Adopting older girl from China - suggestions?

[LillyPie]

Hi All.  

You guys were a big help during our last adoptions as I panicked over curriculum and shared cores/grade levels, etc.  

 

We are at it again.  This time she is 6 and has dwarfism and other special needs, and she will obviously come home speaking Mandarin.   Because of her dwarfism she has been denied going to school.  (Her story is on my blog, below.)

 

My questions are basically from an age/esl/grade level perspective as we play catch up here.  Our other kids are 5, 3, 2, and 1.  We use Sonlight and Abeka.  5 year old will go with me to China and is learning functional Mandrin (at a much better rate than I am!)  Any of you out there have any suggestions on the following topics?  

 

-ESL

-two in kindergarten, different paces

-we are worksheet/book people - this will not work for new DD.  audio or visual currics you love?

-combining an OLDER child (new DD) with a younger in preschool to catch up without causing weird dynamics?

-focus on language first, other areas second?  

 

and any other advice.  

 

Much appreciated!

 

Missy

www.roepnack.blogspot.com

 

 

 

[Ravin]

I would probably focus on ESL at first. I might even delay formal schooling (even homeschooling) for six months to a year while she settles in with the family. Let her join in with what siblings are doing as appropriate and she shows interest and readiness. Once she's got some functional English down, I'd start delving into reading, writing, math, etc.--and would probably team her up with your 5yo. in the mandarin lessons. She can study mandarin along with your 5yo., to learn to read and write in it. In English, you can introduce reading just behind her verbal comprehension, I would think. She's young enough that she's still going to learn at least to speak English quickly, being immersed in it. She'll have plenty of time to catch up on the three "R's", especially with home instruction where you can go at her pace and give intensive instruction where needed.

 

If you can support her in becoming fully bilingual, all the better (she's young enough that she might not remain fluent in Mandarin if it's not reinforced; I've seen that happen with native Spanish speaking foster siblings and with my own father, who forgot how to speak Portuguese although it was all he spoke until he started school and the school told his grandparents to speak only English to him).

 

Congratulations on your new addition!

[duckens]

As a PP said, in the first year, just language:

 

ESL

 

and, if you can do it, continue her Mandarin.  If you can keep her fluent in Mandarin, she will have such a gift from you!!! 

 

Speaking in Tongues film

 

:( Netflix doesn't have it yet.  The concept of the film is that schools are learning that it is better for students to keep them biligual rather than to tell them to not ever use their native tongue. 

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Congratulations on your new daughter!!!!!!!   :party:

 

 

[LillyPie]

I had no plans to keep her fluent (hadn't thought about it) and reading these replies, I have never been more sure of a decision so quickly as I am that I will try to keep her fluent and provide her with classes to maintain.  Thank you for this suggestion, it really feels right for our family.  Also, I will teach my 5 year old to speak Mandarin.  I know this is a VERY tough language.... Am I supposed to wait for a certain fluency in reading before I teach another language to my bio 5 year old?  also wondering about my 3/almost 4 year old?  Probably a better question for the bilingual board, but while I am here.....

[Ravin]

The toughest thing about Mandarin for an English speaker, from what I understand, is that it is a tonal language (meaning of words can change with the tones, not just with phonemes; in English this isn't a feature, tone just provides subtextual nuance to sentences). Many people have difficulty hearing the differences when they haven't been raised hearing it. For your new child this will be no problem as she has heard the language since birth; for your 5yo. it may not be a problem, or it could be an area of difficulty, but not nearly as much as it is for the average adult learner.

[CyndiLJ]

You might wait to make the decision about her retaining her native Mandarin.  We found that with all three of our older adoptees, there was considerable pushback about using their native Russian/Kyrgyz/Kazakh languages.  There is an emotional component there that often is not understood by those who haven't adopted.  Ties to an old life that was painful or didn't meet the needs of the child are often things that child wants to push away, sometimes very firmly, despite how much we all know it would be hugely beneficial to maintain a different language.  We opted for letting our children lead in this area, and each one was quite opposed to hanging on to their original language, because it carried with it memories.

 

We focused on real life the first six months, and a little formal learning each day.  We used Modern Curriculum Press's Plaid Phonics, and eventually added in Steck Vaughn's Core Skills workbooks, but one of the better things we did was just play and use language.  There is also available from Amazon an Oxford Picture Dictionary in English and it features every day scenes like grocery stores, classrooms, etc and has very detailed drawings and labels for everything in both English, and I assume Mandarin (they call it Chinese):  http://www.amazon.com/Oxford-Picture-Dictionary-English-Chinese-Bilingual/dp/0194740129/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375477042&sr=8-1&keywords=oxford+picture+dictionary+mandarin

 

We played with that book a LOT, naming things we saw, carrying it to the store and pointing things out, etc.  It is very well done, and has the added benefit of both languages which encouraged us to try and pronounce Russian words while they tried English out, and it helped take away some of the embarassment.

 

After a while, you also might look at Time4Learning PreK and K levels for supplements and to give her some sense of independence, even if you don't rely much on it.  Also, we heavily relied upon Reading A-Z's web site and leveled readers, which show all sorts of cultural things, explain holidays, show everyday scenes, and talk about many basic topics people won't anticipate you'll need to cover with her.

 

Hope this helps!

[Unmeltable]

Congratulations on the addition to your family! What an exciting time!

 

I always recommend, if you haven't read it, Parenting the Hurt Child. I think it's such lifesaver with older child adoption.

 

I think beginning schooling and language learning can go hand in hand. For example, if you're learning to count with objects, you're working on English and beginning math. Really, all kindergarten math is basically vocabulary. Also colors, shapes, maybe setting the table and folding clothes. Reading beautiful books together. I think you'll have lots to work on for a few months while she picks up English. By then she'll be ready for 1st grade when "real" academics start.  

 

I'm so happy for her and you!

[KrissiK]

I have no advice, but I just want to say your children are beautiful, including your newest. Best wishes to your family.

[Berta]

Another with no advice but also want to say you have beautiful children. We adopted our 8 yr old from China (JiangXi) when she was 20 months old. 

[jenncslp]

I second what other's said about just easing into life.  I wouldn't worry about formal schooling yet.  But I wanted to say, just read her story and she is amazing!  What a beautiful family.  I love to see how God puts families together!  

[beth83]

I had a suspicion, but then I went to your blog, and I was right.  The picture of your new daughter has been floating around on my facebook feed all day!

 

How exciting for your family!  No help here, but I will keep yall in my prayers!

[NicAnn]

How exciting! I have been searching for your blog since the last time you posted. I'll bookmark it this time.

 

I hope the transition is smooth!

[mamawaabangi]

First and foremost, Congrats! Can't wait to check out your blog!!!

 

Honestly I am working on a blog post... it isn't up yet... on this very topic. (shecanlaugh.blogspot.com)

We have a son who came home at just about age 5. 

He knew no english. I have also taught kindy for 3 (formerly) adopted children.

 

My advice... 

- Practice being a family first. Make everything about love, trust and learning each other. Take a season or two to do only this!

- Do "school" together as a family. Be inclusive in all you do. If ALL she learns from you is how to be a daughter and to be part of a family you have succeeded!!!

- For a season just let her learn english, but do things she enjoys. Rod and Staff work books (the pre-k) are AWESOME for this... they have saved my sanity this last year, and I normally HATE workbooks. 

- Consider keeping her mandarin, there are apps. Kids typically learn english best in connection with their birth language.

- Consider speech therapy early, it has helped our son a lot.

- Find things that connect with her... not all books or curriculum will have things she can connect her background knowledge to. I saw our son glaze over every time i'd pick up most books. Some things he just doesn't "get"... not because he isn't smart, but because he is smart and knowledgeable about things like bugs, building things, how to stay safe, how to carry a heavy load, how to cross a busy street... Their background knowledge is just different. Hers might be about things like how to get what she wants or how to manipulate adults or how to control people or how to shut out trauma... accept that as knowledge she needed to survive in her previous life and be patient in taking time to teach her the new things she needs to know, like being a part of a family.

- Keep your expectations at the lowest possible place. She will have delays. She may really be more similar to a 4 or 3 year old. That is ok. Savor the time you have to just mother her and baby her. She will develop naturally once she is safe in a family.

- Teach her very much how you would teach a baby, on your lap, reading bright picture books, saying rhymes, clapping games, actions, make it fun and think a few years lower than you would for most 6 yos. She will probably LOVE it... she hasn't gotten much (if any) of that before.

 

Hugs. You can do this thing! 

Give yourself grace and a break as much as you can!

 

 

[kiwik]

Congratulations!

 

You probably won't know exactly where you are until you get settled a bit but you will manage.

 

Maybe you could get some gentle mandarin stories (nothing frightening) in Mandarin for her and your 5 year old to listen to together while resting or doing simple colouring or something. im guessing if she has been denied education she may need a lot of pre writing and reading work anyway.

[mamawaabangi]

Oh also... you wanted thoughts on the following... (got so stinking excited I went off with all the other stuff! :-)

 

-two in kindergarten, different paces:

I have 2 in kindergarten and they are at different places/paces... but I'd not think shed' be ready for kindergarten until she learns english. BUT school shouldn't be about grades levels... just learning and achieving at the level that each child needs. She will know she "missed" something. Focus on her strengths and encourage her in her weak areas.

 

-we are worksheet/book people - this will not work for new DD.  audio or visual currics you love?

Honestly, I think workbooks might be best for her... easy ones (unless you mean that she might have fine motor issues) Audio and visual will be very hard for her because she doesn't know english yet. My son does far better with work books than listening or even watching some stuff. Math u see (might) work later on... but probably not for a year or more.

 

-combining an OLDER child (new DD) with a younger in preschool to catch up without causing weird dynamics?

It wont be weird if you are ALL doing school together. I have our 4 yo doing work with her 6 yo brothers and 8 yo sister, because we do school "as a family." She will know that she has a sibling who is near her (or above her) in ability level... that is ok. Just do the family thing. Encourage her siblings to help her, do things together, play educational games, etc...

 

-focus on language first, other areas second?

Family first, then Language ... everything else will come into place after that.

[tabinfl]

What a beautiful story your family is!

 

My nephew joined my sister's family from China, just before (what they think was) his 6th birthday, and he has albinism. They were surprised to find that he could read some (Mandarin), as he'd been at the orphanage since he was 2 or 3.

 

He picked up English _amazingly_ fast, and started public school at grade level (w/IEP) just two months after coming home. He is 11 now and rocking both English and Braille (and Minecraft :) ). He was able to do far more than just learn English his first year here even with impaired vision. Don't assume you won't be able to use books and worksheets! Listening is not the same as reading... not to mention writing. My sister fought that battle for several years ("He doesn't need Braille, he can use audio books!" NO!).

 

He has not kept up with Mandarin. He was almost certainly physically abused during his years in the orphanage (this is, sadly, not unusual for older / special needs kids). Even some time after coming home, he wanted nothing to do with a room full of Chinese people (they live near a sizeable Chinese-American community with a number of language & culture classes available) or, really, much of anything that reminds him of China. Sis quickly decided that his emotional health far outweighed the benefits of being bilingual.

 

As for two in K, I had 3 in K last year, one a year younger than the other two, all at different levels in different areas (including youngest far ahead of boytwin in reading/phonics/spelling). Now, maybe I just I don't know any better, but I've had more trouble in the areas where they are doing the same work, as it's difficult to keep them from "helping" each other a bit too much!

[maize]

The only thing I have to add to the above is that I doubt it would hurt your five year old to put off formal schooling for a year as well. If I were in your shoes I would take the year to just be a family, read stories with lots of pictures to point to, go to the park often, whatever you enjoy doing together. Go ahead and study Mandarin unless your new daughter finds that upsetting, you don't need to wait until your five year old is reading and writing fluently in English first. But I really wouldn't worry about following a formal program for any of the children at this point.

[Laura Corin]

I wasn't able to follow all your links.  Where are you adopting her from?  If she hasn't been to school (where Mandarin will be taught) she may not speak Mandarin.  If you let me know the town/area she is from then I might be able to help.

 

ETA: if you think of modern China as being similar to the language situation in Renaissance southern Europe, things become clearer.  The written and spoken language of commerce, diplomacy and education was Latin, but at home, people spoke the local dialect of Italian, French, Castilian, Portuguese, Catalan, Basque.....  

 

In China, most people speak a dialect at home.  The spoken dialects can be as different from each other as Italian is from Spanish.  As an example, in Sichuan the word for 'shoe' is 'haizi' (pronounced a little like 'hye-zr'.  In standard Mandarin, that sounds like the word for 'child'.  The word for 'shoe' in standard Mandarin is 'xiezi', which sounds a little like 'she-air-zr'.

 

A child who has not been to school, and perhaps has not absorbed much yet from national TV and radio broadcasts, may only speak the local dialect, not Mandarin.  If that is the case, I would ditch the Mandarin and work directly from English immersion.

 

L

[HS Mom in NC]

1. Have the name and number of an attachment therapist who specializes in children who have come from your daughter's type of situation and get feedback from that person through out your daughter's transition.

2. I would advise against workbook type approaches and strongly suggest lots of beautifully illustrated high quality children's read alouds to maximize a delightful immersion into English and a consciously gentle, easy paced Charlotte Mason approach full of being in nature and gently developing good habits. Once she can function in English I would suggest following her particular interests with lovely living books from the library to get her excited about learning.  You can then add in more structured things a little at a time so she's not overwhelmed. 

3. Don't make any demands about the native language.  Is it possible to collect a variety of videos or recordings in her native language that appeal to a child her age (and over the next few years) so she doesn't completely lose it while immersing her in English as stated above?  When she's a little older she can choose to make a conscious effort to study her first language or not.  She may not want to, so be flexible.

 

My youngest was adopted from S. Korea and came home to us at 7 months old.

[LillyPie]

THank you to everyone.  I am honestly a little overwhelmed in a good way over all this advice and am prayerfully considering all of it.  I have decided to go with BetterChinese curriculum for preschool and use it in advance of her homecoming with my 5 year old with a wonderful woman from church who is a retired Mandarin professor from Beijing who taught in the US state college system who has agreed to tutor us once a week.  We do have videos of Haven, and she does speak Mandarin, but with a thick providencial accent and not too many words.  We will take it slow and see how she does.  All I know is that the Lord has laid it on my heart that this child needs to maintain her mandarin if she is willing when she gets here.  Her dwarfism leads me to believe there is a bigger picture to this leading from God.  He is faithful to confirm or close doors, so I will just keep walking in faith that we are to learn this language.  I will update you guys soon!

 

http://roepnack.blogspot.com/2013/08/adopting-again-our-daughter-with.html

[kiwik]

Lovely smile.

[HS Mom in NC]

I forgot to add that you should connect with the dwarf community near you.  They'll have lots of good, practical advice about and support for being a dwarf in America.

[LillyPie]

I forgot to add that you should connect with the dwarf community near you.  They'll have lots of good, practical advice about and support for being a dwarf in America.

 

Thank you!  We are working closely with LPA on a regional and national level, and will be attending the LPA conference next year if she is home and adjusted in time.  

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Without giving too many details, I have had the opportunity to learn a LOT about dwarfism in the last few months- I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and your new child- I hope she thrives in a loving family!  There is a yahoo support group called Parents of Little People that you might want to look into if you haven't yet! 

 

Have you done Five In A Row?  It might work for all of your yongers, reading the story so that your new girl gets a sense of the rhythm of the language, then using the pictures to begin basic vocabulary, then the crafts, which don't really require "language" so to speak, but just following along with what others are doing. 

 

I don't think it would be weird at all to combine her with your pre-schooler.  If you are not making a big deal of age/grade and just doing what is appropriate for each child, no one will feel weird, I don't htink.  :-) 

 

Best of luck!

[Jaybee]

This has nothing to do with "schooling" in a formal way, but don't discount the importance of educational tools such as Legos, puzzles, those beads on tracking wires, art supplies, etc. Our son was almost four when we brought him home, and this kind of play was very important for his development. He had not had this, and his small motor skills and spacial/conceptual skills grew very fast once he had exposure to more stimulating toys than he'd had available. There was a lot of discovery going on! (And some frustrations as he learned basic physics principles when his Lego creations didn't work!)