I am really struggling over ipad mini decision

[Elisabet1]

I wrote this post before and it got lost (lost internet connection when I tried to click on post). Short version...I ended up buying 2 ipad minis on a black Friday. I had not planned to give these at all. I have a 2 and a 4 yr old and the people from my birth club keeping talking about how much they love their ipad minis. And then it just happened that when I walked in the store, they still had them in stock. 

 

It will not work to give the ipads to the older one and not the younger one. The older is a delayed and the two do much together and much the same. It would lead to endless fighting and upset if I gave to one and not the other. I have considered giving myself one (I have no interest in one for myself) and then I can say it is mine, but they each can take a turn, that would work. 

 

But my big objection is that I would prefer if they spent more time playing with toys, art, etc. I already bought more toys. I also went to Hobby Lobby and selected a bunch of art supplies to add to our art closet. I feel like ever since the ipad we currently have (ipad 2) that the 4 yr old will not do anything but play with the ipad. I cannot even convince them to do art with me. 

 

On the other hand, having these available might be very nice for when we just need to get things done and are in public, it keeps them busy. Then again, back in the "olden days" we had puzzle books and such. My children refuse to look at my endless books I have for them!

 

Suggestions? Keep them? Return them? Keep 1?

 

 

[nmoira]

Just limit the times they're available: some outings, appointments with waiting rooms, what I call the "witching hour" when I'm making dinner and you probably don't want them engaging in messy art or the like. Then it's easier to say at other times, "No, it's not time for the screen; it's time to play."

[PeterPan]

What's a birth club?  Are you pregnant and that's making you sort of emotional about this?  You already said you don't want them on more and you already have an ipad.  If you give it to the kid, how are you able to control that?  My 5 yo does not have his own ipad, but he gets to use mine or dd's freely.  (They're both in Maroo cases to keep them safe and drop-proof.)  I thought about getting him his own ipad mini, but I want the air for the prices I was seeing for the original.  I'll just wait a year I guess.  For him, he takes it to bed, and it's not connected to the internet.  I can't even fathom the problems I'd have if it could connect to the internet, mercy.  He's listening to audiobooks on it right now, and that's what he does at bed too.  He gets bored when we watch tv in the evening, so we let him play games.  With no internet access, he has no ability to download anything I haven't given him.  Because the device is mine, not his, he doesn't have the sense that he's allowed to be on it all the time.

 

With what you've described, I'd buy yourself one and call it a family thing.  Then you have two to let the two kids use when you deign to.  They don't need to own them to use them, and ownership creates all kinds of complications.  

 

And as far as using it too much, well get back in control.  Put a password on the thing or put it up.  

 

Btw, don't put your craft supplies in a closet.  Not that closets are bad, lol, but some kids will just sit around and whine otherwise, forgetting all the cool things they could do.  I think it's an initiation issue.

[Hunter]

I'd return them. There is nothing like Black Friday to get us to buy things we don't need or even want.

[happypamama]

Even if you give them to the children, that doesn't mean they can have unlimited access to them.  You can still say, "No, we're not going to play iPad right now, but we can do X, Y, or Z."  I bought my children a Lego Star Wars video game last Christmas and gave it to them (they don't labor under any delusions that it's actually MY game), but just because it's theirs doesn't mean they get to play it whenever they want, for however long they want; I still control their access.  If you think the iPads could be useful at times with your children (and I do find that our iPad IS useful for the littles occasionally and in certain circumstances), then give them, but do keep passwords on them and do limit the times the children can use them.  Yeah, you might have to deal with some whining for a bit, but stand your ground and keep giving them other options for activities.

[Alte Veste Academy]

At my house, they would be gone. Yesterday. And we have an iPad, which the kids use. But for very little ones who won't even engage in art with Mommy?! Your children "refuse" to look at books?! What in the world? All electronics would be gone until they learned to enjoy "the real world" again, and then they would be let in only in moderation.

[Alte Veste Academy]

And as far as using it too much, well get back in control. Put a password on the thing or put it up.

 

Btw, don't put your craft supplies in a closet. Not that closets are bad, lol, but some kids will just sit around and whine otherwise, forgetting all the cool things they could do. I think it's an initiation issue.

:iagree: The pass code was the best thing to ever happen to the iPad. Also, electronics put away and toys, art supplies, etc. made easily accessible helps children make better choices.

[Mergath]

At my house, they would be gone. Yesterday. And we have an iPad, which the kids use. But for very little ones who won't even engage in art with Mommy?! Your children "refuse" to look at books?! What in the world? All electronics would be gone until they learned to enjoy "the real world" again, and then they would be let in only in moderation.

 

:iagree:  A four and a two year old will be just fine (and probably a good deal better off) without any fancy gadgets.  Return the ipad minis and get rid of the ipad 2.

[sunnyday]

I am a Luddite and a scrooge. An iPad mini would be a huge budget-buster as a gift, I can't imagine giving something so expensive and fragile to a toddler, and I don't really do screens to keep kids busy. So if you found that you didn't want or need them I'd return in a heartbeat. Dare to be different. :)

 

Maybe I'm just envious. I just got an iPad mini as an early Christmas present and it's the biggest gift I've gotten from my husband...maybe ever. I do confess that the apps are more useful and educational even than I'd anticipated (it replaced a defective Kindle Fire). But my kids get minimal and highly supervised time with the thing. It's mommy's toy. ;)

[kiwik]

I assume black Friday discounts are really good (here a black Friday is a Friday 13th but last year I finally grasped that wasn't what it meant over there) but even so 2 iPad minis must have put a dent in the budget. I wouldn't have given such things to my boys at that age but ds6 is a mini zone of destruction.

[linders]

(Gently) I'm puzzled when you say the 4 year old won't do anything but play Ipad. Just take it away, put it up. There will be tantrums, but they will end. And then he will be receptive to other things.

 

Trust me, get in the habit of limiting electronics now, because when they become pre-teens/teens it will be much worse.

[mrsduenes06]

I would return one of the mini's and keep the other, but definitely put restrictions on when they can use it, and even what games you put on it.  My boys have one and still spend lots of time building, listening to classical music, and coloring.   However, if you really don't have the money, or it would create more fighting than learning in your home, return both.

 

Last Christmas, my very generous brother-in-law got our three boys an iPad mini for Christmas.  I wasn't sure what the experience would be like, but we LOVE it now.  I am, however, very picky about which apps make it on there for our kids.  Honestly, there are so many bad apps out there that are "twaddle" and very few that are useful, but the ones we like for the 2-5 yr range are from the Bugs and Buttons/Numbers/etc. series.  In terms of pre-K skills, I've watched them do numerous increasingly challenging variations of sorting/learning colors/numbers/etc. that replace a lot of clutter-inducing "learning toys" in our home.  I also like the fact that if you want to buy a game that will teach them a skill, it will only cost you .99-2.99 instead of $15.99.

 

There is also a Peterson bird guide that we really like that's free where the kids can click on the different birds and learn their calls, etc.  It's really beautiful and classic-looking.  We use a space app to talk about the constellations in the sky, and even the weather.com app to talk about storm systems and weather.  There are great collections of art you can download from the Louvre, National Gallery of Art, etc. to do picture study with.  It really all depends in how you use it.

 

The other thing I like the iPad for is Google books, and using it for Kindle.  I have been able to download countless "vintage books" from Google that are great readers for kids.  Recently I read "My Father's Dragon" off of the iPad, and I know there will be more classics to come from there.  

 

As for limits, you could designate a certain "ipad" time for them to play, and of course, they take turns.  I have three boys close in age who share almost all of their toys, and while there are fights, they understand that people have to take turns - it's a part of life.  My sister also homeschools and has her 3rd grade son finish his assignments in order to earn time on the iPad.  

[marbel]

(Gently) I'm puzzled when you say the 4 year old won't do anything but play Ipad. Just take it away, put it up. There will be tantrums, but they will end. And then he will be receptive to other things.

 

Trust me, get in the habit of limiting electronics now, because when they become pre-teens/teens it will be much worse.

 

This exactly. 

 

Return them, give them to someone, sell them.

 

I don't think of myself as a Luddite but electronics for kids that age are mostly unnecessary and even harmful.  I can see having them for certain situations.  But it should be very rare. 

 

With the money you spent on iPads, I bet you could get a lot of Legos, paper, crayons, building blocks....

[Hunter]

Now, if you want a mini for YOU to TEACH with, that is another story. I love reading aloud from my mini, and it works great for all sorts of teacher manuals. I don't use it directly with tutoring students, though. My mini is mine mine mine and not in name only.

 

You have an iPad 2, but that is a lot bulkier, and not what I would want as first choice for MY device. I use my mini SO much, as I use very few hardcopy books for my self-education and my tutoring. Pretty much all I use is pencils, paper, crayons, earplugs, mini keyboard, and my iPad mini.

 

But for the little kiddies, I'm awfully oldschool about stuff like that. 

[Mommy22alyns]

Return them.  UO here, but kids that young certainly don't need ipads.

[Jenny in Florida]

I have to say, since you asked, that I would not give electronics like that to children at those ages. Especially if I were seeing that dependence on gadgets was getting in the way of appreciating books and playing with toys and making art, I would be extremely hesitant to encourage more use.

 

I simply can't imagine why more access would be good for your kids.

[Elisabet1]

(Gently) I'm puzzled when you say the 4 year old won't do anything but play Ipad. Just take it away, put it up. There will be tantrums, but they will end. And then he will be receptive to other things.

 

Trust me, get in the habit of limiting electronics now, because when they become pre-teens/teens it will be much worse.

I should have clarified. I had mentioned it before and I guess I forget people probably don't remember this about us (as I don't really remember everything about everyone either). My 4 yr old is developmentally delayed and DX'd with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It is very very easy for someone with ASD to get pulled in to the computer world. To top it off, we have a child in public school, and the public schools issued ipads to all students this year. So it is not that we have been neglectful parents, but rather we have a mix of the public schools mandating the ipads and a 4 yr old with ASD. 

 

Last night, we put 4 yr old to bed. Then, a couple hours later, 9 yr old (the one in public school) tried to go to bed, but found 4 yr old sitting in his bed, playing on 9 yr olds ipad. He snuck out of his bed and got in to 9 yr old's bed and used his ipad for 2 hrs last night. We took it away, and had the usual screaming. 9 yr old is in trouble for leaving the ipad in his room (he shares a room with 4 yr old). 

[Alte Veste Academy]

I should have clarified. I had mentioned it before and I guess I forget people probably don't remember this about us (as I don't really remember everything about everyone either). My 4 yr old is developmentally delayed and DX'd with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It is very very easy for someone with ASD to get pulled in to the computer world. To top it off, we have a child in public school, and the public schools issued ipads to all students this year. So it is not that we have been neglectful parents, but rather we have a mix of the public schools mandating the ipads and a 4 yr old with ASD.

 

Last night, we put 4 yr old to bed. Then, a couple hours later, 9 yr old (the one in public school) tried to go to bed, but found 4 yr old sitting in his bed, playing on 9 yr olds ipad. He snuck out of his bed and got in to 9 yr old's bed and used his ipad for 2 hrs last night. We took it away, and had the usual screaming. 9 yr old is in trouble for leaving the ipad in his room (he shares a room with 4 yr old).

It is easy as pie to put a pass code on an iPad. This would make the device useless to the 4yo.

[MomatHWTK]

If you've not experienced an ASD spectrum meltdown, particularly at bedtime, then lots of things seem easy as pie.

 

OP, we use electronics as a tool to assist with dealing with frustrations, problem solving, and as our AS child gets older social interaction.  It is difficult to understand why a child can't just engage in some other activity or hobby until you've met the child who will literally rip their own hair out with boredom because they don't get those other activities.

 

My Aspie has a VERY hard time sleeping as well so even without the temptation of the ipad, your 4 y.o. may be up at night. 

 

Regulating screen use will be something you'll probably have to do for your ASD child, but that doesn't mean that having the screens is a bad thing.  (IMO)  It just means they can't get that same happiness from more organic sources.

 

My kids are older so the ipads, etc. weren't available when they were younger but all took to computers by age 3. It's just the nature of our household and who we are.  I wouldn't tell other families they have to be like us, but we are ok with it. 

 

I wouldn't say that the ipad is a "need" item, but it could be useful in some situations that might be unique to your child. KWIM? If you have to be out and about with the kids a lot and the 4 y.o. tends to get frustrated, I would probably keep them and use them for just those times.  I know what it is like to feel trapped because your child really cannot wait another minute for you to leave a store or a waiting room.  They are also good for car trips, my AS kid can't handle more than about 45 minutes. 

 

 

 

ETA: My non-spectrum kids have the same access to electronics but are able to find joy in other things.  We don't feel a need to limit because they limit themselves.  They actually woke me this morning galloping up and down the hall like a litter of kittens playing some imaginary game the 3 y.o. was directing. The 3 y.o. (4 soon) actually enjoys quite a few computer games and is learning addition and subtraction via Starfall.com right now.   I am buried in mounds of art work and crafted items and the one who enjoys reading stays up all night doing so often.  They are each so individual, I can't see the need or effectiveness of blanket bans or limitations.  If and when there is an actual problem, the children know that limits will be imposed. 

 

[Alte Veste Academy]

If you've not experienced an ASD spectrum meltdown particularly at bedtime, then lots of things seem easy as pie.

 

OP, we use electronics as a tool to assist with dealing with frustrations, problem solving, and as our AS child gets older social interaction. It is difficult to understand why a child can't just engage in some other activity or hobby until you've met the child who will literally rip their own hair out with boredom because they don't get those other activities.

 

My Aspie has a VERY hard time sleeping as well so even without the temptation of the ipad, your 4 y.o. may be up at night.

 

Regulating screen use will be something you'll probably have to do for your ASD child, but that doesn't mean that having the screens is a bad thing. (IMO) It just means they can't get that same happiness from more organic sources.

I have dealt with my fair share of screaming meltdowns. I was not implying that dealing with meltdowns was easy as pie. I said setting the pass code was easy as pie. In fact, it is. Personally, if it is inevitable anyway, I would prefer to come up against the screaming meltdown at bedtime rather than 2 hours after bedtime after the child has surreptitiously stolen away the device and become drawn into it.

 

Yes, she will have to work on setting limits, and obviously that will be harder with an autistic child.

[journey00]

An iPad mini for a 2yr old and 4 yr old? No way, I would be too afraid they would break them.  I have an iPad2 that I allow my 14 yr, 9 and 8 yr old to play with sparingly.  My iPad mini stays in my purse and they know it is mine, hands off and do not ask to play with it.   lol  SOMETIMES, I allow them to watch Horrible Histories on it but they must sit next to me and treat it kindly.

[Hunter]

I should have clarified. I had mentioned it before and I guess I forget people probably don't remember this about us (as I don't really remember everything about everyone either). My 4 yr old is developmentally delayed and DX'd with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It is very very easy for someone with ASD to get pulled in to the computer world. To top it off, we have a child in public school, and the public schools issued ipads to all students this year. So it is not that we have been neglectful parents, but rather we have a mix of the public schools mandating the ipads and a 4 yr old with ASD.

 

Last night, we put 4 yr old to bed. Then, a couple hours later, 9 yr old (the one in public school) tried to go to bed, but found 4 yr old sitting in his bed, playing on 9 yr olds ipad. He snuck out of his bed and got in to 9 yr old's bed and used his ipad for 2 hrs last night. We took it away, and had the usual screaming. 9 yr old is in trouble for leaving the ipad in his room (he shares a room with 4 yr old).

:grouphug:

 

Trust yourself. You know all the facts and you know your children best, and you know YOU. When it comes to having atypical children, they are going to be atypical no matter what we do, and we are going to respond atypically. And outsiders are going to judge us and our children by typical standards and we will fail in their eyes.

 

Often there is no "right" answer to the choices we have to make. At first this can be frustrating, but it can also be a relief. The results of different choices will certainly be different, but often neither of the choices will be all good or all bad. There will be pros and cons of both choices. And neither choice will make our kid typical.

 

Trust yourself! And whatever the results, just live with them, both the good and the bad. The sun will come up and go down each day. And the earth will keep turning. It'll be okay. Maybe not by typical standards, but still okay.

[happypamama]

Hunter, could you please write a book? I love how all of your posts are chock full of good common sense, peppered with what sounds like a very interesting life experience. I am sure I am not the only one who nods frequently when reading your posts.

[Elisabet1]

An iPad mini for a 2yr old and 4 yr old? No way, I would be too afraid they would break them.  I have an iPad2 that I allow my 14 yr, 9 and 8 yr old to play with sparingly.  My iPad mini stays in my purse and they know it is mine, hands off and do not ask to play with it.   lol  SOMETIMES, I allow them to watch Horrible Histories on it but they must sit next to me and treat it kindly.

You can watch Horrible Histories on it? I thought those were just in books! I am definitely behind the times! I do nothing home school related on the computers basically. Is that an app?

[MomatHWTK]

We have a Netflix streaming account and Horrible Histories is one of the available programs.  The programming is limited and swtiches up over time.  We do a substantial portion of our schooling using the internet and a computer.  My schoolroom PC is set up to allow viewing of DVDs via a large TV screen next to it (DH is a computer wiz) We watch the Netflix prorgram, Coursera materials, Teaching Compay lectures, and our MUS and Latin DVD lectures as a class.  My biggest "problem" lately is that when I say school time, my 3 y.o. takes over and insists that we do his Starfall math first. LOL! 

[nmoira]

We have a Netflix streaming account and Horrible Histories is one of the available programs.

That's an older version (animated, Australian) than the ones you can purchase on Amazon and iTunes (CBBC, live action). The corner is OK, the latter fantastic.

[MomatHWTK]

Ooh, I didn't know about the newer ones.  Thanks!

[PeterPan]

I should have clarified. I had mentioned it before and I guess I forget people probably don't remember this about us (as I don't really remember everything about everyone either). My 4 yr old is developmentally delayed and DX'd with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It is very very easy for someone with ASD to get pulled in to the computer world. To top it off, we have a child in public school, and the public schools issued ipads to all students this year. So it is not that we have been neglectful parents, but rather we have a mix of the public schools mandating the ipads and a 4 yr old with ASD. 

 

Last night, we put 4 yr old to bed. Then, a couple hours later, 9 yr old (the one in public school) tried to go to bed, but found 4 yr old sitting in his bed, playing on 9 yr olds ipad. He snuck out of his bed and got in to 9 yr old's bed and used his ipad for 2 hrs last night. We took it away, and had the usual screaming. 9 yr old is in trouble for leaving the ipad in his room (he shares a room with 4 yr old). 

Lis, you might like to fill in your sig.  You could put the ages, ps, ASD, etc.  That way people would know where you're coming from.  There are thousands of people on here, so no one can remember everything about everyone.  :)

 

Doesn't the ipad have some time limit options in the parent controls?  You could check.  Is he getting OT?  

 

You know, under those circumstances, I'd probably get it for him and load it with worthwhile apps that you want him doing or don't mind he's doing even if he's up at night.  Super Duper and other places sell apps he might enjoy.  You might also talk with his therapists and see if there are apps they'd particular like him doing.  There are wonderful apps now for social skills, language, etc.  

[Hunter]

Hunter, could you please write a book? I love how all of your posts are chock full of good common sense, peppered with what sounds like a very interesting life experience. I am sure I am not the only one who nods frequently when reading your posts.

Blushing

 

There will be no book. No one would believe me. :lol:

 

My life has been like Forest Gump, but real, and with flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz thrown in. Back about 7 years ago I had a roommate that told me my life couldn't even be sold as fiction at that point, never mind reality, and it only got more surreal after that. No books.

[happypamama]

Blushing

 

There will be no book. No one would believe me. :lol:

 

My life has been like Forest Gump, but real, and with flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz thrown in. Back about 7 years ago I had a roommate that told me my life couldn't even be sold as fiction at that point, never mind reality, and it only got more surreal after that. No books.

I can imagine that. (Our list of vehicle problems is the same way!). But I am very glad that you share your wisdom and experience with us here!