Night Elf Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 My son needs some social interaction. A friend would be nice. Someone to share his interests. Someone to play video games with. We have no social outlets. He takes one outside homeschool class but doesn't interact with the other kids who all know each other from having so many classes together. We used to belong to a teen Aspergers group but the leader near us dropped out and several of the teen guys he liked stopped going to meetings. The meetings are now held over an hour away. The parents tried helping the teens contact one another outside the monthly meeting but no one seemed interested in doing email or facebook. I've looked on meetup for video game meetups but only found a couple with pictures of adults. I would rather my son have peers, someone at least in the teens range, 13 - 19 or something. What would you do? Or does anyone have kids who play online games using PS3 or Xbox, or Minecraft? He says he wouldn't feel comfortable meeting someone online for games but I told him if all they did was talk games at least he would have someone to play with. I just don't know how else to help him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 My ds who is 15yo plays video games online with other teens from all over the world. He would love to include your ds. He could talk video gaming for hours! :). PM me and I will give contact info. ETA: he LOVES minecraft and plays online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Personally, I'd avoid online gaming because of the unknowns. Could you ask him if he'd like to invite (or have you invite) a friend over to try a new game (or play an old one)? Just call, not facebook or email. Maybe two or three at a time? Could it be like a new "gaming club" with the same Aspie group but meeting at your home? You could market it by just talking it up as another social time with that focus. ETA Ah, now Heather's kid, I would trust. :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Is there a homeschool teen group in your state, not for Aspies? You may still find Aspies there, but you may also find non-Aspies who have similar interests... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 Personally, I'd avoid online gaming because of the unknowns. Could you ask him if he'd like to invite (or have you invite) a friend over to try a new game (or play an old one)? Just call, not facebook or email. Maybe two or three at a time? Could it be like a new "gaming club" with the same Aspie group but meeting at your home? You could market it by just talking it up as another social time with that focus. ETA Ah, now Heather's kid, I would trust. :laugh: We don't have anyone to call. I wish we did because we would definitely go that route. His Aspie group has become more of a young adult group than teen group now. It used to be all teens from ages 13 to 19, but the majority of guys in there now are in their 20s. And they all live so far away. I tried suggesting a meetup near me but no one was interested. I'm waiting to see what someone else suggests and just make the drive because I think it would be good for him to meet these people. it's hard for me too because I sit with the other parents and have to make small talk. i'm no better at it than he is! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 Is there a homeschool teen group in your state, not for Aspies? You may still find Aspies there, but you may also find non-Aspies who have similar interests... I checked on Meetup and there are some just too far away. One sounds perfect but their age range is 11 to 16. My son is 17.5. The problem he'll enounter is that homeschool group teens probably stop at age 18 because they either go to college or go to work. The Aspie group he's in is for teens and young adults, so the age range is perfect for him. I'm going to post on it and see if there are any people interested in online gaming. Or really it would be better for my son to post. I'm trying to push him out of his comfort zone and it's not easy. He's an introvert who has such a specialized area of interest, all things video game related, that he has never connected with anyone once he got past age 12. He had a best friend until then who also liked games, but his mom just stopped wanting to hang out with us. So we both lost our best friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I think in Community College he will start meeting people his own age. Is he going to be attending soon? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I'd avoid anything online in favor of getting out of the house and doing something. I'm teaching my kids to ski this winter, lots of social interaction and good exercise (this is a stretch for me, as I am a novice myself). Try to think of things outside of your comfort zone that would get you around other kids. Art, music, horseback riding, lego, museum volunteering? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Ds doesn't play online with his Xbox much, his subscription ran out and he doesn't want to renew it. Has he looked at Kerbal Space Program, it can used for younger kids too, but ds plays.. I'm not sure how much of a group aspect there is to that game. Ds recently took up Magic The Gathering cards again, like in the last few weeks. He's teaching me to play and we found a store that does tournaments. has/does/would you son play that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 my ds plays xbox and minecraft online---would always welcome a new "buddy"---he's an aspie too..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Ds recently took up Magic The Gathering cards again, like in the last few weeks. He's teaching me to play and we found a store that does tournaments. has/does/would you son play that? I agree with EL about Magic. My son plays Magic, too. He met people at college who play. He has fraternity brothers who play. Even his girlfriend plays. There is a shop in Alpharetta or Milton or Roswell (I can't figure out where one ends and the next begins, and I can't remember where the op is either) that is a Magic hang out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 My son still has over a year to go before college, maybe even longer depending on how quickly he works through his remaining classes. He likes a few tabletop games but I don't know anything about stores that have gaming. I would think he needs to be quite proficient in a game to handle playing with an experienced group. We don't play them so much and still have to read through the rules everytime we play. Of course I think a real life relationship would be better. We've been down that path with no luck. I am trying though. I might have to create my own meetup group. I hate that our teen Aspie group centers all their activities so far away from us. But the person organizing the meetup gets to choose the location and they naturally choose to stick around their own city. I did try organizing a pizza day near my house but not a single person responded. We don't have any physical interests. We don't do sports, hiking, biking, etc. In fact, my son has a fear of flying bugs so even walking on our greenway stresses him out. There are always some bees and dragonflies around. Anyway, I've run through all the possibilities I can think of more than once. Afterall, we've had this problem for 5 years. It really comes and goes. He goes for a long time feeling fine just being with us (parents and sisters). But every once in a while he wishes he had a friend who had the same interests. He doesn't connect with people who have different interests. That's very common in people with Aspergers. He's a very logical person and talking about uninteresting things simply doesn't make sense to him. He's learned how to do small talk, but not in depth discussions on topics he has no feelings for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Can he not at least start dual enrollment with one or two cc classes? He doesn't need to be proficient in a game to start playing a tabletop game at a gaming store. Many game stores have Friday night magic or D&D nights, etc. They are very used to walking beginners through the process in those groups, that is their whole purpose. How about getting him (or the two of you or the whole family) involved in a service organization? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 How about getting him (or the two of you or the whole family) involved in a service organization? My thoughts were along these lines. TheLocal Humane Society would be a good place to start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I feel for you both; I imagine there's nothing here to suggest that you haven't already thought of - and that must feel incredibly frustrating. :grouphug: I know you mentioned the online gaming ... does he poke around YouTube at all? It might start with videos of the games he likes, or whatever, but in the course of that he may come to "know" some people well enough that he can start communicating with them. That might be through online gaming, or YouTube videos or emails or whatever, but it may give him some feeling of control over it - like he's getting to know these people before leaping into a potential friendship. It might be easier for him to "get to know" people through their past videos and/or comments to videos. I suppose any number of Yahoo groups or online forums may fit the bill also; he can lurk or post minimally while he gets a feel for things, and then have an idea of who he'd like to approach one-on-one, or small group-wise. It can be a group dedicated to whatever games he likes, but my nephew has the most fun in a debate group. He engages in discussions he wishes to, and scrolls past those he doesn't; he skypes and emails people he's met through there, too. You may even see if you can start one for the target group you're looking for - you have to know you're not alone in wanting something like that. I bet there are groups out there that will be online versions of what you used to have IRL. :) I know some are leery of these kind of social interactions, and surely there are precautions to take, but they sound like one way your son might be comfortable to start a friendship. That's all I have, though. I hope you're able to figure something out for the guy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Can he not at least start dual enrollment with one or two cc classes? He doesn't need to be proficient in a game to start playing a tabletop game at a gaming store. Many game stores have Friday night magic or D&D nights, etc. They are very used to walking beginners through the process in those groups, that is their whole purpose. How about getting him (or the two of you or the whole family) involved in a service organization? For anyone interested in what Magic is, here are some videos ds had me watch to help explain it. there are several in the series. I agree with the above, the cards shops we've encountered are low key and attract all ages. Ds started playing in the stores when he was about 12. He's just now getting back into it since we moved. In fact I told him when we went to card store, "we have found your people". He just grinned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Does your library have teen groups and events? My son met a lot of kids when he was around 16 at the library, participating in a Yugioh club, chess club, and a tabletop gaming club. He also went to local card shops and comic shops for Yugioh, Magic the Gathering, and Dungeons & Dragons groups and met people that way. Yugioh and Magic has also helped ds make connections at college, a lot of kids play those games. Once he had a job, he made a lot of friends there too. And then at community college classes also. So basically, I'm echoing some ideas the other ladies mentioned that worked for us also. You can google for local comic shops and card shops. My younger kids have gone to Yugioh tournaments at comic/card shops, my dh went along to make sure all was appropriate and just hung out while the kids did their thing. He said that all the kids and young adults were polite and friendly, maybe a little bit of bad language, nothing over the top, but ymmv. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Does your son want to socialize, or you think he needs to? If you are an introvert, he's likely too. Plus being an aspie, as you said, he doesn't like to socialize unless there's a common interest. He'll find "his people" eventually, but unless he was unhappy right now, I don't think this quest for socialization can be successful. You say you don't have many outside interests, so you are not exactly modeling socialization for him either. What about finding an activity that you both enjoy, or he enjoys, and just doing it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Personally, I'd avoid online gaming because of the unknowns. Could you ask him if he'd like to invite (or have you invite) a friend over to try a new game (or play an old one)? Just call, not facebook or email. Maybe two or three at a time? Could it be like a new "gaming club" with the same Aspie group but meeting at your home? You could market it by just talking it up as another social time with that focus. ETA Ah, now Heather's kid, I would trust. :laugh: We're talking about a 17 year old thought right? I allow my 13 year old some online and/or skype gaming. He does it in the center of the house and we can hear what's going on at all times. He games with people with know personally for the most part. I'm all for allowing kids to try these things with adult guidance because once they're out of the house, there will be no adult guidance. I want my kid to be hearing my voice in his head! :) I do also agree with finding a kid this age a physical outlet that works for him. My 13 year old LOVES gaming but I certainly don't allow hours of it daily or in lieu of finding face to face relationships or getting some physical movement. But it's been a fun way to stay connected with kids he doesn't get to see all the time. I like the idea of finding a board game group or meet up as well. I would just make an effort to get out and try 3-4 things a month. If they click, great. If they don't, move on. If you don't try, nothing is going to change. If he's able, a cc class in an area of interest could be a good outlet too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 There is a dual enrollment option for college in Georgia. We are going to a meeting later this month to get more information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 :grouphug: I wish our sons could get to know each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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