SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Growing up with my sister's kids I knew that boys had spells where they went through phases where they didn't bathe for a couple of days when they were little.....ok can handle that....my son is 11....ahdd,Asperger's,anxiety issues,food sensory issues......he would go WEEKS without taking a bath if I would let him.....I mean seriously....he says when he gets in the tub/shower that it feels like there is pressure in his head and he's going to faint--or that taking a bath makes him feel bad......He has always had issues with disliking having his hair washed because he doesn't like getting water on his face....so I let him hold a dry cloth over his face while I wash/rinse his hair **I've tried letting him do it himself and he either just uses water or doesn't get all of the shampoo out,so that's why I usually come in and help him wash his hair.....Anyone deal with issues like these? Any ideas? I've tried playing the germ card since he can be kind of a germ-aphobe (go figure right! a germaphobe who doesn't bathe LOL) and have had health talks with him-nothing gets through...just ranting a little I guess....this past week or so has been pretty rough with him..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 We survived it by my being totally unwilling to budge on the issue and through setting up a never-changing routine. Every single morning, DS had to get in the shower immediately after getting out of bed, then dress in clean clothes (I would take away his old ones each night to the laundry), and then could eat breakfast. No shower meant no food and no electronics either. Absolutely no variation in routine or we had to start all over getting the ritual in place again. Coming down with his hair still dirty meant being sent BACK to wash it and that was a fate worse than death. By high school, we had the routine in place firmly enough that I generally didn't have to do inspections every morning. Though given his choice, he still would prefer to shower once a week. Or less. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tmhearn Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 I have some reluctant bathers at my house. ;-) They will take a "shower bath" with toys, though. The will run a shower and plug the bath at the same time. Then they sit down and play. The running shower gets them wet. I hardly ever wash my boy's hair. Do you know that some people really don't shampoo their hair? Have you thought about cutting back on hair washing? My kids still play with toys, so I let them bring stuff in the tub that is plastic like figurines, etc. Does he still play with anything like that? We have had a basketball goal that sticks to the bathtub wall. What about something like that to entice him in the tub? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 When my aspie was going through this, we buzzed his hair because he didn't want me in there with him, and we made showers/ washing up part of his daily check list. Even now as a 14 yo, I have compromised on every other day, alternating with washing his face on his daily checklist. He doesn't eat lunch until the boxes are checked, and food is a big motivator. When he was small, it took both my dh and I to hold him in the tub to get him bathed and he screamed through the whole process. We didn't know any better at the time (first child, young parents living far from family, no experience with autism) but we got through it. He is still adverse to showers, but will swim in the local pool and even go under water (now that he is 14, I think he was 12 before he ever put his face in the water. All of this to say, what if you make a compromise on how many days a week, find a motivator (getting done before you can eat) and buzz his hair short to minimize the washing/rinsing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 BTDT I bet it's real unpleasant to be in the car with the smell too. It was hard. I posted on here when we were at the height of the problem and many posters pounded on me like I was the problem and a terrible parent. I don't think a person can understand unless they actually live with a kid like this. :grouphug: It took a few years. We with held things he wanted that involved leaving the house--that was a punishment on us and siblings too sometimes. He was involved in music at 13-14 and I started getting phone calls about drum teachers refusing to be in the room with him. I told the music school to tell ds directly he couldn't do his lesson because he smelled. Yes, that was embarrassing. I tried so many other things. So, he started showering the day before lessons (he had private and group lessons on different days). They also requested he change his shirt and put on new deodorant right before lessons. So, he was embarrassed, but he respected the music teachers enough that he did it for them. He did begin showering more frequently and when requested a year or so after the music school incident. I don't know what to tell you specifically. You need to build a strategy around something that is really motivating to your ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 23, 2014 Author Share Posted January 23, 2014 yea I'm having other issues with him too lately and I just can't take it anymore-we're going to sit down and talk and start a schedule and stick to it come hell or high water LOL.....at least I can laugh about it.....but UGGGGGG.......thanks for all the input..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 My kid just has an aversion to having clean hair. Can't, for the life of me, figure out why. He's had a high and tight since his very first haircut and I see no end in sight. :) It's harder to get super funky when it's that short. Not impossible, mind you, but definitely harder! So I second or third that idea. Also, I don't remember Betty's thread but I can see how it would've gone down the way she explained. :( I think it's true of many issues, that many people won't know until they've been through it themselves. For that reason, I really appreciate how she handled the issue. She didn't try to protect her son - she respectfully let him know what the issue was, how others were reacting to it, and how her son could fix it. Some kids just need to experience those kind of social consequences for something to hit home. I also see value in the routine that others have suggested - this does seem like a hill worth fighting for. And I think you can do that within a compromise - your minimal requirements for hygiene, his maximum effort to meet those. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer132 Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 My kiddo with HFA is almost 9. We do have a routine--bath every day before we start school. And we also buzz his hair because it's much lower maintenance that way. He hates hair cuts so we buzz it really short so we don't have to do it often. And since it's buzzed we never have to torture him with combing it. I think the part he hates is getting out into the cold air after showering. So he literally gets dressed in the shower, lol. He puts his clothes right by the shower door and dries off in there and then brings his clothes in and dresses in the shower. :) kids are so funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 We motivate my one boy. He takes piano and REALLY likes his piano teacher -- a former homeschool teen now in college -- so I tell him that his teacher will really appreciate it if he smells good, his nails are trimmed/clean etc. So the morning of practice I get an awesome bath out of him and I trim his nails (quickly). He's 10. I guess I'm just suggesting that you find a motivating influence. Good luck -- I feel your pain. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 We have a son with autism who also was seemingly born with an extreme fear of water. We did a few things in anticipation of reaching the age where weekly baths would not longer be socially acceptable. We had his pediatrician discuss the importance of good hygiene with him. We set up a solid and predictable schedule. He's only 10 and not in the stinky sweaty phase so that is every other night for him, alternating nights with his brother. I also started having him do it all himself but he has to get the green light before draining the tub- we check his feet/ankles and head. We also got some lotion just for him since he doesn't like the dry skin feeling. The more often he does it, the less fear he has about it. He gets that he is learning a habit that will help him later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Would one of those shower wands help with the head pressure and fainting fear? Or, you might be able to adjust the current shower head to a very low stream of water that hits his body not his head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 .my son is 11....ahdd,Asperger's,anxiety issues,food sensory issues......he would go WEEKS without taking a bath if I would let him.....I mean seriously....he says when he gets in the tub/shower that it feels like there is pressure in his head and he's going to faint--or that taking a bath makes him feel bad...... Please be careful! My ds also has Asperger syndrome and I'm all too familiar with the water aversion thing, too. When he was younger and wanted me to wash his hair but then leave while he finished bathing I thought all was well. However, he would turn the faucet when I left the room to get hotter water. One day he got out of the tub and then called to me saying, "I'm blind!"...and thank goodness I got in there just in time to catch him as he fainted! He had made the bath much too hot. After that, I bought one of those baby items that looks like a rubber ducky to float in the tub but is also bath thermometer so he could get used to keeping the water a safe temperature. I would make sure this isn't happening with your son, too, if he's taking baths. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Do we have the same 11 year old boy? Mine would happily go for weeks without bathing if I didn't insist. He's boy #4 for me though and it seems to be a phase that they get over. I had one who would get into the shower and then stand in the back and not ever get wet! I had to go in and stand there to make him wash with soap and water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 Please be careful! My ds also has Asperger syndrome and I'm all too familiar with the water aversion thing, too. When he was younger and wanted me to wash his hair but then leave while he finished bathing I thought all was well. However, he would turn the faucet when I left the room to get hotter water. One day he got out of the tub and then called to me saying, "I'm blind!"...and thank goodness I got in there just in time to catch him as he fainted! He had made the bath much too hot. After that, I bought one of those baby items that looks like a rubber ducky to float in the tub but is also bath thermometer so he could get used to keeping the water a safe temperature. I would make sure this isn't happening with your son, too, if he's taking baths. He does add more warm or hot water I will definitely talk to him about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Today I threatened to get into the shower with ds12 with both of us in swimsuits so he could actually get scrubbed clean. He declined and went into the shower immediately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 My son was like this. If we let him he would have gone weeks without a shower. We eventually got him used to showering every other day, but it took quite a bit of effort. A few months ago he decided that he was going to shower every day. He does it now without any prompting from me at all. It's such a relief! I'm not sure what changed for him. I did point out some very specific things to him before he made the change, like showing him exactly how far away I could smell him from if he wasn't clean. Just saying that he smelled wasn't enough. Saying that the person standing two feet behind him in Subway could smell him made more of an impact. Now we are working on fingernails. He is very sensory defensive, and when his nails are cut he can barely unclench his hand. Once we clear one hurdle, there's always another to work on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 My son was like this. If we let him he would have gone weeks without a shower. We eventually got him used to showering every other day, but it took quite a bit of effort. A few months ago he decided that he was going to shower every day. He does it now without any prompting from me at all. It's such a relief! I'm not sure what changed for him. I did point out some very specific things to him before he made the change, like showing him exactly how far away I could smell him from if he wasn't clean. Just saying that he smelled wasn't enough. Saying that the person standing two feet behind him in Subway could smell him made more of an impact. Now we are working on fingernails. He is very sensory defensive, and when his nails are cut he can barely unclench his hand. Once we clear one hurdle, there's always another to work on! OMGOODNESS-my ds has that issue with his fingernails too-I always thought he was just making it difficult for me to trim them OY!!!!! Where is the instruction manual~!???? LOL yep it's always something else/new to deal with..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 ok well yesterday I buzzed his hair (been meaning to do it for a while but just been lazy).....I swear there was enough hair on the floor to make another dog LOL (kiddo liked that when I joked with him about that).....He got a bath-I gave him a quick soap over just to be sure when I came back in and washed his hair....going to talk to him today (now that dad's gone back to work after day off) about schedules and ask him if he wants me to make him a calendar....that will go along with our studies that I want him to get back into doing more of.....definitely going to talk to him about the "hot water" issue mentioned in one of the above posts-that definitely might have been what happened a few weeks ago with him....going to have to get one of those little temp ducks....he doesn't play with bath toys-only did when he was a baby but has recently been asking for something to do while in the tub so I guess I'll have to hit the toy aisle-he hasn't ever been a big "toy" kid-he's always been drawn to electronics so if a toy wasn't played with,it's been passed on quickly so we don't have any little cars or plastic figures......thanks for the tips/stories..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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