albeto Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I dunno. My oldest is like 19 Dennis the Menaces rolled up into one child (but with 21st century ideas of mischief). So, yeah, stress. Lots of it. It never ends. If all my kids were like my other two, I'd have had a dozen at least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Two was by far the hardest. By three you learn to slow down and by four they entertain each other and leave you alone. There was a level of stress added by logistics by 6 (it's just a lot of people to organize) but it wasn't an emotional/ psychological stress. Seven was no more stressful than six. I think there is some secret to large families being easier than 1 or 2 that parents of fewer children just can't conceptualize. But it really is much easier having a lot than just 1 or 2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2TheTeam Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I don't get the odd man out argument with three. We don't have that here. They all three play or they split 1/2 (amicably, LOL, by choice) or they all play on their own. Nobody is miserable and alone. I am sure personality matters with this (and maybe gender?), but here three is never an odd man out situation. I was scratching my head at that too. I have 6, so an even number, but the youngest is only 8 months old. My older 3 (including a set of twins and only 1 girl) play together all the time. There is no odd man out. My younger 2 play together and are twins also, both boys. I admit I'm slightly concerned my 8 month old is going to be the odd man out, but it isn't because I have an odd number of children. It's because the siblings just above him are twins who are 2 peas in a pod and he may have a hard time breaking in. But, I'm going to work hard to help him do that and teach them to include him. I don't really think it's going to be a problem. I feel like no matter the number of children, the personalities can cause "odd man out" type syndrome and it doesn't really have to do with how many children there are. Oh and gender probably contributes to it. I have 5 boys and only 1 girl. I'm sure sometimes she will feel like the odd girl out. But she has me. I'm looking forward to going camping and saying to my husband, "boys in that tent and girls over here." :lol: 1 to 2: I remember thinking--if I'd known it would be this easy, I would have had #2 sooner. BUT I also remember weeping over the # of diapers. 2 to 3: Well...she was colicky, & we moved when she wasn't 3mos old, but 3 to 4? *faint* Difficult #3 was only 14mos old. I haven't recovered enough from the PTSD to look at the pics of those first 2 years yet. LOL! 4 to 5: *shrug* LOL--I guess that's when it got easier. *Lots* of "helpers." Someone told me recently they couldn't imagine my # of kids, but theirs were the ages yours are: 5 & under. So here's the thing: they come (generally) one at a time. And no one *stays* 18mos old forever. ;) 12yo has its difficulties, but they come tied in a pretty ribbon of being able to take out the trash, do the dishes & laundry... Your post made me giggle. The first bolded about 2 in diapers....I went from 1 in diapers to 3 in diapers for almost a year to 2 in diapers to 4 in diapers (yes 4) for a little less than a year, to 2 in diapers and then back to 3 in diapers. My 3 year old twins are mostly potty trained now (one is causing me issues. Urr...) So, now, I only have 1 baby in diapers full time! It is amazing....and....I cloth diapered all but this last baby. I would cloth diaper him, but I can't keep up with laundry as it is. I just can't add more. *sigh* The second bolded about coming one at a time....generally is so true! I have 2 sets of twins. I often say we do it 2 by 2, the Biblical way. LOL!! The two sets of twins is what threw a monkey wrench into our lives. 5 kids 4.5 and under including 2 27 month olds and newborns and moving when they were 4 months old was seriously nuts! Though, I full admit twins are totally fun and awesome! ;) (I would have loved to have a 3rd set and was supposed to have one. My last baby was an ID twin. I lost his brother in the first trimester.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petepie2 Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I didn't notice much difference going from 3 to 4. As the kids get older, the dynamics just change. As you have that 4th child, the oldest is likely to be more independent and more of a helper. But in the end, you just go with the flow and adjust and learn. When I had my first child, I couldn't get anything accomplished when she was an infant. I just didn't know how! And then, I remember when my 3rd child was an infant and a friend offered to baby sit the older two while I took the day to clean the house and get ready for a trip. I thought, "Wow! Think of all that I can get done! I just have a baby to care for!" Haha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maela Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Anything over 2 in my book. I think ages of the kids (span in ages) is a huge factor though. If you have three that are not independent then I imagine it being quite difficult. I remember when I had my second, my first was just barely potty trained and could just barely be trusted to walk with me to the car without running off. I can't imagine having to, for example, carry multiple kids to the car or change multiple diapers. I kind of agree with Monica. I worked very hard with one because I always felt like I had to entertain him. As my 2 are getting older they often do stuff together. This exactly. For me, the first was the hardest because of the bolded above. Also, as an introvert, it was very hard for me to get used to having to take care of someone 24/7. And I thought I was so prepared! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 For me the first was the hardest as it was the biggest transition. For us, adding a second and then a third created more work but not really more stress. I do notice in my practice that three does seem to be the number where we see a lot of Moms fall apart. People who seemed to have it all together just kind of lose it with the third. I think how close they are spaced makes a big difference. Mine are three years apart so I had a 6 yr old, a 3 yr old an a newborn. That’s very different than someone with a 3.5, yr old, 18 month old and newborn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Currently my youngest five are ages six and under. Same here. And they're all boys. :svengo: For goodness sakes if it isn't a challenge are you working at it? Who said it was supposed to be easy? That person should be beat. Yes, exactly. My life is so stressful but seriously? I look around and everyone seems stressed about something. If it isn't money, it's a wayward child, or marriage troubles, or family troubles, or an illness, or getting ready for something, or wanting something more, etc, etc. *But* I do believe mamas worry about the wrong things. And I think they HURRY too much. Hurrying is the absolute key to impatience and crabbiness. Stop hurrying. There should be some kind of campaign. Don't overdo it. Realize you're human. Allow for error. Good advice!! Anxiety solves nothing. We have this innate need to get a "B" in everything. Look through the blogs, know that you're doing better than some, then compare yourself to the ones getting an "A", push harder, worry more, try to be happy with your B. That's not a good way to live. Walk away from the blog. I had a good friend over once before she was a good friend. She looked at my garden and was complimentary. I had weeds, etc., but there was food planted in it. ;) Several days later I ran across a blog, her blog ironically. In it there were pictures of her garden and OH. MY. Goodness. I was horrified I had let her see my weedy, sad little garden!! I sent her an email, lol, saying essentially she wasn't allowed to look at my garden again as I didn't realize when I let her peek what an avid gardener she was. :p She wrote back explaining she takes pictures of the things that give her joy, not the weeds. Ya'all. That's life. We focus on the weeds. The truth is that parenting is hard. Then it has easy times. Then it goes back to being hard. You ask a mom on the right day and she'll tell you it's currently a breeze and there was that one time when it was really hard for her.... Ask her on another day and she'll tell you she's finding it challenging right now. Ask her on yet a different day and she might say, "Kids?! What kids??" And panic and look around her. I so wish I could get this in my head somehow. I am constantly in anxiety over how well I'm doing, comparing myself, etc. I remember it clearly. And I realized it's NOT a season for me. I don't believe in using birth control. This. Is. My. Whole. Life. And I had a mini panic attack. LOL! Yes. I hate the "this is a season" comments. I know that's true for most people, but it's not true for a few of us. ETA: my hardest transition was 3 to 4. Nothing compares to that. But my #3 is still my most difficult child (by far) and he was only 19 months at the time, and in a screaming phase. Then #4 was a very difficult baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I have 3 and I'm expecting #4. My third folded into the family like she'd always been here. My transition from 1 to 2 children, however, was really, really rough on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 Spam by Martha639 reported Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 My oldest is very intense and overly exhausting since birth. I would have stop at one if I was not already expecting my younger. My younger had health issues so it was a different kind of stress. A few friends who were the middle child of three did felt left out because of unintentional parental favortism. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 For me, having the second was easier than the first. Three just about drove me over the edge. Having a 4th was hard too, but in a different way. Part of it was age--I recovered a lot slower from giving birth after 30. Plus I'd just started homeschooling. In some ways, it did get easier, as the kids entertain themselves. But there are still more people to take care of. And I don't know how I'm going to manage to add a fourth kid to the homeschooling mix. Maybe once she gets past the terrible 3s, she'll be a little angel... But yeah, age has a lot to do with it. I just came home from a family reunion. Three of my BILs have a kid in the 1-2 yo range. And dh and I spent a lot of time discussing how much easier it was for us, since we don't have anyone in diapers, and all our kids can communicate with words, even though we have more kids than most of them. It was so relaxing to let the kids run off and play, instead of having a pre-verbal toddler clinging to my legs and crying every 10 minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 It is not only the spacing, number, and ages, but how old the oldest children are. When my ninth was born my oldest was 14 almost 15 and my second oldest was just barely 12. While I don't subscribe to the older children raising the younger children, there is something to be said about going to the bathroom and knowing you have a couple of responsible children that can keep the 2 year old from tormenting the baby for a few minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pollo_la Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I have 6 - ages 8,6,5,3,1, and newborn. When I had 3 was the hardest! I have all kinds of help now! That being said, I do feel more stressed out now then I did when I only had 2. One was actually a very hard # too... she was a very high needs baby, and I was use to being "all about me" so that was a hard transition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IHaveNoIdeawhatIAmDoing Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I love my son! That being said, I measure my stress less by how many kids I have and how they're spaced out, and more by how many boys I'm currently caring for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IHaveNoIdeawhatIAmDoing Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I love my son! That being said, I measure my stress less by how many kids I have and how they're spaced out, and more by how many boys I'm currently caring for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Courtney_Ostaff Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Thought y'all might appreciate this study: http://www.bounty.com/best-combination two girls make for the most harmonious family life as they are unlikely to fight, will play nicely and are generally a pleasure to be around. Two girls rarely annoy their parents with too much noise, confide in their parents and are unlikely to wind each other up or ignore each other. By contrast, doubling the number of daughters is likely to lead to a whole world of drama, our report found. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Courtney_Ostaff Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 double post! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Thought y'all might appreciate this study: http://www.bounty.com/best-combination two girls make for the most harmonious family life as they are unlikely to fight, will play nicely and are generally a pleasure to be around. Two girls rarely annoy their parents with too much noise, confide in their parents and are unlikely to wind each other up or ignore each other. By contrast, doubling the number of daughters is likely to lead to a whole world of drama, our report found. Btdt. Believe it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Thought y'all might appreciate this study: http://www.bounty.com/best-combination two girls make for the most harmonious family life as they are unlikely to fight, will play nicely and are generally a pleasure to be around. Two girls rarely annoy their parents with too much noise, confide in their parents and are unlikely to wind each other up or ignore each other. By contrast, doubling the number of daughters is likely to lead to a whole world of drama, our report found. Eh, I don't know about that. It was only my sister and I growing up and I'd say in our elementary years this was pretty much the scenerio, but middle school/high school was a whole different story. When there are girls, there is drama!;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
126bugeyes Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 3 was more of the same. 4 was "what have I done to myself?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tress Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Thought y'all might appreciate this study: http://www.bounty.com/best-combination two girls make for the most harmonious family life as they are unlikely to fight, will play nicely and are generally a pleasure to be around. Two girls rarely annoy their parents with too much noise, confide in their parents and are unlikely to wind each other up or ignore each other. By contrast, doubling the number of daughters is likely to lead to a whole world of drama, our report found. I'm not sure I needed to read this today :svengo: . :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carriede Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I should NOT be reading this! I'm pregnant with an unplanned #3, and would otherwise be no where NEAR having another anytime soon. Y'all are supporting my periodic panic attacks. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I should NOT be reading this! I'm pregnant with an unplanned #3, and would otherwise be no where NEAR having another anytime soon. Y'all are supporting my periodic panic attacks. ;) Aw, let me cheer you up. :D My three are pretty close in age (19 months). We chose to have a third because I was convinced that three would be "jolly." Seriously, I kept using that word. I just had this idea that two was sedate and that three would provide just enough interaction to spark extra fun. (Typing his, I feel kind of silly, LOL, but it's true.) Well, I was so right! My third, DS7 is just the best kind of ham. He is adorable and witty. His smile lights up a room. He is carefree and huggly. We just wouldn't be the same family without him. Three was so fabulous that although I was absolutely sure three would be "it" before and during my pregnancy, I started wanting a 4th after he was born, because it was so much fun to have all these kids so close in age. Perfect playmates. We ended up stopping, but mostly because of an ill-timed 15 month deployment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boscopup Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I found going from 1 to 2 easier than 0 to 1, and going from 2 to 3 was easier as well. With each kid, I've gotten more organized and more mature. Adding new babies were easy, thanks to good quality baby carriers. My third potty trained earlier than any of my other kids, so once he was 2.5, I had zero in diapers and was ready to party! :lol: Also by that age, my oldest was 7.5 and could help the younger kids with their car seats and such. My kids are all spaced 2.5 years apart. It's been good spacing, and since they're all boys, they play well together for the most part (we have fighting, but they LOVE playing together). Is it always easy? Nope. There are always challenges. That's called "parenting". Is it harder because I have 3? I don't think so. I don't have to entertain my kids - they have built in playmates. They're all at a helpful age with regards to housework now (I can hand the 3 of them a pile of their clothes, and they can fold and put them all away - hooray!!!!!). The two older boys can even climb up into the hay loft and get hay bales down for the horses/goats during the winter, so I don't have to climb up there (I don't like heights). And as I do a better job training them to put toys and such away, the house stays cleaner. I think the easiest part for me is that I no longer have a toddler in the house! :tongue_smilie: Oh, and I have slept through the night for a good 2.5 years now. :D I sometimes drool over the possibility of a 4th kid, but DH and I have decided we're "done", and I freak out a bit over the thought of being pregnant again (had SPD the last two times). I'd also have to think about logistics of where to put the kid, since I turned our baby room into a toy/school room and want to keep it that way. :D But if we're blessed with a surprise, I don't think it would be horrible. I think the hardest part would be the extra spacing... that child would be at least 5 years from the next kid. So at that point, it'd probably be best to go ahead and have a 5th (which I doubt my DH would ever agree to! :lol:) a couple years later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 3 was more of the same. 4 was "what have I done to myself?" yes, exactly, LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I'm not sure I needed to read this today :svengo: . :lol: :grouphug: Tress :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Aw, let me cheer you up. :D My three are pretty close in age (19 months). We chose to have a third because I was convinced that three would be "jolly." Seriously, I kept using that word. I just had this idea that two was sedate and that three would provide just enough interaction to spark extra fun. (Typing his, I feel kind of silly, LOL, but it's true.) Well, I was so right! My third, DS7 is just the best kind of ham. He is adorable and witty. His smile lights up a room. He is carefree and huggly. We just wouldn't be the same family without him. Three was so fabulous that although I was absolutely sure three would be "it" before and during my pregnancy, I started wanting a 4th after he was born, because it was so much fun to have all these kids so close in age. Perfect playmates. We ended up stopping, but mostly because of an ill-timed 15 month deployment. Our third was our most easy-going child. He made us laugh so much (and still does:) Kristina, your description of your third child reminds me so much of ours. And, to continue the legacy our son's third born child (a boy) is also adorable and funny. The kind of child that you can't help laughing at even though you know you shouldn't;) Almost makes me miss the "2's":) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Twain Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Zero is the most stressful number. They cry more than those with toddlers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 1, 3, and 5 were all stressful for me. Even numbers somehow works out a little easier. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I should NOT be reading this! I'm pregnant with an unplanned #3, and would otherwise be no where NEAR having another anytime soon. Y'all are supporting my periodic panic attacks. ;) If it makes you feel better, I was a much better mom to #3 than #1 or #2. You finally work out most of the kinks by that point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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