Ginevra Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 OH, yes. FB again. Cue collective eyeroll. My cousin found me on FB. We were not close growing up; I didn't interact much with that portion of the family. I almost deleted her request out-of-hand, because I didn't realize who it was until I noticed her location. Initially, I was excited. So nice to find out what one's up to when you haven't seen them in ages. I also connected to another cousin through seeing a comment on cousin's page and realizing who it was. So that was all great. But Cousin #1's posts - good grief. It's like Eeyore snatched her body. For starters, she's an Overposter. Every hour or two, she has another remark. Further, the "might as well go eat worms" type of talk is hard to stand. What do you do when someone is wallowing in inferiority? I know I could just "hide" or "ignore" her or whatever, but it seems so crass. It could be all her wallowing is truly a cry for love. And it's not without cause - she's been through some hard things and right now there is something going on that's worthy of unhappiness. I just don't know what to do with all these dreary remarks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in OR Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Very easy to block her posts from your feed. I did that with a few "Overposters," as you describe. Erica in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Well, I'd block her if her 'dreary remarks' elicit irritation. If she has something going on that is a just cause for unhappiness, then she probably doesn't need the 'buck up!' style of interaction. And if you think it's over the top - well, you guys don't have much to offer each other, kwim? Yeah. *sigh* I feel sorry for her. So I guess her posts are working. Things like, "I have concluded that there is no one who will love me. I guess I am just unloveable and I should accept that." Geez. I hate for anyone to feel such a way. Not that I can help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 I have a couple people who I've hidden from my news feed b/c they are irritating, but who I like well enough not to want to hurt their feelings. I just choose to click on their actual page every so often, and I comment or like on a few posts. I will often remember to do this when the particular person comments on one of MY posts, which reminds me to go play nice. That way, I control when I have to see their stuff, but I can still be friendly and supportive in a vague fb kind of way. If I *really* wanted to be supportive, I might simply message the person every so often and/or post something to their wall that is kind and friendly and/or funny. You can spend 10 minutes twice a month on their wall, share some cute cheer-inducing kitten video on their wall, like a few likable posts, offer empathy on a few woe-is-me posts, and there you've offered some support w/o having to wade through their over-posting on a daily basis. I simply look at this little time out of my life as a small bit of kindness, and I don't mind doing it at all, as I sincerely like these people (even though I don't want to wallow in their woe or wade through their posts on a daily basis.) HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRG Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 I have a friend like this. I believe her's is a cry for help or to have someone listen to her. I pick and choose what I reply to and I don't engage the 'poor is me'. Sometimes it's I'm sorry your day is rotten or sometimes I offer some solutions. I truly care that she is feeling down and I want her to know that she has been 'heard'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 I have a couple people who I've hidden from my news feed b/c they are irritating, but who I like well enough not to want to hurt their feelings. I just choose to click on their actual page every so often, and I comment or like on a few posts. I will often remember to do this when the particular person comments on one of MY posts, which reminds me to go play nice. That way, I control when I have to see their stuff, but I can still be friendly and supportive in a vague fb kind of way. If I *really* wanted to be supportive, I might simply message the person every so often and/or post something to their wall that is kind and friendly and/or funny. You can spend 10 minutes twice a month on their wall, share some cute cheer-inducing kitten video on their wall, like a few likable posts, offer empathy on a few woe-is-me posts, and there you've offered some support w/o having to wade through their over-posting on a daily basis. I simply look at this little time out of my life as a small bit of kindness, and I don't mind doing it at all, as I sincerely like these people (even though I don't want to wallow in their woe or wade through their posts on a daily basis.) HTH This is what I do. Just a word of warning: do not, I repeat, do not, start chatting with them. Because this is how you'll feel: :banghead: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 This is what I do. Just a word of warning: do not, I repeat, do not, start chatting with them. Because this is how you'll feel: :banghead: Ah! Good advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Yeah. *sigh* I feel sorry for her. So I guess her posts are working. Things like, "I have concluded that there is no one who will love me. I guess I am just unloveable and I should accept that." Geez. I hate for anyone to feel such a way. Not that I can help. 1. The proper snarky internet response is to reply by correcting her spelling. 2. The typical internet response is brief, vague words of encouragement. "You're beautiful my friend, hang in there!" 3. The compassionate response is to privately message her that you're always a phone call away and you're happy to have coffee with her whenever to chat. Me, I read that stuff in the same tone as "I think this makes my butt look big, don't you?" -- fishing for compliments. But honestly we're all just trying to get through the day and connect with each other. So I split the different & opt for response #2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Yeah. *sigh* I feel sorry for her. So I guess her posts are working. Things like, "I have concluded that there is no one who will love me. I guess I am just unloveable and I should accept that." Geez. I hate for anyone to feel such a way. Not that I can help. Does she truly feel unloved or is she a narcissistic drama queen looking for attention? Until you figure that out, it's hard to know what you should do. But if she's a drama queen, be careful about engaging her in conversation because she will suck the life and energy right out of you. No amount of support and sympathy will ever be enough, and eventually you'll be 5 minutes late in responding to her and she will claim that you are just like everyone else and you don't love her, either. Be careful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Does she truly feel unloved or is she a narcissistic drama queen looking for attention? Until you figure that out, it's hard to know what you should do. But if she's a drama queen, be careful about engaging her in conversation because she will suck the life and energy right out of you. No amount of support and sympathy will ever be enough, and eventually you'll be 5 minutes late in responding to her and she will claim that you are just like everyone else and you don't love her, either. Be careful. True. I really don't know, because I haven't seen her in person in a very long time, not enough to really know her personality. But I do think she feels inferior. Maybe doesn't know how to make real friends, just fishes for a facsimile. You are right, though. I've been "friends" with someone like that before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Yeah. *sigh* I feel sorry for her. So I guess her posts are working. Things like, "I have concluded that there is no one who will love me. I guess I am just unloveable and I should accept that." Geez. I hate for anyone to feel such a way. Not that I can help. I dunno. I vote for drama queen based on that remark. I think someone who truly feels unlovable doesn't actually SAY that. There's lots of times when I feel lonely & sad - but I'm not about to post something like that to the public. I wouldn't want pity-friendship... kwim?? Sounds to me like she's looking for attention. She may have an annoying personality so this is how she makes others feel guilty for not really liking her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Yeah. *sigh* I feel sorry for her. So I guess her posts are working. Things like, "I have concluded that there is no one who will love me. I guess I am just unloveable and I should accept that." Geez. I hate for anyone to feel such a way. Not that I can help. I don't mean to be cold, but I have no patience for this sort of thing. If a person needs that much attention, they should seek therapy. It's completely inappropriate (in my opinion, so yours of course may vary) for someone to post things like that in a public place, even one limited to friends and family. Seriously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Since she knows what it feels like to be unloved, perhaps she could do some volunteer work and expend some of HER love on people who perhaps need it. Then she could get a positive cycle going instead of wallowing in a negative one. If she were truly looking for advice, that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I have a close relative who is a total eeyore. He's not even bad off health or money wise. He's just eeyore. I think A.A. Milne foresaw his birth when the character Eeyore was created. I wish I were joking. I often ignore friend requests or feeds. I also have my settings locked down so that you can't find me unless you are a friend of a friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I think nothing you can say will make her change. When someone is like that only they can change themselves. So I would figure out how much you can tolerate and ignore the rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Seriously, friends. This is increasing in it's bizarreness. There are suicide-type sentiments on her wall today. Multiple ones. It's pretty freakin disturbing. I already made a cheery comment about Christmas cookies that totally ignored her actual content, along the lines of, "When I don't have time to make Christmas cookies, I buy some and put them on a Christmas plate, tricking myself into thinking I actually did that!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I'd take a minute to see if she was posting the same kind of stuff last Christmas. "When I don't have time to make Christmas cookies, I buy some and put them on a Christmas plate, tricking myself into thinking I actually did that!" That sounds like something right out of The Little Book of Calm: "Add a drop of lavender to milk. Leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it." (via Black Books, though I also have a copy kicking around) ETA: Here's the real quotes... it's likely most people haven't seen Black Books :) Add a drop of lavender to your bath and soon, you'll soak yourself calm. When you’re feeling under pressure, do something different. Roll up your sleeves, or eat and orange. Be on the look out for things that make you laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 If a family member was making posts like that I would be contacting them privately first and if I was still concerned about where their head was at I would call the authorities to do a wellness check on her. She may already have the disposition that the world is a horrible, no good, rotten place to live but something seems to be tipping her over that and into darker waters. I would not chalk up suicidal type comments to being an eeyore. I am raising an eeyore but that is a far cry from suicidal comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I wouldn't want pity-friendship... kwim?? I agree. If she were a more positive person, maybe she would have more happier relationships (and would be more loveable) - sorry about being snarky. I have a thing against people who take to FB and spend a lot of their free time to talk about their feelings constantly. I got out of FB and told friends and family to email me instead and never regretted it. You can look up her past posts to see if the tone has suddenly changed to suicidal or if she has always done this kind of thing. I am guessing that she uses FB to vent constantly and has always been consistent in her negativity ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 If a family member was making posts like that I would be contacting them privately first and if I was still concerned about where their head was at I would call the authorities to do a wellness check on her. She may already have the disposition that the world is a horrible, no good, rotten place to live but something seems to be tipping her over that and into darker waters. I would not chalk up suicidal type comments to being an eeyore. I am raising an eeyore but that is a far cry from suicidal comments. I'm going to take the advice to look at her back-posts and see if this is an on-going violin she plays or this is new. I'm tending to think it's an on-going violin, though, because people aren't touching some of her posts, but there are "likes" on some of the others (so obviously, somebody does see them besides me). I'm guessing folks who've been her friend for a long while don't touch her posts because they are saying, "There she goes again..." I agree. If she were a more positive person, maybe she would have more happier relationships (and would be more loveable) - sorry about being snarky. I have a thing against people who take to FB and spend a lot of their free time to talk about their feelings constantly. I got out of FB and told friends and family to email me instead and never regretted it. You can look up her past posts to see if the tone has suddenly changed to suicidal or if she has always done this kind of thing. I am guessing that she uses FB to vent constantly and has always been consistent in her negativity ... I don't even feel that is snarky. I agree. I'm not too far from suggesting something in a witty way, i.e., "I find my Christmas cookies taste best with a little Xanex on the side!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I do think she needs therapy, like I said previously. I'm not even doubting that she may be feeling unloved. But it sounds to me like a mix of drama queen with perhaps some true depression, neither of which justify you (or anyone else) getting sucked in. She needs to be responsible enough to go seek help. If you feel badly about ignoring what may actually be a true call for help you may want to PM her and say "hey, look, it seems like you're having a rough time, and I'd strongly encourage you to seek out a therapist, or see your doctor about medication, but posting like this here isn't going to offer any solutions for you." Speaking from personal experience, and it seems as if you already know this anyway, if you take her bait you run the risk of getting sucked straight in. Then before you know it, she'll be out of this phase and in a better place, while you'll still be the one stuck holding the bag, wondering if she's going to get help, and wondering if she's going to be ok. It's emotional blackmail when people do this, and it's unhealthy to get involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 My particular eeyore/debbie downer never mentions self harm or suicide. I would be cautious and avoid being overly involved with a distant person but I wouldn't write off suicide mentions as drama. I have a former co-worker who posted on FB about suicide and then he did, in fact, commit suicide that night. This was before I was even on Facebook. A mutual friend was frantic about it but most people assumed it was part and parcel with his very dark sense of humor. He was not someone people would have thought an eeyore, in fact most of the time he excessively upbeat for his level of depression. While Facebook is not at fault, I think that the platform encourages a false sense of social connection and can be really fraught for those searching for some sense of belonging and connection. It can also make very inappropriate comments seem more acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Seriously, friends. This is increasing in it's bizarreness. There are suicide-type sentiments on her wall today. Multiple ones. It's pretty freakin disturbing. I already made a cheery comment about Christmas cookies that totally ignored her actual content, along the lines of, "When I don't have time to make Christmas cookies, I buy some and put them on a Christmas plate, tricking myself into thinking I actually did that!" Whoa. Do you have a number of a close family member of hers you could call? Suicide sentiments would scare me. If she's doing this for attention, no way would I stick around with her as a FB friend, but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing nothing without knowing for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Whoa. Do you have a number of a close family member of hers you could call? Suicide sentiments would scare me. If she's doing this for attention, no way would I stick around with her as a FB friend, but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing nothing without knowing for sure. No. I could get my aunt's number from my mother if I wanted to pursue it. Her daughter (who is grown) is on FB; so is her brother and other family members. I see their comments to some of her "downer" remarks (none of the more disturbing ones today), so I assume they would all be seeing these remarks of hers. Two were poems, like "Roses are red..." type with "would anyone care if I were gone" type rhymes worked in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I also have my settings locked down so that you can't find me unless you are a friend of a friend. Just FYI, Facebook recently changed things so that everyone is searchable in the directory 😕 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Just FYI, Facebook recently changed things so that everyone is searchable in the directory 😕 But no one can send me a friend request unless I go out of my way to change my settings (and change them back). I have some crackpot relatives. Trust me, I stay on top of the ever changing Facebook settings deal. I even closed my old account and started over with a much smaller group of people who I actually want to "see" on Facebook. If the settings change too much, I may just get off the whole shebang. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I have a couple people who I've hidden from my news feed b/c they are irritating, but who I like well enough not to want to hurt their feelings. I just choose to click on their actual page every so often, and I comment or like on a few posts. I will often remember to do this when the particular person comments on one of MY posts, which reminds me to go play nice. That way, I control when I have to see their stuff, but I can still be friendly and supportive in a vague fb kind of way. If I *really* wanted to be supportive, I might simply message the person every so often and/or post something to their wall that is kind and friendly and/or funny. You can spend 10 minutes twice a month on their wall, share some cute cheer-inducing kitten video on their wall, like a few likable posts, offer empathy on a few woe-is-me posts, and there you've offered some support w/o having to wade through their over-posting on a daily basis. I simply look at this little time out of my life as a small bit of kindness, and I don't mind doing it at all, as I sincerely like these people (even though I don't want to wallow in their woe or wade through their posts on a daily basis.) HTH This. I have one or two of these people among my FB friends, as well as one or two "Look how great I am!" people and one or two "The world is going to h3ll!" people. I hide them all, and I just remember to check in on them occasionally and like some posts and make a few comments and see how they're doing. I want to be connected to these people, but I don't want their thoughts in my head all day long! This makes FB livable for me. I still hate it, but I've come to terms with the fact that it's a necessary evil (for me, at least). I should probably post that on the Unpopular Opinions thread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I even closed my old account and started over with a much smaller group of people who I actually want to "see" on Facebook. If the settings change too much, I may just get off the whole shebang. Ooohhh, that is SO tempting! My main reason for being on FB is that so many things get planned there now, especially among my HSing friends, I'll really be cut off if I'm not there. I could do that and then just reconnect with the most important people. It would cut down on my online time too. Thanks for the idea, I'll have to give it some more thought! *insert evil laugh here* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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