dirty ethel rackham Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Dd is a competitive rock climber and is on a climbing team at our local gym. She loves climbing and loves being on this team. We love the coaches and we have a community there. But, the coaching is not up to the caliber that she needs if she wants to achieve her goals. I have been working with the gym owner on building up the program with the hopes that it will benefit my daughter. But, progress is slow - sometimes glacial. This weekend, an opportunity landed in our laps ... I ran into an old friend at the climbing gym this weekend who happens to be an excellent coach and has taken several kids up to the national level - one cracking the top 10 in his age group. It was always my pipe dream to have him coach my daughter, but I never thought it was a possibility since he sort of retired from coaching and got a real job once he had kids. Well, his kids are now old enough to be in school. He is between jobs right now (his wife works full-tiime as a nurse.) He volunteered to take her on for a very low rate (basically covering his expenses - I will talk with dh about actually paying him more - he is worth it.) The deal is that he will only take her on because he recognizes her talent and temperament and because we are old friends. He doesn't want to coach anyone else at this point, partially because we can be much more flexible on scheduling practice time due to homeschooling. Well, here is my dilemma ... dd will continue climbing with her team. It is a great social outlet for her as she looks forward to being with her climbing friends. Also, I am the parent liaison for this team, so I really can't abandon this. But, I don't want to offend her coach. I will let him know that my friend will be working with her "on the side." But, he will be going with us to the warm-up competitions to help her with mental focus and strategy. Her main team coach probably will not be going to these (another beef I have with the program). But, it will probably get back to him that this other coach showed up and has been working with my dd. Some of her teammates may be wondering what is going on. I guess I am just trying to think about how to broach this with her team coach and, if it comes up, the person running the program. It may eventually come down to her needing to list this coach as her main coach in order for him to be allowed access to her at major competitions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I don't see this as a sticky situation. I think it is important that you don't present it as such. Around here it is common for athletes to have individual coaches. Since you aren't leaving the team, the team benefits from your dd increased skill and the gym benefits from good press as she moves up in the sport. Your friend may or may not continue coaching so now is the time to learn all she can. I hope her current coach can see it as a great opportunity for your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 We are in this same situation with archery. My youngest is a competitive archer and shoots with a team at a local shop. We like it there. We've made friends and enjoy the atmosphere. However, most of the team are girls who shoot recurves. My son is a compound archer. He doesn't receive the attention from the coaches that we think will help him advance. We ran into his old coach at the last big tournament. He's opening a shop in town soon and has asked to coach ds. We have discussed it with the current shop owner as an opportunity we can't pass up. While we appreciate all the shop has done for us and we certainly don't want to cause problems or burn bridges, this is an important step for ds to shoot with a compound coach who has a good coaching relationship with our boy and really understands how best to direct him. And we may very well remain on this team and just seek private lessons with the new coach. The current shopowner was very understanding and agreed that he deserved a coach who focuses on his type of bow. And he thanked us for our honesty and said we are welcome to remain on this team while seeking outside coaching elsewhere. Whew! It was a relief! And it worked out the best way possible. I hope your situation does, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I think the best way is to address the issue head on with the coach explaining what you are doing etc. you really do not owe the coach any explanation but it does open things up so it is not as if you are doing anything wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 The private coaching sounds like a great opportunity for your daughter. Perhaps you could say something to the team coach like this: "Daughter just loves the community here and being part of your team. She has an opportunity to get some private coaching from a coach who is may be coming out of retirement. Since she plans to stay here and continue to be on your team, we thought you should know about the extra practice she'll be getting on the side." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 if the team coach is worth his salt - he knows she's beyond his ability to adequately coach and will support her having a coach who meets her needs. Just express appreciation to the team coach for everything he's done. When he was in high school, my dd's x-country coach was in a simliar situation to your dd. he went out for cross country thinking it would help him make the soccer team in the spring. he'd never run before, and didn't really care about running. within a couple months of starting, his coach was telling his parents that "you need to get him a better coach." He just had that much talent and ability. (it paid for his college.) oh - he did continue on the high school team, he just had the better coaching as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad 4 Boys Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I agree with everyone else that there is no issue here. You shouldn't think twice about having someone else coach your daughter. It's quite common in most sports around here. My sons have used independent pitching coaches on and off throughout their baseball careers. If your regular coach has an issue with your daughter doing something away from the team to improve her skills, he's being very shortsighted. If he wants whats best for the team he should actually be trying to figure out some way to leverage the instruction your daughter receives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I don't see this as a sticky situation. I think it is important that you don't present it as such. Around here it is common for athletes to have individual coaches. Since you aren't leaving the team, the team benefits from your dd increased skill and the gym benefits from good press as she moves up in the sport. Your friend may or may not continue coaching so now is the time to learn all she can. I hope her current coach can see it as a great opportunity for your dd. I agree with this. We see this in sports all.the.time. The team coach does not take on individual coaching, and the really talented players have individual coaching, or they go to MSU for basketball camp or whatever, etc. No one thinks twice about it. Our honorary dd was a VERY talented left hand girls' softball pitcher. She played on her high school team, but had a pitching coach from U of M that worked with her. No one was offended by this. It happens quite a bit in music. Many band directors do not give lessons on individual instruments or they will give them only on their main instrument. In high school, my band director was a serious trombone man and played decently, anything else brass, but as a flutist I was out to lunch getting any help from him. I had an individual instructor for that. Most of the woodwind section players who were really serious about their instruments had teachers outside of school. Don't worry about this. She is just taking her training to the next level. That's all. Very common. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I don't see it as a problem. My kids have private soccer coaches from time to time. It has never been an issue. My oldest is a goal keeper. The high school coach is not a goal keeper coach, so DS has a private goal keeper coach that we pay. The high school coach is glad for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Lots of kids did this in gymnastics. It was frowned upon by some coaches, but was pretty common. I think it is fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I don't see this as a sticky situation. I think it is important that you don't present it as such. Around here it is common for athletes to have individual coaches. Since you aren't leaving the team, the team benefits from your dd increased skill and the gym benefits from good press as she moves up in the sport. Your friend may or may not continue coaching so now is the time to learn all she can. I hope her current coach can see it as a great opportunity for your dd. I agree with this. We see this in sports all.the.time. The team coach does not take on individual coaching, and the really talented players have individual coaching, or they go to MSU for basketball camp or whatever, etc. No one thinks twice about it. Our honorary dd was a VERY talented left hand girls' softball pitcher. She played on her high school team, but had a pitching coach from U of M that worked with her. No one was offended by this. It happens quite a bit in music. Many band directors do not give lessons on individual instruments or they will give them only on their main instrument. In high school, my band director was a serious trombone man and played decently, anything else brass, but as a flutist I was out to lunch getting any help from him. I had an individual instructor for that. Most of the woodwind section players who were really serious about their instruments had teachers outside of school. Don't worry about this. She is just taking her training to the next level. That's all. Very common. Faith :iagree: :iagree: with both of these. It's like hiring a private tutor. We are about to be in a similar situation w/ dd and swimming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 i totally get how it feels awkward. we just kept the owner of the ballet studio apprised of the other things dd was doing. when it became clear that we needed to spend way more time elsewhere, i stopped being the team mom so that the move wouldn't have the same impact. now dds dance only two classes at the original studio. fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Slightly off topic...I have a child who has natural rock climbing ability. I know nothing about doing it as sport rather have only known about it as something fun to do at amusement places. How do I find out about rock climbing as a sport and how do I find a team or coach? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Expect to feel a little uncomfortable, but it sounds pretty ordinary for an exceptionally talented/tracked student in many sports and fields. Try not to feel like you are doing something wrong; you are just doing what is best for your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Always, always, always get the best coaching you can for your child. Be humble about it, but don't make excuses for it. You are not hurting the team by getting additional coaching for your child. As for broaching it, be matter of fact. Act like this is the best, logical choice for your child and why would that be a problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Thanks for the vote of confidence. I guess I will just "act natural" and let them know. It could get a little stickier if we do choose to list him as her main coach so that he can be with her at the championship series competitions. I also need to be sensitive to other climbers on her team who would love to be in dd's position. This coach was very explicit that he didn't want to take on a bunch of climbers, just her. Not a statement on the other climbers' ability at all. Murmur - I'm sending you a pm instead of trying to type out a long response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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