kind of like when you drop the rope in a game of tug of war. He will probably be gearing up for a big struggle but there won't be one. Do this for a day or so and then try two sentences for a day or so (just say "go on" when he finishes the first sentence—again don't tell him in advance). Finally get to the three sentences. Heap on the praise for his effort and persistence. Try to get his desire for accomplishment and sense of pride for a job well done (we all have this even if it looks like it is buried by antagonistic behavior) to override his resistance.

This is such a clever trick! I will try this, it might work very well on my son who is clever but not cunning like parents. He will probably fall for this and cheerfully read a sentence each day.

I know with my DS when he resisted me a lot back when he was just learning to read some of it went away if used reverse psychology and acted kind of coy, like, " Oh, it's probably asking too much for you to read all three sentences today isn't it?" (said gently not sarcastically or anything). He usually wanted to prove me "wrong" : P.

This is also very good planning! Haha! He will not know what is happening, I hope.

The other thing to consider is maybe changing the reader itself. It sounds like I Can Read—is it? My children hated the text of those for some reason and I couldn't use them (lucky I picked them up cheap at a curriculum sale) . My DS didn't like one set of readers from K12 but loved his Sing Spell Read and Write readers and would work harder when reading those.

Again, never satisfied. He will not even attempt many 1st and 2nd grade books, and even balks at having to read K books. We buy readers and childrens books and read to him, and take him to story time and gave him the refridgerator magnets. He is bright, but not smitten with words and reading.

Also, my DS (now 10 and rising 5th grader) was like that so don't despair—he hated to take the time to decode and often guessed at words. He really wanted to read "big kid" chapter books from the time he was 6 but didn't want to spend the time it takes to get there (had no patience with the process and work). He had no reading problems except motivation; finally reading "clicked" emotionally when he was 8 and he read the first three Harry Potter books in quick succession. Now you can't stop him from reading fiction or non fiction and he typically has three books going at once.

 

Hope that helps. I think most of us have been where you are a few times or more! Take care.

 

 

Golly, we had those struggles with my eldest. I haaaaated teaching reading. It was terrible.

 

He could barely read anything until the middle of 2nd grade and, trust me, we tried and tried and tried all that time. A friend of mine, with 4 older kids in public school who didn't know my struggle, commented one day, "I don't know why they push reading so early. All of my kids couldn't read a thing until midway through 2nd grade and then BAM! they started reading."

 

It was the same for me. Now, when I say he started reading in the middle of 2nd grade, that's what I mean. He wasn't reading Dickens by 3rd. He was starting, without the crying and agony. And he progressed from there and is now entering 7th grade and reads perfectly well. Above average actually.

This is a fairy-story ending. I just want to know that these Tears and Agony end.

Just tossing that out there. (About the 1/2 way thru 2nd grade thing.)

 

 

Is your son learning English at the same time he is learning to read?  I think learning both skills at the same time would be very tiring.

No, he is fluent in English for his age.

If he is frustrated every time you try to read with him maybe take a break for a couple weeks.  I did that when my son was learning to read, it helped a lot.  Sometimes a break is needed to regroup. 

[Arcadia]

I really thought that it would be easy, quick reading assignment. I was very wrong. Those 3 sentences were very troublesome. What is more appropriate to a newly reading child? I do not know, I am ESL myself.

Try Dr Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham or Chicka Chicka Boom Book or Where the wild things are. These books are not hard but fun for reading practice.

[elmerRex]

Do you mean troublesome as in your DS really couldn't decode them or troublesome in that he was jerking you around because he didn't WANT to decode them? Two very different things  and handled differently : ) .

Troublesome because he resisted hard having to do the work. He didn't WANT to work...until there was chocolate in it.

Those three sentences sound appropriate for learning to read but it may be the text itself as I wrote above.  I edited my original message a bit (above) and added some more points for clarity.

It was very big size writing on the page, not small. It was like this big.

 

 

 

Try Dr Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham or Chicka Chicka Boom Book or Where the wild things are. These books are not hard but fun for reading practice.

We have tried all those books and more. He didn't like Where the Wild Things Are. We had to get rid of it, because of the monsters, he is even timid about the Dr. Suess drawings with no proper toes.

 

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom was a gift that he loved, he really liked that book and it helped with the knowing of letters, but he won't read it.

[elmerRex]

Thank you all so much for the guidance. I will see what happens next time.

[CAtoVA]

Yes, please let us know what happens if you try any of these suggestions!

 

Hang in there....it DOES get easier and some kids are just more dramatic than others (((((((HUGS))))))))

[coffeegal]

For what it's worth, I bribed one of my children to learn to read. He ended up being one of my earliest and best readers. This child hates to work and is bribable.

 

He got a snack after each phonics lesson. Sometimes it was candy, cheese, raisons, crackers, etc. One phonics lesson was difficult, so he received a raison after each line. He's now a bookworm. ;)

 

These days I bribe him with computer time. Yes, you get 45 minutes if your schoolwork if finished... or yesterday (since he has no schoolwork during the summer) yes, if my kitchen is sparkling clean, you'll get computer time....

[CAtoVA]

OMGosh, coffeegal, we "bribe" DS with 30 minutes of daily MInecraft here but for generally helpful, polite, respectful (non tween type) behavior. Three days in a row of great behavior and he even gets extra time! LOL, It really works!!!!!

[Arcadia]

My older liked Thomas the tank engine stories (not readers, we read the original boxed set) and would read to us. My younger liked Clifford more than Thomas. My younger would also read anything about penguins.

 

How about the living maths books? You can alternate reading with him. Some are easier than others.

 

ETA:

Sometimes I wish mine could be bribed.

[desertflower]

The 3 sentences could be a sensory overload. How about trying one sentence at a time? Or covering up the other sentences. I just realized that that's how my son likes it.

 

I also agree with a pp. My son is a lot happier after we play chase or he plays on the wii. That's when he'll get his lessons done.

[nature girl]

I agree it could be sensory overload. When my DD was reading at that level, we had great success with Progressive Phonics. There, especially in the Beginner books, the teacher reads most of the words and the child only reads one or two words per line, all of which are in a different colored font so he knows to focus only on that color and doesn't get overwhelmed with the lines of text. As you progress through the intermediate and then advanced books, the number of words per line increases, but his confidence should be greatly increased by then, and there are still enough breaks for his eyes.

 

My DD thought it was really fun to co-read (we still co-read now with regular books), and the Progressive Phonics stories are short and pretty silly, with funny pictures, she loved them. The other bonus to co-reading is that when a kid is still having to sound out most words, comprehension really suffers because he's going so slowly and focusing on sounds rather than meaning. If the teacher is reading most of the story, he can actually follow the "plot."

 

Bonus, Progressive Phonics is free. :)

[FO4UR]

Dancing Bears is another option. The organization of the book might work well for him b/c you work for tick marks at the end of the line. When I started this series, I gave an M&M or Smartie at every tick mark. The lessons are capped at 10min, and progress the child quickly into reading.  Also, the techniques used correct guessing habits better than anything else I've seen. The focus is on fluent decoding.

 

I might make the deal that you work diligently for (however many) minutes, and when the timer goes off I will read a book (of your choosing) to you. It doesn't matter how many tick marks you get, just that you are working for those minutes.

 

 

 

If he likes games, Happy Phonics will get him through a great deal of phonics without the torture.

[wintermom]

I was way more enthusiastic about teaching my oldest to read than she was to learn. I had to back off and wait, re-introduce her reading to me very slowly and with very little pressure. There may have been some visual issues, as she reversed certain letters when writing until nearly age 12. My dc loved the Bob books, as they were fun, very easy, short, with few words on each page. But for some children even these are too much.

 

I think your son is trying to tell you that something is too much. You can ignore it and push on through, or you can back off and slowly figure out a more positive balance of activities and rate of working that makes him and you comfortable and positive.

 

 

[mom2bee]

He could also be bored by the task and drained at the idea of the tedium of reading cvc words. If he /CAN/ do it fluently, then maybe it is time to introduce the next level of phonic skills, either long vowels, digraphs or whatever...

[wintermom]

My son cried for almost an hour today about his reading today. All 3 sentences of it. It was apparently too much torture for him.

Apparently I am a tyrant because I told him to read his paper before he could have a snack and when he showed he was not going to do it promptly, the other kids had snack without him.

.

His reading assignment, you wonder?

 

Sid is a big, fat kid that has jam.

Sid ran and ran to get the jam top.

Sid ran in to Bob and hit him with the jam. Splat.

 

He said it was not fun, he didn't want to do it, he does not like it. It was too hard. It was too long, it was too much. I don't love him. Why does he have to read this? Can I just read it to him? Can baba read it first? Why not make sissy do it? Can he go play? Can he have a little chocolate first? He had to pee or caca to spit, was thirsty, was sad and hungry and lonely and....On and on and on.

 

This isn't my son, but it was sort of like this. Only it lasted closer to 60 minutes. Finally I told him to go away from the table, wash his face. We made a deal about his work--if he could read his page before the timer, he could have two bits of chocolate. I set the timer for 4 minutes and he finished in 49 seconds. I think I will tear my hair out now.

 

I agree with your son. Those sentences are long and not fun. If this is from the "I Can Read It" series from SL, then it is not meant to be the first books to be used to teach reading. The stories are pretty boring, contrived, and much of the language isn't commonly used but only picked because it has the right number of letters. I'd try a different set of beginning readers and try a new approach.

 

[Tanikit]

Have you asked your son what he does want to learn to read? I would ask him and then teach it to him - you need a good understanding of the phonics involved to teach it all, but at least he would be interested. People definitely learn better when they are interested and can learn things that seem "too difficult" if they are interested - then you would need to keep an eye on what he has asked for and the phonics taught and keep referring back to it. "Remember you wanted the word bulldozer - look "pull" has the same ending as the "bull" part of bulldozer but it starts with a "p" and so on. It is a lot of work for the parent but that work is worth it when you have a happy child who is more interested and more co-operative.

 

I wouldn't offer him two pieces of chocolate every time either - try being logical with him - tell him that an hour of wasted time crying will not get him off the reading and since he can do it in 1 minute he could be playing for an hour and wouldn't he rather do that - really brushing your teeth takes longer than that and you force him to do that - I have never heard of a child crying for an hour about teeth brushing (though there probably are some) - so use it as an example. I still prefer going with what they are interested in, but they may still have to learn to do some boring things.

 

 

[Farrar]

Seconding Progressive Phonics or just changing programs in general.  I tend to ascribe to the "throw everything at the wall until it sticks" philosophy of reading and that meant, for us, circling around different skills, changing things up, trying different programs and approaches, bringing out different books.  It also meant backing off sometimes, which is something that not a lot of people in this thread suggested, but I have to say...  I was concerned enough about creating a negative feeling about reading that I wasn't willing to push too hard.  In my experience, kids get this stuff when they're ready to a large extent.  You have to be there, be ready, provide the opportunities, etc.  But you can't force a kid who's not ready to really read to do so.  On the other hand, I think the suggestion that maybe more challenging reading - or at least more interesting - is in order.  One of the things I liked about the Progressive Phonics method was that it transferred well to "real" books.  So we started reading more fun easy readers (things like Amelia Bedelia, Poppleton, Frog and Toad, etc. which have actual plots and are actually funny and interesting) with that same back and forth method.

 

I'd be hesitant to create a rewards program for early reading simply because I don't believe in doing that.  On the other hand, doing something to celebrate each books, or celebrate each ten books or whatever could be a good compromise.  It's still helping set goals (I like goal setting!) and giving a child something to work toward, but without being read this and get this on a constant basis.  Also, the celebration could just be adding a leaf to a reading tree or something along those lines.

[nature girl]

I'd be hesitant to create a rewards program for early reading simply because I don't believe in doing that.  On the other hand, doing something to celebrate each books, or celebrate each ten books or whatever could be a good compromise.  It's still helping set goals (I like goal setting!) and giving a child something to work toward, but without being read this and get this on a constant basis.  Also, the celebration could just be adding a leaf to a reading tree or something along those lines.

 

I completely agree with this...If you want to create a lifelong reader, reading should be its own reward, not something forced or kids will learn to hate it. Immersing kids in great books on topics they enjoy to show them the fun of story, that's what will get you there.

 

There are tons of easy to read books on cars/trucks/trains, if that's appealing to him...Or since your son loves math, why not use some fun math books to teach reading? Most are too complex for an early reader BUT of course some of the words are CVC/CCVC/CVCC words (and sight words if you're teaching those as well.) Maybe something like the Sir Cumference books, or (one we just read and loved) The Cat in Numberland? And there are a bunch of living math books that are equally fun, and all will have decodable words...You can read the bulk of it, but point to words you know he'll be able to figure out. If he's engaged in the story and topic, I bet he'll read them without complaint. :)

[elmerRex]

Today, we did his reading assignment first before he could do math and it went well. I told him that math time was limited this morning and he'd have to hurry with reading if he wanted to do some math so he was very focused.

 

Scissors were my hero today. I decided that reading from the page was some what boring so I cut up the word pages and the sentence pages and put them in a word-cup and sentence-bowl, which he thought was great fun. I didn't tell him how many to read or anything, he started immediately and worked well.

 

He was still going with focus and ease when I told him to stop and he said "hold on, mama, let me finish." After a couple of more minutes I told him to stop again and insisted he stop even though he would have continued. Within just several minutes, he read 25 words from the word-cup and 10 sentences from the sentence bowl.

 

That was early this morning, now he is reading the rest of the words and sentences now to his toy.

 

...Hooray for scissors?

 

 

[MotherGoose]

So glad things went better today! One other thought I had was to "cut up the sentences" or just show him one sentence at a time--ask him to read one sentence, then go do handwriting. Have him read another sentence, do a read-aloud. Read another sentence, do science. Read another sentence, do math. Then maybe read all the sentences together, or not.

[boscopup]

Sounds like the scissors did the trick! Woohoo!

 

I'd also take a look at the I See Sam readers. They are way more interesting. The drawings are cute (animals, not monsters). I don't know if they're still available, but the first 52 used to be free online.

 

My 7 year old used to fight about reading too. Like your son, math comes easy and is fun, but reading takes work. Now that he is far enough into phonics that he can read some real books, he is enjoying reading a lot more.

 

You might also try buddy reading some real books that he enjoys. Just point to words you know he can read, then you read the other words. At first, it might be just a word or two on a page, and gradually you increase the words he reads. I keep this easy, pointing at words I know are easy for him to read.

 

Also, if he likes Star Wars, there are Star Wars phonics readers. The names have to be learned by sight, but they're otherwise pretty phonics based. My son loved those. They have a part for parent to read and part for child to read.

[blondeviolin]

Gonna second I See Sam. They even have an app..