Being overprotective or just using common sense?

[fairfarmhand]

I'm just kind of surprised that your husband thinks this is no big deal for your dd. My dh wouldn't even want me doing that kind of thing. You're not being overprotective, you're being smart, IMHO!

[Catwoman]

I'm just kind of surprised that your husband thinks this is no big deal for your dd. My dh wouldn't even want me doing that kind of thing. You're not being overprotective, you're being smart, IMHO!

I was thinking the exact same thing! My dh wouldn't would be worried about me, too!

 

And when I was 18, my dad would have been worried about both my mom and me being in a bad neighborhood, so he probably would have wanted to drive both of us there and back. Come to think of it, he probably would have offered the same thing when I was 28 or 38. :D

 

I'm surprised that most men wouldn't be worried about their dds being alone in sketchy neighborhoods at night -- no matter how old the dds were!

[WishboneDawn]

I'm just kind of surprised that your husband thinks this is no big deal for your dd. My dh wouldn't even want me doing that kind of thing. You're not being overprotective, you're being smart, IMHO!

I don't think it's a big deal. The daughter is 18 and the chances that anything will happen are likely tiny. It's walk through a parking lot. No biggie.

 

I asked my husband and he sort of echoed my sentiments as well. I'd mom doesn't mind and likes the time with her daughter, fine. If it's an imposition and the daughter feels unsafe she can ask her teammates to walk her to her car.

 

No big deal one way or another. No red flags that would make the escort of mom necessary.

[Garga]

I'm another voice for asking one of the teammates or their boyfriend/dh's to walk her to her car. All the rest of them leave in a group, so they aren't alone at night in a sketchy neighborhood.

 

I can't imagine that the other women on her team wouldn't understand.  They're not "babysitting" her.  If I were there, at 40, I'd ask someone to walk me to my car.  They wouldn't be "babysitting" me.  They'd be looking out for a friend.

 

Your DH doesn't understand what it's like to be considered "prey."

[happypamama]

I vote "not overprotective." I'm 36 and wouldn't want to walk to my car alone in that situation either. I think part of being street smart is recognizing when it would be better to have someone with you; for her, it might mean you coming along, or it might mean asking one of the other women or their DHs/boyfriends to walk with her. Sometimes growing up means knowing when something is beyond your skills and NOT tackling it on your own.

[AMJ]

This is not a question of expecting an adult to drive herself to practice. It's a question of making sure said adult (female in this case, but the same holds for men, too) isn't out in the dark alone. Lone people are HIGHLY more likely to be attacked.

 

If her teammates would be willing to walk with her to and from the vehicles it would be less of an issue. Perhaps, if the teen is uncomfortable with Mom always being there she could talk to her teammates about doing just that. But no one should ever let peer pressure, or any person, shame them into dropping basic safety measures.

 

I speak from experience. I have had narrow escapes myself (including from an aggressive stray dog -- it's not just humans you need to watch for). And my sister has been attacked, and had a stalker. It doesn't always happen to someone else -- some folks discover that they have become the someone else bad stuff happens to.

 

By all means continue to accompany your daughter until the situation improves to your satisfaction. Our girls have a personal trainer, age 22, who can whup most anyone's butt (champion power lifter). SHE herself recently asked her Mom to accompany her to a fitting held in a part of town that was unfamiliar, precisely because 2 are less likely to be attacked than 1.

 

I also strongly recommend RAD class -- look online, but also check with your local law enforcement (the sheriff's department here hosts it periodically). You will learn a lot about avoiding tricky situations, and getting out of them when they occur.

 

Follow that protective hunch, and never be embarrassed about it. Call 911 if you ever get the willies about a situation. They'd prefer getting a call that turns out to be a legitimate false alarm instead of being called after something has already happened.

[Joanne]

I don't think it is over protective. Not in total context. If it were "just" unfamiliar, yes. But alone, dicey neighborhood, not well lit, at night?

 

If you were attending her practices and staying under daytime, busy, well lit circumstances I'd say probably.

[kroe1]

Common sense

[Sahamamama]

Follow your instincts.

[AMJ]

A quick word about mace, pepper sprays, and other "defense" items -- if you get any, get specific training in them. Without training you are most likely to freeze or hesitate in an emergency, or be clumsy with the defense item. If you are the item not only won't be of much use to you, it will also likely be taken away from you and used against you.

 

It's like CPR -- without training AND PRACTICE you won't be quick and efficient.

 

And don't test your sprays in any enclosed space, or while facing into the wind.

[AMJ]

One more consideration, given the late hour mentioned -- a driver with a passenger chatting with them is far less likely to fall asleep behind the wheel. I've been there and done that -- nearly crashed at 70 mph at 10 PM one time.

[AMJ]

One more consideration, given the late hour mentioned -- a driver with a passenger chatting with them is far less likely to fall asleep behind the wheel. I've been there and done that -- nearly crashed at 70 mph at 10 PM one time.

[Catwoman]

This is a situation that will need to be solved many times in her future, many different ways. If her current only solution is "my mom volunteered to come, yay" -- she needs this opportunity to expand her box of potential solutions.

It's not that "mom" isn't a good solution to a real problem... It's just that she/you can't be the only solution your dd knows how to use at this point in her life.

I don't think the OP ever suggested that her dd couldn't have come up with another solution to the problem. It sounds like she enjoys going with her dd and that her dd enjoys having her there.

[Cera]

What about having her ask some of the other women (or husbands/boyfriends) to walk her out to her car?  

 

I have been in similar situations many times, on both sides (the one leaving first and one staying to hang out), and it is never a big deal to get two or three women to walk someone out to her car.

[AmyontheFarm]

Common sense.  My dd works at Target and has to be escorted out after closing hours.  Go with your daughter, make precious memories because before long she won't need you any longer. 

[Trish]

Common sense.

 

There's no value to "practicing" being in an unsafe situation to "get ready for college."  Not only are there more students around on a college campus, she can study with a buddy, and you can even call campus security for an escort.

[Trish]

Common sense.  My dd works at Target and has to be escorted out after closing hours.  Go with your daughter, make precious memories because before long she won't need you any longer. 

 

That's great that she has an escort! And she should also be careful BEFORE closing hours.

 

Woman Attacked In Target Parking Lot

 

Police in New Albany say a young woman beat the odds in a store parking lot Friday night.  The victim was attacked, and thanks to a passerby she's safe and the attacker was arrested. The attack happened at the Target parking lot on State Street around 9 p.m.  The parking lot was well lit, had security cameras, and people. She was allegedly approached by 20-year-old Miguel Huerta Bacilio.

 

"When the individual entered her car, he admonished her not to attract any attention, to be quiet.  She was able to make enough commotion, that some passerby came to her aid," said Captain Keith Whitlow, New Albany Police. The woman's screams attracted that attention, and a man chased the suspect.  He was later arrested at the Valley View Court housing projects, just a short distance from the Target store.

 

The young victim says the suspect showed her a knife, taser gun and duct tape, she told her friends the suspect hit her in the mouth.

[bolt.]

Common sense.

 

There's no value to "practicing" being in an unsafe situation to "get ready for college." Not only are there more students around on a college campus, she can study with a buddy, and you can even call campus security for an escort.

I was suggesting that there is value in actively practicing non-mom solutions to unsafe situations, even though, currently, a mom solution is a good fit and an easy answer.

 

I don't think knowing or imagining non-mom solutions is quite enough. This is a good opportunity to actually really practice them.

[unsinkable]

It's funny...we have a rink like that, too. Not a horrible neighborhood, but not super safe, either.

 

I'd suggest she always get walked to her car. She's carrying her gear and a stick. Both hands are usually occupied.

[Laurie4b]

Common sense. There are lots of bad guys out there. I would recommend having your daughter take self defense classes. Probably being in excellent physical condition from hockey, in a mere few months she could be kicking some serious male predator ass. And just having the presence and confidence that comes from knowing you could, will scare off most potential assailants.

 

You're right that a predator is less likely to pick on an alert and confident appearing woman. However, I find  "kicking male predator ass"  naive. The greatest part of self-defense is staying out of a situation where you might have to use it.

 

A lone female walking down the street is just not smart , whether she's taken self-defense or not. For an assailant who's not prepared for a scene, it will probably be enough. But there's no guarantee that there would be just one assailant or that the person would be weaponless or that he'd rather not make a scene. She's safest being in a group walking to the car.

[Guest]

Common sense... not worth the risk.