Wow. Dd is never going back to school

[NotSoObvious]

We did some work at the library yesterday in between activities. All was well until a bunch of families with very young and appropriately noisy children came in. DD with dyspraxia was physically in pain from the noise! She jolted and plugged her ears and squirmed every time they made a noise. She couldn't get through one math problem.

I used to send noise canceling headphones to school and her teacher told me she didn't need them. No wonder she learned nothing that year.

She does well in classes that are focused and structured, but she HATES chaos.

 

It was just a good reminder that home is a better place for her right now.

[*********]

I've considered getting something for Moose to wear while he does lessons. He has SID/SPD, and he is sensory avoiding in regards to sounds. Loud sounds really frighten him, and he frequently plugs his ears when he's frustrated during a lesson.

 

I thought maybe I'd start with one of those headband things that you wear to keep your ears warm. Couldn't hurt to try, right?

 

ETA: I'm so with you on never sending him to school, LOL. I'm pretty sure Zee would be fine in regards to being able to get his work done. But Moose? No WAY. They'd already have him labeled ADD or ADHD and he'd have an IEP. All because he has a convergence insufficiency and SPD. I'm so glad we're able to bless him with homeschooling. He'd be such a miserable boy at a b&m school.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Sounds like a sensory issue to me (not that chaos is a good thing:).) My middle kid had major auditory sensory issues and would completely shut down when there was too much noise and bustle around him. While the headphones are a good accommodation, actually treating the problem will make life in the world easier down the road.

[brookspr]

Does your library have study rooms where you could do your work in a quiet environment? Our library's study rooms have mostly glass walls so it is nice that you can still see into the library and outside while in the study room. That might be a good option for those days when there are lots of other kids around.

[NotSoObvious]

Sounds like a sensory issue to me (not that chaos is a good thing:).) My middle kid had major auditory sensory issues and would completely shut down when there was too much noise and bustle around him. While the headphones are a good accommodation, actually treating the problem will make life in the world easier down the road.

 

 

Oh, she's been in therapy, we've done TLP, etc. With her issues, it will never "go away," but it's getting better.

We can actually go to movies now.

[Sahamamama]

I used to send noise canceling headphones to school and her teacher told me she didn't need them. No wonder she learned nothing that year. She does well in classes that are focused and structured, but she HATES chaos. It was just a good reminder that home is a better place for her right now.

 

IME, the majority of teachers block it out. They don't really hear the noise, or understand why some students do not function well in chaos. :confused1:

 

I've calmly quieted my children down at church (when they were truly noisy), only to be reprimanded by public school teachers who overhear (and overstep). :glare: They say, "Oh, they're fine. I don't even notice the noise, after being with ______ (insert number) of __________ (insert grade) graders for ______ (insert number) years." To which my husband and I reply, "Well, we do notice, and as their parents we determine when their noise level suits us and when it doesn't." :tongue_smilie:

 

It's great that you can keep your daughter home, where the structure and volume levels are up to you! :)

[Sahamamama]

Sounds like a sensory issue to me (not that chaos is a good thing:).) My middle kid had major auditory sensory issues and would completely shut down when there was too much noise and bustle around him. While the headphones are a good accommodation, actually treating the problem will make life in the world easier down the road.

 

What is the treatment for this?

 

I ask because I'm sure I must have this! When I was in school, I could NOT concentrate if there was background noise. For example, the classroom clocks used to drive me to distraction. I could hear my teacher's watch ticking on his wrist. I could hear the traffic outside the windows, the lawnmowers, the weed whackers, the basketballs in the gym (way down the hallway), the buses lining up outside the school, every person chewing gum, breathing, shuffling feet or papers, and DAVID N. TAPPING HIS PENCIL ON HIS DESK.

 

Once, while taking an Algebra II test (doing miserably, I'm sure), David N. was tapping, tapping, tapping. I turned around. "David! Stop!"

 

"Oh, sorry." A few minutes of peace and then, tap, tap, tap.

 

"David! Stop!"

 

"Oh, sorry." More peace and then, tap, tap, tap.

 

After a few more times of this, I turned around, grabbed his pencil, and broke it over his head. Of course, that was precisely when the teacher looked up. To his credit, David said, "It was my fault, Mrs. _____." He was a good friend! ;)

 

My father was (and is) a tapper, too. Tapping is like nails on a chalkboard (which, ironically, does not in the least bit bother me). :confused1:

[NotSoObvious]

 

 

What is the treatment for this?

 

I ask because I'm sure I must have this! When I was in school, I could NOT concentrate if there was background noise. For example, the classroom clocks used to drive me to distraction. I could hear my teacher's watch ticking on his wrist. I could hear the traffic outside the windows, the lawnmowers, the weed whackers, the basketballs in the gym (way down the hallway), the buses lining up outside the school, every person chewing gum, breathing, shuffling feet or papers, and DAVID N. TAPPING HIS PENCIL ON HIS DESK.

 

Once, while taking an Algebra II test (doing miserably, I'm sure), David N. was tapping, tapping, tapping. I turned around. "David! Stop!"

 

"Oh, sorry." A few minutes of peace and then, tap, tap, tap.

 

"David! Stop!"

 

"Oh, sorry." More peace and then, tap, tap, tap.

 

After a few more times of this, I turned around, grabbed his pencil, and broke it over his head. Of course, that was precisely when the teacher looked up. To his credit, David said, "It was my fault, Mrs. _____." He was a good friend! ;)

 

My father was (and is) a tapper, too. Tapping is like nails on a chalkboard (which, ironically, does not in the least bit bother me). :confused1:

 

Everything is a spectrum, so if it doesn't affect your ability to function, it's not a disorder. ;)

Treatment includes stimulating whatever bothers you and learning to handle it at higher and higher levels, basically. The Listening Program activates certain areas of the brain and helps kids develop the ability to tolerate it a bit a better. Kids who have aversions to sticky things play with sticky things, etc.

It's basically working to desensitize the area of your brain affected. Does that make sense? OT is basically playing with what ails you. ;)

[tex-bex]

I'm with you, Sahamamama. I've always been noise-sensitive - chewing noises are my worst, but fidgeting noises, sirens, and my own noisy children are right behind. I hate the layout of my house because there's no place I can go to be in silence if there's noise in the house. It exhausts me.

[Sahamamama]

Everything is a spectrum, so if it doesn't affect your ability to function, it's not a disorder. ;)

Treatment includes stimulating whatever bothers you and learning to handle it at higher and higher levels, basically. The Listening Program activates certain areas of the brain and helps kids develop the ability to tolerate it a bit a better. Kids who have aversions to sticky things play with sticky things, etc.

It's basically working to desensitize the area of your brain affected. Does that make sense? OT is basically playing with what ails you.

 

Oh. :001_unsure: Well. That sounds uncomfortable. And, it supports my theory that school teachers don't hear the noise. They are extremely desensitized, because they have had LOTS of exposure to noise! :) I try to minimize mine. :blush:

 

Actually, noise does affect my ability to function. I literally "can't think" if the level gets too much (not the volume, so much as the chaotic aspect of it). Make sense? For example, my father is asking me a complex question WHILE REPEATEDLY FLIPPING HIS KEYS AND JINGLING THE COINS IN HIS POCKET. Why does he do this? Only possibly answer: To irritate me.

 

Another example: We are at an outdoor cafe, there is traffic, the children are falling off chairs, people are passing by talking loudly on cell phones and complimenting us on these same children (why?), there is a BEE on my sandwich, and my husband chooses that moment to ask me what I'd like to do with the tax return.

 

:blink:

 

So.... treatment is more noise, multiple complexities, simultaneous demands on my brain? :leaving:

[Sahamamama]

I'm with you, Sahamamama. I've always been noise-sensitive - chewing noises are my worst, but fidgeting noises, sirens, and my own noisy children are right behind. I hate the layout of my house because there's no place I can go to be in silence if there's noise in the house. It exhausts me.

 

 

We are about to (hopefully) get a new house (closing next Friday, if all goes well).

 

Off the master bedroom is a little room (4 x 3?) with no apparent purpose. It isn't exactly a closet. It has a tiny octagonal window and a pretty view. I have already claimed it as my Quiet Room. There's just enough room for a comfortable chair, a plant stand, and a Bible.

 

My husband was going to WASTE it with his stupid suitcases. No, no, no!

 

It's mine. I'll call it Mommy's Prayer Room and that should fend them off for a while, LOL. ;)

 

I hope you get some peace and quiet. I know that it can be a true need sometimes. I use earplugs some days. Seriously.

[tex-bex]

If so, perhaps we should run away to our own quiet island together, and be quiet there. :)

 

I've heard magnesium can help, but I don't think there's enough in the world to offset my issues. :p

 

 

[tex-bex]

I slept with earplugs last night because a stupid mockingbird has taken up residence in the tree outside my bedroom window.

 

That room sounds heavenly! I'd let DH put his suitcases in there, though. You know, to add extra insulation to the walls. ;)

[Unicorn.]

I just have to jump in and defend the tappers, leg bouncers, and key janglers of the world. It's an ad/hd thing. It allows us to release the pent up energy in a rhythmic way, so we can concentrate. :D We also have sensory issues, and my ds, the leg bouncer, pencil tapper, would go nuts when he was younger during school, because his sisters were "breathing too loud". He could even hear them through the noise cancelling headphones. I spent years telling him the world couldn't be silent for him, and he would have to get used to noise.

My son's leg bouncing (and I do it too) makes me "sea sick" at times. I reach over and lay my hand on his leg, he'll apologize, and lather, rinse, repeat. We're sorry for the disturbances- we really can't help it!

[Amy in TX]

You know, I thought this was just my own weirdness. My father was a tapper, and my son is one too. It shreds my nerves. I can't stand the sound of my husband eating. I can't understand someone talking to me on the phone if there is even a little noise, like someone else talking quietly in the room, where I am. Yeah, and we live in one of those open-concept houses where you can hear everything going on in every room. I thought that would be a good thing when we moved in, lol.

[Amy in TX]

I just have to jump in and defend the tappers, leg bouncers, and key janglers of the world. It's an ad/hd thing. It allows us to release the pent up energy in a rhythmic way, so we can concentrate. :D We also have sensory issues, and my ds, the leg bouncer, pencil tapper, would go nuts when he was younger during school, because his sisters were "breathing too loud". He could even hear them through the noise cancelling headphones. I spent years telling him the world couldn't be silent for him, and he would have to get used to noise.

My son's leg bouncing (and I do it too) makes me "sea sick" at times. I reach over and lay my hand on his leg, he'll apologize, and lather, rinse, repeat. We're sorry for the disturbances- we really can't help it!

 

 

 

Not to worry, Unicorn. I love all the tappers, bangers, chompers, and slurpers in my life. :)

[dirty ethel rackham]

Oh. :001_unsure: Well. That sounds uncomfortable. And, it supports my theory that school teachers don't hear the noise. They are extremely desensitized, because they have had LOTS of exposure to noise! :) I try to minimize mine. :blush:

 

Actually, noise does affect my ability to function. I literally "can't think" if the level gets too much (not the volume, so much as the chaotic aspect of it). Make sense? For example, my father is asking me a complex question WHILE REPEATEDLY FLIPPING HIS KEYS AND JINGLING THE COINS IN HIS POCKET. Why does he do this? Only possibly answer: To irritate me.

 

Another example: We are at an outdoor cafe, there is traffic, the children are falling off chairs, people are passing by talking loudly on cell phones and complimenting us on these same children (why?), there is a BEE on my sandwich, and my husband chooses that moment to ask me what I'd like to do with the tax return.

 

:blink:

 

So.... treatment is more noise, multiple complexities, simultaneous demands on my brain? :leaving:

 

 

Not just more noise ... but a concentrated effort on retraining the brain, but in short doses. It's not about making us sensitive beings love noise, but be able to function in noisy situations. For my son, we did The Listening Program (which is about stimilating the brain with sounds in certain ranges along with classical music.) We also did random number and alphanumeric sequences - first in a quiet environment to work on processing speed, but then we did them in short doses in distracting environments.

[Laura Corin]

You may find that things change over time. It sounds like school is not a good option at the moment, but it may be later. Calvin's sensitivities reduced over time. He'd still prefer a quiet environment, but he can cope a lot better than before.

 

Laura

[Lady Florida.]

Chewing noises and repetitive noises like tapping make me crazy. There's a Kit Kat commercial where everyone is crunching their Kit Kats. I have to mute it when it comes on because I can't stand it.

 

 

Actually, noise does affect my ability to function. I literally "can't think" if the level gets too much (not the volume, so much as the chaotic aspect of it). Make sense? For example, my father is asking me a complex question WHILE REPEATEDLY FLIPPING HIS KEYS AND JINGLING THE COINS IN HIS POCKET. Why does he do this? Only possibly answer: To irritate me.

 

 

 

Dh used to drive me batty jingling coins in his pocket. He thought I was overreacting. One day he came home from work and told me he was no longer going to keep coins in his pocket. Several of the women at work got together and asked him to PLEASE STOP JINGLING YOUR COINS!. He apologized to me. :D

[NotSoObvious]

You may find that things change over time. It sounds like school is not a good option at the moment, but it may be later. Calvin's sensitivities reduced over time. He'd still prefer a quiet environment, but he can cope a lot better than before.

 

Laura

 

I'm finding this already, so I hope it continues to improve. At least she is able to actually learn now and if I ever put her back in school, hopefully it would be in a small private school with a calm, focused approach.

[Excelsior! Academy]

This explains so much! I think *I* have this. It also explains why it is hard for me to be around boys for an extended period of time. Boys = noise a lot of the time. Trying to find the balance between normal boy noise and not is tough. They *can* learn when to be noisy and when not, *I* also need to deal with it.

 

Sorry about your child. It is real. It needs accomidated to a point, but it also needs to be dealt with. The world won't stop being noisy. I hope your homeschooling journey goes well!

[livetoread]

I stumbled across the term "misophonia" when I was trying to understand my son's extreme irritation to certain noises. He has to wear headphones when he eats with us. Eating with anyone outside the family is no problem. Anyway, the symptoms fit him exactly.

[swellmomma]

I am the same way. I never realized before moving here just how badly it affects me. In my old house I could send my kids to the basement playroom and I could go to the upper level and I could put a barrier between me and the noise. Now I am in a bungalow with no functional basement. and 4 adhd kids, the oldest of which tantrums and melts down and fights constantly, and the 3rd makes noise constantly even in his sleep. There is never, ever a moment of silence. I know my stress levels this year are directly related to never having any quiet. It is physically painful and wears me down which causes flares of my other health issues. I am not homeschooling the oldest next year as a direct result of this. In fact I would rather he no longer lived here but I don't see that benefitting him so I am stuck with that stress but at least I will have some buffer during the day. I used to be able to cope with it all much easier because I knew I could have 10 minutes of quiet here and there to regroup, and I can't here. If I send them outside to give me quiet in the house it almost always ends with a parent or the police on my doorstep because of oldest, so there is no reprieve.

 

I feel for your child OP because I know that discomfort all too well, and it is so very real. Coping techniques to make functioning in the world easier(after all you can't really wear noise cancelling headphones at most jobs), but the biggest one it making sure tehre is always a place to have silence after a particularily noisy time.

[swellmomma]

I stumbled across the term "misophonia" when I was trying to understand my son's extreme irritation to certain noises. He has to wear headphones when he eats with us. Eating with anyone outside the family is no problem. Anyway, the symptoms fit him exactly.

 

I have never heard that term before but that is exactly my issue I think. I can't eat around anyone though, not my own kids, not other family, not in public(that is the worst), I don't go to movie theatres because of the popcorn eating going on. Eating, whistling, burping, some types of laughter, certain tones of voice, sniffing, swallowing sounds from someone drinking, what we call spit noises, basically if you are sitting neear me and run your tongue over your teeth with closed mouth I will hear it, if you move your mouth at all really I can hear the saliva move and it is disgusting. And a few more things. A mom at the dance studio asked me yesterday if I ever have a good day because I always have a scowl on my face. The scowl is because I enjoy watching dd dance but the sounds around me are driving me batty and I am trying not to leave the studio.

[NotSoObvious]

People- I'm getting the idea that you don't think we are addressing the sensory issue. We most certainly are and have been for years. We are also out and about every day. There is a difference between normal life and being stuck in a busy classroom with 30 kids all day while trying to learn TO READ. It's the #1 reason we homeschool. And yes, my young child can choose to wear headphones the few times she needs them, just like you can choose not to attend events that are over stimulating.

 

I'm sharing because it was so striking to me yesterday. It made me glad she is able to learn in peace.

[NotSoObvious]

 

 

I have never heard that term before but that is exactly my issue I think. I can't eat around anyone though, not my own kids, not other family, not in public(that is the worst), I don't go to movie theatres because of the popcorn eating going on. Eating, whistling, burping, some types of laughter, certain tones of voice, sniffing, swallowing sounds from someone drinking, what we call spit noises, basically if you are sitting neear me and run your tongue over your teeth with closed mouth I will hear it, if you move your mouth at all really I can hear the saliva move and it is disgusting. And a few more things. A mom at the dance studio asked me yesterday if I ever have a good day because I always have a scowl on my face. The scowl is because I enjoy watching dd dance but the sounds around me are driving me batty and I am trying not to leave the studio.

 

You and me both. I hate listening to people eat. I will get up and leave. My poor husband is so patient. Although sometimes he'll make smacking noises just to make me mad!

[Jennifer3141]

People- I'm getting the idea that you don't think we are addressing the sensory issue. We most certainly are and have been for years. We are also out and about every day. There is a difference between normal life and being stuck in a busy classroom with 30 kids all day while trying to learn TO READ. It's the #1 reason we homeschool. And yes, my young child can choose to wear headphones the few times she needs them, just like you can choose not to attend events that are over stimulating.

 

I'm sharing because it was so striking to me yesterday. It made me glad she is able to learn in peace.

 

 

I know exactly what you meant and we have an entire household full of people like your DD. My son is the most sensitive and I agree with how you feel about school and your DD.

 

I know a classroom of 30 kids would drive DS to insanity. And I know he wouldn't be able to get any thinking done in those circumstances. What homeschooling gives us all that I appreciate the most, is VAST stretches of thinking time. DS needs that to play numbers games in his head or organize and group his stuff.

[LittleIzumi]

And the inability to filter/focus the sounds is an ADHD trait, so then you end up with ADHD kids who makes lots of noise and the cycle worsens. Eeep!

[Sahamamama]

I just have to jump in and defend the tappers, leg bouncers, and key janglers of the world. It's an ad/hd thing. It allows us to release the pent up energy in a rhythmic way, so we can concentrate. :D We also have sensory issues, and my ds, the leg bouncer, pencil tapper, would go nuts when he was younger during school, because his sisters were "breathing too loud". He could even hear them through the noise cancelling headphones. I spent years telling him the world couldn't be silent for him, and he would have to get used to noise. My son's leg bouncing (and I do it too) makes me "sea sick" at times. I reach over and lay my hand on his leg, he'll apologize, and lather, rinse, repeat. We're sorry for the disturbances- we really can't help it!

 

:laugh: You just described my father AND my daughter! I'm so blessed to have Tap-Jangler-Hummers on either end. All my life, I have built-in, free "therapy." Lucky me. :D Like a pair of bookends, they are. Forty-something years of listening to Dad tap-jangle-hum-SLURP!, and now another forty-something years (hopefully) of hearing my daughter do it.

 

 

:smash: (Dad) :svengo: (Me) :smash: (Daughter)

[Sahamamama]

 

 

Not to worry, Unicorn. I love all the tappers, bangers, chompers, and slurpers in my life. :)

 

Me, too!

[Sahamamama]

I am the same way. I never realized before moving here just how badly it affects me. In my old house I could send my kids to the basement playroom and I could go to the upper level and I could put a barrier between me and the noise. Now I am in a bungalow with no functional basement.

 

Swellmomma, we are the reverse. For the past 7 years, we've lived in this house, which is a small, 748 sq. feet bungalow with no functional basement. There is NO where to go to "think," KWIM? We are about to move (if all goes well) into a house with a finished basement, a ground level, and a second story level. So, I will be able to go somewhere to "think" for a minute at a time. ;)

 

I hope that someday you are able to move again, to a place that works well for all of you.

[Unicorn.]

People- I'm getting the idea that you don't think we are addressing the sensory issue. We most certainly are and have been for years. We are also out and about every day. There is a difference between normal life and being stuck in a busy classroom with 30 kids all day while trying to learn TO READ. It's the #1 reason we homeschool. And yes, my young child can choose to wear headphones the few times she needs them, just like you can choose not to attend events that are over stimulating.

 

I'm sharing because it was so striking to me yesterday. It made me glad she is able to learn in peace.

 

I'm glad your dd is able to learn in peace!

Reading the replies, I don't get that people don't think you aren't addressing the sensory issue- I was getting that we all empathize, because so many of us have issues, or have dc w/ similar issues. :D We also know it's frustrating having to deal w/ those issues, whether or not we are the ones that have them, or the ones that create them, or have to live w/ those who have them. In our house, it's all of the above- those who have them, also create them! :lol:

[dirty ethel rackham]

I hope you didn't get the impression that I had determined that you weren't doing any therapies. I just have run into so many people who only address the situation from the standpoint of accommodation, that I wanted to make sure that anyone reading would understand that there needs to be a multipronged approach. Accommodations are about getting through today. Therapies are about retraining the nervous system to get through future days with fewer accommodations.

[tex-bex]

Chewing noises and repetitive noises like tapping make me crazy. There's a Kit Kat commercial where everyone is crunching their Kit Kats. I have to mute it when it comes on because I can't stand it.

 

 

I canNOT stand that commercial!

 

I stumbled across the term "misophonia" when I was trying to understand my son's extreme irritation to certain noises. He has to wear headphones when he eats with us. Eating with anyone outside the family is no problem. Anyway, the symptoms fit him exactly.

 

 

I've seen that term, too, and it fits me exactly. I get angry when I hear those noises! I can feel the stress rising!

My DH always eats something crunchy when he gets home from his evening exercise class. And crunches it in the same room with me. While I am not eating anything. Drives me batty.