I need electronic advice! PLEASE! I'm at my wits end

[sierramv1]

We use electronics moderately in our homeschool. Netflix/Documentaries, etc. My oldest DS does his typing, drawing and Khan academy online, plus we have a BrainPop subscription. We do not have "tv" other than our netflix via our television. 

 

We have tried a MILLION different methods of structuring their 'free' electronic time. Inevitably they have been exposed to games such as minecraft and clash of the clans, through peer relations, and even though they don't thrill me, I'm not completely opposed to some moderated electronic time.

 

Lately we have decided on one hour Friday, Saturday, Sunday. But they obsess over it (especially my two boys DS (11) and DS(7))

 

My oldest son has been checking his 'Clash of the Clans' account when he is supposedly listening to an audiobook (so he's been lying to us) and our other two kiddos have a fit when it's time to get off, complete with fussing, stomping and whining. 

 

 

ERRRR.....I don't know whether just to give them unlimited time and let them get it out of their system or nix all the free time?? 

 

Do your kids obsess over their time? How do you handle 'free' electronic time at your house?  Is it about teaching boundaries...moderation...I feel like I'm failing here and I'm not sure what to 'try' next...

 

Thank You!

[dbmamaz]

I'm not sure my way is RIGHT, but its how I do it because its simple enough that I can manage to enforce it  :001_rolleyes:

 

We have 'school hours.'  They are approximately from 10 am to 4 pm.  If I catch them doing electronic entertainment during those hours, they are grounded off of electronics for the rest of the day.  If they break that grounding, it'll be 2 days, and it goes up from there.  they have never gone up from there.  If work is not done at 4, electronics are still out-of-bounds until work is done.  

 

Other than that . . . whatever.  However, we have a computer per person.  Also, they are allowed to read fan fictions and check social media occasionally during 'school 'hours - no playing or watching, but reading is ok.  

 

after all, I check my fb during school hours . . . 

[The Governess]

If my kids complain when it's time to turn something off, or are found using it when they shouldn't be, then they lose it for next time.

 

I let them use iPods in the car any day if their schoolwork is done. Otherwise, no screens until the weekend.

[Kel & the Kids]

No advice, but this issue is a nightmare in our house with my DS.  The older he gets, the more things he *has* to use the computer for (legitimately), the harder it is to monitor.  He incrementally worked himself up to a YEAR of grounding off video games (looooong story) and we stuck to it.  Did it do any good? Nope.  I'm at my wit's end! I hope someone has some brilliant advice :)

[Laura Corin]

Are the devices connected to WiFi?  I've recently discovered that I can remove WiFi access from a particular device from my own laptop, using the WiFi box's master controls.  You might want to look into that....

 

Another thought - it does me good to turn off the WiFi for the whole house for periods of time, especially at weekends.  I get a lot done.

 

The boys have an hour a day at weekends and half an hour (to check email, etc.) on weekdays.

 

FWIW, Calvin is now much more understanding of the need for limits than he was when he was younger.

 

L

[angelmama1209]

i've seen a thing on pinterest to effect of
"if you want today's wifi password, complete (these chores, this schoolwork, etc)" i've also seen where they have to earn their screen time by doing chores, acts of kindness, etc.

 

my kids got kindle fires for christmas, pretty much against my wishes, and they have affected my kids exactly in the way i feared. grrr... we do have the parental controls set, but they beg for more when their time is up or they turn off. sometimes dh steals one at night and turns off the freetime and forgets to turn it back on, then they have no limits. and they have learned that if they share they get triple the amount of time by moving from tablet to tablet.it is a constant and frustrating struggle to manage their screen time each day.

[ficbot]

I struggle with this too...my spouse believes that we shouldn't limit technology because if we happen to have the next Bill Gates or Steve Jobs on our hands, we should not stifle that. We have not had huge issues yet because my stepson is only 3, but what we would do is have a list of things they need to do (homework, active time, whatever) and they only get the device after they've done it. If they want to spend all of their 'free' time once the other stuff is done on the device, I don't see how we could stop them given that he is against restricting that. I think the only thing we could do is limit access to the devices until the school work and active play is done.

[Hunter]

When children disrespect us for setting limits, increasing the limits never increases respect. Disrespect should decrease the limits you set, not increase them.

 

And they will NOT get it out of their system.

 

Brain development is different, depending on what a child is exposed to. You are building brains right now. It is critical that you provide the stimulus to the areas of the brain you think the child will be using as an adult. Some computer time is good, but too much will create a brain more dependent on computers, as the other areas of the brain did not develop as well as possible.

 

Children need to be listening and reading text. They need to be drawing and listening to music. They need to be running and jumping. It's critical to their brain development.

 

They also need to have their mental health watched over. Movement and time spent outside increase mental health. Also rhythms in the home and in nature. Spiritual activities are important, too.

[happypamama]

We have limits of about 30 minutes a day (I'm flexible if they're right in the middle of something), only after all work is completed and without dawdling (chores and schoolwork). Plus 1.5 hours on the weekend days, and only if they completed their schoolwork during the week and did any assigned weekend chores. There are certain academic activities on the electronics; those do not apply to the screentime rules, but if you're found fooling around when you're supposed to be working, you lose your opportunity for screentime at least for that day. I do keep passwords on the devices, so my littles won't mess with the icons, so all kids need me to log on for them. We used to have screentime only on the weekends, which I preferred, but the kids lobbied for the daily incentive, and I agreed to try it; it does seem to work pretty well.

[MomatHWTK]

We don't limit and the kids don't play computer games all the time.  One child is more engrossed than the others, but that is due to a neuro condition more than anything else. 

[DragonFaerie]

We don't have any limits on screen time, and therefore we don't have any problems with sneaking online during school.  I also don't have any problems with the kids spending too much time online.  I think limiting time just makes it that much more desirable.  When they know they can get on whenever they want (after school and chores are done, of course), it becomes not such a big deal.

[Hunter]

There are families where children successfully self-regulate electronics and food, but those families are rare.

[Pawz4me]

We have never set any limits.  And we've never had any problems.  But we're a very tech-oriented household (currently we have more computers than people), and don't believe that computer usage is a bad thing at all.  So what I deem "no problem" may be totally different from how someone else would characterize our kids' computer usage.

 

Our general belief is that the more off limits most things are, the more desirable they become.  And keeping that in mind has served us well over the years.  We're pretty happy with the way the boys are turning out.

[abba12]

As kids we had no limits and we self regulated fairly well, depending on your definition. My brother could get on for half an hour in the morning, and happily get off knowing he could come back to it at another time abms not touch it again until after school. My sister was more interested in tv, but she didn't just stare at whatever was on, she learnt that she valued her time and decided to buy specific shows to watch on her schedule.

 

My self regulation was poor, but that had more to do with other issues, and since I ended up learning a lot of computer related skills including programming and web design it made sense for me.

 

I suppose in my family it was never really restricted, but it was taught how to use these things wisely, with moderation and balance and prompting that it might be time to get off but accepting sometimes we were obsessing over a game and sometimes we were obsessing over an outdoor project. But, we had been self regulating with guidance since we were 4 or 5, as early computer adopters.

 

I do think the lack of restriction taught us how to make it a normal part of life but I don't know how you woulda get that from kids who have had restrictions for so long, obviously if you set them loose now they will be on there all day. One of the benefits for us was always knowing it was there when we wanted it, so we felt absolutely no need to use it just because we could, but that would take an adjustment period

[Pen]

All we have at home is a dial-up connection, which is hard for modern internet access, but does help to restrict electronic access. Games are only allowed as an incentive for points achieved on a checklist, and only around once per month, when it requires a special trip to a place where high speed is available.

 

Sumdog and Typing Instructor games are allowed more often since they have and educational component. 

[Gil]

We only have a CD player+radio and my rickety old laptop. The boys aren't allowed on my laptop because I need it for school. When we go to the library they are allowed to play on the computers there.

They may play the radio so long as they aren't disturbing/annoying anyone. If Pal says "Ugh, I hate this song, turn it." then Buddy has to turn it and vice versa.  The radio is only guaranteed to be off during study sessions when I need to concentrate.

We listen to audiobooks or the radio a lot.

 

 

[a27mom]

Well, I don't have an older like yours, so take this for what it is worth. But I think of "boundaries" instead of limits, or "concepts" instead of rules. My girls have no set limit about that type of thing unless the limit makes sense. For example, no electronics at family dinner, no individual electronic use when friends are over. If you have been sitting for 2 hours doing nothing but a screen and you are not ill or injured, I am probably going to tell you get up and do something active because it is not healthy for your body to be inert that long. If you whine when I tell you, then you obviously have become too attached and a hiatus (rest of day, rest of day and next day depending on situation) is necessary. If you look at or do something harmful consequences will follow.

 

I try to only intervene in "free time" activities when there is a reason. This is how my parents generally raised us. I remember being really frustrated when a rule was imposed "just because". Blessedly most of the time my parents made us follow, what I as a teenager called, "concepts", not rules. Of course I did understand that if I failed to grasp the "concept" then an arbitrary rule might have to be temporarily imposed.

 

So far this seems to work with my kids even at their young age. Of course when they are older they may disagree, and say they got so tired of my mom explaining why to me ;)

[Shellydon]

We strongly encourage outside and creative play for our kids and believe that a significant use electronics or TV time to be neurologically damaging-- keeping that in mind we allow 30 minutes of electronics play per day and 45 minutes of TV during the week.  No electronics at all on the weekends unless the weather is just awful (rare for us).  

If I have a child that is complaining a lot, they lose all electronic privileges.  I find that the more they play, the more they want to play to the point of obsession.

[alisoncooks]

We are not strict re: screen time, but I can sort of understand your frustration.  

 

My oldest is currently obsessed with Dreamworks School of Dragons role-playing and whines when it's time to stop.  (I don't particularly blame her.  It's a role-play game, where the story line is continuous from day to day.  I'm sure it's like stopping a movie or book in the middle of a chapter!)   We don't have issues with sneaking b/c we just have the one iPad on which she plays.

 

My kids get free play on the computer/iPad 2x a day (for approx. 15-20 min each).  Other than that, I don't particularly regulate screen times; we do watch t.v. over breakfast and after school work is finished.  They aren't glued to the screen; they also play outdoors, play with toys/Legos/puzzles/etc.  

 

ETA:  Neither of my children are strong readers, yet.  I do hope that once they can read independently, they'll turn to books for entertainment...

[srs]

We have had a no screens in the morning for anyone rule for years. It helps keep me focused too.

[AmandaVT]

DS is fine self regulating with TV shows and will watch a cartoon (usually PBS) in the morning before I wake up. He can watch another in the afternoon, so probably an hour a day total of TV. Some days less if I wake up early. 

 

Games and Apps are another story though and we finally just said no computer time until he's a little older and can regulate himself better. He can use e-mail whenever he wants though on my laptop. He likes to e-mail both my mom and dad. And if he has questions about something he is free to look them up - last week he was asking me how much rabbits sleep and whether or not they are nocturnal, so he googled it. 

[Tracy]

Mine get an hour of screen time per day.  I have one dc who has addictive tendencies.  Usually they show up when I have been lenient about enforcing our screen time limits.  Generally all I have to do is start enforcing the limits, and the addictive/obsessive behavior disappears.  But if that doesn't work, then we spend a week practicing being without it.  I don't present this as a punishment.  I just say that we seem to have lost the ability to think about all the other wonderful things to do in this world, and we need to practice doing that for a while.  Fortunately he has a sister who is really good at thinking up things to do and is all too happy to pull him into her world.  It would be a lot more challenging if I were the one helping him think up things to do.  

[Piper]

My dc are still young, but generally if they whine about having to turn something off, they don't get to have it again for (x) period of time.  My sister, who has two tech-savvy teenage boys, makes her boys earn their screen time with exercise/outside time.  It's an hour-for-hour system, I believe.  It seems to work pretty well for her. 

[llifeon18wheels]

I'm an earn-it kind of teacher too.

 

My daughter actually suggested a points system and I perfected it. She gets any points over 75 on her math grades and they add up to equal incremental times on her iPhone (not an actual phone). We aren't at home so she doesn't have computer time yet (read profile). So she may do 4 exercises (lessons) uses and get a 90, 80, 85, and 75. We add them up and she gets 30 minutes for every 50 points. It's probably confusing but for now we get it.

 

I'm glad she came up with an idea because it gives her more responsibility. She loves it that I'm using one of her ideas.

[DoppeltGemoppelt]

We have the same rules here for my twin boys, no screen time during the week and one hour Friday, Saturday, and Sunday respectively. Do they obsess over it? Yes! Do they whine when they have to turn it off? Yes! Has it gotten better over time? Yes! The longer whatever rule you are trying to enforce is in effect, the more likely your children will learn to cope with it. My boys barely ever ask during the week anymore. On screen days they are not allowed to ask until after 5pm, otherwise they will have to do a chore.

 

All this works pretty ok for the 6-year olds. My Stepson(15) however does not have any restrictions when it comes to screentime. My husband does not believe in setting limits, as this will (in his opinion) just feed the obsession. So my DSS chooses to spend his ENTIRE free time in front of screens. He does not go outside in the summer at all, even though he used to love going swimming. He does not spend time with us and no matter where we go, he chooses to stay home. He plays all night and then sleeps away the entire day. During car rides he plays with portable devices at all times. This results in him not even knowing how to get home if I were to drop him off two streets away from us. I could go on and on, but the negative side effects of unlimited screentime seem to be apparent. Don't get me wrong, my DSS is without a doubt a wonderful, well mannered, very intelligent young man. I do not believe however, that most children and teenagers have enough self control to regulate their time spent in front of a screen. In my opinion, video games especially are highly addictive. You are doing the right thing by setting healthy limits.

[DaWill]

We've adopted a "free time" policy. As long as my boys have done all of their schoolwork, chores, and extra curriculars they are free to spend their downtime however they see fit within reason.

 

In my experience if you let them make the decision when to play it becomes less of an obsession, but maybe I've just had good luck.

[lots of little ducklings]

When children disrespect us for setting limits, increasing the limits never increases respect. Disrespect should decrease the limits you set, not increase them.

 

And they will NOT get it out of their system.

 

Brain development is different, depending on what a child is exposed to. You are building brains right now. It is critical that you provide the stimulus to the areas of the brain you think the child will be using as an adult. Some computer time is good, but too much will create a brain more dependent on computers, as the other areas of the brain did not develop as well as possible.

 

Children need to be listening and reading text. They need to be drawing and listening to music. They need to be running and jumping. It's critical to their brain development.

 

They also need to have their mental health watched over. Movement and time spent outside increase mental health. Also rhythms in the home and in nature. Spiritual activities are important, too.

This. This. This. This. This.

[Jennifer N.]

I am one who sets limits on screen time etc.  Just so you know my perspective FWIW.  And I do think my oldest would get addicted to computer/video games to the exclusion of other activities that are more enriching for him and more relaxing.  He comes off of computer game time pretty hyped up and has a hard time relaxing afterwards (games not school).

 

We are doing a virtual academy this year (4th grade) and some of the work is online.  We had a real problem at the beginning of the year with him sneaking off to Boy's Life or Amazon (to check on Legoes) when he should be doing online work.  We got a new Dell last summer in prep for the virtual academy but I am sure older computers have this feature too.  It took me an afternoon to figure out how to work this but what I did was set myself up as administrator on our computer and I set up a separate school log in for him, I guess it's the Windows log in you get when you turn on your computer.  On his log in, I have restricted the websites he can visit.  All school related.  You can do this as an administrator.  You can also limit the time they can spend on the login.  I have not used that feature yet since I want him to have access to his online school all day.  But you can set up a separate login that only goes to certain websites and logs off after a set time (I think 15m increments).

 

I researched buying a program that does this for you, I guess you can call it electronic babysitting, and then I found out this feature is free with your Microsoft software (whatever came installed on my Dell).

 

Just by limiting the websites he could visit during the school day, amazingly it helped his self control in other computer related areas.  We have had very few issues with him visiting non-school related websites during the day even now when I forget and leave my login up.  Oh and you can set that up to time out too.  That was really important in the beginning because my husband checks email in the morning and forgets to log off.  I set it up to log off automatically within a certain amount of time and my son only has the password to the school login.