A friend discloses "confidential" info...do you still tell your spouse?

[Kris]

Most of the stuff people tell me, he wouldn't be interested in anyway.

 

I wouldn't deliberately keep something like that from him. If I didn't tell him, it would most likely be that I just didn't think of it at the time -- not because I decided not to say anything. We're a team -- and he is my *best* friend, which trumps any others -- and the only way that works is if he knows what I know, and vice versa.

[HRAAB]

Depends. I would ask the person if it included dh. If she/he didn't want my dh to know, I might advise them not to tell me. He's my other self. I just don't think I could keep things from him, but if it was a 'life and death' type thing, I would honor that.

 

Janet

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

If it is 3rd party stuff, I tell dh and I know he will keep quiet. But if a friend tells me something in confidence about his/herself I don't. I also don't divulge confidential business matters, but I don't deal with that much anymore.

[Kari C in SC]

I tend to tell my dh everything. I will go out on a limb here and say that I also tell my mom just about everything. I know neither of them would repeat something and without them I would lose all my marbles!

[Rhonda in WA]

I've been known to stop people before they confide in me and tell them that they shouldn't tell me anything they don't want my dw to know. I've never actually had anyone not go on to tell me whatever-it-was. Anyone who knows my dw knows she would be the last person in the world to spread gossip.

 

ETA: One exception to this is that both of us have attended separate church retreats where confidentiality was requested, even about who was in the room (these were men's and women's retreats on s*xuality). We've respected those requests 100%.

 

I tell my dh everything! I hold nothing back. We have a very open line of communication. We are both able to talk about anything with each other and I would not want to know something that I could not share with him. I usually tell me friends the same thing as Drew.

[melmac]

If I say I won't tell anyone then I don't tell anyone.

 

It's a trust thing to me, I would expect it situations reversed.

[Tammyla]

My hubby comes first, always has. I'd never promise not to tell him. Like Drew and a few others, I've paused a conversation with the info, no one has ever stopped telling me something.

[Doran]

Something was bothering me last night about the OP, but I didn't say anything because I hadn't thought it all the way through. It's that the SO of the druggie told Doran's friend who in turn told Doran (and who knows who else). My though last night was what a horrible SO to be spreading this around when her SO needs help. This morning it occured to me that maybe the SO is telling people because she needs help and that's her way of asking for it. In which case, keeping the secret would only be hurting the situation. Of course, I'm not talking about spreading it around town, but I liked the idea of calling the SO to let her know that the news was spreading. I'd maybe offer some form of assitance and definitely my prayers.

 

 

The point of needing to talk with the SO is well taken, and I appreciated that message from PariSarah last night as well. While we aren't on a phone call kind of basis, we are friendly enough that I would not be afraid to bring this up with her by calling or when I next see her. I imagine SO is reaching out to some degree, - she's probably heart sick, too! - and I frankly think that reaching out was my friends' purpose in telling me. We understand each other to be deeply sensitive towards our mutual friends' needs. If ever there is a community that pulls together to help, it's the one we share here. So, even though it appears as just so much gossip (and, by some definitions, I guess it was), I don't take my friend's choice to tell me that news as strictly that. Already there is positive energy and prayer going out to this couple and the eight year old they parent. Hopefully we can help them get help sooner than later.

[Desert Rat]

Heck, I think it's a benefit of marriage to have a live-in sounding board. I tell my dh everything.

[Tap]

I tell friends that I share all secrets with dh. If they ask my not to, that is fine but I tell them that I can't always remember what is a 'no share' secret and what is a 'sharable' secret. I will try to remember, but sometimes, a year later I forget and tell him. I do warn people first though! :001_smile:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Dh is my sounding board and I am his. People know however that we share with each other. My dh often has requests for counseling and so do I. We both share things with each other (and the people being counseled know this). Sometimes we counsel someone together. We don't alway tell each other everything though. Some times I need to think about something privately for awhile, or sometimes it is so silly I don't feel like I need to pass it on. Dh has told me things after a week or two on occasion but it is usually because he thought he had mentioned it and just forgot to!

[angela in ohio]

Yes, if I know, dh knows. We're the same person. The only exception would be if it were truly gossip, and he wouldn't be interested.

 

:iagree:

[gardenschooler]

I tell my dh everything, but I also know he's not going to repeat it. I would want him to know something about a friend.

 

In my mind, spouses are exempt from the confidentiality rule. I also fully expect that anything I share with a friend will be shared with her dh.

[JFSinIL]

I would tell the person talking to me - even interrupt him/her if need be - that he/she does realize that I would discuss it with my spouse. Although I'd ask my spouse not to forward the info any farther.

[Jackie in AR]

I tell my dh everything, but I also know he's not going to repeat it. I would want him to know something about a friend.

 

In my mind, spouses are exempt from the confidentiality rule. I also fully expect that anything I share with a friend will be shared with her dh.

 

This describes me, too.

 

And I know that dh will be silent.

[Holly IN]

For me, it depends on what it is and the situation. If it is a very personal information I normally do not share such as a very intimate problem with a woman I do not tell. However everything else I do share if I feel it is appropraite. He prays for that person as I do too.

 

Holly