How to stop dd7 from crying wolf?

[BlueTaelon]

She keeps pretending to be hurt/stuck some where, what ever and screaming and yelling like something is really wrong and will do so for hours. Its not a new thing but it HAS to stop. We had an actual emergency last week, as in the police are on the way and she was screaming for dd13 to come down because I needed her. dd13 of course ignored her because she's cried wolf so much. I had to go get her when seconds counted. What if the house had been on fire? She would have died all because dd7 cried wolf a million to many times. Punishing her doesn't work, ignoring it doesn't work, taking away privileges doesn't work. I am at a loss and she keeps upping the ante. She's a velcro child WHO NEVER STOPS, the energizer bunny has nothing on her. Her mouth is attached to a motor I'm sure. 

 

She's gfcf since birth doesn't get junk food/additives ect, recently moved to paleo and haven't seen any improvement in her yet.

 

Does she need mental health help? Even the teacher and principal has discussed her behavior issues at school with me because she's causing problems and can't be quiet. There's only 9 kids in the class so its not like there is a ton of noise to distract her.

 

 

[Catwoman]

I don't have any experiences or advice to share with you, but I wanted to send you a :grouphug: because that kind of behavior must be exhausting, worrisome, and aggravating. :(

 

I hope you find a solution soon.

[BlueTaelon]

I don't have any experiences or advice to share with you, but I wanted to send you a :grouphug: because that kind of behavior must be exhausting, worrisome, and aggravating. :(

 

I hope you find a solution soon.

 

It is exhausting, I can't tell you how many times I have raced up the stairs because she's screaming like something is really wrong and it leaves me exhausted with adrenalin running which is not a good feeling:(

 

Last night she did it again and I flat out ignored her, turned out there was a wasp in her room. I explained the whole crying wolf thing AGAIN and why I didn't come. I can't believe she did it again tonight only I knew she wasn't hurt, I was looking right at her as she carried on about being stuck under her saucer chair and it was to heavy to push off her which weighs maybe 2lbs at most when I have seen this kid pick up heavy stacks of books half her size. She went on for over an hour when I finally went up there removed it and informed her she lost her electronics for the night due to her behavior which started a whole new tantrum. Half hour until bedtime and she's FINALLY calmed down and laying in my bed while I type 10 feet away.

[Plink]

She is seeking attention. Is there another way you can meet that need? (This is a question, not a condemnation)

 

Re mental health - my general response is that if you are questioning whether she could use professional help, then the answer is probably yes. Have you ever had her evaluated for anxiety? The velcro child comment, plus her extreme reaction to minor (or non-existant) problems could be signs that her body doesn't respond to stress in an average way.

[zoobie]

She is seeking attention. Is there another way you can meet that need? (This is a question, not a condemnation)

 

Re mental health - my general response is that if you are questioning whether she could use professional help, then the answer is probably yes. Have you ever had her evaluated for anxiety? The velcro child comment, plus her extreme reaction to minor (or non-existant) problems could be signs that her body doesn't respond to stress in an average way.

ITA with the bolded. The attention-seeking behavior can be a sign of anxiety, ADHD, ODD, any number of issues. Her behavior is problematic in school and at home. Check out your state laws on wrightslaw and request testing in writing from the school district to get the ball rolling. Hasn't her behavior been an issue with grandparents? I'm not sure if I'm mixing up posters, sorry!

[BlueTaelon]

She is seeking attention. Is there another way you can meet that need? (This is a question, not a condemnation)

 

Re mental health - my general response is that if you are questioning whether she could use professional help, then the answer is probably yes. Have you ever had her evaluated for anxiety? The velcro child comment, plus her extreme reaction to minor (or non-existant) problems could be signs that her body doesn't respond to stress in an average way.

 

We know her body overreacts to stress, its part of her blood disorder. Most of the time though she's on overdrive causing everyone else stress. She NEEDS to be entertained at all times and when she's not she goes looking for trouble to get reactions out of people. Her favorite target is dd13 because she really over reacts in a big way, its a nasty cycle and I can not get her to stop it. We all feed off each other as much as I try to stop it but dd7 seems to enjoy the chaos she causes:(

 

ITA with the bolded. The attention-seeking behavior can be a sign of anxiety, ADHD, ODD, any number of issues. Her behavior is problematic in school and at home. Check out your state laws on wrightslaw and request testing in writing from the school district to get the ball rolling. Hasn't her behavior been an issue with grandparents? I'm not sure if I'm mixing up posters, sorry!

 

yes, her behavior is ultimately what got us kicked out of my parents house and why they won't watch her anymore unless its an emergency. She drives them crazy and doesn't listen, my mom and step dad are very old school where children are seen and not heard, and expect family life to be like the Cleavers. They blame me for being a crappy parent who just doesn't discipline (ie: spank) enough. They don't understand the kid has neuro damage from a stroke, she doesn't feel spankings, hitting harder just leaves bruises and is not the answer. You know, I wonder if she's got sensory issues? She had her pre-op physical a couple of days ago and the Dr got really worried when she discovered she had decreased and absent reflexes. Its something I never even think about because we've known about it since she was a baby and I filled her in on dd7's history (she's only been in to the Dr for a couple of sick visits since we moved here so they really didn't know about her history) Can neuro damage cause SID or what ever they are calling it these days? I know dd13 had severe sensory issues as a baby/toddler and had to have a lot of OT, she still has issues were addressing. Never occurred to me dd7 could have an issue.

[Amy in NH]

Well, it sounds like it could be a mental health issue.  But it also sounds like she does it because it works.  She has learned that yelling/screaming/tantruming will get her some attention.  Attention-seeking kids don't care if it's good or bad attention.  She needs to unlearn it.  When she goes off put her in her room alone with the door closed until she stops the behavior, and reward her with attention at other times for for NOT doing it.

[BlueTaelon]

Well, it sounds like it could be a mental health issue.  But it also sounds like she does it because it works.  She has learned that yelling/screaming/tantruming will get her some attention.  Attention-seeking kids don't care if it's good or bad attention.  She needs to unlearn it.  When she goes off put her in her room alone with the door closed until she stops the behavior, and reward her with attention at other times for for NOT doing it.

 

That doesn't work and she will cause damage to the room hitting and kicking the door, BTDT and I can not afford the repair bill again. She does not like being alone period, she gets very upset about separation, especially when its forced like this evening when I needed time out for me to calm down. She is a very intense kid, way above and beyond whats normal.

 

back to my other comment, did some googling and she's a total sensory seeker. Never dealt with that side of the coin as dd13 avoided it, will be asking for an OT referral for an eval, thank heavens I found out I can do it privately though our insurance, I asked the school for an eval last year because at 6 she was just then able to hold a crayon to color. Its been a YEAR and we still haven't gotten it and they "forgot" I even requested it even though I asked several times. I have issues with the local school and there "services".

[bettyandbob]

Did you make the evaluation request in writing. Go in and ask for the exact forms needed, date them and don't leave without a copy for yourself. The school has a timeline that starts when you make a written request.

 

Sensory seeking. I think I'm a bit of a sensory seeker and I definitely have anxiety. Heavy exercise is essential. This is more than going for a walk. Heart rate up, sweating for 45 minutes (usually more) at least 4 times a week keeps me a bit calmer. If your dd is not getting serious exercise,I think you need to find a way to incorporate it in her day. This may be something that could help while you wait for evaluations and be a good habit to continue.

[bolt.]

Definitely time to call in the pros (get an evaluation) -- it's not her fault she's not nerotypical. You have no idea whether this is "crying wolf" or a genuine need for attention, or a genuine reaction of irrational and unmediated panic, or the fringes of a very serious mental health disorder. The sooner the better. It's well beyond "parenting through" alone.

 

"She's not 'giving you a hard time' -- she's HAVING a hard time. You're just nearby enough to notice."

 

In the meantime, try to find information on how to parent kids who need extra, due to mental health. I don't know what that is, but I know it's different than "usual" and looks a lot more like bring an occupational therapist. Try as many "usual" techniques from the positive parenting school of thought as you can, if you can't find specific reccomedations. Those things probably won't solve any concrete behaviour issues shortly, but they will give you something to do, and prevent you from becoming frustrated and punitive.

 

(I've heard the results from a study they shows that sociopathic people often function well in society if they were raised non-punitively, and only those who endure "harsh" discipline, such as corporal punishment and isolation, go on to become criminal sociopaths... It's worth treading carefully if you don't know what's wrong.)

[Guest submarines]

Definitely time to call in the pros (get an evaluation) -- it's not her fault she's not nerotypical. You have no idea whether this is "crying wolf" or a genuine need for attention, or a genuine reaction of irrational and unmediated panic, or the fringes of a very serious mental health disorder. The sooner the better. It's well beyond "parenting through" alone.

 

"She's not 'giving you a hard time' -- she's HAVING a hard time. You're just nearby enough to notice."

 

In the meantime, try to find information on how to parent kids who need extra, due to mental health. I don't know what that is, but I know it's different than "usual" and looks a lot more like bring an occupational therapist. Try as many "usual" techniques from the positive parenting school of thought as you can, if you can't find specific reccomedations. Those things probably won't solve any concrete behaviour issues shortly, but they will give you something to do, and prevent you from becoming frustrated and punitive.

 

(I've heard the results from a study they shows that sociopathic people often function well in society if they were raised non-punitively, and only those who endure "harsh" discipline, such as corporal punishment and isolation, go on to become criminal sociopaths... It's worth treading carefully if you don't know what's wrong.)

 

:iagree:

 

[Guest submarines]

She keeps pretending to be hurt/stuck some where, what ever and screaming and yelling like something is really wrong and will do so for hours. Its not a new thing but it HAS to stop. We had an actual emergency last week, as in the police are on the way and she was screaming for dd13 to come down because I needed her. dd13 of course ignored her because she's cried wolf so much. I had to go get her when seconds counted. What if the house had been on fire? She would have died all because dd7 cried wolf a million to many times. Punishing her doesn't work, ignoring it doesn't work, taking away privileges doesn't work. I am at a loss and she keeps upping the ante. She's a velcro child WHO NEVER STOPS, the energizer bunny has nothing on her. Her mouth is attached to a motor I'm sure. 

 

She's gfcf since birth doesn't get junk food/additives ect, recently moved to paleo and haven't seen any improvement in her yet.

 

Does she need mental health help? Even the teacher and principal has discussed her behavior issues at school with me because she's causing problems and can't be quiet. There's only 9 kids in the class so its not like there is a ton of noise to distract her.

 

Does she cry "for hours" after you check on her and see that there's nothing seemingly wrong and don't give her any positive attention, or it takes you hours to check on her?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Plink]

We know her body overreacts to stress, its part of her blood disorder. Most of the time though she's on overdrive ... She NEEDS to be entertained at all times ... the Dr got really worried when she discovered she had decreased and absent reflexes. 

You have a lot of red flags here.  What is her blood disorder?  Lead?  If so, then there is a major link with anxiety/depression/panic.  She certainly needs to be seen by a mental health professional.  I wonder if medication might help her to feel comfortable in her own skin again, poor thing.

 

Her actions are not your fault; please don't feel as if there is anything you are doing wrong.  Neurological disorders are not a parenting fault, they are a biological fact.  There is help out there, but you are not going to receive a whole lot of helpful advice from parents of neuro-typical children, friends at church, or even your own mom and dad (I wish it was different).  Contacting a professional will probably be the most freeing thing you choose to do in your entire life.  

 

My best guess is that she will need to see a neuro-psychologist first, but talk with your doctor to see what he recommends.

 

Good luck in surgery!  Hugs to you momma!

[Ottakee]

I would seek an evaluation.  If she has missing reflexes, history of stroke, etc. I would start with a neurologist as they are covered by medical insurance.  Likely an OT eval for sensory stuff as well.

 

Mine that is like that has ADHD with very little impulse control.  She reacts..........then thinks.  The other day she was acting like there was a major medical emergency and all it was was a tiny nick on her leg from shaving.  She was thinking ER and I am thinking a square of TP to wipe the blood up.  The meds really do help and she did have OT for sensory stuff when she was younger.

[texasmama]

OP, this sounds like a neurological disorder/damage manifesting in behavioral symptoms.  In your shoes, I would start with a medical professional like a neurologist.  I would not start with a mental health professional.

 

(((hugs))) 

[MomatHWTK]

You have a lot of red flags here.  What is her blood disorder?  Lead?  If so, then there is a major link with anxiety/depression/panic.  She certainly needs to be seen by a mental health professional.  I wonder if medication might help her to feel comfortable in her own skin again, poor thing.

 

Her actions are not your fault; please don't feel as if there is anything you are doing wrong.  Neurological disorders are not a parenting fault, they are a biological fact.  There is help out there, but you are not going to receive a whole lot of helpful advice from parents of neuro-typical children, friends at church, or even your own mom and dad (I wish it was different).  Contacting a professional will probably be the most freeing thing you choose to do in your entire life.  

 

My best guess is that she will need to see a neuro-psychologist first, but talk with your doctor to see what he recommends.

 

Good luck in surgery!  Hugs to you momma!

:iagree:

[BlueTaelon]

Does she cry "for hours" after you check on her and see that there's nothing seemingly wrong and don't give her any positive attention, or it takes you hours to check on her?

 

 

 

 

 

Are you serious? Of course I check on her right away! Thats part of my stress! I can stand there and watch and she will keep it up, I can talk to her about it and she will keep it up. I know girls can be drama queens but its a bit early for this level of queen. One time she screamed because she didn't feel like picking up something a few feet away that she wanted. She finds it funny that I come running, I've gotten hurt dropping what I was doing to come running thinking she was actually hurt.

 

Definitely time to call in the pros (get an evaluation) -- it's not her fault she's not nerotypical. You have no idea whether this is "crying wolf" or a genuine need for attention, or a genuine reaction of irrational and unmediated panic, or the fringes of a very serious mental health disorder. The sooner the better. It's well beyond "parenting through" alone.

 

"She's not 'giving you a hard time' -- she's HAVING a hard time. You're just nearby enough to notice."

 

In the meantime, try to find information on how to parent kids who need extra, due to mental health. I don't know what that is, but I know it's different than "usual" and looks a lot more like bring an occupational therapist. Try as many "usual" techniques from the positive parenting school of thought as you can, if you can't find specific reccomedations. Those things probably won't solve any concrete behaviour issues shortly, but they will give you something to do, and prevent you from becoming frustrated and punitive.

 

(I've heard the results from a study they shows that sociopathic people often function well in society if they were raised non-punitively, and only those who endure "harsh" discipline, such as corporal punishment and isolation, go on to become criminal sociopaths... It's worth treading carefully if you don't know what's wrong.)

 

Believe it or not there is not really anything on parenting kids with mental health issues that I have found over the years. dd13 was far more difficult and the only solution drs gave me was to drug her into zombiehood. I looked for books and classes high and low with no luck. There's an idea, put all my research into a book for desperate parents on what may be wrong and where to go.

 

You have a lot of red flags here.  What is her blood disorder?  Lead?  If so, then there is a major link with anxiety/depression/panic.  She certainly needs to be seen by a mental health professional.  I wonder if medication might help her to feel comfortable in her own skin again, poor thing.

 

Her actions are not your fault; please don't feel as if there is anything you are doing wrong.  Neurological disorders are not a parenting fault, they are a biological fact.  There is help out there, but you are not going to receive a whole lot of helpful advice from parents of neuro-typical children, friends at church, or even your own mom and dad (I wish it was different).  Contacting a professional will probably be the most freeing thing you choose to do in your entire life.  

 

My best guess is that she will need to see a neuro-psychologist first, but talk with your doctor to see what he recommends.

 

Good luck in surgery!  Hugs to you momma!

 

No, its not lead but it will cause psych issues when mismanaged. Her pedi has ordered labs to see whats going on and do we need to adjust things  but we need to wait until she's better from croup and off the meds that effect the test (for treating the croup) for at least a week. They are also checking for lead/heavy metals since we live in a area thats considered toxic from 100+ years of mining to the point the health dept says dont let the kids play in the local rivers and dirt and her blood disorder will cause her to suck up those metals in her body. I had no idea about that when we moved here, it wasn't even on my radar of things to check out because no where near we ever had lived had this kind of problem. I only found out because the health dept sent home materials with the kids during a week long  teaching thing for the kids. Yet another reason I want to get out of this state.

 

That's a tough one.  My 8 year old is extremely sensitive.  I don't think it is crying wolf with him, but that he truly believes that a paper cut is going to kill him or hurts like the worst pain ever.  So he'll scream and cry over a paper cut.  I do go to him every time he does that, but I know the difference between his serious cry and his not so serious cry.  I was afraid I wouldn't be able to tell, but that has been put to the test.

 

No advice.  Has her behaviors always been this extreme?  Is it getting better or worse?  The same?  With my son I would say it is mostly getting better.  He still does it sometimes though.

Thats part of our problem too, there is no difference between the cries. She's gotten worse over the past 2 years but our stress levels have been very high the past 2 years with multiple moves, spending a year with my parents which was very difficult on all of us, starting public school (which she loves), I went to work when I was always a SAHM. Stress is devastating on her blood disorder and even small things can wreck havoc. I already have her lined up for stress management/mediation/yoga for kids classes when we can move to the city. Just waiting to see if we can get into one of the low income apts. She's always been the resilient kid, dd13 was a bit of a nightmare from birth so even though dd7 was born with a lot of problems she was my easy dream baby when compared to older dd who started howling at birth and things got worse from there (I went through the wringer with her from severe sensory issues, feeding issues (2 years of feeding therapy to no avail!) multiple life threating allergies, celiac, primary immune deficiency, severe mental health issues ect). I don't have an NT kid to compare her to, the kid she gets compared to is not NT in anyway. I hope I'm making sense.

 

OP, this sounds like a neurological disorder/damage manifesting in behavioral symptoms.  In your shoes, I would start with a medical professional like a neurologist.  I would not start with a mental health professional.

 

(((hugs))) 

 

I'll start with OT and as soon as were in an open window get her labs drawn. Were checking pretty much every known issue related to her blood disorder. Thats gonna suck, took 5 people to hold her down last time and was traumatic for all involved:(

[Guest submarines]

Are you serious? Of course I check on her right away! Thats part of my stress! I can stand there and watch and she will keep it up, I can talk to her about it and she will keep it up. I know girls can be drama queens but its a bit early for this level of queen. One time she screamed because she didn't feel like picking up something a few feet away that she wanted. She finds it funny that I come running, I've gotten hurt dropping what I was doing to come running thinking she was actually hurt.

 

I'm sorry, I'm just trying to imagine the situation, and I'm getting confused. I have a DD who sort of cries wolf. She'd stub her toe just a little, and scream like she's dying. She does have extreme sensitivity to pain, but I don't rush to her screams anymore. I go and check on her right away, of course, but my mind somehow got her cries for help sorted out and I don't freak out as much.

 

A little cry from DS, and I run, my heart beating fast, because he never cries, and if he is crying, he must be really hurt.

 

I'm not imagining your situation, though. So she screams for help, you run, help her out, talk her down, leave / transition her to some other activity, and she does the exact thing again? What is it exactly that she carries on for hours?

[trulycrabby]

I agree with the others who suggest it might be a behavioral manifestation of a neurological issue. However, it does sound like you have a very good pediatrician who is working very hard to find out what's going on. :grouphug:

[BlueTaelon]

I'm sorry, I'm just trying to imagine the situation, and I'm getting confused. I have a DD who sort of cries wolf. She'd stub her toe just a little, and scream like she's dying. She does have extreme sensitivity to pain, but I don't rush to her screams anymore. I go and check on her right away, of course, but my mind somehow got her cries for help sorted out and I don't freak out as much.

 

A little cry from DS, and I run, my heart beating fast, because he never cries, and if he is crying, he must be really hurt.

 

I'm not imagining your situation, though. So she screams for help, you run, help her out, talk her down, leave / transition her to some other activity, and she does the exact thing again? What is it exactly that she carries on for hours?

 

Whats to be confused about? If she's honestly hurt then yes I will help her out but if its just the drama queen garbage I will explain she's not hurt, she's perfectly capable of rescuing herself and I leave and periodically check on her, I mean would you rescue your perfectly mobile child because there's a blanket on her and she's to lazy to take it off herself? Its that level of stuff often. She expects to be waited on hand and foot, she won't even put on her own socks for goodness sakes and she won't even help me put them on and does the dead weight act which makes it take even longer. Even an infant will push against you which helps put on the sock. When she wants to she has put on her own socks in the past so I know she can but in the morning I don't have hours to listen to a tantrum over socks and I can't carry her to the car to go to school so I just do it. When she doesn't get her way or the hurt act doesn't work the tantrum starts and goes on for hours. Less then a hour is a miracle, lasts nights lasted about 4 hours of full blown screaming/yelling/kicking. I'm surprised the police haven't shown up thinking she's being tortured or something. dd13 did the wild animal tantrums but you could see her "check out" when her eyes glazed over. This just comes off as very spoiled child who expects to be treated like a queen and get her way every second. She doesn't feel pain much due to the neuro damage, its gotten better but often  you will see her do something you know had to hurt but unless someone is looking she just goes on about her biz like nothing happened because she didn't even feel it. As a baby you could do blood draws and she didn't even feel it, her objection later was more to the fact she was being held down by me to keep her still during the draw and not that it hurt. As I'm typing this out I can see why she's sensory seeking, things have to be more intense for her to feel it.

[Guest submarines]

Whats to be confused about? If she's honestly hurt then yes I will help her out but if its just the drama queen garbage I will explain she's not hurt, she's perfectly capable of rescuing herself and I leave and periodically check on her, I mean would you rescue your perfectly mobile child because there's a blanket on her and she's to lazy to take it off herself? Its that level of stuff often. She expects to be waited on hand and foot, she won't even put on her own socks for goodness sakes and she won't even help me put them on and does the dead weight act which makes it take even longer. Even an infant will push against you which helps put on the sock. When she wants to she has put on her own socks in the past so I know she can but in the morning I don't have hours to listen to a tantrum over socks and I can't carry her to the car to go to school so I just do it. When she doesn't get her way or the hurt act doesn't work the tantrum starts and goes on for hours. Less then a hour is a miracle, lasts nights lasted about 4 hours of full blown screaming/yelling/kicking. I'm surprised the police haven't shown up thinking she's being tortured or something. dd13 did the wild animal tantrums but you could see her "check out" when her eyes glazed over. This just comes off as very spoiled child who expects to be treated like a queen and get her way every second. She doesn't feel pain much due to the neuro damage, its gotten better but often  you will see her do something you know had to hurt but unless someone is looking she just goes on about her biz like nothing happened because she didn't even feel it. As a baby you could do blood draws and she didn't even feel it, her objection later was more to the fact she was being held down by me to keep her still during the draw and not that it hurt. As I'm typing this out I can see why she's sensory seeking, things have to be more intense for her to feel it.

So basically if she screams, you come over, see that she is not in any objective physical trouble, you lecture her and leave, and let her scream for hours, periodically checking on her, and if she still is not in any objective physical trouble, you lecture again and leave again????

 

Well yeah, I wouldn't just leave. If a 7 yo is distraught about a blanket over her head, then it is obviously not about the blanket, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't need her mother's support.

 

What would she do if you came over, removed the blanket without berating her and without anger, and made it into a game? What if you were kind and understanding and soothing? And then asked her whether she wanted an apple or to sit in the kitchen and draw? Maybe she still needs to be babied a little bit. Or even if a lot. This is  valid psychological need, even if it isn't pretty or easy. What if you feel that cup?

 

She really needs to hear that you *were* worried about her, that you do love her, that you are not angry.  She's in a cycle that is very hard to break on her own, and she's obviously stuck there.She's still little, and the communication between you too is broken. She doesn't have a way out, and someone gotta model it for her, and it has to be you.

 

 

[Corraleno]

As I'm typing this out I can see why she's sensory seeking, things have to be more intense for her to feel it.

 

You mentioned earlier that she was a "velcro baby" — does she liked to be "squished" or held/hugged tightly? If so, have you tried something like a compression vest or a weighted vest or blanket? My DS has sensory issues, which greatly contribute to his anxiety levels, and some of the things he finds calming include extra heavy blankets or shirts (he has a chainmail shirt — much cooler for a teen boy than a compression vest  ;)), exercises that involve joint compression (trampolining, jump roping, pogo sticking, digging or shoveling, exercise machines, etc.), and bear hugs. You can improvise a weighted blanket with a small throw rug or large bath mat (the type with rubber backing, not the towel type), or make a quick, cheap weighted vest by stitching 2 old tee shirts together, with "channels" into which you can insert rice bags or even a bunch of beanie babies if you have some — anything that will provide a sense of weight. Someone once described proprioceptive SPD as "always feeling as if you're about to fall off the face of the earth." These kids feel like they're not solid or grounded, hence the constant state of anxiety and the need for constant sensory feedback.

[QuirkyKapers]

Does she seem to be on sensory overload?  There's just too much going on and it can't be processed?  You could have her wear sound proof headphones, at home, this would cut out some of the stimuli.  Or, have a space, like use a big box and have it in an area where she can be a part of what is going on but separate.  If she starts too get wiggy, maybe suggesting going to her special spot would be a physical way that she could start to feel more in control.  The other thing that I have seen done, again this is for children with sensory overload, is to do a sandwich.  This is like the weighted vest or bean bag, you actually have them on the floor and lay on top of them.  I know, its sounds crazy, but I have seen this work. I have seen children screaming and upset and when this is suggested, they love it.  Again, I think this is a physical way the child can take control of a situation when they feel out of control inside.  That out of control feeling just spills out into their behavior.  I would be tempted to be like,"o.k., let's take some deep breaths....together....counting in our heads up to twenty.  If you ask her questions like, What could you do about that?  At first, she may not have any answer, than maybe you could be like:  you could do a,b or c.  Which one of those would work for you?  Maybe you have tried that and it doesn't work.  :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Sounds so stressful for everyone!

[Tammyla]

I would involve the professionals, but I think keeping her tomato-staked (aka...Kept next to you at all times.)  would be worth a try; that way you could immediately respond to her and not be constantly on a fear induced adrenaline rush.

 

 

I wish you peace, it sounds exhausting for all of you.

[MomatHWTK]

I suffer from anxiety and depression and have a SN child...  In my opinion, you have reached a point where your own stress level is such that you may not be able to address your DD's issues.  The key is to save yourself first.  Even if only temporarily you may need medication to help you get your own stress levels back down.  Then you can work with a therapist and your DD on behavior therapy. A therapist should also be able to give you ideas on how to respond to each episode. 

 

What I see in your post is that logically you know these behaviors by DD are caused by neuro problems but emotionally you are reacting as if she were a neurotypical child.  For me personally, when what I know and what I feel are that far apart I am experiencing an anxiety/depression episode and need treatment.  I don't always see it myself and will often continue to spiral- living on that emotional edge, but once treated things become much more balanced.  Cognitive dissonance is very unsettling.  :grouphug:

[Paige]

I have no experience with this and agree that a psych eval may be the best first step. However, one thought I had is would she do better if you keep her by your side for most of the day? I would tell her something like, "I'm sorry, you need to stay by me because you have been having so much trouble staying calm when you are out of my sight." If she's with you, then at least you won't have to wonder if she's hurt or not. Then, maybe you could try responding to her quickly each time- like with an infant- and see if that helps to make her feel more secure. I don't know...I could be totally off, but it's just a thought. You also could try giving her some time away from you and tell her if she doesn't call for help for X minutes unless there is really something wrong, then she will get a sticker or something and make a reward chart for it.

[LucyStoner]

Given the housing, work and family situations you have discussed here I think it is safe to say that she could benefit from professional help. Probably you could as well. It's not easy being a mom to 2 special needs kids, triply so when single and financially struggling. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of them. Your state sounds like a truly awful spot for you due to the economy, social service availability and lack of affordable housing. Moving would be a good first step if you can swing it in any way at all.

[Pronghorn]

To me it sounds like she has an insecure or anxious attachment to you. Of course, I may feel that way partly because that is the area of problems I'm most familiar with. In my view she keeps testing your love over and over. This sort of problem could come partly from her medical issues and partly from being the younger, resilient sibling when you had difficulty with your older child. You could try to strengthen the attachment in a number of ways. Let her regress a bit. Rock her and sing her love songs. Play peekaboo games. Tell her you love her multiple times a day. Look for opportunities for physical contact, e.g. if you are walking together put your arm around her. Tell her that you are a good, strong mommy who can keep her safe. Basically, try to keep beaming a constant message of love at her all day, even if it feels exaggerated to you. The goal is to make her feel your love more strongly, so she feels less need to manufacture crises to test you. You can find a lot more ideas if you google anxious attachment or go to an attachment therapist. One thing you could look up is the Stanley Greenspan (I think that is the name) concept of floortime. A short session of floortime each day could have a big impact.

[Pronghorn]

I also agree with the idea of keeping her by your side all day.