Who has homeschooled one kid, while having another in public school?

[squirtymomma]

We had a little homeschool burnout this year and put both my 3rd grader and 1st grader in school in January. My 1st grader and I would argue over homeschool almost daily, and she is thriving in public school. It has also really improved our relationship. My 3rd grader is not really learning anything. She is advanced, and school is not really meeting her educational needs (she's enjoying it just fine). She is also a competitive gymnast and spends many hours a week at the gym. My inclination (today, at least!) is to homeschool her again next year, both to meet her educational needs and so she can do more daytime gym practices and be home with the family more. 1st grader says she loves her school and would be happy to go back, even if big sister is homeschooled.

 

Who has done this successfully? Any recommendations for how to do it well? I'm nervous about days when I might take my oldest on a field trip... will the younger feel terribly left out?

 

And then there's the preschooler. The current plan is for her to do pre-k 3 days a week next year. But if I'm going to be homeschooling the oldest, I'm tempted to just keep her home as well. Otherwise, I'll be managing 2 school schedules, one of which is 8-3, the other 9-2, and trying to get schoolwork done in-between! But then, will the middle child in ps feel even more left out?

 

Any thoughts and btdt appreciated...

[LLMom]

I have 4 in private school and one homeschooled.  It hasn't been a problem for us.  I homeschool the same schedule as the school so they have the same breaks.  My homeschooled child is the youngest, and I was concerned she would feel left out of all of the fieldtrips and parties they have a school, but it hasn't been a problem.  She enjoys having all of moms attention during the day.  My ones in school realize the freedom they have lost, but homeschooling is not an option for most of them at this point.  It is working too well.  It is possible to make both situations work.  Do what is best for each child. 

[North Coast School]

Yep.  Have done and am currently in that situation.  It has worked well for us to a point, but next year I will be back to HS'ing both kids. 

 

I HS'd my DD for K and 1, but burned out pretty fast with her because schooling her was like pulling my own finger nails out one at a time.  I didn't realize at the time that she had learning disabilities. (Bad mommy!)  I put her in school when I basically gave up on ever being able to teach her anything. (Again, bad mommy!)

 

She is extremely social, loves school and has done better with special support at PS. They taught her to read whereas I could not.

 

DS Homeschooled for Kindy while DD was in PS and he loved it.  One of the best things about having the kids in two different school environs is that I got to have one-on-one time with my second child, which I had never had before.  I got to know him so much better.  Other pro's:  Not having to prep for multiple school levels or purchase multiple curriculum; getting to know the PS families AND homeschool families so I know about and understand both worlds.

 

The cons:  After school DD is expected to do homework and I am just DONE with school by the time she gets here.  I get a little irritated (You have her for seven hours and you can't get everything done?!?!) at homework time!  For me, the control thing has been very hard...I am kind of an all or nothing gal--either you put me in charge and I get it done, or I put you in carge and you get it done; Another con is that it gets a little quiet (sometimes TOO quiet) with just me and my son at home, but you have a third child, so that might not apply to you. 

 

DD might come home next year, not because i don't like the current set-up, but because DD's needs are not being served as well anymore.

 

GL!

[Mom22ns]

I did it for a year. I pulled my oldest out to homeschool and my dd still wanted to stay in public school. She had a great year and so did ds. She was jealous of some of the things we did. We made an effort not to talk about places we were going in the mornings because that was the hardest. We followed a ps calendar and schedule (more or less) so that we schooled while she schooled and it felt "fair" to everyone.

 

I can't say there was no jealousy, but it did work and everyone was happy with their own choice that year.

[Chris in VA]

I homeschooled my eldest and youngest, and the middle kiddo went to ps. (See my signature for when we did this.)

 

He felt left out and "different" from the rest of us. He did not have the daily context  for our dinner conversations. He did not get to go on OUR field trips and so on. He didn't want to homeschool, but it really distanced him from our family. We had multiple issues due to addictions and such, but I wish with all my heart we'd been able to homeschool him.

 

YMMV--there are LOTS of people who split their families between homeschooling and B&M school and it works great for them.

 

You must make the decision that works for you, but you are wise to consider many angles of the decision.

 

Best wishes as you figure it out.

[Crimson Wife]

I *REALLY* dislike being tied to the PS schedule because it interferes with so many HS classes, field trips, and other activities. My little one goes 9-2 M-F. We do it because my little one has SN and needs the services she receives at school. Additionally, there is a 1:2 teacher:student ratio in her classroom so that's actually better than what she'd have at home with 2 siblings.

 

I wouldn't recommend having one at home and the other in school unless you had a really compelling reason for it because of the logistical hassles involved.

[Butter]

I have two in public school and two at home.  It works fine for us.  We follow the public school schedule.  I'd rather have all four home, but this is what works best for them all right now.

[squirtymomma]

Thanks for all of the feedback! It really is helpful. I don't think it would be a good idea to try and homeschool the 6yr old next year. She loves school and is doing waaay more for her teacher than she would ever do for me. She argued with me over every little thing. We hardly ever have battles now that she is in school, and they were frequent before. I don't fully understand why, but at least for right now, she needs someone else to be her teacher, and me to be her cheerleader. We are already doing the public school schedule, the homework, etc, and understand the realities of it. I think our only other option is to have everyone in school, which might be best for another year. I don't know...

[MrsH]

It worked out fine for us. Last year I had one dd home, ds in first, and younger dd in preschool. That was a lot to manage! But the year before I had both girls home and ds in k, which works out well. It did affect field trips and such, but when needed I could usually find someone to pick him up until we got back.

 

I do enjoy having all of them home now, but different things will work at different times. As long as you remember that you can change your mind, it's OK to try the thing that seems to make the most sense.

[madteaparty]

My DS will be homeschooled for upper elementary and middle school; he will hopefully be in an excellent public for high school.

DD is going to a private montessori school (with sheep and chickens :) starting at 3. It's not clear to me now how long she will attend. I only hs for academic reasons, so we play it by ear.

[LLMom]

Thanks for all of the feedback! It really is helpful. I don't think it would be a good idea to try and homeschool the 6yr old next year. She loves school and is doing waaay more for her teacher than she would ever do for me. She argued with me over every little thing. We hardly ever have battles now that she is in school, and they were frequent before. I don't fully understand why, but at least for right now, she needs someone else to be her teacher, and me to be her cheerleader. We are already doing the public school schedule, the homework, etc, and understand the realities of it. I think our only other option is to have everyone in school, which might be best for another year. I don't know...

 

 

3 of my dc in school work better for someone else.  We no longer fight over school work.  It has been such a blessing for our relationship. Anyone can be your child's teacher but only you can be her mom.  I wouldn't feel bad about it if it is working and she is happy.   

[Chrysalis Academy]

I did it for almost 2 years - brought my 4th grader home while my Ker stayed in school - which she  loved.  Then she had a bad 1st grade year and asked to come home, which I gladly said yes to - it really needed to be this child's own idea.

 

The biggest pain was having to follow the ps schedule - having to get one up and out the door at 8, and then picking her up at 2:20 really interrupted our day, and meant we could never do any afternoon activities with other homeschoolers.  And I still had all the obligations of ps - volunteering, donations, activities, which only benefited one of my children.  I had a foot in both worlds and for me, it was very confining.  I'm a lot happier now, so I'm relieved that it's working for both of my kids.  If it were seriously not working for one of them, I'd certainly entertain other options.

[AimeeM]

My eldest is in private school, while I homeschool my middle child (with a toddler running around here somewhere, lol).

I would just caution about thinking you'll have a ton of free time to do these extras with the child you bring home. DD's school schedule dictates more than we though it would - P/T conferences, early pickups, normal drop off and pick ups, activities, homework time, etc.

[Elisabet1]

I have. It went great. To me, it sounds like your children really will benefit by being in different educational environments.

[squirtymomma]

Thanks again! I really appreciate all the feedback. It has really helped me to think through it all.

[rmtzc2009]

We are doing it.  DS 10 is home, ds 8 is at PS and ds 5 goes to the local special ed preschool 5X a week 1/2 day.  My ds 8 gets on his bus at 7:30 and gets home at 2:30.  My ds 5 gets picked up at 11:40 and dropped of at 3:30.  With these different schedules I can say I find it challenging but doable.  I personally can't wait until fall when ds 8 will join us in homeschooling!  With my limited availability I have been unable to find any activities that fit for ds 10.  The local co-ops require parents to stay on site (which I totally get) but I can't because I have to get ds 5 home to catch his bus.  And afternoon classes don't work because around here they typically end at 3.  So I feel very restricted in what I can do and field trips have to be done on the weekend since we don't have the time available on any one given day.  My ds 8 does express disappointment that he's not included in the "fun" school things we may do at home.  

 

I'd say you should really look at your goals of what you want to accomplish this coming year both at home and anything extra such as classes, sports, personal things such as gym time, you get the idea.  Then make up a week or two mock schedules to see what it would look like on paper.  You know best what you can handle and what would clearly cause you to feel stressed.  Best of luck!

[krismoose]

I've been doing it this year. Ds9 (special needs) is home full-time, dd7 is in 1st grade at a private school 2 days a week and home 3 days, and dd4 is at public preschool for special needs 4 "afternoons" a week (12-2). It's the best place for each right now, but there's no way I could do it without help transporting kids. My son does very little on his own, and on the rare days that I need to take both dds to & from school we get very little done at home. My son definitely started to get jealous of the special things they did at school, but I now try to plan our weeks to include a bit more fun for him. At least this way my youngest gets the speech she needs, middle gets much of her social and activity needs satisfied, and my son has a calmer place to learn (most of the time.) :) I expect this will continue next school year while youngest is still in preschool, and then the year after for kinder she'll either be home with me or at school with older dd - either will be easier. :) I have been so thankful to have our parents nearby to help out this year!

[IsabelC]

We have Mr 10 doing 5th grade at home, Ms 8 in third grade at school and Ms 5 doing prep (equivalent of kinder) at school. It's working OK so far, and while we do have the ever-present sibling rivalry, I don't think it's any worse with this schooling arrangement. My girls do start their school day at the same time, which simplifies mornings. Basically we get them up, breakfasted, dressed, music practice done, etc and send them walking to school. Then we clean up, have hot drinks, I take care of any urgent phone calls or emails, and Mr 10 starts his schoolwork about an hour after the girls have left for school. He works till lunchtime or thereabouts, then I do some of my work while he has quiet time, and if we are running on time I can then spend a bit more time with him so that he's happy for me to concentrate on his sisters when they get home from school. After school activities vary every day, but most of them are only a few minutes from our house so I am happy to leave a kid or two unsupervised while I take another kid to sports or whatever. I would love to have a more precise daily schedule, but as I said the kids have different activities each day. The only way I remember things is by putting everything on my calendar, then I print it out at the beginning of each week and go through it with dh to make sure he arranges his work schedule for maximum participation in anything special the kids have on that week.

 

For you I suspect it might be harder because your little one has a shorter day at preschool. Also mine can walk and/or catch a bus, which definitely helps. You really need to just think through the actual logistics as applied to you and your daughters, and figure out how much trouble three different schedules are going to be. Also think about what help, if any, you could access. Do you have a trusted neighbor who would love to play with your 3yo for an hour while you work with your 8yo? Or if the 3yo goes to preschool, would her grandma be happy to pick her up and play at the park until the 6yo is ready to come home? etc. Obviously if you're going to be handling everything on your own it's going to be more of a challenge. You also need to consider how much you need to 'put in' to school. Many schools would not view home educating a student's sibling as a 'real' job, so it is likely that you would be expected to volunteer your time in some way for the school. Are you prepared to either fit that in, or be assertive about not being available for parent help, committee meetings, fundraising, etc?

 

(I think that, for us, the biggest drawback of having kids in school is that we are stuck with school scheduling. We can't all stay up late because there's something interesting happening in the sky (like Jupiter being visible the other night) and then sleep in the next day. We can't go to the museum when everyone else is in school. We can't get super cheap vacation accommodation at times when nobody else is on holidays. We can't even eat when we feel like it - we'd love a 6.30 or 7pm dinner, but if we don't have food on the table by 5.30, the girls will not be ready to leave for school by 8am the next day. I still can't get over how much school dominates life. Everything has to revolve around school. I'd give a lot for part time or attendance optional school )

[kiwik]

School seems to dominate everything. And then they send stuff home. Interesting thread and useful info. Thanks.

[Pawz4me]

We did it when oldest DS chose to return to public high school as a freshman.  Youngest DS continued homeschooling for three more years.  Granted mine are older than the OP's, so that probably makes a big difference.  Youngest was old enough to stay home by himself while I drove oldest to/from school.  That slight interruption in our day was the extent of the impact that having one in PS made on our schedule.  So for us it was absolutely no big deal at all.  They were both doing what they wanted to be doing, so there was no jealousy.

[lea_lpz]

Haven't had this situation but could be in this boat. My stepson is currently in public school and his mom has primary custody. He's doing very poorly in school and his he life is bad-domestic violence between her and bf, alcoholism, long term unemployment and surviving on welfare, etc. We will likely be getting primary custody by next school year.

 

A part of me thinks if we are a homeschooling family then all the kids should be homeschooled. Additionally, I worry if my stepson is going to public school I worry my kids will want to go, too. On the other hand, because he's been in public school for k-4, I think with him adjusting to being here full time, adding being homeschooled might add extra stress for him. I also don't know I can handle homeschooling him! He has a lot of behavior issues stemming from his living situation. I get they aren't his fault but realistically that doesn't make them any easier to deal with. He's also going to need a lot if support services. Such as school counseling, seeing an therapist, and he's been doing very poor in school so he'll need tutoring to get caught up as well as be evaluated for learning disabilities. Basically he is going to need a lot of structure! I don't know I can provide that with newborn, k, and 2nd grader.

 

Ultimately I would like to make what I think is the best choice for each child's education. For him, that might be public school and for my two we feel for a lot if reasons it's homeschooling. That could all change, but right now it seems like that's the way it is.

 

If public school didn't work out I would be willing to give homeschooling him a try.

[lea_lpz]

Haven't had this situation but could be in this boat. My stepson is currently in public school and his mom has primary custody. He's doing very poorly in school and his he life is bad-domestic violence between her and bf, alcoholism, long term unemployment and surviving on welfare, etc. We will likely be getting primary custody by next school year.

 

A part of me thinks if we are a homeschooling family then all the kids should be homeschooled. Additionally, I worry if my stepson is going to public school I worry my kids will want to go, too. On the other hand, because he's been in public school for k-4, I think with him adjusting to being here full time, adding being homeschooled might add extra stress for him. I also don't know I can handle homeschooling him! He has a lot of behavior issues stemming from his living situation. I get they aren't his fault but realistically that doesn't make them any easier to deal with. He's also going to need a lot if support services. Such as school counseling, seeing an therapist, and he's been doing very poor in school so he'll need tutoring to get caught up as well as be evaluated for learning disabilities. Basically he is going to need a lot of structure! I don't know I can provide that with newborn, k, and 2nd grader.

 

Ultimately I would like to make what I think is the best choice for each child's education. For him, that might be public school and for my two we feel for a lot if reasons it's homeschooling. That could all change, but right now it seems like that's the way it is.

 

If public school didn't work out I would be willing to give homeschooling it a try.

[IsabelC]

That sounds like a very challenging prospect, especially with the baby added to the mix!

I suspect you're probably right to think that, with a change of custody, remaining in the school environment with access to the therapist etc could help your dss adjust.

[squirtymomma]

For you I suspect it might be harder because your little one has a shorter day at preschool. Also mine can walk and/or catch a bus, which definitely helps. You really need to just think through the actual logistics as applied to you and your daughters, and figure out how much trouble three different schedules are going to be. Also think about what help, if any, you could access. Do you have a trusted neighbor who would love to play with your 3yo for an hour while you work with your 8yo? Or if the 3yo goes to preschool, would her grandma be happy to pick her up and play at the park until the 6yo is ready to come home? etc. Obviously if you're going to be handling everything on your own it's going to be more of a challenge. You also need to consider how much you need to 'put in' to school. Many schools would not view home educating a student's sibling as a 'real' job, so it is likely that you would be expected to volunteer your time in some way for the school. Are you prepared to either fit that in, or be assertive about not being available for parent help, committee meetings, fundraising, etc?

 

(I think that, for us, the biggest drawback of having kids in school is that we are stuck with school scheduling. We can't all stay up late because there's something interesting happening in the sky (like Jupiter being visible the other night) and then sleep in the next day. We can't go to the museum when everyone else is in school. We can't get super cheap vacation accommodation at times when nobody else is on holidays. We can't even eat when we feel like it - we'd love a 6.30 or 7pm dinner, but if we don't have food on the table by 5.30, the girls will not be ready to leave for school by 8am the next day. I still can't get over how much school dominates life. Everything has to revolve around school. I'd give a lot for part time or attendance optional school )

 

This is a great idea, and one that I was starting to think about. Maybe at least one preschool day I could have my mom on pick-up duty for preschooler and 2nd grader, so that oldest and I could have a few solid afternoon hours for schoolwork. Our neighborhood school has a lot of working moms, so volunteering is not expected. Some do, but it's not required at all.

 

It also annoys me that school so dominates life. I have fought it some these past few months! But I am grateful for the way being engaged in the school draws us into neighborhood community life. We have not had that before.