How would you handle this?

[athena1277]

MIL sent an e-mail today to tell us that she wants to buy all the grandkids cowboy boots for Christmas "because we will all be together."  By some of the comments, it sounds like she is planning to buy very nice boots.  That would be all well and good, except my kids have zero interest in cowboy boots.  We are just not country type people.  And this is not the first time she has wanted to buy (or did buy) my kids something they are totally not interested in.  I thought she finally got the hint when she started giving cash the last few years, but apparently I was wrong.

 

So here's my question:  Do I tell her my kids are not interested in cowboy boots?  If so, how do I say it without hurting her feelings?  Or do I just bite my tongue and let her spend/waste her money on something the kids won't like?

 

 

[Catwoman]

Just tell her. Thank her for the lovely gesture, but let her know your kids won't wear them.

 

Why let her waste her money on unwanted gifts?

[OrganicAnn]

It depends on your relationship with her and what type of person she is.    If she is the type who wouldn't want to waste her money, then I would tell her.   If she is the type who wants to do what she wants to do, then I would try to be as gracious as possible and make sure the kids thank her.   

 

 

[Robin M]

Maybe it's a hint you guys are going to go someplace where cowboy boots are needed... Horseback riding, a ranch, etc.   Other than that, I'd graciously say "Thanks, but the kids really won't wear them.  Perhaps give a few ideas of what they'd like or in a nice way say, take the money you were going to spend on the kids and buy yourself a really nice pair.  Then when she shows up wearing the boots, be really enthusiastic with how nice they are.  

[athena1277]

It depends on your relationship with her and what type of person she is.    If she is the type who wouldn't want to waste her money, then I would tell her.   If she is the type who wants to do what she wants to do, then I would try to be as gracious as possible and make sure the kids thank her.   

 

I think that she thinks the kids will all just love them.  Honestly, I don't think any of them (except maybe the 2 preschoolers who still like dress-up) will like them.  She has good intentions, but she never asks us what they might want.  I have told her before that my kids do not want X, so I am hesitant to do it yet again.  I don't want to be ungrateful, but I don't see the point of buying something that will just take up space.

[OrganicAnn]

Does she want to do one of those family pictures where they are all dressed alike?  

 

I can understand both sides.   We got dolls for our DD who doesn't like dolls, etc.  

 

But before I had kids, when my niece was young I really was unhappy that my SIL would shoot down every thing anyone would suggest.   Huluhoop?  No.    Sit and Spin.  No.   Doll.   No.  Just give me the money and I'll buy the toys for my kid.     Ummm.   Shopping and buying is part of the fun and she was denying me the fun.   So I eventually gave up giving anything.   We agreed not to exchange gifts.    

[Catwoman]

If you're uncomfortable telling her that your kids won't wear the boots, let your dh do it. It's his mother.

 

But really, you're not being ungracious by politely telling her that it's a cute idea, but that your kids don't want cowboy boots. She told you about the idea, so you wouldn't be out of line if you told her the truth.

[Word Nerd]

I would have never guessed that my DD wanted cowboy boots, but when she saw some friends with them at the fair, boots jumped to the top of her birthday list. She wears rhem all the time now, and they weren't even on her radar until late summer. I wouldn't just assume they're not interested.

 

She probably wants to take pics of the grandkids. I wouldn't say anything at all if it were my MIL, as I wouldn't want to spoil her fun. YMMV.

[Harriet Vane]

Saying this gently . . .

 

The only response to a gift is a warm thank-you.

 

 

Rejecting Grandma's gifts, especially ones she is excited to give, will just hurt feelings.

[J-rap]

Was she telling you in order to get input on the particular style? Because perhaps there is a different type of boot that your kids would like, that aren't really cowboy boots but would satisfy both parties.

[Lisbeth]

I would have your dh very politely tell her the kids are not into cowboy boots. I would even say that to her that it feels awkward saying that, but that the greater sin would be having her waste good money on something that isn't their style. I would alsp very politely apologize for the uncomfortable situation. Any reasonable adult would probably want to know that.

[jenn-]

Maybe come at it from the side of getting the kids something really nice that they will just out grow before winter is over.  Suggest she put it off a few years for your DD and even more for your DS.  They may like the idea by then.

[Starr]

In my old age I would let her buy the boots, Tell the kids to wear them when you are all together and put them in the closet for the winter. Give them away come spring. I was not good at this when our dc were young. It seems a total waste of money but your relationship is more important.

[Lisa R.]

In my old age I would let her buy the boots, Tell the kids to wear them when you are all together and put them in the closet for the winter. Give them away come spring. I was not good at this when our dc were young. It seems a total waste of money but your relationship is more important.

This is good advice. The boots will be outgrown in a year. The even bigger issue here is the lesson you will teach your kids in how to graciously accept a gift.

 

Who knows? Maybe the kids will like the boots more than you think. Boots are very fashionable right now whether they prefer the western style or not.

[LMV]

My MIL actually did get our nine year old [who was eight at the time] nice riding boots for Christmas last year.  This is a bad example because she mainly did the boots because she knew we were allowing her to start riding lessons.  Having said that I have to admit that I generally let my MIL give the kids what she wants as long as it isn't unsafe or compromising of our family values in some way.  That has never been a problem because she knows us well enough to know what would fit in that sphere and because there are a lot of elements of how she raised her son that he has incorporated into how he is raising his children now.  I also expect our children to first and foremost appreciate the thought and gesture and convey that appreciation.  I think our kids have really liked some things they might have never selected or asked for because they were given to them by someone they loved.  My oldest is not a doll girl but she has come to truly cherish the American Girl dolls my mother has given her.  My dad purchased Felicity for his unborn granddaughter when he was dying of cancer.  He wanted the baby he doubted he would to meet to have something that could be their connection.  He passed before our daughter was born and from then on my mom has purchased multiple American Girl dolls for all of our daughters.  Although most of them would not select an expensive doll or even perhaps a doll in general they understand that these dolls are special. 

 

Now, if my MIL or my mom asked me if the girls wanted something I would answer honestly to the best of my understanding but I wouldn't come out and rain on her parade if I felt she was stating rather than asking. 

[Tammyla]

:iagree: It would be kinder to simply say thank you, and do with the gifts as you choose.  

 

Mils can be tricky, and it didn't sound like a question of do you think I should buy them and what size are they. 

 

 

Confession, I've had to disappear more than one gift in my lifetime with little to no guilt.  Things go missing and life goes on.

[sassenach]

I would graciously accept the gift.