How is communication to parents handled in your church youth group (middle school))?

[KarenNC]

I am increasingly frustrated with what I feel to be a lack of adequate and effective communication with parents from our church middle school youth group leadership, so I thought it might be a good idea to see if my expectations are reasonable by seeing what happens in other congregations. I am a planner and thrive on information, so I don't do well in limbo, which I realize can sometimes be an issue that I have to deal with.

 

So, how often do your middle school youth group leaders communicate with parents? In what manner? How far in advance of events? Do they depend on the middle schooler to verbally give all information, even if the parents don't know to ask the student about it, or wait for the parent to hear about a possible activity from another source and ask the leaders for details? If a parent asks for information on an event, what is considered a reasonable timeline for an answer? If there's a special activity like a weekend out of town retreat with other churches in the region, do leaders provide information on how to sign up, coordinate registrations and transportation, keep parents informed of whether there are enough youth and advisors interested to make it worthwhile to go, cancel if not, etc? If the youth group is expected to participate in a special service (like a holiday pageant) that requires rehearsals and commitments outside the regular meeting time, do they send out that information in advance with schedules and details on the commitment required? Do they provide an outline (even a rough one with the knowledge that things may change) of the major anticipated events for the year at the beginning of the school year? If there are programs that the youth have historically participated in with another congregation (so parents may be expecting it) but there's a problem that will prevent participation in a given year, would they communicate that to the parents up front?

[Mom22ns]

Our youth leader communicates by email and and Facebook. There is much less parent oriented information than I would like, but we manage. It was hard when the kids first got to youth age (middle school) and didn't reliably bring home the information that they needed. I don't really worry about it now though. If they want to do something, they will make sure they know when, where, how much, when it needs to be paid, what they need to take, etc. 

 

I think youth leaders tend to forget that 6th graders can't do this in the same way that a Junior in high school can and that communicating with parents makes a huge difference at that age.

 

Our youth director has probably 3-4 parent meetings a year where he will go over the next quarters activities, talk about camps and mission trips, and so on that require more planning and give parents a chance to ask questions.

 

 

[Parrothead]

I started working at the church as the head of the childrens' program this fall.

 

So, how often do your middle school youth group leaders communicate with parents? At least weekly I post something on FB for the parents who are following.  The 6-8 grade leader sends home info at least monthly.

 

In what manner? Electronic, phone, hard copy

 

How far in advance of events? 1-4 weeks

 

Do they depend on the middle schooler to verbally give all information, even if the parents don't know to ask the student about it, or wait for the parent to hear about a possible activity from another source and ask the leaders for details? Not that I'm aware of.

 

If a parent asks for information on an event, what is considered a reasonable timeline for an answer? I would hope my leaders would get back to parents within 24 hours for phone and electronic questions.  In person, I hope it is immediately.  Before I started working at the church I only had one issue with the 6-8 grade leaders and it was handled by my parish priest., but there was no one in my position at the time.

 

If there's a special activity like a weekend out of town retreat with other churches in the region, do leaders provide information on how to sign up, coordinate registrations and transportation, keep parents informed of whether there are enough youth and advisors interested to make it worthwhile to go, cancel if not, etc? Yes.

 

If the youth group is expected to participate in a special service (like a holiday pageant) that requires rehearsals and commitments outside the regular meeting time, do they send out that information in advance with schedules and details on the commitment required? This has not come up since we've belonged to this parish. 

 

Do they provide an outline (even a rough one with the knowledge that things may change) of the major anticipated events for the year at the beginning of the school year?  I try to do this for all grades in the handbook I send home each fall.

 

If there are programs that the youth have historically participated in with another congregation (so parents may be expecting it) but there's a problem that will prevent participation in a given year, would they communicate that to the parents up front?  Yes.

[dbmamaz]

small church - when my 17 yo was in middle school, they didnt do much outside the classroom anyways, and I dont remember much communication anyways.  The high school group, though, they have a different thing.  The leadership of the high school group has changed a lot. When my daughter was in it, it seemed i got occasional emails when one of the advisers realized we might not know about something.  When my Sr started it was not much better.  There was even one person who promised to email me every time there was a youth event, but at times I emailed her asking, and she still didnt tell me.  That might have been the year they had a fb group for the youths and advisers, but NOT for the parents (and i'm ok with giving them privacy to be teens, I just needed to know when I needed to make arrangements!  My son doesnt drive, has food allergies, and does not communicate or plan!)

 

These last two years are much better - I'm getting frequent email updates from the advisers.  

[marbel]

Our youth group is small so it's probably easier to manage than larger groups.

 

All communications are done via email and facebook.  Parents are encouraged to join the facebook group and are asked for an email address when the kids sign up.  My husband doesn't use facebook but I do, so I joined the group.  My husband and I, as well as the kids, are on the email list.   So we all see everything.  

 

Permission slips are attached to email so no one has to lose any papers.  I love it because if I print it and lose it myself, I can just print another copy (which guarantees I'll find the first one I printed).

 

ETA:  Yes to all your other questions.  Communication has been great, timely, comprehensive. 

[KarenNC]

Thanks. Knowing that I'm a bit of a control freak (occupational hazard of homeschooling, I think :001_smile: ) and that the church is going through a lot of changes from rapid growth, I have been working on letting go of this as much as possible and trying to trust the process. For instance, I am on the FB group (as are other parents), and have tried my best not to post there, leaving it for the kids and advisors, but there are some issues that are really problematic.

 

My daughter mentioned a few weeks ago that the youth group was asked to help with the younger kids' holiday pageant, but didn't know any details. I was glad that they didn't wait until the last minute to initiate the conversation. I waited for two weeks to hear any details on this at all, but no luck. Two weeks ago, when she mentioned they used the word "mandatory," I finally asked on the FB group and was told (by someone who works with the younger kids, not our group leaders) about the schedule, which includes a Saturday rehearsal and an additional Sunday afternoon performance at our satellite location 45 minutes away during December. I still have not gotten a clear answer on what form of participation is required or expected, ie whether prep like helping with props and scenery is sufficient, because we have a schedule conflict for the extra rehearsal. The play is in 2 weeks. Hopefully I can corner someone on Sunday.

 

A couple of times a year, our youth have the chance to attend regional youth retreats, which, in a minority religion like ours in a region with widely scattered, often small congregations, is considered vital to developing the youth's spiritual identity and sense of connectedness to others of like faith. For a recent regional youth group retreat, we were provided the link to the retreat center, told to register independently, then let the youth leaders know the child was going. To register, one had to pay the center directly, and center has a $60 cancellation fee policy (the cost for the entire weekend was only $100). Being unable to potentially throw $60 out the window uselessly if the group decided there weren't enough kids going, I said my daughter was planning to go and tried for weeks to find out from the leaders whether enough (or any other) kids were going, whether any advisors had committed to going, whether there would be any transportation, etc. No answer even after making it clear this was our first experience with this process. In the past, registration was handled at the church level, and that is still an option, but they have chosen differently. I broke down and asked on the FB page, only to find that, no, there really weren't any others going, so no arrangements had been made. This was 2-3 weeks after we were told to go ahead and register.  Finally made contact with another parent who offered to drive and chaperone her daughter and mine, but found out (from the retreat center) the day before they were to leave that the center had my daughter as the only child from our congregation listed (the other parent and child's registrations had been included in another congregation due to odd wording of the registration form). She would have arrived up there 3 hours away and been stuck in some random group's cabin, away from her chaperone and the other child from our congregation. Fortunately, I was able to get it straightened out and she had a great time.

 

There is a very extensive, highly regarded program in which our youth historically participate with a larger sister congregation at the middle school level. It requires a commitment of 40+ hours at specific times over the course of 9-10 weeks and is only offered to specific ages, plus is about 40 minutes away. I have asked about it the last two years to be told that she needed to wait until 8th grade. Now that she's 8th grade, I've been asking (individually, in a parent meeting, and on the FB page) repeatedly since August for any details at all so that I could make sure we have a clear schedule and she could participate. I found out by accident last week that the other congregation has been sending details since the summer to our church, but nothing has been passed on, either to the youth or to the parents, so now we've missed the mandatory parent orientation, have a schedule conflict for the initial 8 hour kickoff retreat, and she may not be able to participate at all.

 

The group is small, less than 10 kids in the middle school program, and attendance is irregular. This is on top of two years of unpredictable meeting schedules (both in what time/day they would meet and in how long the meeting would last) and similar lack of communication. They are actually doing better this year. Meeting times have regularized, and they are communicating little things like a group bonfire (only 3 kids from the middle/high school group came), but those are the things I can most easily shrug off if they fall through or we get too little info too late. Our church is growing rapidly, but the majority of new kids are in the younger ages, it seems, or the older ones don't participate or stay in the youth group. I know of several families in the last few years who have switched to the congregation in the next town for their youth group program, but the explanation seems to be that it's just because the other church has more kids (gee, wonder why?). The overall church leadership wonders why we don't have a bigger participation from youth or recent graduates. Overall, I love this congregation (we've been here over 13 years) and the nearest other one in our denomination is 45 minutes away, but this youth group mess is driving me batty. I've contacted the youth group leaders and the new assistant minister (who is to be responsible for religious education as a large part of his job) to ask how I can help make this more workable. I think part of the issue is that there's not previously been any staff position directly responsible for the youth, just volunteers, and little in the way of policy/procedure to help with consistency. The previous religious education person was part time and only responsible up to 5th grade.

[Laurie4b]

I am increasingly frustrated with what I feel to be a lack of adequate and effective communication with parents from our church middle school youth group leadership, so I thought it might be a good idea to see if my expectations are reasonable by seeing what happens in other congregations. I am a planner and thrive on information, so I don't do well in limbo, which I realize can sometimes be an issue that I have to deal with.

 

So, how often do your middle school youth group leaders communicate with parents?'  Weekly email to parents; weekly email to students; info maintained on a website

In what manner? How far in advance of events? Depends. Sometimes it's plenty of time; othertimes (just recently) less than a week. That was due to unexpected absences though.

 

Do they depend on the middle schooler to verbally give all information, even if the parents don't know to ask the student about it, or wait for the parent to hear about a possible activity from another source and ask the leaders for details?No 

If a parent asks for information on an event, what is considered a reasonable timeline for an answer? anywhere from immediately to a few days If there's a special activity like a weekend out of town retreat with other churches in the region, do leaders provide information on how to sign up, coordinate registrations and transportation, Yes up to this point keep parents informed of whether there are enough youth and advisors interested to make it worthwhile to go, cancel if not, etc?Not usually unless cancelling becomes a significant possiblity. If the youth group is expected to participate in a special service (like a holiday pageant) that requires rehearsals and commitments outside the regular meeting time, do they send out that information in advance with schedules and details on the commitment required? Do they provide an outline (even a rough one with the knowledge that things may change) of the major anticipated events for the year at the beginning of the school year? If there are programs that the youth have historically participated in with another congregation (so parents may be expecting it) but there's a problem that will prevent participation in a given year, would they communicate that to the parents up front? Yes

 See answers in text. It's relatively easy to develop an email distribution list. Our youth group has one for high school students, high school parents, middle school students, and middle school parents. The student/parent emails provide roughly the same info. They are also getting better at putting info up on the web and maintaining it. That way, if I can't find an email that detailed what time they would be leaving, I can just go to the web.

 

I think you should just kindly ask for what you want.  Are any of your youth staff paid or are all volunteers? If there are not enough paid hours, you could offer to be the email conduit to other parents. You email/call  them each week asking what's up, then send it out to other parents. That way, they get a reminder to communicate, but it doesn't all depend on them. They would have your assistance and support. (Often people serving in youth groups are kind of young themselves. And often the gift set required to serve teens well doesn't always include high levels of administrative abilities.) You wouldn't be frustrated, and other parents would benefit as well.

[justasque]

 

 

The group is small, less than 10 kids in the middle school program, and attendance is irregular. 

 

You have a choice.  

~ You can get involved in running this group, so that communication will be better and opportunities can be taken up rather than let go.  

~ Or you can keep muddling along as you are.  

~ Or you can drop it.  

~ Or you can find a better-run group in another area (which of course would mean driving a distance to meetings and events).

 

It's very unlikely that anyone else is going to mount a major campaign to disseminate information for a small, irregularly attended group, especially since no one has yet stepped up to do so.  Getting current leadership to do this to your standards is unlikely to yield satisfactory results.  Honestly, it sounds like you'd do a great job at it, as you have a clear understanding of what kinds of communication would work well, what kind of events would be worth going to, how to plan for the year, etc.  But only you can decide whether it's worth your time.  The plus side would be that through your work, the group would likely become stronger, which would benefit your dc.  But you'd have to keep reminding yourself that you are doing the work for your dc, because it might feel pointless and thankless much of the time.  

 

If you do step up, I would be careful to clearly outline what you are and are not willing to do.  Don't get sucked in to running weekly meetings, or anything else that's currently adequate.  Just volunteer to be in charge of getting info out to the parents and the congregation at large, and possibly to being a liaison with the other groups in the larger area.  You will have to be very proactive at getting info, and not wait for others to inform you of things.  It could be a very rewarding and productive effort.  

 

You will need to step up without criticizing what's happened until now, framing it as taking some of the burden off of the current leaders' shoulders.  Tread gently, but firmly.  Good luck.

[Bootsie]

We recently left a church where this was a constant problem.  It was a large church with a large paid staff.  A number of parents complained about both the quantity and quality of the information provided parents.  The staff would use a number of different methods to communicate--facebook, twitter, email, church website, texting.  No consistent method was used, information was provided last-minute, and the information was not complete.  I would be ready to take my child to an event on Sunday evening and as we were walking out the door she would get a text that it had been cancelled (with no communication with parents). The main office at the church often did not know what was scheduled for the youth.  A number of times facebook would have one set of information and the church website another.  One of the many concerns was that parents were being left out of the loop for 11- and 12- year olds. We did not think it was appropriate for staff to directly text the students without the parents being notified--and not all pre-teens have texting and smart phones.  It was also impossible to do any family planning.  I, and some other parents, repeatedly offered to help with communication issues.  The church's solution was to pay for more elaborate websites and communication systems--but not use them.  

 

That was not the only reason we left that congregation, but it was indicative of broader problems.  At the church we now attend, a calendar is given to parents at the beginning of the year and at the beginning of each semester.  All youth activities are placed in the monthly church newsletter as well as the weekly bulletin.  They are all clearly on the church calendar on the church's website.  Parents receive an email from the youth director every Monday morning with details about what has been going on, events for the week with details, and heads-up about events in the future.  Additional emails are sent out if there is some reason that they are needed.  Announcements are made at the beginning of the worship service and include youth events/activities.  Occasionally, we receive communication by snail mail.  This is a smaller church with a much smaller staff, but the communication is consistent, useful, thorough, respectful and allows youth and families to plan appropriately. 

[athomeontheprairie]

Our church is small, so maybe this isn't an issue? But our information is printed in the bulletin.

Agreeing with a PP, can you ask the leaders directly? Or offer your services on spreading the information on their behalf?

[Rachel]

I don't have kids in the youth group yet but I do help with ours frequently and have been for several years. One of our best friends is the former youth minister at our church and we hired a new youth minister about a year ago.

 

My friend is an awesome guy, he is execellent at building relationships with teens, but he is a terrible organizer and communicator. He also started the job as a 23 year old guy without kids. He just thought about things differently than parents do. One of the youth moms recognized this and worked with him. She became a liaison between him and the other parents. He would set up an event or a retreat, she would make sure the information the other parents needed got to them. This freed him up to focus on things he was good at. If he were starting as a youth minister now that he has kids, he would be much better at dealing with those things.

 

Our new youth minister is also a young guy without kids. He is a better communicator than my friend was, he has parent meetings a couple times each year to talk about the youth calendar. He twice weekly sends emails to parents detailing what they are studying, suggestions for how parents can support that, and any upcoming deadlines. There are also Facebook and Twitter reminders about sign up and fee deadlines. For bigger events there is sometimes a church wide email or an announcement in the bulletin.

 

There are still little details about events that he doesn't see but parents do, so he still has a parent liaison that helps him work through those. I think this works really well and I know as a frequent chaperone it helps me.

[KarenNC]

Our church is still not large (under 200 members total), but has passed the threshold from a small church to a medium-sized one with the accompanying challenges in shifting the ways in which we do things. There's also a tendency to less than more structure in the overall culture of the denomination, which is sometimes very challenging for me. The youth group leaders are a mix of young and older, some with teens who have passed this age, some with no kids.

 

I have been asking the leaders (a variety of them) kindly and consistently since she hit youth group age (2.5 years ago). I have offered to meet with the leaders and the new assistant minister to see if there's any way I can help make this more workable, which I do realize means I will likely end up being the one doing it. One of the reasons I started this thread was to see whether my expectations were in line prior to going into a meeting with them.

 

Parents of kids currently in the group are not permitted to help run the group and I wouldn't want to in any case. I'm not a "fun for teens" kind of person and one of the goals of participation is that she have more chance for interaction without me there, particularly since we've homeschooled from the beginning and she's an only child. That's one of the reasons I stepped back from being her Girl Scout leader when she hit Cadettes. I've focused my volunteer energies at the church in other areas, working to implement needed changes at the overall church level and building the curricula materials for the K-2nd graders, trying to let her have something that was entirely hers. Those two jobs are winding down, so I may be able to shift to this.

 

It's frustrating. On the one hand, the push is for parents to let them be independent, don't hover, while the other hand is withholding the very information necessary to allow that to happen. Until she is in a position to transport herself and pay her own way, we have to be involved in planning and scheduling.

 

 

[Loowit]

The youth group DD goes to is terrible about communicating with parents and teens.  We found out a week before that they were moving youth group night.  A lot of times things are cancelled and we don't find out until we get there.  They say they will put thing on facebook but it hasn't been updated in over a year.  Their website is also out of date.  We don't attend the church where she goes to youth group, but we did for a while and nothing is put in the bulletin either, it is just a lack of communicating.  We have talked about looking around for a different group, but DD doesn't really want to and we are looking (hoping) to move in the next year or so.

 

When DH and I ran a youth program when we were young marrieds with no kids we would put out monthly newsletters both to parents and to teens.  We always tried to give at least a months notice of events, usually three months.  DH had done his internship under a great youth pastor when he was in Bible college and had learned the importance of communication with parents and organization.  When we moved a few years later and were youth workers with a youth pastor we helped him with his communication with parents.  He was great with working with youth, but had a terrible time reaching out to parents.  So we helped by making sure things were put into bulletins, email, and a monthly newsletter.

[bolt.]

When I was in youth group, I was in high school, and I don't think they had ever met or communicated with my parents at all.

[happi duck]

Before our youth group folded there was no communication to parents at all.

 

It was frustrating.

[mytwomonkeys]

Communication at our church happens through our church website - it's there if parents want to know what's going on. I ask my daughter as well, but she she only has nuggets of information. She is in public middle school this year too & I'm constantly faced with the same issue. She can only transfer information in part, never in whole. It's totally frustrating.

[catz]

I have a 13 year old, and especially this year I'm noticing more and more things he's involved with including age peers on up have the teen responsible for relaying info. My son have NEVER been good with this. He has an e-mail account and a FB account. All the mail that comes into his inbox comes into a folder in my mail. I have his FB password too, although I don't check that too much (I am friends with him and am linked to most of the pages he is a part of.

 

I do think this is a good age to start transitioning kids to be more responsible for information relay. Having this setup has made it more feasible. I still try to get him to give me necessary info directly, even if I see it in an e-mail.

[bolt.]

I'm still in advance of the middle school years, and curious about this: why is the situation being cast as teens being "responsible to relay information" (to the parents) about activities -- instead of teens being responsible to find a way to do the activities they want to do (perhaps by asking parents for a ride)?

 

It seems totally different from the way I was raised... Is this a paradigm I should be expecting?

[catz]

I'm still in advance of the middle school years, and curious about this: why is the situation being cast as teens being "responsible to relay information" (to the parents) about activities -- instead of teens being responsible to find a way to do the activities they want to do (perhaps by asking parents for a ride)?

 

It seems totally different from the way I was raised... Is this a paradigm I should be expecting?

Either way it affects the parents calendar. For my calender, knowing things well in advance is better for me. Sometimes finding out that afternoon kid needs to be somewhere at a certain time is not soon enough for me to make it happen.

 

Does that mean my kid shouldn't participate in theater or other teen outside classes? Mmmm ... I don't think so. He's seen some great success in these areas and teachers generally have very good things to say about him. He's in a theater production right now as the very youngest kid cast.

 

I think taking charge of info/organization is an extremely important life skill. I just think some young teens don't have the executive skills to put this all together quite yet. Same kid is accelerated in math by several years, but might not be organized enough to succeed in these classes in a school setting. I've talked to 3 parents of boys in the 13-15 year old age range the past month that attend public school and are struggling organizationally and are not taking ownership of their school work.

 

My daughter 4 years younger than my son comes home from every activity and will consistently tell me much more than I'd ever need to know since she started dance at 5. It will vary by kid and not every kid can be raised in the exact same way. I work on this stuff with my oldest constantly, and he has improved at info relay but he is not ready to own his whole calendar. There is a reason kids become adults at 18, and there is a reason not every 18 year old is going to jump into college and be able to succeed with it.

[6packofun]

Terribly, that's how.  lol  It has been this way at most churches we've attended, though.  Haphazard information dissemination is how I would describe it.  Way too much reliance on hormonal brains to get info to parents properly, too!  lol

[PeacefulChaos]

 

So, how often do your middle school youth group leaders communicate with parents?  Whenever?  Idk... there isn't any set time for that.  There are some parents who we never see at all, some we see every day at school, some we see weekly at church.  If they don't make time to come and talk to us, we can't always make time to go talk to all of them, either, kwim? In what manner? How far in advance of events? Depends on the event.  Something that doesn't require advance planning or $$, a week or two.  Something bigger, maybe a month or more?  Again, it depends. Do they depend on the middle schooler to verbally give all information, even if the parents don't know to ask the student about it, or wait for the parent to hear about a possible activity from another source and ask the leaders for details? The kids are told first, of course, because there is really no reliable way to contact every single parent about something.  Especially once they are in middle school and higher, where parents don't necessarily all come and pick them up, etc.  It is the kids' job to tell their parents, but there are usually announcements in the church bulletin on Sundays about stuff as well.  Things like money due, etc, may also be addressed in the announcements verbally.  There is also a facebook page that announcements are put out on. If a parent asks for information on an event, what is considered a reasonable timeline for an answer? It is best if a parent contacts the leader during office hours during the week.  On a Sunday morning or a Wednesday night, it may not be best if they are busy with other things.  On the other hand, it may be easiest to talk briefly with all the info on a Sunday morning or Wednesday night... every thing is run differently! Generally it is nice if parents try to get info at a time that is good for the leader - even if they come up and say, 'hey, when would be a good time for me to ask you about ___?' and then follow up on it. If there's a special activity like a weekend out of town retreat with other churches in the region, do leaders provide information on how to sign up, coordinate registrations and transportation, keep parents informed of whether there are enough youth and advisors interested to make it worthwhile to go, cancel if not, etc? Yes. If the youth group is expected to participate in a special service (like a holiday pageant) that requires rehearsals and commitments outside the regular meeting time, do they send out that information in advance with schedules and details on the commitment required? Ehhh... that's tricky.  But where we are, people are aware of that commitment, yes.  It isn't an official 'youth group' thing - it's more that they are involved under a different ministry, and the youth participate and do their specific part within that ministry.  It doesn't fall under things that the youth leader takes care of.  The head of that ministry, however, DOES do all that you mentioned - for everyone involved (adults, children, etc).  So that's a yes and no answer I guess.  :D  Do they provide an outline (even a rough one with the knowledge that things may change) of the major anticipated events for the year at the beginning of the school year? No.  They may for the next couple of months, but there is no telling in September what we will be doing in April, kwim?  Big events, though, parents and youth are made aware of a couple of months in advance, even if they don't get the details for a few more weeks. If there are programs that the youth have historically participated in with another congregation (so parents may be expecting it) but there's a problem that will prevent participation in a given year, would they communicate that to the parents up front?  Maybe.  It all depends on how/when it falls out.  I mean, if it is something in January that they don't know won't work until November, they will tell the parents when they know.  But obviously they can't do any more than that.

I hope that answered some of your questions.  I'm not a youth leader anymore - DH volunteers with them and our good friends are youth pastors.  I'm familiar with the workings of it, though, so thought I would chime in.  :)

[LMV]

Our church has Jr. Youth (generally 6th-8th grades) and Sr. Youth (9th-12th grades).  

 

So, how often do your middle school youth group leaders communicate with parents? In what manner? How far in advance of events?

Both groups have an online calendar which parents/youth can view (after logging in) at any time.  Those with administrative capabilities can modify and add to the calendar.  The Jr. Youth coordinator sent out an email to all parents with email at the beginning of each month which mentioned anything upcoming in the following month.  This included deadlines for signing up, service projects parent volunteer needs, equipment/supply donations etc.  The same information also appears in the church bulletin/newsletter but with less detail and lead time.

 

Do they depend on the middle schooler to verbally give all information, even if the parents don't know to ask the student about it, or wait for the parent to hear about a possible activity from another source and ask the leaders for details?

Often we do get the information initially from one of our daughters but if they weren't so forthcoming we wouldn't be out of the loop unless we didn't read our email, newsletter, or ever read the church bulletin.

 

If a parent asks for information on an event, what is considered a reasonable timeline for an answer?

I would certainly allow at least forty eight hours for a response (although often I'll hear sooner) and longer if I know other things are going on. 

 

If there's a special activity like a weekend out of town retreat with other churches in the region, do leaders provide information on how to sign up, coordinate registrations and transportation, keep parents informed of whether there are enough youth and advisors interested to make it worthwhile to go, cancel if not, etc?

All of this would be explained in the monthly email.  If it was a major activity which involved travel, adult volunteers, registration, and or coordination it might be brought up a few months in advance to give people time to respond with intentions and ability to help.  The coordinator will then follow up with those parents and will send out updates to those involved.

 

If the youth group is expected to participate in a special service (like a holiday pageant) that requires rehearsals and commitments outside the regular meeting time, do they send out that information in advance with schedules and details on the commitment required?

Yes.  For example our youth are doing live nativity this year and the planning for that started over the summer.   This is a joint Jr/Sr. youth/Music Ministry project so there is a lot of behind the scenes coordination. 

 

Do they provide an outline (even a rough one with the knowledge that things may change) of the major anticipated events for the year at the beginning of the school year?

Our church has an online calendar which anyone who logs into the server can view.  It is a work in progress and in flux but the youth events are on there as soon as they are determined.  If you look at the calendar over the summer you would have a pretty good idea of dates for the next nine months or so.  Some things might get added or cancelled as the year goes on but that happens from time to time.

 

If there are programs that the youth have historically participated in with another congregation (so parents may be expecting it) but there's a problem that will prevent participation in a given year, would they communicate that to the parents up front?

​Yes…our youth were very involved with Habitat when DH's son was involved.  DH was very involved in this as well with the boys but Habitat's own volunteer rules changed sometime between when DSS was in Sr. Youth and when our oldest daughter joined Jr. Youth.  Because of the volunteer rules (basically kids need to be accompanied by their own parents) the youth altered how they participated in this activity and the expectations for participation were clearly explained.  Our church is still very involved and our both of our older daughters have participated in this with DH but it became more of a church project than a youth project.

[bolt.]

Either way it affects the parents calendar. For my calender, knowing things well in advance is better for me. Sometimes finding out that afternoon kid needs to be somewhere at a certain time is not soon enough for me to make it happen.

 

Does that mean my kid shouldn't participate in theater or other teen outside classes? Mmmm ... I don't think so. He's seen some great success in these areas and teachers generally have very good things to say about him. He's in a theater production right now as the very youngest kid cast.

 

I think taking charge of info/organization is an extremely important life skill. I just think some young teens don't have the executive skills to put this all together quite yet. Same kid is accelerated in math by several years, but might not be organized enough to succeed in these classes in a school setting. I've talked to 3 parents of boys in the 13-15 year old age range the past month that attend public school and are struggling organizationally and are not taking ownership of their school work.

 

My daughter 4 years younger than my son comes home from every activity and will consistently tell me much more than I'd ever need to know since she started dance at 5. It will vary by kid and not every kid can be raised in the exact same way. I work on this stuff with my oldest constantly, and he has improved at info relay but he is not ready to own his whole calendar. There is a reason kids become adults at 18, and there is a reason not every 18 year old is going to jump into college and be able to succeed with it.

 

Hoping I'm not derailing, but: honest, if I didn't give my parents enough notice of somewhere I wanted to go, they just didn't take me. I don't think they gave two hoots about my leisure activities. Why does it matter to a parent if a child misses something like that?

 

I understand, I guess, about registered classes: but for those, I'm sure the schedule would be part of the registration process. I also think it's wise to oversee and develop homework skills for children that attend classes.

 

I just don't get it about kids 'not taking ownership' of an extracurricular calendar -- How could anyone else own it? Is it fear of one's children being censured or 'failing' that leads to this perspective? (Failing? At a hobby? Does that make any sense to anyone?) Is it that children are enrolled in things that they don't enjoy very much and wouldn't make their own efforts to go there?

[PeacefulChaos]

Hoping I'm not derailing, but: honest, if I didn't give my parents enough notice of somewhere I wanted to go, they just didn't take me. I don't think they gave two hoots about my leisure activities. Why does it matter to a parent if a child misses something like that?

 

I understand, I guess, about registered classes: but for those, I'm sure the schedule would be part of the registration process. I also think it's wise to oversee and develop homework skills for children that attend classes.

 

I just don't get it about kids 'not taking ownership' of an extracurricular calendar -- How could anyone else own it? Is it fear of one's children being censured or 'failing' that leads to this perspective? (Failing? At a hobby? Does that make any sense to anyone?) Is it that children are enrolled in things that they don't enjoy very much and wouldn't make their own efforts to go there?

 

I agree with you.  :)

I wouldn't have a hard time telling my kids they couldn't go to something if they didn't bother telling me about it in advance enough for me to not have something else going on.  IMO, it is up to them to take care of getting to something they want to go to, including letting me know about it.

[catz]

Hoping I'm not derailing, but: honest, if I didn't give my parents enough notice of somewhere I wanted to go, they just didn't take me. I don't think they gave two hoots about my leisure activities. Why does it matter to a parent if a child misses something like that?

 

I understand, I guess, about registered classes: but for those, I'm sure the schedule would be part of the registration process. I also think it's wise to oversee and develop homework skills for children that attend classes.

 

I just don't get it about kids 'not taking ownership' of an extracurricular calendar -- How could anyone else own it? Is it fear of one's children being censured or 'failing' that leads to this perspective? (Failing? At a hobby? Does that make any sense to anyone?) Is it that children are enrolled in things that they don't enjoy very much and wouldn't make their own efforts to go there?

Since we're homeschooling, very few of my kids outside classes and activities are things I would consider purely a leisure activity or for fun. They might be fun as an aside, but I still consider them important lessons in something. So maybe it's just a matter of how much you value your outside classes. Homeschooling would not work here without them, so yes, attendance is important to me and maybe calling them extracurricular would not be accurate for us.

 

If I did sign my kid up for something they requested I thought was purely recreation that they didn't keep me posted on, it would drop off the schedule very quickly. I'm very picky what I will spend money on.

 

Anyway - I just don't see the need for judgment. Every child, family, and situation is different. Something like a church youth group, a parent might value more than a teen at least initially. It helps to build social connections with good attendance for something like that. At that point, the teen may want more ownership if they start to enjoy it.

[bolt.]

I assess a lot of things. Sometimes I muse out loud. Sorry if my questions seemed judgmental... I was trying more-so for a curious vibe.

[KarenNC]

Hoping I'm not derailing, but: honest, if I didn't give my parents enough notice of somewhere I wanted to go, they just didn't take me. I don't think they gave two hoots about my leisure activities. Why does it matter to a parent if a child misses something like that?

 

I understand, I guess, about registered classes: but for those, I'm sure the schedule would be part of the registration process. I also think it's wise to oversee and develop homework skills for children that attend classes.

 

I just don't get it about kids 'not taking ownership' of an extracurricular calendar -- How could anyone else own it? Is it fear of one's children being censured or 'failing' that leads to this perspective? (Failing? At a hobby? Does that make any sense to anyone?) Is it that children are enrolled in things that they don't enjoy very much and wouldn't make their own efforts to go there?

 

I agree with you on hobbies. I am not really concerned about things that fall into "leisure activities," even if they are part of church activities. If they fit into our schedule, fine, if not, no biggie. I consider things like the youth retreats and this particular 40+ hour program to be key faith development activities, more in the category of bat mitzvah or confirmation prep than that of going to the movies or rollerskating. As part of a minority faith community, our general society does not reinforce her faith as it does for the majority. Meeting and interacting with other young teens who share her faith (which can be very important to developing an identity as part of that faith community) is much more difficult in our area, since we are so spread out. I am willing to make the sort of accommodations to the family calendar for them that I would for the SAT/ACT, if at all possible.

[Onceuponatime]

Terribly, that's how.  lol  It has been this way at most churches we've attended, though.  Haphazard information dissemination is how I would describe it.  Way too much reliance on hormonal brains to get info to parents properly, too!  lol

 

Unfortunately this is what we've been used to also.

[Guest]

I guess we are extremely lucky in that we have an amazing youth program at our church.  Everyone from Pre K up through high school is involved as much as possible in events, special programs, etc.  We very much encourage parents to be involved and get plugged in to what their kids are learning.

 

Our youth pastor makes out a calendar three months in advance that lines up all Wed nights, small groups, trips, special events, etc.  Info is on there, as well as Facebook, Instagram, and in the Sunday bulletin in the weeks leading up to an event.  Our youth pastor is very open to calls, texts, emails, etc from parents, and highly encourages it.  I think a lot of it starts from the time they are little though.  I teach Pre K, and even at that age, we encourage parental involvement.  We have groups on Facebook for parents, send reminder posts through Instagram, send weekly reminders home, and so much more.  

 

We recently started using YapTap at our church, and that is working out AWESOME.  There is a group for all kinds of things.  One for elementary age news, jr high, high school, our cafe, our college age group and more.  If you sign up to whatever group you want, you get text updates on any news concerning that group.

 

Very seldom is there ever an instance where we could say that we didn't know about an event.  They do such a great job of keeping us "in the know", and we really wouldn't have any excuse for not knowing.  That is why I love my church. :) 

[TrixieB]

Outline is handed out at church school, mailed, & emailed to parents in September & January.

 

Youth minister emails parents regarding upcoming events about twice a month, more often if there are updates/clarifications etc.

 

If I email the youth minister, I get a reply same day, often within minutes (these young people with email on their smartphones... makes for a speedy reply!).